Monday, October 22, 2007

Two Weeks

It's been two weeks since I moved out. Two weeks today. I have to be honest, it's not quite what I expected...I love it and it's great but it's not what I expected...what did I expect, you ask? I'm not quite sure. Turns out having two roommates is a little different in theory than it is in practice. It's not really a problem. Elliot is totally respectful and considerate. He's a nice guy and Sarah doesn't really act differently when he's around. They're not the obnoxious couple type but they're a couple and that changes the dynamic of whoever is around them. I guess I was expecting to move in with my best friend but it's not quite like that. You see, when the best friend has a new best friend in the form of a boyfriend, you have to rearrange and change your expectations. It's not good, it's not bad...it's just different.

It's been almost four weeks since my surgery and people keep asking me how I'm feeling and if I notice any change...honestly...? I don't notice any difference. If anything I feel worse and for the life of me I can't get straight answers from anyone. When I was discharged from the hospital the neurosurgeon said I would be feeling "uncomfortable" for the next little while..when I asked what he meant by "uncomfortable" he could only give me a vague explanation. Since the operation (and especially in the past 4 or 5 days) I've had headaches, backaches, fatigue, sleeplessness, anxiety, depression, bad breakouts and I can't seem to find someone to tell me if any of this is normal or not. The headaches are more persistent and sharper than before the surgery. I'm trying to be good and not get irritated or upset but really...it's difficult.

I knew this wouldn't be the solution to all my problems the way many people think it should be. Most people think I should be feeling better and symptoms should be gone by now. What people can't seem to grasp, no matter how many times I tell them, is this is going to be a long, difficult process. It's not going to be over in a matter of weeks. I'll be lucky if it's over in a matter of months!

Ugh...I just re-read what i wrote. I'm tired of sounding like this. I need to get over this and just deal with life.

3 comments:

Motorcycle Grandma said...

I'm not living your day to day life and can only try to imagine what it has been for you the last little while. I am so ready for this medical crap (I can't say that word out loud anymore for fear that Aidan will repeat it.) to be over for you. I want to scream "Enough already!!)

The Sports Jedi said...

There seems to be a ton of "dealing with life" going around, but perhaps I might be so bold as to suggest a different strategy.

Today on Oprah, yes I watched Oprah with Wendy, there was a man on the show that only has three to six months to live. He has a wife and three small children. He was just reaching a point in his life where he wanted to be... and now that is all over... he has only weeks.

It puts things into perspective doesn't it? I have been so down because of my back or our business going to the crapper or whatever was wrong with the day for so long now that I realized I am forgetting the most important part of life... we shouldn't just deal with life, but rather we should live it. I have kept an eye out for your medical progress... mainly because it seems you have had to deal with some pretty crazy crap... but you have... you are alive and you have moved out of your parents house... cut the cord and moved on... you have freed yourself to explore the vast reaches of the world... or at least Utah for the time being...

But there is so much to be grateful for and you always seemed to be a fun-loving person... don't lose that no matter what life throws your way... because your being able to find happiness while dealing with physical agony will surely inspire someone else to do the same.

I'll be sure to keep you in our prayers, but don't worry about dealing... just live!

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