Friday, August 28, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
1- my family
2- gooey brownies that stay soft after being left uncovered for a day or more
3- being taught the gospel by enthusiastic teachers
4- playing the piano on those rare moments I can feel it in my heart and soul
5- finishing a good book and knowing that I have learned something
6- the soft breeze on a cool summer night
7- a wonderful roommate that laughs at my sometimes bizarre behavior
8- being surrounded by my family dressed in white
9- meeting knew and interesting people
10- karaoke - the cheesier the better
11- falling into bed after an emotional and wonderful weekend
12- making a new connection with a new friend
13- singing harmony
14- a smiling face
15- the trace scent of men's cologne after they get out of my car
16- wearing a new dress and heels and feeling beautiful
17- taking off said new dress and heels and putting on the pj's
18- waking up after a restful night's sleep
19- dinner with friends
20- watching my young nephews play and laugh
21- inside jokes
22- new jokes with new friends
23- late night trips to village inn
24- turning in an assignment
25- writing in my journal
26- the slanting rays of sunlight shining through the clouds
27- cooking for friends and family
28- girl talk
29- getting "that feeling"
30- girl's night out
31- girl's night in
32- getting lost with a friend
33- rediscovering old interests
34- discovering new interests
35- knowing that I am a valued member of my family
36- knowing that I am a valued daughter of God
37- watching silly movies at the Dollar Theater (which is technically not a dollar anymore!)
38- getting "the look"
39- giving "the look"
40- perfect hair days...they don't come often but when they do, you can't help but be happy
41- buying new scriptures. They're unmarked and fresh and just waiting to be opened.
42- little hands reaching for mine
43- baggy sweaters
44- lying in bed on a rainy morning
45- thunder storms
46- snowy evenings spent in front of a fire
47- the smell of fresh bread
48- home made chicken noodle soup on a cold fall evening
49- driving with the windows down and the radio up
50- knowing the Lord has truly blessed me in my life and looking forward to the blessing yet to come
51- goldfish crackers
52- comically awkward evenings spent with friends
53- good men that know how to treat women
54- new furniture
55- classic movies
56- meaningful conversation
59- roller coasters
60- seeing and placing myself in an eternal perspective.
It was a really great weekend with the family and some dear friends. I am tremendously blessed and fortunate.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
So I'm kind of breaking my quasi no late night blogging rule BUT it's only 10:15 and I'm not in my pj's yet. Plus, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and this is honestly the first opportunity I have had to blog.
I've been thinking about guilt a lot lately. Random, I know. But I am nothing, if not random. It's part of my charm. So guilt. It's kind of an ugly word and emotion. I have been feeling intensely guilty lately. Rationally I know it's completely irrational and that it's ridiculous to feel this way. Because I'm the word nerd that I am, I looked it up on dictionary.com. This is what it says:
- The fact of being responsible for the commission of an offense. See Synonyms at blame.
- Law The fact of having been found to have violated a criminal law; legal culpability.
- Responsibility for a mistake or error.
- Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
- Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing.
- Remorseful awareness of having done something wrong.
- Self-reproach for supposed inadequacy or wrongdoing
Life has been pretty busy lately. I'm working full time, going to school full time, I'm on the very active activities committee at church, I'm supposedly helping plan AFSP's annual 5K in Salt Lake this fall, I'm a friend, sister, daughter and roommate, I should be working out on a more regular basis, I'm getting my endowments and should be studying and preparing for that and then add in the mix just the normal social realities of a single 20 something woman. There simply are not enough hours in the day. Work has been particularly busy lately and I don't usually get home until 6:00 if I'm lucky. Today I didn't leave the office until 6:45 and didn't get home until 7:30. I have all of this going on and I feel incredibly guilty because I cannot do any of it to the full extent of my potential.
If I go out with friends I feel guilty for not studying. If I stay in and study I feel guilty because I didn't go out with friends. Our ward campout is this weekend and I'm going up for the evening on Friday but because I'm going to the temple I'm not staying overnight and I feel guilty for not being more social and helping the rest of the activities committee. It is completely irrational and stupid but I that's just how I feel lately. If I don't go to every single ward activity, fireside, mingle and dinner I feel as if I am somehow not fulfilling my potential and I'm never going to find a spouse! It's as if I can see myself from the outside looking in and it's ridiculous but it can't be stopped.
Those closest to me know that I need my "me" time. I need time to just regroup and get away from life and just hang out...read a good book...watch a movie...take a nap. I need that time. It's crucial that I get this time but lately I feel guilty for needing that and taking that time. I'm being pulled in a million different directions and as a result I'm not doing anything to the best of my ability. I'm not being the friend that I want to be. I'm not being the best roommate I can be. I'm not doing all I can to work on my relationship with the Lord.
What about you guys? Do you have fits of inexplicable guilt or are you like my roommie and don't feel irrational guilt?