Should be working...

The end of the quarter is this Friday, so I have a mountain of grading to do, plus "filler" lesson plans to make until our new books arrive next week. I have all of this work to do, so of course, I'm blogging.

The past two weeks of work free relaxation and family was much appreciated and needed. It was definitely hard to get my bum out of bed this morning. Two weeks off is just enough to lull you into a false sense of freedom. By the end of week one you've finally let go of the stress of work, but by Monday of the second week you start to feel that creeping, sinking feeling. You're never quite ready to go back.

I also discovered something that seriously surprised me. For as long as I can remember I didn't really want to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to work. I wanted to accomplish something tangible and great. That being said, I know many, many moms (working and stay at home) and the work they do with their children and in their homes is tangible and great. I, selfishly and naively, wanted "more". I didn't think I would enjoy being a stay at home mom...probably because I didn't think that I'd be any good at it. But being home the past two weeks and taking care of my family and my home, even if it is only two of us at the moment, brought me a lot of satisfaction and happiness. When I told Scott of my earth-shattering revelation - I think I may actually enjoy being a stay at home mom, if and when it is possible - he just said that doesn't surprise him. He had very insightful reasons as to why. I'm grateful for a husband that knows me so well and supports me so much.

 

So sorry...

I've meant to blog several times over the past month, really I have. There's been stuff at work that's been difficult, I went to a really awesome Young Adult Literature conference (heaven for book nerds like me!) and many other things that I have meant to blog about, but have now forgotten about.

I guess the lack of blogging could mean that I'm out enjoying my life or something like that...?

Today is Christmas Eve. I've been looking forward to spending my first Christmas with Scott for months now. Yet, in all the scenarios I imagined, never did I expect to be sick. I've had a cough coming on for a couple of days, but Monday night it took on a life of it's own. We're talking chest-cracking, lung spasming, muscle clenching cough. Combined with a fever over 100*, dizziness, aches, congestion and nausea. It's been a fun couple of days. Yesterday I felt like taking a shower and thought the hot water and steam would help clear up some of the gunk in my chest. Note to self and anyone else out there that may try this...taking a hot shower when you already have a temperature over 100* is not a good idea. I got over heated, nearly threw up and almost passed out. I had pins and needles all over my body and I couldn't control my limbs. Scott basically had to carry me to bed. Luckily, once in the relative frigid temperature of our bedroom, things went back to normal. Nearly scared the living daylights out of us, though.

We have had a Christmas miracle, though. Other than a lingering cough and a little stuffiness, I'm feeling worlds better today. Which, means we'll still be able to go spend time with the family tonight and tomorrow.

While this was not how I anticipated spending my first Christmas married, I think we'll both look back on this as a good memory. Even though I've been feeling miserable and exhausted, I am so grateful for the sweet husband that has been taking care of me the past couple of days. Scott's patience and love the past couple of days have reminded me of the true reason for Christmas and why we celebrate. Christ was and is the best gift we could ever hope to receive.

Merry Christmas folks from the Borens! May you enjoy your time with friends and family and remember the reason for the season.

One more thought...

It's a little odd entering the fall/holiday season and not be living with Lisa. We had some pretty fantastic Thanksgiving and Christmases living together...

The first Christmas

Amadeus - started out as a joke the first year and now a tradition

The traditional Christmas socks. At least they aren't playing music or lighting up!

We're pretty classy. I miss her...a lot.

Christmas Memories

         This is a picture of my grandpa, Robert Earl Buie. I know many of you think your grandpa(s) are the best, and I am sure they are wonderful men. However, my Grandpa Buie was the best grandpa a girl could ask for. He always had a smile and a hug for me. He loved to listen to my play the piano, talk to me about my life and encouraged me to work hard for what I wanted. Some of my best memories are of summers spent down at Lake Powell with him on his boat.
         He died New Years Eve 2001. That last Christmas we had with him is something I'll never forget. I remember his laughter and his joy in being with his family. Every year at Christmas time I think about him and how loved each of his grandchildren felt.

        This is my father, Robert Kent Buie. Now, he and I haven't always had the easiest relationship. We both have very strong personalities and usually aren't afraid to say what we think. However, I am happy and blessed that our relationship is better than ever. As I was thinking of my grandpa this past Christmas season, I was particularly struck with the similarities these two men share.
       It was Christmas Eve and my dad had the two local grandkids on his lap. He was talking to them about Christmas and reading to them from our Family Bible. It was a little bit of deja-vu for me. I remembered sitting on my grandpa Buie's lap at Christmas as he talked to us of our Savior and the reason for the season. It made me very happy to know that the next generation (and someday my children) will have the same wonderful grandpa Buie.

One of the many reasons I love my sister...

It's been a pretty tough week. I have been finishing up my last week of grad school. Yes, you read that right. I attended my last class yesterday and tomorrow afternoon is my Master's Portfolio Oral Defense. Yes, that deserves to be capitalized. I also moved last weekend. I ALSO started a new job about three weeks ago. Yeah...it's been tough. Bless my dear roommate. She has been so wonderful and doesn't get too annoyed with me and my general grumpiness. Yet, I digress...that is the topic for another post.

I stayed late at school tonight grading and trying to get a little caught up, particularly because I won't be in tomorrow. I came home, absolutely famished and exhausted. I pull up my email and see one from Annie with the subject of "A note for you". I open it to find this...

Made my day.

I *MUST* be crazy...

That's the only possible explanation, really. My to-do list seems to be getting shorter but the few things I've added lately are doozies! I was able to remove "find a job" (yay!) but I added "start new job" and "pack apartment" and "move to Layton" in its place. My mom is surely reading this and saying, "I told you to wait until after you graduate to move!" She's right. She did tell me that and she has a valid point. You see, I have this wonderful habit of moving at the worst possible moment. For example, I moved a week after having MAJOR surgery. This time last year I was moving during finals while sick AND planning a bridal shower for a dear friend. So it would seem par for the course that I would move while finishing my Masters and starting a new job...right?

The good news is we have found an apartment. And when I say "we", I really mean Lisa. I told her that since I chose such a winner of an apartment the last go around (and I'm crazy busy) she could chose the next place. We looked at a couple of places together and we some some....interesting...stuff. Our new place is in Layton and is part of a bigger complex. Yay for 24 hour maintenance!

We really could have waited until after I was done with school but I didn't really feel like driving to Ogden every day until the end of May for my new job. (Did I mention I got a new job? Because, I did. I'm a teacher!)

All in all, I'm just praying that I can make it through the next couple of weeks and then survive the rest of the school year. I'm excited but also completely terrified. I know I can do this. However, I also know this is going to be a trial by fire.

Thank you so much to those of you who have offered your support and offers of help. I appreciate it more than I can say. The diet coke runs, loads of laundry, making sure I eat (I'm like a toddler sometimes, I know), laughing with me when I wanted to cry, letting me cry, girls night out and girls night in. Really...all of it. You're all so wonderful!

The wild world in which we live

I haven't updated all month and quite a bit has happened and continues to happen. Instead of an in-depth update you're getting the Kelly's Update List of Might and Wonder. Yes, you read that correctly... Kelly's Update List of Might and Wonder. It's exciting stuff. So, without further ado, here it is...

• Finished and passed student teaching
• Completed screening interviews with seven school districts and the Catholic Diocese
• Entertained a very generous job offer from Duchesene School District teaching Special Education at Union High in Roosevelt, Utah
• Took a road trip to check out the YSA scene in Roosevelt...very young and naive
• Nearly died on said road trip due to lovely March blizzard
• Determined I cannot, under any circumstances, live in Utah County. The construction alone would negatively impact my health and driving record
• Received second job offer to teach at a junior high in Ogden, which I am still considering. (Yes, you read that correctly. I have gotten two job offers. I had two non-district interviews and both resulted in job offers. Just had to toot my own horn a bit. Okay, bragging done)
• I continue to work on finishing up my Teacher Work Sample, ePortfolio and other odds and ends in preparation for graduation this spring
• Casually and not so casually looked for a new apartment
• Got the oil changed on my car
• Made some really great new friends from my cohort
• Finally released from old calling and called as the Relief Society pianist
• Sang in Sacrament meeting with Shannon
• Agreed to sing in my parent's ward with Shannon and Lisa...although that won't be for a few more weeks
• Called for two interviews at local charter schools
• Purchased first ever suit to look appropriately professional for said interviews...I think it worked
• AND I'm going to see Hunger Games tonight with the sister and her hubby

All in all, it's been a pretty busy month and the upcoming months will probably be just as busy as I, hopefully, get settled in with a new job, new apartment and new ward. Maybe then I'll remember to blog a bit more...eh...maybe not.

To blog or not to blog...

...that is the question. I've had some pretty great things happen in the past month or so. I've debated blogging about it but I'm just not sure I want to send it out into the interwebs just yet.

I will say this, my new ward is pretty fun. I've met some really fun and exciting new people and made some great friends. I've been to Bear Lake, attending movies in the park, had BBQs and pool dates with the girls.

As far as what else is going on...I guess time will tell if I share it with you all. But I do want to just say - I am happy. I am far happier than I have been in a very long time.

This 'n That

I am currently loving this song. It plays over and over in my head. Please don't judge...

Got two rather interesting gems from the dentist this week: 1) I have an "angry tooth". I'm not entirely sure what that means but it hurts. 2) I have great tongue control. Personally, I just view it as a great sense of self preservation. I don't know about you, but I personally don't want my tongue to get caught up in the drill. I'm in enough pain as it is, I'm not a masochist enough to voluntarily get my tongue caught up in the drill. No thanks.

School starts two weeks from yesterday. Would you actually believe that I'm a little nervous about it? I'm halfway through my program. This will be third of six semesters and yet I'm as nervous as if it was my first semester...go figure.

Is really irritated by the fact that I wake up every morning at 7:50. I don't usually need to be up until about 9:00...really? Come on!

My nephew turns six this Sunday. SIX! I have another niece that turned 13 last December...these kids are making me feel old.

I'm heading up to Bear Lake. I'm ridiculously excited. I love water...LOVE IT. It comes from all those summers spent at Lake Powell, living in your bathing suit for a week and actually having a tan. Man...those were the days.

Reasons to be happy on this somewhat gloomy looking Monday morning

1. So glad the sunburn is fading...not peeling or pealing. Either would be gross and awkward.

2. Get to go see Harry Potter tonight with some fun peeps.

3. Slept through the night without waking up...I know, sounds like a new born baby update but seeing as how i haven't been sleeping well for about two weeks, this was a very welcome change.

4. Looking forward to a fun picnic with the tiny humans on Friday. I forgot how much I love Liberty park.

5. Finally got an answer to a nagging question and feel pretty good.

6. I have left over Empanadas for lunch today...Yum!

7. Duet with Lisa has been performed without any major hiccups...croaking notes, passing out or bursts of tears.

8. Clean room!

9. New friends are fun

10. Did I mention I'm going to see Harry Potter tonight....?

Epiphanies...

1. I remember I had a good friend give me a massage and it hurt like you wouldn't believe. I was having back pain due to being hunched over my desk and computer for several semesters. My muscles were screaming at me before I did anything about it. As I was gasping through the pain as she worked out the knots and kinks in my muscles, she told me that we feel pain for a reason. I remember during my health issues I felt like no one truly understood how I felt and the physical pain that I felt on a daily basis. I was thinking today that the same applies to emotional pain. I have been fairly good at ignoring emotional pain and scarring. Sometimes being strong is actually detrimental to your own emotional well being. We feel pain because something is not right. We feel pain because our body -our heart and soul - is trying to tell us something is not right. If we ignore that in the name of "strength" what are we actually doing to ourselves? I've gotten pretty good at ignoring pain...maybe it's time I stopped.

2. Circumstances and people are not put into our lives haphazardly. Events don't always turn out the way we wish or hope - rarely so, in fact. But it's almost always for a reason and it's important for us to understand what those reasons are and why we needed to experience that. We'll be stronger and more resilient for it.

3. Sometimes anger is a healthy emotion. We just need to be sure it doesn't rule our every thought and action.

4. I woke up this morning after a fitful sleep and I thought to myself, you're going to be alright. Somehow, that was very reassuring. I feel more in control of my life and what my future holds than ever before. I will not be acted upon. My future is mind to create.

5. Roommates and sisters are the best...seriously.

Obligatory Bday post...

Today was my birthday. I turned the big 2-7. I've been so busy lately that occasionally I would forget that my birthday was coming up, which is pretty unusual for me. I'm usually the count down the days kind of girl. I'm not really sure why. I don't typically have big parties or get mountains of gifts. I think I just liked knowing that for one day it was okay to have the spotlight centered on you. Being four of five kids growing up, one with a birthday two days later, and very often sharing a weekend with mothers day, getting the attention didn't happen to often. And really, let's be honest...I'm a bit of an attention slut (I typed whore first but decided slut was a little less harsh. But then I typed it anyway, so I guess it's kind of a moot point). Parenthetical thought aside, birthdays were always a day for me to be the center of attention so I've always been super excited about it. I'm not really sure why but I just didn't really care this year. Whoop-di-do, I'm another year older.

This morning I woke up to a scratchy throat, an achy body, and a body spasm inducing cough. I also hosted a bridal shower for a very dear friend. It didn't really seem like my birthday and really, I would have been just as content laying in bed all day (that may or may not be the cold medicine talking right now). Yet, I have a wonderful friend and roommate that planned a "Girl's Night Out" with a small group of friends. Granted, it wasn't as high energy as it may have been if not for me staring off into space on occasion, but it was a fun evening. All in all, it was a pretty decent birthday. All the important people remembered and I guess that's better than a huge party or the mountain of gifts.

Now I'm going to go cough up my other lung...happy birthday indeed.

Episode from the sitcom, Life and Times of KCB

Sister: Do you know the secret?

Me: What secret?

Sister: I don't know? What secret do you know?

Me: I don't know...what secret do you know?

Sister: Why? what secret do you know?

Debbie Downer...

So I know I've been a bit...or a lot...of a debbie downer lately. I've been stressed and anxious and confused. I've been grumpy and generally unpleasant to be around. I'm sorry to one and all that I've snapped, grunted or ignored. In an effort to turn that frown upside down, here are the happy things that I have going on...

1. I was able to find another teacher at my elementary school that is willing and able to help me with my Assessment project. HUGE relief! She's even willing to work on the weekend at her home because she knows how hectic my weeks are.

2. I have roommates that have been kind and listened as I've grumbled, ranted, cried, hyperventilated, and procrastinated. They're wonderful.

3. Lisa has brought me lunch at work on Saturdays...granted, she's been borrowing my car so it's a bit of a trade off, but I appreciate it.

4. A member of my bishopric (leaders of an LDS congregation) has repeatedly offered to help organize help for when Lisa and I move in about three weeks. He's been so kind and generous.

5. It's official Hilda is no more. RIP Hilda. As if I didn't need one more thing to worry about. But my wonderful father has been looking for cars for me online and he's doing all the grunt work for me. I seriously don't know what I'd do if I had to worry about that too.

6. We've found an apartment to live in. And yes, it's stressful to think about packing and moving everything right now, it's good to know that I've got a place to go to AND a couple of weeks to get it all there.

7. I have a wonderful mother that has offered to help me pack, unpack and clean in relation to all the moving. I seriously have the best mother ever...seriously. She makes the stress of moving not quite so stressful.

School is stressful and I worry about getting it all done in the next month or so but I don't have the crushing, heart gripping anxiety that I've been experiencing. It's a lot but somehow it seems a bit more manageable. I am very blessed to have wonderful people in my life that put up with my crazy stressed out, goldfish brain memory, antics.

You all are wonderful.

Oh swoon...

I

I may or may not be a little obsessed....

I also am muy excited that it's coming this spring/summer and I'll be attending with my mom and sister!

Thoughts of a stressed out and slightly overwhelmed woman...

1- I have never appreciated a clean bedroom so much before and never has my personal space been quite so messy and cluttered for such an extended period of time.

2- After years of doing the on again off again diet/exercise thing, I've finally found something that works for me. It's called the Grad Student Diet. It involves lots of Diet Dr. Coke, at most 6 hours of sleep (more like 4), on average one meal a day (on week days, this may go up to two meals a day on weekends), and running all over town to school, work, and methods placements.

3- I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

4- I need to either constantly remind myself or have someone remind me that I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

5- I miss spending time with my friends and family.

6- Clean clothes are somewhat overrated

7- I know I don't want to teach in an elementary school and am leaning towards middle school but haven't completely ruled out high school.

8- I am slowly developing my own classroom management philosophy and it kind of feels good.

9- Diet Coke, Goldfish crackers (the original flavor) and crescent rolls....'nuff said.

10- I miss reading for the joy of it.

11- I am learning a whole new language of acronyms and educational jargon.

12- Spring break cannot come soon enough.

My Peeps

No not the fluffy sugar covered kind...the real life totally awesome people kind! I don't know if people check the side bar linky thing to other blogs (I know I sometimes forget) but I've added a few in the past little while that I think you all should check out for various reasons. This one (Sara) is my dear friend from college. She was the very, absolutely first friend I made when I went to Scripps. We bonded over sleeping on the hard tile floor the night before Outdoor Orientation. And then some more over lack of hygiene and puking in tents. Seriously, if you can make it through a week of the outdoors, no showers, hairy legs and vomit, you can make it through anything. Her blog is mostly about food. She makes some pretty tasty stuff. So all you foodies out there will want to check it out.

And this one (Dad) is my dad. I know, shocking, my father has joined the blogosphere...what has the world come to!? Last fall he bought some property up north and has been having this Out of Africa in Idaho experience. So the blog is just his thoughts and adventures up there. So all you outdoorsy folks will probably like it.

This one (Abode) is one of my favorite consignment shops in the valley. It's stuffed to the rafters with cool and random stuff. Clothes, furniture, decor, jewelry, books...they've got it all. Many of you already know about the store but I wasn't sure if you knew about the blog. I know I didn't until recently.

Enjoy!

Oh grow up...

I was driving home from work, late as usual, last week. It had been a long day and I was tired and I sort of went into auto pilot. I was driving down 900 East and the road was pretty empty. I drove through a random burst of fog that lasted about two seconds and continued on towards home and my waiting, warm, welcoming bed. My mind started to wander and somewhere between 21st South and 13th South I had a rather existential moment. An epiphany, of sorts. I realized that I am an adult. Crazy, I know. But really, for most of my 20s I've felt like something of a poser. I may seem all mature and what not, or maybe not, but really underneath it all, I'm just an insecure, unsure 16 year old. I've been taking care of myself for years now. Paying rent, paying bills, working a 9-5 job...all very adult-y things. But I've never actually felt like an adult.

I guess somewhere in my mind I was still hanging on to my childhood version and perceptions of adulthood. Husband, 2.5 kids, a dog perhaps and a house. When I pictured "being an adult" that is what I saw. A self possessed, witty, woman that had all the answers, an incredibly handsome husband that adored her, had an immaculately clean house, cooked delicious meals, sewed her kids costumes and still had time to pursue her own interests.

Well, life didn't quite turn out that way and now at 26 and change...almost 27 years of life, I guess I've had to reevaluate my perception of what it means to be an adult.

• I've been living on my own since college with a brief hiatus at my parent's house.
• I have been able to always pay my rent, put gas in my car, pay my bills, clothe myself and put food in my fridge and lately a little put away for a rainy day.
• I don't have all the answers but I've actually realized that's ok and not as terrifying as it sounds. I know how to find the answers I don't know and understand that maybe it's not as important that I know that right this second.
• I don't have my own kids but I love being an aunt.
• Not having kids also means I can buy that book or pair of shoes or whatnot because it's just me. I don't have to buy diapers or formula or any other baby specific paraphernalia.
• Yet, I would give up the extra shoes and books and bags for a family in a heartbeat.
• I know what I want to do with my life and even if a husband and family never enters the picture, which I seriously hope it does, I will live a happy and fulfilled life. I've found something I'm passionate about and for now, that's enough.
• I have faith that everything will work out the way the Lord intends BUT I also know that I have to do my part.
• Responsibility is a funny thing...

Moral of the story is, life didn't turn out the way that I anticipated but as I look back I'm not sure what experiences I would change or take out. Some were pretty horrific and unpleasant. Others were just down right heart breaking but I can trace some of my own beliefs, personality traits and self knowledge back to those events and I wouldn't be who I am without them. At 26 and change, I've accepted...at least mostly...that my life and adulthood isn't what I expected and that's just fine with me.

Super exciting update post

I haven't really blogged much lately so I figured I'd give you all the rundown on what's been happening the past month...I seriously can't believe December is almost over. Only a matter of weeks before another year has come and gone...

1)Finished my second semester...woot! Official grades don't get posted until tomorrow but I'm fairly positive I did pretty well in each of my classes. As I was thinking back over the past two semesters I was somewhat surprised, not how easy it all was because it's definitely been a challenge, but how it all just seemed to click and make sense for me. It's been stressful and at times, emotional but I love what I'm learning and I love that it seems to come somewhat naturally for me.

2) Got two new Church Callings...bringing my grand total to THREE church callings. I am the Fellow shipping CoChair with the lovely Lisa, I teach Relief Society once a month and I am now one of two Stake YSA Reps. Add in my school/work schedule for next semester...I'll be a busy girl. My old ward was so massive that you (or at least I) felt more like just another nameless face in the crowd. My current ward is so tiny that it's impossible to be invisible. It's nice to feel needed and appreciated...like what I have to offer is worthwhile.

3) Had a fabulous Christmas party. It was sort of a celebration for me finishing up my semester too. Well, for me it was, I don't think anyone else had any idea. But it was nice to see some friends I hadn't seen in quite a while and get caught up on the goings on of their lives. It was also a chance for me to get my inner Martha on. I had fun decorating the house (with the help of the roommies) and setting a festive table. I am truly my mother's daughter. I love to set a pretty table and have everything look just so. I know most people don't really notice or care but I like doing it and I think it adds a little something extra to whatever the occasion.

4) To piggyback off of #3, I am hosting Christmas Eve at my apartment this week. I LOVE the Christmas Season and I love when all the family gathers around to celebrate. We sing carols and eat yummy food and just spend time together. It doesn't happen to often these days so it's nice when we can all get together.

5) I'm heading to Denver for New Year's! I'm super excited to get to see my adorable niece and nephew...their parent's aren't too bad either. :) I don't' know what we'll do but I am definitely excited to see them and spend some time with them.

6) Coolest.Roommate.Ever. For Christmas she bought me a beautiful copy of Wordsworth's poetry printed in the late 1800's. It's bound in beautiful blue leather, has gold leaf edges and a great frontispiece of Wordsworth's portrait. Best.Gift.Ever!

6.5) Actually, the legwarmers I'm wearing under my jeans today, are coming in a close second. It's cold and wet outside and just plain cold inside, they're keeping my legs nice and warm!

I guess that's all for now. I know, not the most riveting post ever but I felt the need to 'put it out there', as it were. Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and a wonderful New Year! Be safe!

Roses and Thorns

Roses
Spent the morning taking photos of my shoes with my sister. She's making me a shoe calender. I know, she's pretty cool.

Got to see Audra McDonald in 110 in the Shade...pretty sweet.

New shoes really do fix most problems.

I am a matter of weeks away from being done with my first term of grad school.

I get to go to Bear Lake next weekend.

Went to Lagoon last night.

I absolutely love my Curriculum Design class.

I may buy new bedding tonight...I love bedding, books, and shoes. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Thorns
My right eye has been twitching since Thursday
No more boy.

I've had the same headache since Monday.

I've got a two big curriculum projects due on Monday.

I've had Bad Romance by Lady Gaga stuck in my head since last night.