Christmas Memories

         This is a picture of my grandpa, Robert Earl Buie. I know many of you think your grandpa(s) are the best, and I am sure they are wonderful men. However, my Grandpa Buie was the best grandpa a girl could ask for. He always had a smile and a hug for me. He loved to listen to my play the piano, talk to me about my life and encouraged me to work hard for what I wanted. Some of my best memories are of summers spent down at Lake Powell with him on his boat.
         He died New Years Eve 2001. That last Christmas we had with him is something I'll never forget. I remember his laughter and his joy in being with his family. Every year at Christmas time I think about him and how loved each of his grandchildren felt.

        This is my father, Robert Kent Buie. Now, he and I haven't always had the easiest relationship. We both have very strong personalities and usually aren't afraid to say what we think. However, I am happy and blessed that our relationship is better than ever. As I was thinking of my grandpa this past Christmas season, I was particularly struck with the similarities these two men share.
       It was Christmas Eve and my dad had the two local grandkids on his lap. He was talking to them about Christmas and reading to them from our Family Bible. It was a little bit of deja-vu for me. I remembered sitting on my grandpa Buie's lap at Christmas as he talked to us of our Savior and the reason for the season. It made me very happy to know that the next generation (and someday my children) will have the same wonderful grandpa Buie.

Girl's just wanna have fun...

I'm what one would call a "late bloomer". I rarely, if ever, dated in high school. I was asked to the dances by guy friends or it was girl's choice. I was never the first girl asked to the dance. In fact, I was more than once, a guy's 'back up' date. I didn't go to my junior prom and spent my senior prom avoiding my date. I dallied with inappropriate relationships (we're talking parolees, gang members and burn outs - what can I say, I had thing for the bad boys). I now think it is a miracle that I didn't end up in serious trouble.

College wasn't much better. I had my first ever bonafide boyfriend for all of about three weeks at the very beginning of freshman year. After that I didn't date...at all. I had a run in with a NCMO (if you don't know what that is google it) end of my junior year. However, seeing as how I was desperately in love with his cousin that was dating a friend, who just happened to be spending the semester abroad...the trend of inappropriate men continued.

Since then I've dated closet cases, a schizophrenic, megalomaniacs, egomaniacs, commitment-phobics...and the list goes on. It sounds like I date a lot but this has been spread over the course of six or seven years. I didn't date a lot until fairly recently and really, it's only a lot in comparison to my fairly empty dating history.

The guys in my most recent past haven't been perfect but then, neither am I. And I mean really, if a guy doesn't have a skeleton in his closet, he's got a Bertha in the attic. (if you don't know the reference...seriously, go read a book! OR go check out pinterest.com) We're all just trying to find the one that is the same kind of crazy.

I have a blind date tomorrow...my first, in fact. Lots of dating lately...lots of dating.

It's exhausting....

How Great Thou Art

One of my grandpa's favorite hymns was "How Great Thou Art". I remember playing it for him almost every time he came to visit. Now, whenever I hear it I think of him. He was a good man. He was caring and loving. He enjoyed people and every grandchild knew they were his favorite. Little do they all know, I actually was his favorite. Ssshhh...don't tell anyone.

Today I decided to take a drive up Big Cottonwood Canyon. It was a gorgeous evening and I wanted to see the green mountains before we lost the lush greenery to the desert brown of the summer. As I was cruising up the canyon, I had my ipod plugged in and I was listening to my Fav Sunday Tunes play list. This hymn started playing. I, of course, thought of my grandpa but as I was driving through the beautiful scenery around me I couldn't help but be struck my the words of the song.

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the words thy hands have made,

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy pow'r thruout the universe displayed.

When thru the woods and forest glades I wander,

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,

When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur

And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze,

Then sings my soul,

My Savior God, to thee.

How great thou art!
How great thou art!

Then Sings my soul,

My Savior God, to thee,

How great thou art!

How great thou art!

There is nothing more awe inspiring or beautiful than the milky way shining brightly as I lay on the top of the houseboat at Lake Powell. I am truly amazed and grateful for all the beauty that surrounds me.

Do you hear the people sing?

I LOVE the musical Les Miserables. I mean I really love it. I've seen it done regionally twice, the touring company four times (three in SLC, once in LA), once on the West End in London, the high school production once and the 25th Anniversary O2 concert in the theater. I saw it again tonight (or last night, rather) with my sister and my mom. To coincide with the 25th anniversary of the shows opening, they redid the staging, costumes and sets just to update the overall show. It was so wonderful. Have I mentioned that I like this show?

It all started when I was about ten or so. My sister and her friends were obsessed with Phantom of the Opera. I'll let you in on a little secret here...I adored my older sister growing up, even if she was a little scary at times. I wanted to do everything she did. She collected cat figurines, so I collected bunnies. She would wear her hair a certain way and I would try to copy it. She liked Jewel so I liked Jewel. It's a lot of why I started dancing and pretended that I could write fiction. It was lucky, however, that I ended up loving to dance... we don't talk about my attempts at fiction. Anyway...I wanted to be like her but I knew that if I said I liked Phantom she would get angry. But we had a tape cassette of highlights from Les Miserables and I had a Walkman. I remember sitting at our tank of a computer playing solitaire or Oregon Trail and listening to that tape over and over and over again. I didn't quite understand the story of what was going on but I fell in love with the music. When I got older I understood the story more and it is such a powerful story of redemption and love. I could tie all sorts of gospel analogies here but I'll refrain.

I saw it for the first time when I was around 12. It was magical to me. I cried when Eponine died. I cried when Valjean prayed for Marius at the barricades. I was hooked. I've almost lost count the number of times I've seen it and people look at me askance when the hear how many times I've seen it, but I don't really care that much.

Last week Lisa asked me why I like it so much. I've never really thought about why I love it so much before so I couldn't really give her a good answer. She attributed it to the fact that I've been listening to it for over a decade...almost two decades. I'm sure that plays a part but I don't think that's the only reason I love it. I love it because I can listen to the recording and still get chills. It still makes me cry. I love the story of a man that spends his entire life trying to make up for single mistake of his past. I love the love story and the sacrifices made. It's just good music. I love it because of this...

What a way to end Act I.

And that is what I call a finale!

Oh grow up...

I was driving home from work, late as usual, last week. It had been a long day and I was tired and I sort of went into auto pilot. I was driving down 900 East and the road was pretty empty. I drove through a random burst of fog that lasted about two seconds and continued on towards home and my waiting, warm, welcoming bed. My mind started to wander and somewhere between 21st South and 13th South I had a rather existential moment. An epiphany, of sorts. I realized that I am an adult. Crazy, I know. But really, for most of my 20s I've felt like something of a poser. I may seem all mature and what not, or maybe not, but really underneath it all, I'm just an insecure, unsure 16 year old. I've been taking care of myself for years now. Paying rent, paying bills, working a 9-5 job...all very adult-y things. But I've never actually felt like an adult.

I guess somewhere in my mind I was still hanging on to my childhood version and perceptions of adulthood. Husband, 2.5 kids, a dog perhaps and a house. When I pictured "being an adult" that is what I saw. A self possessed, witty, woman that had all the answers, an incredibly handsome husband that adored her, had an immaculately clean house, cooked delicious meals, sewed her kids costumes and still had time to pursue her own interests.

Well, life didn't quite turn out that way and now at 26 and change...almost 27 years of life, I guess I've had to reevaluate my perception of what it means to be an adult.

• I've been living on my own since college with a brief hiatus at my parent's house.
• I have been able to always pay my rent, put gas in my car, pay my bills, clothe myself and put food in my fridge and lately a little put away for a rainy day.
• I don't have all the answers but I've actually realized that's ok and not as terrifying as it sounds. I know how to find the answers I don't know and understand that maybe it's not as important that I know that right this second.
• I don't have my own kids but I love being an aunt.
• Not having kids also means I can buy that book or pair of shoes or whatnot because it's just me. I don't have to buy diapers or formula or any other baby specific paraphernalia.
• Yet, I would give up the extra shoes and books and bags for a family in a heartbeat.
• I know what I want to do with my life and even if a husband and family never enters the picture, which I seriously hope it does, I will live a happy and fulfilled life. I've found something I'm passionate about and for now, that's enough.
• I have faith that everything will work out the way the Lord intends BUT I also know that I have to do my part.
• Responsibility is a funny thing...

Moral of the story is, life didn't turn out the way that I anticipated but as I look back I'm not sure what experiences I would change or take out. Some were pretty horrific and unpleasant. Others were just down right heart breaking but I can trace some of my own beliefs, personality traits and self knowledge back to those events and I wouldn't be who I am without them. At 26 and change, I've accepted...at least mostly...that my life and adulthood isn't what I expected and that's just fine with me.

This is for all you people tagging me on facebook...

To all you people, with nothing better to do but tag me over and over and over in your notes on Facebook, here you go! Enjoy! There is more than one "tagging" exercise here because I was repeatedly tagged in numerous notes.

Here it is, for your procrastinating enjoyment....25 Random things about yours truly.

1. I always rub my feet together when I am falling asleep. I'm not sure why I do it but I do and if someone asks me to stop, I can't fall asleep.

2. I love shoes but I never wear them in the house and always take them off under my desk. I'm not one of those strange, don't wear shoes in my house, you'll get the floor dirty, I just don't wear shoes inside 99% of the time.

3.When I was younger I used to have recurring nightmares about wolves and bears and lions coming down from the mountains and killing my family. I also dreamed about rabid dogs.

4.I can eat the same thing for lunch every single day for weeks - possibly months - and not get sick of it.

5.My first apartment after college always creeped me out at night.

6.I have a highly active imagination and any bump or noise in night can and will terrify me. I once was house sitting for a family I nannied for in College. I was working on a paper late and didn't get to bed until 2 or 3 when I heard a loud "thump" it freaked me out so much that I crawled into a corner in the room I was staying in and called my older brother, in a different time zone, to tell me what to do.

7.When I was younger, I wanted crutches. Sick and twisted, I know. I thought they would be fun.

8.I love ranch dressing. I put it on everything that could possibly taste good with ranch and some things that you wouldn't think to.

9.I organize my shoes by color and type - heels vs. flats

10.My favorite ice cream is Orange Swiss chocolate or something. It's orange sherbet with chocolate chips in it. they don't make it anymore...it's sad.

11.I moved 4 times in a 12 month period...I don't recommend it.

12.I get really excited about books...especially old books and I organize my books by genre, time period and author.

13.I have worked in my current job for over 2 years.

14.I think I have green eyes but many people tell my they are blue

15.If I like a book I will read it repeatedly.

16.I love old clothes, 30's and 40's type stuff. People dressed so well and looked so classy!

17.If food has a strange texture, I won't eat it. I can't stand oatmeal or mashed potatoes because they're too mushy and I feel like I'm eating something some one else regurgitated.

18. I frequently skipped class in college if I didn't like the class (sorry mom and dad!) But i still managed at least a B, usually an A.

19.Occasionally I'll be hit with fits of domesticity and I'll clean and organize my room or make a real meal.

20.I dream of making a difference in the world. Make my mark.

21.My favorite candy bar is a kit kat or nestle crunch

22.I love the smell of laundry fresh out of the dryer but i hate folding and putting it away.

23. I honestly don't know what my natural hair color is anymore. I've been dying/highlighting my hair since high school. I used to be blond but i'm not sure anymore.

24.I rarely remember my dreams but when I do it's never the entire dream and it's always a very small thing or event of the dream.

25.Sometimes I surprise myself with my girlishness.



And here we go for number two...

1. Where were you 3 hours ago?
I was at Fedex/Kinko's overnight my Sarah Lawrence application

2. Who are you in love with?
myself...no just kidding. I am currently not "in love" in love with anyone. But I do love my family and my friends.

3. Have you ever eaten a crayon?
not that I remember but that doesn't mean it didn't happen.

4. Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you?
a couple of post-it notes on my desk.

5.When is the last time you went to the mall?
saturday. i got some jeans and a cute pair of green shoes

6.Are you wearing socks right now?
nope

7.Do you have a car worth over $2,000?
at one time it was, but I'm not sure if it is anymore.

8.When was the last time you drove out of town?
that would have to be last summer/fall when Lisa and I went to St. George, good times.

9.Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
yes, twice in fact. I saw Taken on Friday and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button on Saturday night. Both were very good movies and I highly suggest either.

10.Are you hot?
no...i'm kind of cold (yes, i purposefully chose to answer that question referring to temperature)

11.What was the last thing you had to drink?
Diet Coke with my lunch

12.What are you wearing right now?
denim skirt, black leggings and a black top

13.Do you wash your car or let the car wash do it?
i haven't washed my car in a while but I probably should. the inside could definitely use a once over with a vacuum

14.Last food that you ate?
orange chicken...yes i went to Dragon Diner

15.Where were you last week at this time?
working from home

16.Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
yes, jeans, shoes and nylons

17.When is the last time you ran?
that's a funny question.

18.What's the last sporting event you watched?
i can't even remember and no, i did not watch the super bowel.

19.What is your favorite animal?
the kind that don't die

20.Your dream vacation?
somewhere warm with lots of museums

21.Last person's house you were in?
Shannon

22.Worst injury you've ever had?
I had surgery about a year and a half ago but that wasn't related to an "injury". I don't get normal injuries...I get strange and mysterious diseases instead.

23.Have you been in love?
yep

24.Do you miss anyone right now?
all my college buddies

25.Last play you saw?
Les Miserables...i know it's actually a musical but there was acting. Before that it was Pride and Prejudice

26.What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
i don't have one...maybe that's why i'm perpetually single

27.What are your plans for tonight?
Probably have to stop at the UPS place and at some point my parent's so my mom can shorten some jeans for me and laundry in there somewhere

28.Who is the last person you sent a Facebook message or comment?
my mom...weird, i know.

29.Next trip you are going to take?
College reunion of sorts in May

30.Ever go to camp?
we did a lot of camping as a family and i did go to girl's camp AND i even went on a Pioneer Trek

31.Were you an honor roll student in school?
sometimes

32.What do you want to know about the future?
where will i be next year

33.Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
nope but I sometimes will wear Bath and Body Works White Cherry Blossom

34.Are you due sometime this year for a doctor's visit?
yes

35.Where is your best friend?
at this point, probably home

36.How is your best friend?
super duper

37.Do you have a tan?
that's just mean

38.What are you listening to right now?
Michael Buble. he makes the day go faster

39.Do you collect anything?
books, movies, shoes

40.Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
I think we all have a little of the gossiper in us but I don't know anyone that is a Gossiper

41.Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
Probably 6 months after i turned 16 and he hit me (with his car).

42.Have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
fairly regularly

43.What does your last text message say?
"will i want to vomit on him?" and i did not make that up!

44.Do you like hot sauce?
nope

45.Last time you took a shower?
this morning

46.Do you need to do laundry?
not necessarily but Tuesday is our assigned laundry day in our building.

47.What is your heritage?
Scottish, English, German, Norwegian (i think)

48.Are you someone's best friend?
i think so

49.Are you rich?
not by a long shot but I have enough to get by

50.What were you doing at 12AM last night?
sleeping

Venus was stolen

This is "Venus and the Three Graces" by Alessandro Botticelli c. 1483. I bought this poster at the Louvre last summer when I was there but it was stolen on the train ride to Edinburgh. Why someone would steal a poster that was rolled up and that you wouldn't be able to tell what it is, I couldn't say, but they did. It made me sad. So my parents were in Paris a couple of weeks ago and they attempted to get this poster for me but I, of course, had no idea what the painting was called or who did it and I could only give them a rather vague description. "It was of a woman, maybe an angel. It was sort of cracked like a fresco..." yeah, very helpful, i know. Needless to say the poster that they did get for me wasn't the same poster. But they got a bunch of coasters and cards and this was one of them. SO now I know what the painting...rather fresco...is called and who did it.