Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Take two...

So, I got home from work this afternoon and started to pen a rather heated, albeit totally warranted, rant. I still think it has merit and I may finish and post it at a later date, but after spending my evening at a church activity and then with Scott, I think there is something much more important I need to share...

Note...you are under no obligation to continue as what follows could be deemed, by a select few, to be smarmy, cheesy or overly Hallmarky (yes, I made it an adjective, deal with it).

I feel so incredibly fortunate and blessed to be loved by Scott. We both have our quirks and scars, but I don't think I could ever find a man that is so naturally giving and loving. His first inclination is to love and support. He's intelligent, funny, and handsome to boot! He's not perfect and I'm most definitely not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

Turns out that I have a tendency to get caught up in my job (wonder of wonders, right?) and I need to do better and prioritize my life. I also have a tendency to pull back when I come up against difficult situations. It's almost like emotional triaging. All the extra "stuff" gets shut down and I detach. I'm starting to realize that I can actually lean into him. It's sort of strange for me to have someone that will always put me first and I, in turn, will always put him first. It's taking some getting used to, but I thank the good Lord for bringing this man into my life, and giving me the good sense to grab onto him when I had the chance!

Sunday, September 21, 2014


The past two days I have been walking around in a bit of a daze. Scott is actually here! He was just sitting on my couch. We read our scriptures and prayed in person! We got to talk IN PERSON! For anyone who hasn't ever survived a long-distance relationship, you have no idea what an amazing and momentous occasion this is.

In other momentous news, we finally set a date! We will finally become husband on wife on January 17th, 2015. It is almost exactly one year to the day we first started talking. Rather fitting, don't you think?

Friday, September 19, 2014


It's finally happened...Scott is here! He's here...just a few blocks away at this exact moment in time. I'm going to spend the day with him tomorrow and then the day after that too! And when I come home from work on Monday, I'll get to see him again! After over two months apart, it's something out of a dream to have him here. Now it's time to get down to business with all this wedding nonsense. Let's get it done!!

Monday, September 15, 2014

Does this match...?

Growing up I was forever asking Annie this question. When I was little I had very...distinct sense of fashion. We have photographic evidence.

Exhibit A

This was my favorite outfit. I think it made my parents cringe every time I pulled it out of the closet. It is still the topic of family jokes almost 25 years later. In fact, while shopping at Kid-to-Kid with my sister, my mother found a very similar outfit for a toddler and bought it as a joke for my future daughter. I have no idea if she still has it or not. I was a slightly spazzy child and my sense of style matched that. Usually my mom picked out clothes, but for whatever reason, she agreed to purchase this particular outfit.

Anyway...as I grew up, the bright colors and peplum skirts and shirts drifted away and I was forever asking "Does this match...?" or "Does this look good...?" As an adult I've figured out how to match my own clothes, thank heavens. However, I still get anxiety when buying clothes for special occasions. I just can't make the decision myself. I drag someone along with me to ask "Does this look good...?" 

You're probably wondering why I'm even talking about this. Well, in a few months I'll be getting married and there is no more important dress in a girl's life than her wedding dress. Thankfully, that's been taken care of. But now it's what do the bridesmaids wear? Do I even want bridesmaids? What about the rest of the family? Flower girls? What about the men? Do I want them all in matching shoes? Matching ties? Holy crap! Make it stop!! I had a difficult enough time finding a dress for Lisa's wedding and it really didn't matter what I wore! Now I apparently have the final say on what a whole host of people are going to be wearing?! Wha...?? I know what I would like...in general terms but the moment someone offers a differing opinion I'm suddenly in a spiral of fashion self-doubt.

I do know that I don't want a mishmash of people trying to match but not really pulling it off. I just want the whole thing to look nice. The clothing is causing me major anxiety, though. It's silly, isn't it? Of all the things to stress over, I'm worried about what my potential, possibly not even happening bridesmaids may or may not be wearing. 

Bless, Scott...really. 

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Book Reviews

With the marked decrease in work related stress this year, I've actually been reading for fun again. It's mostly been YA fiction, and to all the YA haters out there I'll just say this...there's a reason, other than the built in audience, that Hollywood keeps making YA novel film adaptations. It's been a while since I've posted a book review, so I may be a bit rusty, but here are two books that I finished this week and thoroughly enjoyed.

Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly

This is a book that I bought years ago but it got lost in the shuffle of so many moves and ended up buried on my bookshelf. I don't want to summarize the plot because it'll just sound weird. So, here's what the back cover says. "Andi Alpers is on the edge. She's angry at her father for leaving, angry at her mother for not being able to cope, and angry at the world for taking her younger brother, Truman. Rage and grief are destroying her. And her father has determined that Andi's accompanying him to Paris over winter break is the solution to everything. But Paris is a city of ghosts for Andi. And when she finds a centuries-old diary, the ghosts begin to walk off the page. Alexandrine, the owner of the journal, knew heartbreak also, and Andi finds comfort in the girl's words. Until, on a midnight journey through the catacombs of Paris, words transcend paper and time, and the past becomes suddenly, terrifyingly present."

Once I started reading, it wasn't a book I wanted to put down. It wasn't the obsessive, reading until 2 in the morning kind of book, but I found myself thinking about the story throughout the day. Andi is an angry senior in high school, struggling to keep her head above water. I actually found it refreshing to read a story with a less than perfect female protagonist. In fact, all of the characters are deeply flawed. And while the ending finds Andi on firm ground once again, not all conflicts between characters are resolved. Everything wasn't wrapped up in pretty bow. There was a little language, but overall I'd say it was mild.

Rating...3/4 stars

eleanor & park by rainbow rowell

I have been hearing about this book for a while now. It keeps popping up on various must read YA Novels book lists. It's set in 1986 and it's about two 16 year olds, Eleanor & Park...(original title, yes?) This is a book that I stayed up until 1am reading last night and then finished this morning. One reading list said that if you enjoy Romeo & Juliet, you should read eleanor & park. I see where that comes from, but disagree. They're not star-crossed lovers, no one dies and no one gets married. It is about falling in love for the first time and dealing with the social pressures of being a teenager. Eleanor's home life is a minefield. She's harassed at school by the popular girls and has built a protective barrier around herself. Park is half Korean and doesn't feel like he fits in at school or at home. They bond over comic books and 80's punk music. There are some definite mature themes in the book - particularly when dealing with Eleanor's home life - and there are some more mature scenes between Eleanor and Park, but nothing explicit. The language is definitely more R rated. I was surprised by that, but eventually saw that, for some characters, it was a realistic expression of emotion and circumstances. Some characters, I felt the language was unnecessary. . I think my favorite thing about this book is that the character's aren't perfect and they're not artificially flawed. The walls Eleanor puts up between herself and Park are a natural consequence of the life she has lived. I finished it this morning and I was a little angry because I felt like I wanted one more chapter, but I also understand why it ended the way it did. If you liked The Fault in Our Stars or anything else by John Green, I'd say you'll like this book.

Rating 3.25/4 stars

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Pardon my dust...

As Scott and I were talking last night I started to think about where I was at this time last year. Man! My life could not be more different. I had just ended a relationship that had gotten scary serious, scary fast. I was living in North Salt Lake while working on O-town and not really liking the commute. I was physically run down, emotionally drained and not really sure what I was going to do next. I wasn't particularly social and was trying not to get too depressed with my life and, for the most part, failing spectacularly.

Fast forward 12 months. I have changed jobs, apartments and cities. I am down one superfluous organ. I have the most amazing group of friends. I've met and fallen in love with a man that could not be more perfect for me, and he'll finally be here on Friday! It's hard for me to believe it, actually. I haven't seen him in almost two months...two months!! 

But for all of these changes that have happened...amazing, wonderful, life-altering changes...I still have quite a bit of work to do on myself. Loving Scott has made me want to be more loving, kind, and compassionate towards others. This is something I thought I was fairly good at, but I've recently realized, I need to do better. I can to better. I'm grateful that I'm marrying a man that makes me want to be a better person and just by being who is, encourages me and challenges me to do better. Turns out falling in love teaches you a lot about who you are instead of who you think you are. As it so happens, those are two very different people. 

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Life goes on...

For the first time in I'm not sure how long...every room in my apartment is clean. It's an autumnal miracle! With Scott moving down here in a couple of weeks my mind has turned to organizing and purging. We'll be consolidating everything in just a matter of months and suddenly I feel the compulsive need to purge. I did a first pass with my clothes, but I think I'll take another go. I'm going through purses, shoes, scarves. If you're nearby and would like to take a gander at what I'm getting rid of before it's sent to DI, feel free. I've moved so often that sometimes things just get shoved into a box and they're moved from place to place and I may or may not ever use them. There's a possibility that we'll just stay in my current apartment after we're married. It's small - 500 square feet...we'll be cozy, for sure. But you just can't beat the rent, location (for me) and laundry is provided for free. So, we'll still look around, but we may stay here. And because it's such a small place, it's time to purge. I may even box up some of my books. My friend, Shannon, has graciously offered the use of some of her garage to store a few things.

In other, non-wedding(ish) news...I love teaching high school. It's a bit of a culture shock going from the amazingly supportive faculty to, what I imagine is, a normal high school faculty. It hasn't been the easiest adjustment, but luckily I've met some really nice people, and Steph is around to rant to. I love seeing my students from last year wandering the halls. I'm enjoying getting to know my new students. I think we have fun. We work hard, but we also have a lot of fun doing it. I had an interesting conversation with my admins yesterday about the next couple of years. I really feel like I can build a very solid, rewarding and successful career at OHS. I'm excited to see what the next five years bring.

It's definitely been a year of transitions and major life changes...and we still four months to go! It's been bumpy and I never really thought I'd be where I am at this point last year. It makes you think about the year to come. Hopefully there won't be quite as many changes as I've had this year, but I'm very excited to see what comes.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

I had a dream...

I dreamed I was in a tornado last night. It picked me up and dropped me in a fountain. It took place as I was visiting Scripps - which has popped up in my dreams a couple of times lately, actually. I looked it up and this is what it means...

To see a tornado in your dream suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums.To dream that you are in a tornado means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Your plans will be filled with much complications and you will be met with a series of disappointments.

To dream of college suggests that you will achieve your goals through perseverance and hard work. You may be going through a period of stress in your life.

To see a fountain in your dream represents joy, renewed pleasure or increased sensitivity. You are experiencing an outburst of positive emotions. Perhaps you are entering into a new relationship or a new phase in that relationship.

To say the last month or so - particularly the last week and a half - has been difficult would be a massive understatement. This past week I finally reached a point where I just couldn't deal anymore. I have been super cranky, frustrated and just generally unpleasant to be around. Any time anyone asked me anything remotely wedding related I wanted to hit something - preferably their face. Kind, I know. I reached my breaking point yesterday during my prep at school. I shot off an email to my sister and just ranted for a bit. I wasn't looking for an answer, but just wanted someone to hear me. She, being the wise woman that she is, responded with some well-timed words of wisdom. Turns out getting married is hard. BUT I am head over heels in love with this man, so there is just no other option. I have to marry him.

Tonight we got some really great news!! He received an official job offer here in Utah!! It's kind of hard to digest that little bit of information. We're actually going to be living in the same city! Holy crap!! What is that going to be like?? He put in his two weeks today and he's already making plans to get down here. 

Sigh...seriously. Is this really happening??