Friday, December 28, 2007

Benazir Bhutto



Benazir Bhutto
Died 12/27/2007



This isn't something that I usually spout off about. It has been my experience that it is better to keep your political and sometimes, religious ideas/beliefs to yourself. It is such a charged subject that I find it rare that people are genuinely curious about what you think. More often than not, people just want to convert your views to match their own. I'm not interested in fighting with people over their personal beliefs. If they're willing to engage in a thoughtful, intelligent conversation, without resorting to mudslinging and name calling, I'm more than willing to share what I think. So for those reasons, I don't usually get up on my soapbox about politics and elections etc. But this irritated and upset me enough that I couldn't stay silent.

On Thursday, December 27, 2007, former Prime Minister of Pakistan, Benazir Bhutto was assassinated in Rawalpindi, near the capital, Islamabad. She was a woman who had already served two terms as Pakistan's Prime Minister and after returning to Pakistan after an 8 year, self imposed exile for her own protection, she was shot and killed in the streets by a suicide bomber. This was a woman that fought for democracy, defended human rights and fought against militant religious fundamentalists. She was a woman of power and authority in a country that is home to a strong militant Islamist/Al Quada power base. Her death is a great loss, not only to our country but to the world and freedom loving people everywhere.

Her death, tragic as it is, is not the reason for this entry. I am saddened and slightly appalled by the way in which her death has been used by some of the Republican Presidential candidates. Newsweek asked each candidate, as well as other world leaders, their reaction to the assassination and the reactions of some of the Presidential candidates were disappointing, to say the least. Many used her death as a chance to further their own political agenda. I felt their reactions were overly political and inappropriate. Yes, I understand that they are political figures and we are entering an election year. Of course, they can't open their mouths with out making some sort of political point or plug for themselves. Really, I get it. I simply found that some responses were more sympathetic than others and some were more condescending than others.

For example, former Arkansas governor Mike Huckabee said, "This is devastating news for the people of Pakistan, and my prayers go out to them as we follow developments regarding this dire situation..." Okay, fine. If he had left it at that, it would have been fine, a tad formulaic but what do you expect? But he doesn't stop there. He continues, by saying "The terrible violence surrounding Pakistan's upcoming election stands in Stark Contrast to the peaceful transition of power that we embrace in our country through the Constitution." I find it condescending and inappropriate when expressing "sympathy" over the loss of someone such as Bhutto. It sounds slightly arrogant, as if the United States is better at Democracy than the rest of the world. Of course we are. We've been working at it longer! That doesn't mean that we're better than others, just that we've had a bit more practice.

I think my favorite response came from Senator John McCain. He didn't even bother with expressing sympathy or regret at Bhutto's death. He said that Bhutto's death "underscores yet again the grave dangers we face in the world today and particularly in countries like Pakistan, where the forces of moderation are arrayed in a fierce battle against those who embrace violent Islamic extremism. Given Pakistan's strategic location, the international terrorist groups that operate from its soil, and its nuclear arsenal, the future of the country has deep implications for the security of the United States and its allies. America must stand on the right side of this ongoing struggle." I would think that Sen. McCain would be a little more upset about the death of a woman, who if elected, would be one of our country's greatest allies in the war against terrorism.

I think the candidate with the best response, the response that was most balanced was, Hilary Clinton. Now, I'm generally not a Hilary supporter and I'm not going to vote for her, but what she said had a great balance between the political and the personal/emotional. She said, "I have known Benazir Bhutto for a dozen years, and I knew her as a leader. I knew her as someone willing to take risks. I hope that if there is any opportunity to the government and people of Pakistan to respond to this tragedy
appropriately, it would be to move more steadfastly and determinately toward democracy. She has given her life for that hope, and I know that the people of our country stand in solidarity with those who believe as we do in the rights of people to be heard at the ballot box." (my emphasis added)

Yes, her death is a reminder of the threat that is out there. The threat to our way of life. The threat to democracy and freedom everywhere, I'm not arguing that point.But I don't think it's appropriate to use her death as a way of creating fear and anxiety in our country as a means to gain points in the polls. I think it's inappropriate and disrespectful.

To read the full article and others about Bhutto, click here.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

And I considered going to law school...

I got this in an email and these are actual transcripts from a courtroom. I was cracking up at my desk. (My apologies to any lawyers, future lawyers or those who are related to a lawyer)

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh...I was gettin' laid!
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me? Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

And we save the best for last....

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

I am

I am...

I am a sister, daughter, aunt and friend.

I am a confidant of many; I share my troubles with few.

I am a dancer, singer, and pianist -even if my talent isn't world famous.

I am independent.

I am a bibliophile.

I am healthy...finally.

I am a good friend to many.

I am intellectual.

I am an academic at heart.

I am an amateur historian.

I am grateful to many and resentful towards some.

I am not a morning person.

I enjoy cooking for others but don't do it for myself.

I am a hopeless romantic.

I am a liberal in a conservative state.

I am a conservative in a liberal state.

I am a feminist.

I am a woman of faith.

I am hopeful.

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? wrapping
2. Real or Artificial tree? REAL....I think my dad would have a heart attack if I had a fake tree.
3. When do you put up the tree? This was my first Christmas with my own tree. We got it last week.
4. When do you take the tree down? um....when it's dry?
5. Do you like Eggnog? No
6. Favorite Gift you received as a child? My sister and I got to go to San Fransisco for New Year's.
7. Do you have a nativity scene? no
8. Hardest person to buy for? Dad
9. Easiest person to buy for? Sara
10. Worst Christmas gift ever received? A sweater that my dad was really excited about but I didn't really like
11. Christmas Cards...Snail mail or E-mail? I have a stack on my living room coffee table that I need to mail.
12. Favorite Christmas Movie? Miracle on 34th Street (old school) or White Christmas.
13. When do you start shopping for Christmas? After Thanksgiving
14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? not that I can remember
15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? chocolate orange sticks...My grandma always had them at Thanksgiving and Christmas.
16. Clear lights or colored on the tree? I did white lights on my own tree but I grew up with colored lights.
17. Favorite Christmas Song? I don't really care for the Pop-y Christmas songs and the remixes...I love the straight carols.
18. Travel at Christmas or Stay Home? Go to the Parent's...but we all live within an hour's drive.
19. Can you name Santa's Reindeer? Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blixen
20. Do you have an Angel or a Star on top of your tree? Star
21. Open the Presents Christmas Eve or Morning? We get to open on gift on Christmas Eve and it's always PJs. My mom used to make them but now it's Old Navy.
22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year? How rude people can be when you're out shopping...kind of defeats the spirit of Christmas.
23. Shopping...Mall or online? I don't go to Malls...I'll avoid it at all costs.
24. Do you decorate outside for Christmas or just inside (or at all?) A wreath on our apartment door and them decorations inside.
25. Favorite Christmas cookie? Frosted sugar cookies
26. Do you own Christmassy clothing or jewelry? Not really. I do have a lot of red but that's more because I like the like the color.
27. Do you believe in Santa? sure.

28. Are there Christmas trains or a Christmas garden at your house? No

Monday, December 17, 2007

Not the brightest crayon in the box

If you haven't noticed already, I'm a fan of the YouTube. I know, I know. Most of the time it is a complete waste of my time but it can be so wonderfully entertaining but sometimes you come across something and you just wonder....huh? In this situation I wonder, who on earth thought this was a good idea? And who is Steve Harley, anyway?

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Post 100!

I'm on Post 100 and this is what I'm posting about. This guy is wonderful and it helps that I absolutely love this song.

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Live and Learn, my friends


"I do not wish to treat friendships daintily, but with the roughest courage. When they are real, they are not glass threads or frost-work, but the solidest thing we know."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

So that's what it takes...huh...

So we all have deal breakers in various situations, relationships. I found out this weekend that a serious deal breaker for me is my family. You do not talk about my family. I may complain about them and they may drive me crazy and they may make insensitive comments more often than not but they are my family. I'm actually surprised with how much I've actually put up with quite a bit but he crossed that line when he talked about my family. HAH! Like he knew! He doesn't know my family...how could he?! He's never taken the time to get to know them. It doesn't matter what was said but that line has been crossed and he knows that he crossed that line. In no uncertain terms, I told him exactly what line was crossed. It's liberating, actually. Should have taken care of this a lot sooner.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

My First Home

For all of you out there that were, I'm sure, simply dying to see my apartment, these are for you. This is my happy little apartment that I have had fun decorating over the past month or so. It's not very big but it's home and I love it.












Tuesday, November 6, 2007

Breath easy..

Unbelievable. I've been worrying and stressing for weeks about how much this surgery/hospital visit/numerous doctors appointments was going to cost me and how much my insurance was going to pay for. I got a statement from the hospital/doctor saying how much it cost and that they had billed the insurance. I would then get a statement from the insurance saying how much they covered and how much i still owed....i'm sure most of you "adults" out there are familiar with how this all works but it was pretty much a mystery to me until lately.

ANYWAY...I got the statement from the hospital and i about passed out. I could buy several moderately priced cars...new....in cash. I've been checking my online insurance claims...obsessively. I recently moved and i didn't want to miss the statement if it had already been sent. I checked it today and guess how much the insurance covered. just go ahead and guess. they covered
ALL of it! Yes. My insurance has covered all of my medical expenses related to this surgery. MRI's, Labs, a 5 day hospital stay, anaesthesiology, anaesthesiologist, TWO doctors (ENT and Neurosurgeon), facility fees...everything.

I don't even know what to say. I'm shocked. Just yesterday I had lunch with my dad and both of us thought I would end up owing thousands of dollars. I just can't believe it. wow. good thing i've been paying my tithing. I'm sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop. My luck isn't this good...something has to be wrong. Could this really be right? I don't owe anything?

Thursday, November 1, 2007

Words that aren't words but should be...

Lapidoodleday. This is any day when you're just not really "with" it. Could be everything has gone wrong in a somewhat comical way. Could be due to miscommunications with coworkers, friends, family. Think, "I Love Lucy". Lucy had many Lapidoodledays. Yesterday and today have been lapidoodledays. But Mercury was also in retrograde, so that could have had something to do with it.

"Don't blame me! It's Lapidoodleday!"

Friday, October 26, 2007

Yet another reason to get a college degree...


This was sent to me by a woman at work....cracks me up.


Subject: Only at Wal-Mart

Y'all know how much I just L--O--V--E Wal-Mart. This was sent to me this morning and is absolutely typical of the type of inept service for which Wal-Mart has become known. It used to be that people would say that if you didn't study hard, go to college, etc., that you could always work at McDonalds. Sadly, McDonalds does a much better job training their employees and placing them in positions suitable for their skill-set than Wal-Mart does. We had a "going away" party yesterday for a lady at our Little Rock claim office. One of the supervisors called a Wal-Mart and ordered the cake. He told them to write: "'Best Wishes Suzanne' and underneath that write, 'We will miss you.'"

Here's how the employee at Wal-Mart fulfilled his request. . . ? ?


Too funny.....


Thursday, October 25, 2007

Really...? I mean, is that really necessary?

For all the Harry Potter fans out there, myself included, do we really need to know that Albus Dumbledore is gay? I mean...really, does it change anything? Does it change how we see Dumbledore and Harry's relationship? It doesn't and it shouldn't. My brother sent me this link and I have to say, I completely agree with the author. It's just another tidbit, another detail about a character but after the fact...does it really matter that much? If it was such an important part of the story, it would have been included in the original plot. Because sexuality is such a politically charged topic, I feel like J.K. Rowling is exploiting the sexuality of her characters a bit. (Wait....can you actually exploit a fictional character??? whatever...let's just go with if for a minute here). It's almost like she can feel she's running out of Harry Potter steam. She's written all seven books, she's "finished" the series (that's actually debatable) the story is over. There isn't any more uncertainty, suspense for the next installment. People are no longer asking, is Snape really evil? Will Ron and Hermione ever get together? will Harry survive or will he be forced to sacrifice himself? We know the answers to these questions. So maybe she's trying to find a way to keep people interested in the story. Maybe that's me being a little cynical but so be it. She's already said that she's not going to write anymore Harry Potter books, but could it be that she doesn't have any other ideas? Or maybe she just can't let go. She's said that she's going to write a "Character Encyclopedia". Give information and the histories of some of the other, secondary characters. I'm sure it will be a big hit but it seems a little cheap to me. Why can't she just be proud of the body of work she's produced? She wrote 7, rather entertaining books. Can't she just leave it at that? It's not like she needs the money. The woman is already more wealthy than the Queen of England, it's not like she's struggling to make ends meet. The epilogue of the book lets us all know how everyone ended up let's just leave it at that. Or like the author of the article said, let our imaginations fill in any holes that we each see. That's what fiction is supposed to be. That's why we read fiction. A good author gives their reader enough details to make their characters human but enough holes so we, as readers, can fill in the blanks in such a way so we can relate to them on a more personal level. My Harry Potter is different from yours. The way I see Dumbledore is different from the way you see Dumbledore but that's the beauty of fiction...this is sort of digressing into my thesis, so I will stop before I get carried away.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Two Weeks

It's been two weeks since I moved out. Two weeks today. I have to be honest, it's not quite what I expected...I love it and it's great but it's not what I expected...what did I expect, you ask? I'm not quite sure. Turns out having two roommates is a little different in theory than it is in practice. It's not really a problem. Elliot is totally respectful and considerate. He's a nice guy and Sarah doesn't really act differently when he's around. They're not the obnoxious couple type but they're a couple and that changes the dynamic of whoever is around them. I guess I was expecting to move in with my best friend but it's not quite like that. You see, when the best friend has a new best friend in the form of a boyfriend, you have to rearrange and change your expectations. It's not good, it's not bad...it's just different.

It's been almost four weeks since my surgery and people keep asking me how I'm feeling and if I notice any change...honestly...? I don't notice any difference. If anything I feel worse and for the life of me I can't get straight answers from anyone. When I was discharged from the hospital the neurosurgeon said I would be feeling "uncomfortable" for the next little while..when I asked what he meant by "uncomfortable" he could only give me a vague explanation. Since the operation (and especially in the past 4 or 5 days) I've had headaches, backaches, fatigue, sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, bad breakouts and I can't seem to find someone to tell me if any of this is normal or not. The headaches are more persistent and sharper than before the surgery. I'm trying to be good and not get irritated or upset but really...it's difficult.

I knew this wouldn't be the solution to all my problems the way many people think it should be. Most people think I should be feeling better and symptoms should be gone by now. What people can't seem to grasp, no matter how many times I tell them, is this is going to be a long, difficult process. It's not going to be over in a matter of weeks. I'll be lucky if it's over in a matter of months!

Ugh...I just re-read what i wrote. I'm tired of sounding like this. I need to get over this and just deal with life.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Home Sweet Home

To put all curious minds at rest, I moved into my new apartment on Monday, October 8th. YAY! We actually have some furniture and we've been having fun getting other stuff and decorating a little bit. We actually have vaulted ceilings and we had a fire in our wood burning fire place on Saturday. I was at home all last week and today is my first full day back at work. It's almost 3:00 and i'm not sure how much longer i'll be. I'm starting to fade a bit but i don't really want to go back home...it's too quiet after being there all by my lonesome all of last week.

ANYWAY....i've moved and i love it (i'll try to get some pictures posted...although that would mean actually taking pictures of said new apartment...i'll work on it) and i'm back at work!

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Insult to Injury..

It just seems slightly unfair that right after I have surgery i also get a cold. AND because of the nature of the surgery i cannot blow my nose. IF I were to make the mistake to blow my nose there is a good chance that I would rip out the stitches in my nose...(you know the stitches that were used to close the incision they made to widen my nasal passage)...and start to leak CS fluid (the spinal fluid around your brain) and that doesn't really sound like a good idea or a pleasant experience. But I suppose that breathing through your nose is a little overrated.

But on the bright side of life, I am moving on Monday. YAY! I've been slowly packing up my stuff over the past couple of days and all that's left is the stuff that I really can't pack until the last moment or stuff that I'm not going to pack...clothes, bedding, bathroom stuff etc. It's amazing how much stuff you can accumulate. I looked around my room and it's not a very big room but when i started putting everything into boxes it seemed like there was way more stuff than there should be. Most of the boxes are filled with my books. I tried to spread them out and put in lighter stuff but most of the boxes are pretty heavy. I've got friends helping me but it's three flights of stairs...that's a lot of stairs and i'm not "technically" allowed to lift anything (so says my doctor...if i strain too much it can cause more of the tricky CS fluid to leak...that sounds kind of strange)...but i feel bad about having other people carry all the big/heavy stuff, so we'll see how i'm feeling on monday. I'm pretty excited. We haven't actually seen the apartment but we've seen the model and they're pretty nice and since ours is on the third floor (top floor) we get vaulted ceilings and i think there's a wood burning fire place...which would be nice with this cold weather we've been having lately. I'm excited. Excited to be out on my own. Excited to move in with Sarah. Just plane old excited!!! I'll post pictures once we get all settled.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Love this commercial

I love this commercial but i couldn't remember what it was for so i couldn't find it on youtube to show to my coworkers and they, of course, all thought i was crazy. BUT in my drug induced delirium in the Neuro Critical Care Unit sort of watching tv, it came on. I was excited and i asked my mom to tell my sister what the commercial was for because she really likes it too and neither of us could remember what it was for. So now all can click and enjoy!

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Home

So I'm home. I got home yesterday. There were some complications that extended my stay a few extra days but I'm home and all things considered, I'm doing pretty good. I still feel like crap and probably will for the next couple of weeks. Over all, it wasn't a terrible, horrible experience. It was surgery, not so pleasant but it wasn't the horrifying experience that i've been trained to expect from past medical procedures.

My arms look like I'm a drug addict. For a couple of days they had to draw my blood every hour and after a while, my veins started to protest. Why didn't they just insert an IV or something? well, they did but the needled pulled out of the vein (there's a medical term they used but i can't remember it) and they had to take it out and the other hand had the IV for my antibiotics/fluids etc. I've got some funny looking bruises on my stomach from where they gave me blood thinning injections and insulin injections. For the past four days i've basically been a human pincushion. But like i said, all things considered, I'm doing pretty good. The hardest part is going to be not doing too much. I always push myself more than i should. I feel "good" so i go do something and then i end up feeling like crap. And in this case doing "something" can be as simple as going up and down the stairs too many times or even showering. I took a shower this afternoon and it feels great to be clean, but i am utterly pooped now. And food tastes funny. Not horrible...just off.

So yeah...i'm home. I'm alive and i'm feeling good...relatively speaking.

Monday, September 24, 2007

My 5 Seconds

There's a scene in season one of Lost, I think it's the pilot, where Jack asks Kate to sew up the cut in his shoulder/back. She asks him why he isn't scared and he tells her this story about how he once made a mistake on his first surgery and he cut open a woman's spine. He told Kate that he had two options at that moment, he could completely freeze up and let this woman die or he could give way to the fear. Let it completely consume him and overwhelm him...for 5 seconds. For 5 seconds he let the fear take control then he took control and saved the woman's life. Later in the show, Kate uses Jack's advice. She gives over to the fear for 5 seconds and then she runs and kicks some serious butt. This is my 5 seconds.

The surgery is scheduled for this Thursday. I'll be in the hospital 2-3 days. I'll go home on Saturday or Sunday, depending on how
i'm doing. I'm not nervous/anxious/scared about the surgery. I know i should be but i'm not. I know it's not going to really hurt...i mean they are shoving some sort of sharp instrument up my nose, so that's not really going to feel too great, but it's not going to be incredibly painful.

Over the past couple of days people have been asking me if i'm excited about the surgery. Why, yes...yes i am excited. I'm excited to have a sharp medical instrument shoved up my nose. I'm very excited about the withdrawal symptoms that i'll be feeling for the weeks following the surgery. I'm am especially excited about the perma-PMS from hell that i'll be experiencing in the coming months while my body readjusts. I could not be happier about the fact that I will be taking prednizone (sp)...aka the fat drug. As if i don't like the way i look enough, i now have to take a drug that one of the most common side effects is weight gain.

When I started seeing Dr.
Swenson in May, she took me off all the meds that i had been taking that had been "treating" what people thought was wrong with me. They were all treating the symptoms...or at least alleviating the symptoms. I've been on medication for most of my life and i had never realized just how much it actually helped. No, I'm not a beauty queen but i'm not obese and my skin could be much worse. In the months since i've been off all the medications i've gained about 10-15 pounds, my skin has decided that it would rather look like a 14 year old with really bad PMS. As emotional and moody as i can get...that's nothing compared to what i've been feeling lately. And that's what i have to look forward to in the coming months. why wouldn't i be excited?

People hear "surgery" and they immediately think physical discomfort and pain but in this situation, nothing
i've been through, am going through, will be going through is physical in that sense. I'm not sick in the sense that it is visible to people. I don't have horns, purple dots, stripes, or foreign objects protruding from my body but i do have to fight to keep it together on a daily basis. I have to muster all my self control to not completely lose it every.single.day.

And people seem to think that this will be the answer to all my problems. What if it's not? I don't feel fear/anger/anxiety/excitement about this surgery. I don't really feel a whole lot about it right now. I'm indifferent to the actual event. I'm irritated. I've been disappointed too many times in the past by doctors telling me they have the answer and nothing changes. I'm still emotional. I continue to gain weight. My skin won't clear up (even after going on
accutane). Nothing changes. And I guess i still don't think anything will change. I just don't believe it. Can you really blame me? Every time I go to the doctor...every ER visit, hospital stay, I'm the "mystery" case. I go home with generic antibiotics or pain meds and a, "well...if it comes back give us a call but we don't know what's wrong with you". And if by some miracle this is actually the answer and this fixes "it", what am i supposed to expect? I've never known anything other than my reality. How can i get excited for something that i have absolutely no frame of reference for??

And even if this does "work" it may not be a permanent fix. It may come back which would mean another surgery. Or it may not be the answer at all! They go in a take out these two growths and nothing changes.
The "recovery" time is 2-3 weeks. That's how long it is going to take for my body to physically heal. That doesn't mean that i'm going to be over this in 3 weeks. It's going to take months... months for us to know if anything is even different!

So no. No....i'm not excited about this surgery. And if one more person asks such an asinine
question i just may lose it completely

5 seconds up. Back to work.

Friday, September 21, 2007

The Prerogative of a Lit major

My sister pointed out the fact to me that it was odd/slightly ironic that I was so disturbed by the "Young Living Family Farm" sign. She thinks it's funny because I am a notoriously bad speller and often times, she claims, that my grammar isn't too keen. But you see...that's the prerogative of a Lit Major. Yes, I am a horrible speller. I'll be the first to admit it. That however, doesn't mean that I don't understand how or why something doesn't make sense. I know the difference between your and you're. Their, they're, there. Where, wear. It's and its. I understand these differences and I understand the difference between "Young Living Family Farm" and "Young Family Living Farm". It makes a difference. I understand the rules of the English language, better than most. But I am human and can be lazy. And I think it would make me sound like a pompous fool if I spoke "proper" English 100% of the time. Try it out...you'll sound ridiculous. I love words. And it drives me nuts when people misuse them...subject/verb agreement drives me nuts...it sounds awkward and clunky and it's even more difficult to verbally express. Yes...i say stupid things. I say many stupid things. I say things that don't make sense....doesn't mean i don't know better. I do, but in the words of Uh-huh from the movie "Little Rascals" when everyone exclaims he's learned a new word..."Actually, I've always had a rather extensive vocabulary. I simply chose not to employ it."

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Odd duck...

I was really bored at work this morning (have been all week) and I was going through my old emails and I came across this one from my younger brother, Patrick back in 2005. This was all. There wasn't an explanation or anything.


Darfi a moo moo de comni ami mo mo. Watchi a mo to tati beop. Calami de perry como a jaja frialo, mitomanchi DESCARTOTO!!! FRA ALI MOTO?! Jennifer froto siaado mocomo. MIDGITO!!!!!!!! Alimo, Eiyee jahoma.
Frito,
Pat

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Thesis


My thesis in a nutshell...only said much better than I ever could...how depressing.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Misplaced Modifiers...

So this is just going to confirm the fact that I am a huge dork but so be it.

I went to Southern Utah last weekend with my mother. And we're driving down I-15 just before you get to Nephi there's this sign. It says, "Young Living Family Farm". This sign has always confused me. At first glance it seems simple enough, it's a farm of some sort but here's where the confusion comes in. It's a farm, yes...but what kind of farm? Is Young a noun in this situation or is it an adjective? And if it's a noun then is "living" modifying "young" or is it modifying "family farm". OR is "family" actually an adjective too and modifying "farm". It's a farm but what kind of farm? It's a family farm.

OR could it be the Young Family Farm. As in this family, with the last name of Young...but then where does "living" come in? Is living modifying farm or family? So the farm is living? As in people are actually living on the the farm and working the farm? Or does it mean the family on the farm is living?

You think it stops there, but no it doesn't. Is "young" modifying the type of family that is living on the farm? It has to be a "young" family? So once they get old they have to move on and live somewhere else?

What they probably mean is "Young Family Living Farm". It's a touristy/historical site so I bet it's sort of like "This is the Place State Park". And the original owners of the farm was the Young Family and it's a Living Farm because people are actually working the farm...as they would have back in the day. Sort of like a Wheeler Farm.

But this sign has never made sense to me. In all the years my family has driven that road on all the trips down to Lake Powell, California and Southern Utah...it has always confused me and irritated me. Misplaced Modifiers....they wreak havoc wherever they go.


yes...i know...let's all say it together..."Kelly, you are such a nerd!"

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

GIRLS!

G is for Gorgeous Baby Girls! We've got two new ones in the family and I know that newborns are kind of odd looking in general and look like aliens for the first couple of weeks, but I think these two are pretty dang cute...for newborns.

Emily Anne Jarman
September 11, 2007

Sienna Christine Fisher
August 25, 2007

Saturday, September 8, 2007

Fa-la-la

F is for Family, Friends, Future, Fealty (look it up), Fortunate, Failure. These are all words that came to mind when I was thinking of what to post for F.

Family and Friends pretty much are one in the same. I've been extremely fortunate to have a
couple of pretty amazing friends in my life and they are like sisters to me. I'm actually moving in with one of them in October. They love me for who I am and don't judge me, which, let's face it...wouldn't be too difficult sometimes. I know I can take all my worries, anxieties, stress moments, freakouts to them and they'll probably laugh but it'll make me smile and everything ends well.

My family is pretty cool. I think it's amazing that we're as close as we are. As I move out more into the real world and I meet different people, I realize just how great it is that I am as close to my siblings as I am. My younger brother is a bit of a dork at times, but he can make me laugh when I don't want to but really need to. He calls me on my "moments" and tells me when I'm being silly. In turn, I go shopping with him and tell him that, no that shirt doesn't
look stupid or yes, it is different from the other brown polo t-shirt that you bought today.

The Future seems to be staring me down these days. I'm moving upward and onward. It's taken me a bit longer than I had anticipated but after living in my parent's basement for the past year and a half, I am moving out on my own. My job is getting better. I've gotten two raises in the past 3 months and I'm getting more responsibility and even though I still have days where I almost go postal on my coworkers, I actually do enjoy my job.


Fealty, Loyalty and Love are something that are central to who I am...or at least, like to think that I am. I like to think that I'm loyal to the people that I love.



We're a crazy bunch, but we have fun.
(La Fiesta de nos Madre - 2007)

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Something to look forward to....


Fun for the Future.

They have to break my face....um.....no?

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Expectations

E is for Expectations. I have expectations. We all have Expectations but I have many Expectations, most of which are a bit out there and completely irrational. I find that it's because of my expectations that I am often upset or hurt or angry or irritated. Or maybe I should say it is because of disappointed expectations that I am often upset, hurt, angry or irritated. I expect things that maybe I shouldn't expect and yet if the world were a better place, my expectations would be so out of the realm of reality. Why settle for anything less than great? Why should I expect less than wonderful? It's lower expectations that make people lazy. I say expect the best and give the best and hopefully someday you'll get what you expect.

Expect count: 12


ps. I expect people to read and make brilliant comments!

expect count: 13

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Delicious, dreams

D is for Delicious. I love food. (I just had lunch) For me it's the simple foods that are the best. I'm not really into the gourmet meals where you can't say the name and it doesn't taste like you think it should. For example, today I had a turkey sandwich on white bread with mayo and cheddar cheese for lunch. It was quite delicious. I'd rather have a slice of cheese pizza than some fancy, shmancy duck with plumb sauce and capers something or other. Sometimes I think the chefs in those fancy restaurants randomly pick ingredients out of a bag and have to come up with something. I love pizza and sandwiches and pasta. All those yummy carbs that i shouldn't eat and i usually feel guilty for eating later. But in the moment...it's oh so good.

D is also for Dreams. I have strange dreams and lately i've been dreaming about furniture. I'm moving out in about a month and Sarah and I have been doing a little furniture shopping. Looking around to see what's there, how much it costs and what do we have already. I had a dream about our kitchen table the other day. We found one that we really like at Ikea. It's a bar height table for four. In my dream i found another one at Smith's Market Place that had leaves to make it bigger and it would fit 8 and it came with stools...always helpful. So in my dream I buy the table but Sarah wasn't there and when she found out she was mad that I had bought the table. Saying I had betrayed her. I'm sure there's some deeper meaning on a subconscious level but i don't know what it is.

I also have dreams for my life. Where I want to go, what i want to do, who i want to be. And lately, in particular, I have been really frustrated with the feeling that I can't move forward toward accomplishing those dreams. I am so excited to move out because that is a step towards moving on. Yet, now that the end is in sight, it's gotten so much harder to be at home. I am ready to move out and I'm frustrated that I have to wait until the first week of October to move out. Blast!

Sunday, September 2, 2007

Conversation

C is for Conversation. I'm a talker. I love to talk. I will talk for hours if given the chance. This is slightly ironic considering the fact that i come from a family that does not talk. Growing up we never talked to each other. We didn't really communicate about what we were doing in our lives or what we were experiencing, even if we were experiencing the same things. Maybe that's why I talk so much now and I'll usually share with anyone that will ask. Maybe because we didn't talk growing up I feel I have to make up for lost time? I love to sit over a leisurely dinner with friends and just talk. You sit down to a nice meal with friends in your favorite restaurant and find the dining room empty when you get up to leave and are astonished when you realize that you've been sitting there for three hours. It's an evening well spent. Good food, good people, good conversation. It makes me happy.

Thursday, August 30, 2007

FYI

I've decided the Diet Dr. Pepper isn't as good as regular Dr. Pepper. Just an FYI.

Books


This was my library at school. Picture this only more beautiful and in your own home...it's enough to make you swoon....sorta.

B is for BOOKS. I love books. My favorite store is Barnes and Noble. I love all books. Old books, new books, fiction, non-fiction, memoir, biography, history. I love them all. I get excited when I walk into a book store or the library. Patrick hoards music and CDs...i hoard books. Someday I am going to have a beautiful library in my home. It's going to have floor to ceiling, built in bookshelves in a deep dark wood. On one end there will be a huge fireplace with a great mantle and overstuffed reading chairs on a huge soft, plush carpet that covers the hard wood floors. On the opposite end of the room there will be a huge floor to bay-type window with a bench along the bottom and long curtains on either side. It will over look the huge backyard that is lined with huge trees, so I can sit and watch the snow fall in the winter and listen to the rain in the spring and summer (this means that i'll need to move somewhere that it rains and snows frequently). In front of the window facing the room will be a massive old oak desk. I'll sit here and work on whatever academic research i may be pursuing at the time because, of course, i'll marry rich so i won't have to work and i can be the eternal student. This will be my sanctuary from the world and it will be lined with books. Books, books and more books!

I know, i'm a nerd.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

HALLELUJAH!

HALLELUJAH! We heard from the leasing agent at the Cottonwood Apartments....ready...ready...? we were approved!!!!! The apartment is ours! We just need to make an appointment to go sign the lease before October 1st. They said there weren't any problems and that we were the ideal tenants. YAY!!!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

A is for ANTSY, AUNT, APARTMENT, ANTICIPATION

Annie started this on her blog and i'm sure you're all surprised that it's taken me this long to start it on my own. Well, this just goes to show that i'm not as predictable as you all may think. :P Actually, the real reason is, I couldn't think of anything that started with the letter "A" but then for whatever reason last night I thought a of slew of good "A" words that are relevant to me right now. So...here we go.....

A is for Aunt. I love being an aunt. I love my nieces and nephews. It melts my heart when Aidan says, "I lubbo you tons!" I know Aidan the best simply because I spend the most time with him. That's what happens when you live in close proximity for the past year. I've babysat him on countless occasions and he is such a sweet boy


Chas has the sweetest smile that takes up his entire face! He's getting pretty good at walking and he's actually pretty fast for a kid his size. You think he's going down and he catches himself and he's off in the other direction.


Lauren and Logan are a hoot! They have so much energy and are always on the go. I can't believe they're as old as they are. And now they have a new sister, Sienna Christine. Pretty soon we'll add little Emily Ann to the bunch and bring the total to 3 nephews and 3 nieces!

A is also for ANTSY/ANTICIPATION. I am excited for what the future holds for me right now, which brings me to another A...APARTMENT!!!! Yay! The long Anticipated, blessed event is going to finally happen! I put in an application for an apartment yesterday with Sarah Stevens. It's a 2 bedroom, 2 bathroom apartment on the third floor, with vaulted ceilings and a wood burning fireplace. The complex has a new work out facility, pool, hot tub and tennis court. I'm antsy because they're processing our application today and we should know by tomorrow (hopefully) if we got the apartment or not. The current tenants move out Oct. 1 and it'll be available for us to move in on the 8th. Very excited. AND Sara Hoberman is going to come visit in October too. I can't wait to see her and this time, she'll be staying in my own apartment! YAY!

Thursday, August 23, 2007

A picture is worth a thousand words...


This is how I feel today.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

It has been decided

I have let my plans get side tracked by this stupid surgery. Before we knew what was going on, I was going to move to LA in November. There was no if and or buts about it. I was going to move. Now that's not really an option anymore. That sucks. I really wanted to move to LA. But there's no point in really lingering on it...it will only depress me. Moving on. I then decided that i would move out and get a place of my own. I mention this to my parents and my dad thinks that Pat and I should get a place together. Pat would be easy to live with but he has a very small geographical area that he wants to live in plus he has very limited funds. It was going to be me paying about as much as i would for a one bedroom, in an area that i didn't particularly want to be in and then Pat chipping in a couple of hundred dollars. That didn't really seem very fair to me and really, it's not the best idea for Pat to move out right now. His school schedule is so demanding that he really can't work very much during the school year, even working for my dad. Then I got sick and all plans to move out were put on hold. My parents don't want me to move out before the surgery but who knows when that's actually going to happen. We're still just trying to get an appointment with the neurosurgeon. I can't wait any more. I'm going to crack. The huge house that we all live in seems to shrink every day. I've got a small little area of my own in the basement, no natural sunlight, it's crowded and cramped. For a house that big it seems mighty small. And it's only going to get smaller.

Annie's baby is due in the middle of september and once she comes it's going to be a whole different world. It's going to be crazy and stressful for everyone. For completely selfish reasons i want to move out so i don't have to deal with stressed out, cranky, sleep deprived family members. And it will help if there is one less person around so people can spread out a bit more. I've been calling around on my lunch break to see what's available and there really isn't anything available until October but 2 bedrooms. So i'm trying to con Sarah into moving in with me. :-) There's a nice 2 bedroom available Sept. 15th on about 47th South and 900th East. If it doesn't work for her then i'll find something else, but it would be fun to live with sarah and these are pretty nice little apartments. We'll have to see but it's been decided. I'm done waiting for the perfect circumstances...they don't exist. I'm just going to do it.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Theme song

For anyone that really knows me, knows that this song was written for me. It's my new theme song. It makes me happy.

http://myspacetv.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=4934270


I put on some new shoes on and suddenly everything is right!
I put on some new shoes on and everybody is smiling.

Hello new shoes! Bye-bye blues!

I'm running late and I don't need no excuse to wear my brand new shoes.

The silver lining

I met my future husband this morning. After almost getting in two accidents, neither of which were my fault (people really need to learn how to read. A two way stop means that the intersecting road does not stop.), I had a doctor's appointment. I know, something new and different for me. I had to get some blood drawn and there he was, my future husband.

I was worried I was going to get Brittney or whatever her name is that couldn't count and couldn't draw my blood from last time. But no. Fate was kind this time and it was Dallin that called my name. Not only was he good looking with a great smile, He's pre-med at the U of U. A biology Major, Russian minor. Grew up in St. George. Went on a mission to the Ukraine. Likes to travel and is going back to the Ukraine and Russia next year. Likes to read. His favorite author is Alexandre Dumas. He recently finished Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen and he is now reading A Tale of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. He plays the piano, although according to him, not very well. He has at least two sisters. One older, one younger And I learned all this while we were chatting it up for the 5 minutes he was poking me in the arm. That's the way people should draw blood. A little flirting for a little blood. Seems like a nice trade, don't you think?

Wouldn't it be ironic if i married a doctor...seeing as how i love them so much already?

Thursday, August 16, 2007

Random Rant

I need to do a little venting. I'm not obsessing over this but i just need to say it and get it out there.

Okay, so as you all know, lately I've been put through the ringer. When it all comes down to it, it really isn't that big of a deal. yeah, it sucked and it hurt and i'm frustrated with it but i'm healthy (relatively) and feeling much better. I survived so when I say what i'm going to say it's not in a "oh woe is me! my life is so horrible" kind of way. It's in a, i'm sort of irritated and upset, sort of way. Before any of the procedures or hospital stays happened I had dinner with a "good' friend. (I say "good" because it seems like we're good friends but when you really examine the relationship it's more of a one way street) The entire evening, from the moment he picked me up until he dropped me off was spent talking about him and his life. We didn't even talk about general, generic topics. It was all about him. There was a slight lull in the conversation so I took the opportunity to tell him what was going on and what the future had in store for me. It took about 2 minutes and then there was a slight pause, silence and it was back to him.

I haven't heard from him since. I got one text message asking how my interview at Google went but nothing else. So here's the real rub...it's not that he hasn't called to see how i'm doing or emailed or asked one of our mutual friends. That's to be expected. I'm used to him acting that way. As sad and as wrong as that is...i'm used to it. I honestly didn't expect a whole lot more from him. What really irritates me and upsets me is the fact that i still care that he hasn't called or texted or emailed. It still hurts that he doesn't seem to care or can't show any interest in anything besides himself and his life. I'm not mad at him...not really. I'm mad at myself for letting him get to me. Why do i let him get to me? I don't need him. And I really don't want to want him but i can't stop myself from hoping that he'll show me that he cares about what happens to me, in whatever small way that is. But the fact of the matter is I do. I do care and that's what angers me.

Wednesday, August 8, 2007

Becuase I'm me and my body hates me

After the trauma of thursday, my body has still been trying to recover and just heal. Should be a fairly simply process, yes? We must remember who we are dealing with here. Normal people, yes. Healing from such a "simple" procedure should have been a fairly simply process. I was feeling pretty good and i went about my business saturday sunday. Went to work on Monday and I started to feel crappy and sort of feverish. As the day went on my right side started to hurt more and more. Every time i got up from my desk it felt like my insides were being ripped apart. I ended up going home a little early. As the night went on the pain just got worse and worse. I had been taking advil all day and my mom gave me half a lortab around 9:00 and i went to bed. I didn't sleep the entire night...well that's not entirely true. I think I sort of dozed off for about an hour around 3am. I got up the next morning and the pain just continued to get worse. Since it was on the right side and it was in the same general area of where the doctor had been digging around we're thinking something is just bruised or he may have nicked something, so we call the doctor and he says to come in and he'll take a look. We get there and they wheel me in in a wheel chair. We sit in the depressingly small radiology waiting room for the doctor to come and talk to us. He takes me back to an examination room and does his poking and pushing, causing much pain, and decides that it doesn't have anything to do with the procedure he had done and that i should go to the ER-he's thinking appendicitis. We get over there and they start an IV and give me some morphine...such a wonderful drug. They draw some blood and the do a CT scan to take a look at my appendix. The CT scan comes back and wouldn't you know it...? it's NOT appendicitis. Even though it looks like appendicitis, feels like appendicitis and sounds like appendicitis, really...it's not appendicitis. Apparently if it looks like a duck, walks and like duck and quacks like a duck...sometimes in my reality, it's a hyena. The doctors are, of course, baffled, and have no idea what's wrong. They decide it's an OBGYN problem. So they do a pelvic exam. unpleasant on a good day- now add in the fact that you're in extreme pain in the pelvic area, you're tired because you haven't slept in about 4 days, you're hungry because you haven't eaten since about 5pm the previous day and it is now almost 6pm AND the fact that your doctor is a scrawny balding guy that gives you the slight ebe-jee-bees. So they do the pelvic exam, causing excruciating pain and embarrassment. They decide to call in the OBGYN oncall in the ER to take a look at my CT scan because something was "amiss". So we wait about an hour for the doctor show up. She does, yet another, excruciatingly painful pelvic exam and then before she can tell us anything really she was to wait for the lab results to come back and she gets called away to deliver several babies. So it's about 10:00 and we still haven't seen the doctor again, i've had to hobble back and forth to the bathroom, climbing in and out of bed, again causing excruciating pain every time i move. She finally comes back and they have decided that it's some sort of infection and they're going to admit me to the hospital for the night to give me antibiotics through an IV and keep me for observation. So my parents go home and i get put into a bed upstairs sharing a room with a woman that had been in an accident on her moped. No, i am not making this up. It was actually pretty serious and doctors kept coming in all night, turning lights on and rolling her out on her bed several times to get xrays done, ct scans done what have you. When she wasn't being scanned or tested for something she's either hacking and coughing or on her cell phone with someone from her family. She's from Pocatello, Idaho and was driven to the U of U hospital in an ambulance because they would be able to do her surgery. That combined with the fact that every two hours someone would come in and wake me up to take my vital signs, it was a miracle that i was able to sleep at all. Several doctors come in through out the night to introduce themselves and get the "story" from me. By the time i leave the hospital i have answered the same questions and told the same story at least 10 times. I wake up this morning after having a temp of about 102 most of the night in gross sweaty sheets and the same hospital gown and feeling rather disgusting because i haven't showered since monday (it is now wednesday parade of doctors starts early. The entire OBGYN "team" has been assigned to my case and all put one of them are young, attractive guys. Because obviously with my luck, nothing else would have been acceptable. They still don't know much else besides the fact that I have some sort of infection in the general area of my lower right abdomen/pelvic area. So they keep me for the day and do an ultrasound and keep me on antibiotics. I'm feeling so much better and i can actually walk around with wanting to die. But because it's a hospital and it's me that is problem.

i'm stuck sitting in a hospital bed with the hacking roommate that is on the phone all day with her family. The doctors finally come in around 6:00, they still don't know what exactly happened other than I had/have an infection of some sort and they still don't know why exactly. So I go home and i have my own little pharmacy of antibiotics and painkillers.

So let's count...in the past week i have spent three days in the hospital. I've missed 4 days of work. and i have yet another hospital stay to look forward to in the coming months. I could react to this in one of two ways...i could lose it and have a melt down or i can laugh. i choose to laugh. laughing is far more pleasant than crying, although i probably will cry at least once at some point before this whole ordeal is over, and that doesn't count the times i've already cried.

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Monsoon Season

Last Thursday I had a Petrosal Sinus Sampling. I went in there thinking it would be about an par with getting regular labs done...probably a bit more unpleasant than most but not terribly painful or laborious. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was as pleasant as it sounds.

This is what they say about it on Pituitary.org: This test is not always required, but in many cases, it is the best way to separate pituitary from ectopic causes of Cushing’s syndrome. Samples of blood are drawn from the petrosal sinuses, veins which drain the pituitary, by introducing catheters through a vein in the upper thigh/groin region, with local anesthesia and mild sedation. X-rays are used to confirm the correct position of the catheters. Often CRH, the hormone which causes the pituitary to secrete ACTH, is given during this test to improve diagnostic accuracy. Levels of ACTH in the petrosal sinuses are measured and compared with ACTH levels in a forearm vein. ACTH levels higher in the petrosal sinuses than in the forearm vein indicate the presence of a pituitary adenoma; similar levels suggest ectopic ACTH syndrome.

Sounds simple enough, no? We should know by now that when it comes to medical matters, nothing is ever simple. Going in I really had no idea what was going to happen. I thought they were going to go through my nose...seems like the most direct route to the pituitary. I could have been more wrong. They went through my ephemeral vein in my leg. The inserted catheters on either side of my groin area into the ephemeral vein and snaked it up through my kidney, through my heart and up to the jugular artery in my throat. Apparently everything from the brain drains down through the jugular artery. So they took 27 test tube samples. 27 different samples. Still, doesn't sound too horrific...unpleasant yes, horrific not so much. But you're forgetting who we're talking about here. This is me. When it comes to medical issues, nothing is every simple and nothing goes the way it should. So they "sedate" me. I was supposed to be heavily sedated but not out so much that they couldn't wake me easily. I was basically completely lucid through the entire procedure. I pretty much heard every word, felt every pinch. The "procedure" was supposed to last about 3 hours...it took them 2 hours longer. Why you ask? Because it's me and my anatomy is pretty screwy. The vein is supposed to sit beside the artery...but not me...no...my vein sits on top of my artery so they couldn't find it. They spent about an hour digging around in my lower right abdomen trying to find this vein until they called in the vascular radiologist with her uber ultrasound machine to find the vein. I've been laying on this table for about an hour when i hear the doctor (the chief of radiology) say, we still haven't gotten the vein, let's call in the vascular radiologist. AN HOUR!!!! All this time I thought they had been doing whatever it was they needed to do. So they get her in there and they eventually get the vein and once they had the uber ultrasound they didn't have any problem with the left side.


And let me remind you, i'm completely lucid through this whole thing. I can feel the blood stream down my right side and pool in my hand. Occasionally they give me more sedative which makes my nose itch..doesn't put me out just makes my nose itch to the point i'm ready to scream and i can't move my hand because i'm under a sterile cloth and they've got needles and catheters running through my major organs...you don't want to mess with that. So the nurse would occasionally itch my nose and i'd get sleepy for about 10 minutes until the sedative sort of wore off. They finally get the catheter up to my sinus cavity and start taking the samples. And every time they take a sample i can hear and feel a sucking noise. It doesn't really hurt it's just sort of gross. At this point i've been splayed out on this table completely naked in a room full of men with tubes and needles protruding from my body for about 4 hours. In my head i'm just thinking i want to go home, i want to go home - just get me out of here and let me go home and i start to cry. Not hard but there are tears and i start to shake. As they're taking the catheters out, not a very pleasant experience, they give me some more medication to stop me from shaking and help with the headache. I don't know what they gave me exactly...i think it was benadhryl (sp?) and a steroid but whatever it was my body did not like it. I started to shake even more and my legs and arms felt like they were swelling and i got pins and needles all over like i've never had before. I got nauseous and felt like i was going to throw up, what i'm not sure. I hadn't eaten anything in 24 hours. and my heart started to race and i couldn't catch my breath. They got the panicked doctor voice going on asking me what was wrong...and of course i couldn't coherently tell them what was going on but it passed in a few minutes. They finished pulling the catheters out and start to clean me up because i was basically covered in my own blood. They move me over to a gurney and push me out into the hall to wait to go up to short term recovery.

I'm sitting in the hall and i start to cry again. I'm still sort of shaking and i just want to go home. My right side is hurting and when i tell them this they act surprised. I'm just like...duh...what do you expect?! You were digging around in there for how long?!
The nurse comes out and tells my mom that i'll probably be pretty sleepy because of all the meds they gave me...nope...i'm hardly sleepy at all. I wish i was. just sleep through all of this. And the meds were supposed to give me short term amnesia so i wouldn't remember any of it. No...i remember it all. I get up to short term recovery and i'm still bleeding and they have to clean me up again and they can't let me go until i've stopped bleeding. Eventually i do and they let me go home. They roll me out in a wheelchair and i can barely stand up. Driving home every single pot hole and bump in the road makes my body scream. And i get to go through this again in a couple of weeks...? we're HOPING that i have to have surgery. What is wrong with us?!

I'm still feeling pretty sore. I'm terrified of what the next one is going to be like. If they say it's going to be easy and recovery isn't so bad, there's no way i'm going to believe them. All I have to say is they had better put me out completely. Non of this "sedating" me...not knock.me.out. I don't want to remember or feel anything.

And this is what i have to look forward to....(again from pituitary.org)

Several therapies are available to treat the ACTH-secreting pituitary adenomas of Cushing’s disease. The most widely used treatment is surgical removal of the tumor, known as transsphenoidal adenomectomy. Using a special microscope and very fine instruments, the surgeon approaches the pituitary gland through a nostril or an opening made below the upper lip. Because this is an extremely delicate procedure, patients are often referred to centers specializing in this type of surgery. The success, or cure, rate of this procedure is over 80 percent when performed by a surgeon with extensive experience. If surgery fails, or only produces a temporary cure, surgery can be repeated, often with good results. After curative pituitary surgery, the production of ACTH drops two levels below normal. This is a natural, but temporary, drop in ACTH production, and patients are given a synthetic form of cortisol (such as hydrocortisone or prednisone). Most patients can stop this replacement therapy in less than a year. For patients in whom transsphenoidal surgery has failed or who are not suitable candidates for surgery, radiotherapy is another possible treatment. Radiation to the pituitary gland is given over a 6-week period, with improvement occurring in 40%—50% percent of adults and up to 80 percent of children. It may take several months or years before patients feel better from radiation treatment alone. However, the combination of radiation and the drug mitotane (Lysodren) can help speed recovery. Mitotane suppresses cortisol production and lowers plasma patients. Other drugs used alone or in combination to control the production of excess cortisol are aminoglutethimide, metyrapone, trilostane and ketoconazole. Each has its own side effects that doctors consider when prescribing therapy for individual patients.

I am not a happy camper right now.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Smarmy marmy

you have to walk carefully in the beginning of love; the running across fields into your lover's arms can only come later when you're sure they won't laugh if you trip.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

blast....am I that predictable?

Wendy's Challenge

4 Jobs I've had
1. Various Retail stores
2. Nanny
3. Academic Services Associate
4. Music Librarian

4 Movies I Can Watch Over and Over
1. A&E Pride and Prejudice
2. The Count of Monte Cristo
3. Anastasia (it's a cartoon but i love it anyway)
4. The Shawshank Redemption

4 Places I've Lived
1. Park City (5 different houses in 15 years)
2. Salt Lake City
3. Claremont, CA
4. Different place in Salt Lake City

4 TV Shows I Enjoy
1. Grey's Anatomy
2. Lost
3. Law & Order: SVU
4. What Not to Wear

4 Places I've Been on Vacation
1. London
2. Paris
3. Lake Powell
4. San Fransisco (but I'm a little bitter right now)

4 Favorite Restaurants
1. Pagoda
2. Patty's
3. Paradise Bakery
4. Rumbi

4 Websites I Visit Daily
1. blogspot.com
2. gmail.com
3. msn.com
4. tmz.com

4 Places I'd Rather Be Right Now
1. London
2. in bed
3. my own place
4. Somewhere fun I've never visited

4 People I Think Will Do This
1. Annie
2. Wendy-but she already did it
3. Ash..maybe?
4. KT
(tag, you're it!)

Thursday, July 26, 2007

The Horrible, no good, very bad day...

Just a quick disclaimer...this is going to be a long post, so for the weak at heart beware...(that means you, damien)

You know the saying, "when it rains, it pours"? I have felt the full force of that obnoxious cliche this week. So....here we go. I flew to San Fransisco on Sunday afternoon for my interview with Google on Monday morning. My flight got in at noon so I had the entire afternoon and evening to bum around and a rental car to do it in. After stopping by my hotel to check in and being told by the snotty front desk person that check in time wasn't until 3pm (how was i supposed to know that? I didn't book my room, the nice people at Google did that for me) I decided to go into the city and see some of the sights. Little did I know that "going into the city" meant driving at least an hour. After driving an hour and taking a slight detour to a target i finally get into "the city". It was a 20 degree temperature change from my hotel in Mountain View and it was foggy and slightly misting. I'm driving around trying to find the Golden Gate Bridge and Golden Gate Park. No matter how many times I consult my mapquest directions or the map the rental car place gave me, it's no use. I basically drove an hour to drive my SFU. I give up and drive back to Mountain View and reach my hotel, tired, hot and hungry. I check into my hotel and order a pizza because i am far too tired to put forth the effort to go out and find a restaurant and i have a feeling the person at the front desk isn't going to be too helpful. So I spent the evening in my hotel room eating mediocre pizza and reading Harry Potter. Could have been worse.

Monday morning. I'm supposed to meet Camille Hart at 9:30 in the lobby of 1400 Crittenden at the Google complex. I present myself to the receptionist at 9:15.

"Hi. My name is Kelly Buie. I have a 9:30 appointment with Camille Hart." The receptionist types away at her computer and says to me,

"Camille isn't in today."

"......"

The next 40 minutes are spent trying to find out who i'm supposed to met with. Turns out it's a guy named Tom. Tom is in a different building. Tom has a meeting he needs to be at at 10:00. It's 9:50. He gets my cell number and tells me he'll call me later and we'll meet some time this afternoon...noonish. My flight back to Utah doesn't leave until 5:00, no biggie. I am to now wait for Jason. Jason shows up at 10:10. We have our little interview and after he asks me where I'm going next. I tell him, I'm supposed to meet Sheela to take the Admin test. Not sure which building or who Sheela is because no one ever tells me their last name. After figuring out what building Sheela is in i get back in my car and make the 5 minute drive to the other side of the Google complex to Sheela. Walking to my car, my heel catches on the steps and i almost do a face plant on the sidewalk. I settle for slightly tweaking my ankle. It doesn't hurt too bad so i ignore it and move on.

I present myself to the receptionist in the lobby. "My name is Kelly Buie. I'm supposed to meet Sheela to take the Admin test." (sounding familiar???) The receptionist looks at me
and says,

"Sheela who?"

Again..."I don't know." Because no one ever thinks it would be a good idea to tell me their last name and I, in all my smartness, forget to ask.

So the receptionist spends about 15 minutes trying to find Sheela and i'm sitting in the lobby watching people come and go. He finally finds sheela and she's only passed me about 4 or 5 times already. So i go in and take the Admin Test. It's two LSAT type logic games. But these aren't your typical LSAT logic games...i've done those. I can do those. They're hard but i can do them. The Google Logic games are like LSAT questions on acid. They make no sense. I do the best I can, which wasn't very good, and go to find Sheela. She's not in her office where she said she would be. Turns our she's gone to lunch and didn't bother to tell anyone that I was in there.

She shows up and asks if Tom has called me yet. Nope. She goes in to call him. Turns out he's in a meeting for the rest of the afternoon and won't be able to meet with me. I'll have to come back tomorrow. I politely tell her, "I'm flying back to Utah this evening." She gives me a blank look and goes back to call Tom. "He'll call you later this week for a phone interview. Thanks for coming in. Bye." doesn't even bother to walk me out.

It's about 1:30 at this point and i've got some time to kill before I need to return the rental car. I drive back in the direction of my hotel so i can get back to the airport. I get lost...again...thanks mapquest. I get some lunch at Togos (probably the highlight of my trip, sad yes?). I fill up the rental car and head to the airport...again, getting lost. (Mapquest, i hate you). I finally make it to the airport and i'm thinking...."thank goodness! nothing else can really go wrong at this point." I walk into the bathroom to change out of my interview clothes and they had just finished mopping the floor but didn't put up a "slippery when wet" sign and i'm wearing heals. Needless to say i go down...hard....on all fours. I'm embarrassed and in pain but i shrug it off. I change and go to my gate. My knee is throbbing and my ankle still hurts. As i'm sitting there waiting for my plain, my knee is getting larger and it's harder to walk. Awesome. I get on the plane and get home. I get a phone call from Google telling my that I didn't pass the Admin test (duh) and that they would not be pursuing my application.

Whoop-di-flippin'-do! After getting lost three times (thanks again, mapquest!), falling twice, hurting my ankle, banging up my knee and my hip...i really don't care that i didn't get the job working for the completely unorganized company that basically had no idea that i was coming.

I wake up on Tuesday and basically spend the entire day recovering from Monday. If i'm honest with myself, I'm disappointed that I didn't get the job. BUT thankfully i don't really have the time to linger on it too long before life forces something else for me to fixate on. Yes, it doesn't stop there.

I went to the doctor Wednesday morning. Turns out, no, I don't have PCOS. I have Hypo-thyroidism and Pituitary Cushings disease. What's that you ask? well...I'll tell you. After having an MRI (now that's a fun one) they found two "spots" on my Pituitary gland that will need to be surgically removed. The pituitary gland is located on the very front of your brain in between your eyes. yeah. my thoughts exactly. I have to do one more "test" to determine which of these spots, if not both of them, are causing the problem. To do this, they have to sedate me and stick something up my nose and take a blood sample from each of these spots. Sounds pleasant, no? After they've confirmed the source of the problem i then will be referred to a Neurosurgeon who will actually perform the surgery. It's a 2-3 day hospital stay and then recovery time at home afterwards. And because your hormone levels are normalizing you feel like crap for a while afterwards. Maybe i'll get lucky and i'll get my own personal McDreamy.

But wait...it doesn't stop there!!!! Trying to schedule this last "test". My doctor said to have it done at LDS hospital...LDS hospital doesn't accept my insurance. University of Utah Hospital does so we call them up. No one knows what this procedure is. They've never heard of it. It takes my doctor's office to call them and faxing over the doctor's order for it for them to find someone that does the procedure. Comforting...yes? So no one is all that familiar with this procedure and they're going to stick a needle up my nose, towards my brain....right.

This coupled with my general distrust and dislike of medical personnel in general, does not bode well.