Friday, December 26, 2008

Year in Review....

The year is coming to an end and it is generally a time people look back on the previous year and reflect. These are some things that have happened this year, a la Lisa.

  • I have lived in 4 different locations this year
  • Got a clean bill of health (yay!)
  • Saw an upside down street sweeper
  • Painted my bedroom
  • Bought matching bedroom furniture
  • Changed jobs
  • Changed plans...several times
  • Was Relief Society Secretary
  • Asked a guy on a date
  • Survived a near death experience
  • Was excited about the Presidential Election
  • Became more comfortable in my own skin
  • Made new friends
  • Had 3 different roommates...current roomie rocks!
  • Came to terms with, accepted and embraced my girlishness
  • Saw Les Miserables for the 6th AND 7th time
  • Learned that chivalry really isn't dead after all
  • Became terrified of driving in the snow
  • Moved on...really moved on
  • Had a wonderful Christmas, thanks Lisa!
  • Bought a 5 volume set of Louisa May Alcott books printed in 1901 for $30
  • Really decided to go back to Grad School
  • Laughed
  • Cried
  • Injured myself
  • Bonded over scones
  • Had regular brunch dates with an old friend
  • Said goodbye to good friends
  • Saw Brian Stokes Mitchell in concert with Edward Hermann
  • Finished all 6 episodes of 24
  • Took a road trip

All in all, it's been a pretty good year. 2007 was a difficult year for me, so I'm very grateful that I had this time to regroup, heal (mentally/emotionally and physically) and move on. I feel really good about where I am in my life and the plans I have for the future. It's a really good place to be. I don't think I've ever been there before and it's good. So Merry Christmas! Happy New Year!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Random Pictures

Lisa and I got the perfect Christmas Tree. We decorated our apartment and I love it. We had friends over the other night and we played games. It was a good time but after they left Lisa and I were a little hyper so we started taking random pictures. They're silly and strange but we had fun.

Isn't our tree pretty?

These are our Blair Witch pictures...don't we look scared?

More Blair Witch

When I saw this picture I was laughing so hard I almost puked. Some people pee their pants, I almost lost my dinner.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Life is funny like that...

Two posts in one day?! I know, amazing, right? Anyway, I have been re-reading the good ol' blog here and I have to admit, I'm slightly embarrassed by some of the things I have written. I'm mostly embarrassed about stuff I wrote back in the beginning. I mean, really, did I have to quote those cheesy songs? And of course, now that I remind you of it, you all are going to go back a read them just to see if it's really as bad as I say. Trust me, it's bad. But if it were just the stuff from back in the day i guess it wouldn't be too bad. I can laugh at myself. I can say, wow, I was slightly melodramatic and nuts. I can say it. But the "Late Night Rant", that was two weeks ago. This guy that I'm talking about...the one that I'm confused about. Huh, not so confused anymore. It's like a switch has been pulled and I wonder what I ever saw in him. Don't get me wrong, he's a very nice guy but just not for me. I look at him and I honestly wonder where the attraction is/was. So I just wanted to let you all know that I am not pining for him. I mean, of course I would never pine to begin with, right?

It's a little late

This is a little late in coming but in the spirit of Thanksgiving and the Holidays in general, I felt it appropriate to express my gratitude for the blessings in my life. This list is kind of a throw back to this list and this list.

I am thankful for.....

1) good health. It's been a long time coming and I still scare myself sometimes with thoughts of relapse but it hasn't happened and I feel better now than I have in years.
2) a wonderful ward. I've been in my singles ward for a little over two years now and I love it. The people are so great. Not only are they all smart, funny, caring people, they are wonderful examples to me of faith and spirituality.
3) my patriarchal blessing. I read more and more as I get older and life gets more confusing. Every time I read it, I learn something new about myself and the plan the Lord has for me.
4) my scriptures
5) the Gospel
6) I'm thankful that I have an older sister that I want to call when I have exciting news or I need to talk about something. She is an amazing woman and I hope to be more like her.
7) My relationship with my mother.
8) my love of reading
9) my love of learning
10) music
11) My roommate. We're so similar and yet so very different. She's making me learn and change and grow. She calls me on my ridiculousness and yet still loves me
12) My cozy apartment. It's nice to have a place that I can call home and actually feels like home.
13) surviving near death experiences
14) Laughter. I love to laugh and I haven't done a whole lot of that in the not so distant past. I'm thankful for friends that make me laugh and that laugh at my silly jokes
15) my younger brother and 24 marathons
16) my piano...even if it is a little honky-tonk
17) passion. I am now convinced that I life without passion (about anything) would be boring
18) My ability to feel and to love. Sometimes it feels more like a curse but it is who I am and I don't want to change that
19) Men that honor their Priesthood. They make me want to be a better woman
20) Good memories
21) Traveling

I'm thankful for many things. Lately I have felt like I am overflowing with love for the people around me...yes, I said overflowing, hyperbole is my friend these days. I am grateful for a loving Heavenly Father that has placed these people in my life.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Late Night Rant

As I started to write this, mostly to kill some time at work, I was originally going to ask a few dating related questions. It the morphed into something else. I wasn't going to post it but then decided, what the hay. It's late and I'm slightly loopy and I may regret posting this in the morning but oh well.

So after the last romantic fiasco of 06-07, I told myself I wasn't going to blog so excessively about boys. It just makes me look silly, stupid and far too girly (even for me). Last time around, I was in so far over my head because I didn't think to control myself. I didn't think for one moment that it may not end up the way I had hoped until it was far too late. It never crossed my mind that I should think a teensy, tiny little bit before I jumped in with both feet. I like to think that I've learned from that situation. That I'm not the girl that lets a guy walk all over her and not say anything about it. I like to think that I have gained some perspective about relationships and about guys. I don't claim to know everything, in fact, I'm pretty sure I know very little, but I know more than I did a year ago. I had a conversation with my mother a while ago about this and I told her my "list" had changed. I think most people have a list of qualities that they want in a partner. My list was something like this: romantic, artistic/musical, passionate (about anything), smart, confident (which can often conceal arrogance). If possible, he should intellectual, like to read, like movies, traveling, art/museums and it wouldn't hurt if he was cute...the list goes on and on and on. After the Fiasco of 06-07, my list changed. It's now much simpler. If I can marry a man that is good, a worthy priesthood holder and a hard worker that loves me and I love him, I will consider myself very lucky.

Yet, given all this personal growth (yes, I know it sounds horribly cheesy and somewhat self-righteous) I am still at a total loss. How did this happen, again? I'm not in over my head the way I was last time but there are some striking similarities in both situations. I'm confused. I thought I was giving all the right signals and, for a while, I was pretty sure there was signals being sent the other direction and yet here I am, signal-less. I don't know what else I could have done or said without being completely obvious. And I know there are probably some people out there that are going to ask me why I didn't just say something. And the reason is, it doesn't work that least, not for me. Or of course, he really is just not that into me. Timing is 99% of romantic relationships. I know this. I get it. But I've never been the "pretty" one or the girl that has multiple guys asking her out at once. I've always been the "buddy" or the pretty girl's best friend. I may sound bitter and really, I'm not. I actually like who I am and I know that someday it will all work out. But right now, in this moment, I'm irritated. And that probably has something to do with the fact that it's 11:30 at night and I'm "working" (don't ask). Or the fact that I haven't had a good night's sleep in two weeks. Or the fact that I really don't like my job right now.

I have really been trying not to be so negative lately and be happy and I think I've been doing a pretty good job at it but I still feel like something is missing. And I don't mean a guy. I know that's not going to do any good.

This post has turned into something that I didn't intend. What was going to be a request for advice has turned into something of a late night rant. Sorry. Please feel free to discontinue reading as I am not sure what is coming next.

On a more positive note, I love my apartment but I do think my roomie misses her old roomie. I am sitting in my room right now in my grandma's old pink chair and I do love my room. I painted the walls a two-toned blue. One wall is basically covered by my two big dark bookshelves that look great stuffed to capacity and then some. I have my dresser that I love and photos on the wall. It really feels like it is my space. I finally feel like I am comfortable in my own skin. I'm incredibly girly and for the first time, I don't feel the need to apologize for that or hide it. I like who I am but I still don't feel like it is good enough. I still feel like I'm pretending sometimes and I am so tired of pretending to be something I'm not.

The Great Accident of 2008 was two weeks ago today. The first day I was back at work I was talking with a coworker about the accident. He and his wife have recently experienced their own personal tragedy. He gave me this piece of advice. He told me that everyone deals with these kinds of situations differently and that some people get over it sooner. I told him about how Colby was fine. He didn't miss a beat. I compared that to how it's been for me. I still don't particularly enjoy driving and I'll avoid it if I can. I'm not in much physical pain other than my back and my neck aches more than it used to, but nothing alarming. But I have been having dreams ever since the accident. At first it was just the accident over and over again. I would try to get to Colby in the backseat where he was injured but I couldn't get to him. When I was finally able to get to him, nothing I did helped. I have watched him die in front of my eyes almost every night for the past two weeks. It stopped for a couple of nights and then Sunday night the dream changed but the theme was the same. It was no longer a car accident but the end result is always the same. He dies right in front of me...very vividly and realistically. My coworker told me that some people will move on sooner and that's ok. He also told me that those that move on sooner or those that weren't involved in the accident will loose interest, will stop wanting to talk about it (not that I really want to talk about it). But his point was, just because it may take me longer to get over it, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with me. I just have to deal with it in my own way.

I think I live too much in my mind. I like to think and talk but I'm not much of a doer. I think part of the reason that I love to read so much is because it takes me outside of my own reality, even if it's just for the briefest moment. I can become someone else. I can enter a different world. It's a place where I don't have to deal with my own problems or questions but I can watch the hero/heroine fight her battles and see how the story ends. I can cover decades in a matter of hours.

So this is a bit scatterbrained but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm not even sure if I'll post this. It makes me sound slightly unhinged.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Bored teenage boys

So I know I've been posting a lot of videos lately but this one is the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. If you like Les Miserables or if you like Legos please please please watch this movie. Wait... what do Legos and Les Miserables have in common, you ask? Watch and be amazed!

Monday, November 10, 2008

John Owen-Jones

This is the actor that played Valjean when I was in London in 2006. When he sang this song the entire theater was silent. You could hear a pin drop. I've seen Les Miserables 6 times and he is by far the best Valjean I've ever heard.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Photographic Evidence

This a close up of the windshield. It is so thin at the top that the only thing holding it together is the blue tint.

This is the path of the semi as it came up on over the car and then smashed out the back window.

This is the back window with the front bumper through it.

This is the trunk of the car...are at least what is left of it.

I almost died yesterday...

Literally. I am not exaggerating at all. What started out as a friendly expedition to Ikea turned into black ice, mutilated metal and a near death experience. Stupid Ikea.

Lisa, Colby and I all had yesterday off and we all needed/wanted things from Ikea. Perfect! It'll be the middle of the week, in the morning, no one will be there. Turns out we won't be there either. We wake up Wednesday morning and it is snowing. It's not snowing super hard but it's snowing. Lisa and I went to the grocery store and I could see little patches of blue sky to the North and East. I didn't notice the angry black cloud that was hovering to the South and West...right where we were going. Not that it would have stopped us from going, but I just didn't notice it.

10:30, we pick up Colby at his apartment. He is, of course glued to his cell phone, texting who knows who. The three of us banter and talk about Lisa's inability to change the time on her radio in her car. I comment on a passing man, to me, looked like a guy from our Ward. We pass the BodyWorlds exhibit and Colby mentions how he needs to buy tickets for his date on Friday night. We stop and a 7-11 and Lisa fills up her gas tank. All seemingly normal activities and events. It still isn't even snowing that badly.

10:40, we are on I-15 and heading South. Traffic is pretty normal, if not a bit slower due to the increasing snow/sleet/wet stuff falling from the sky, the further we move south. I tell Lisa, It's a good think she doesn't mind driving in the winter because I hate it. She responds saying it's just because she doesn't freak out and act stupid when it starts to rain or snow. At this point we're in the carpool lane. We're talking about driving in winter conditions and nothing of any real importance. And then, as if someone pushed the back end of our car, we start swerving back and forth. Lisa stays calm and tries to correct the car but to no avail. We fishtail and do a 180 so we are in the other lane facing the wrong direction. A huge white van is heading straight for us but some mysterious power pulls us west...away from the van as the van moves east towards the lane we were just in. The mysterious power was a semi. We had been pulled under the trailer of a semi truck and it went up and over the rear driver side window, the back window shattered, spilling glass all over the back seat and somehow getting into Colby's shoes. And destroying the entire back end of Lisa's car. After the semi lets go of us we fish tail again so we are now facing the right direction but sideswiped by a huge black Yukon. It hits at an angle on the driver side and pulls Lisa's bumper clean off and sends it about 10 yards up the freeway. The force from the hit of the Yukon sends us right into the concrete barrier on the other side of the freeway. If we had gone about 3 yards further south we would have missed the barrier and gone rolling down the hill on the side of the freeway.

10:50, the car has stopped. The entire time Lisa had been repeating "Oh my gosh! oh my gosh!" with each "oh my gosh" getting faster and faster. In the back seat Colby was silent and I had been screaming the entire time. Screaming at a decibel that I have never reached before in my life. Once the car stopped we immediately started to check to see if everyone was ok. I was afraid to open my eyes because I didn't want to see just how badly injured everyone else was. Colby had made a peep the entire time, I was sure the semi had finished him off. I was pretty sure Lisa was ok because she was already twisting around checking on everyone else. I was pretty much in shock. I couldn't believe what had just happened to us. I wasn't sure whether I should start crying or laughing. Instead I just started to hyperventilate. Eventually I get out of the car by climbing into the back seat and out Colby's door. The semi stopped, the Yukon stopped and another woman who had seen the accident stopped. Eventually the EMTs showed up in a fire truck and an ambulance. Lisa by this point is almost passing out and Colby and I are trying to keep her vertical.

11:00, the police show up and start to question everyone. We are standing around in the snow completely bewildered. Well, actually, I was probably the only truly bewildered one. Colby was pretty calm the entire time. He was calm and totally together. He was talking to the police and making sure both Lisa and I were ok.

11:15, I call my parent's to have someone come get us because Lisa is in no state to drive neither is her car, which at this point is being lifted on to the flatbed truck. The conversation goes something like this:

Dad: Kelly, call your mom on her cell. She's getting her hair done.

Me: Um..Dad. Hang on, this is kind of important.


Me: Um, we go into an accident. We're all ok but we need someone to come pick us up. Lisa's car is being towed and.....(I sort of started to babble here but I gave him enough information for him to understand where we were and the urgency of it)

The next 20 minutes are so were filled with us waiting on the side of the road for my dad to arrive. Colby was at least useful. He made sure that all of Lisa's stuff was out of her car and that she was sitting down and writing the accident report. We all ended up sitting in a car of a girl that had pulled over when she saw it happen.

11:45, my dad arrives. I see his car through the foggy windows of the car we're sitting in and I jump out of the car and bolt to the passenger side of his car and jump in. I throw my arms around his neck and I start sobbing. Literally sobbing. Colby and Lisa got in the car and we waited until the police officer completed his report. We were the only car that didn't drive away from the accident.

We spent the rest of the day at home, occasionally breaking down into tears and occasionally laughing at ourselves. Colby sort of hovered around both of us, making sure we weren't passing out or falling down, which at the time, was a real possibility. We spent the day together just watching movies and talking. Every once in a while someone would say, " Dude, guys...we almost died today!"

This morning Lisa and I woke up and felt pretty good. New aches and pains but nothing serious. Lisa's Dad came down from Logan to take us over the the car tow place to get pictures of the car. So all three of us (Colby, Lisa and I) drove over with her father to get a look at the car. (photos to come). We should have died. We all should have died. Lisa should have been crushed by the Yukon and Colby should have been crushed by the semi trailer. The trunk is gone, the back window is gone. And you can see the line up the side of the car over the driver where the semi rolled.

After the shock of seeing all the damage, because I really don't remember much of the accident or seeing the car, we drove home. Lisa's dad thought it would be a good idea for us to go back to the sight of the accident...on the freeway. I was not ok with this. I was sobbing by the time we got off the on ramp. Every time a big truck came barreling down the freeway I flinched into Colby's side. We took State street back and every sharp turn and every speeding truck that went by freaked me out more and more. Eventually I just turned into Colby's shoulder and just shut my eyes until we got home. When we finally did get home I went straight into my room, closed the door, and started sobbing. Sobbing. The kind of sobbing that you see in really sad movies.

I know that we are blessed that nothing happened to any of us. Last night I had a dream and both Colby and Lisa died and I was covered in their blood and car parts....pleasant, I know. But seriously...I am freaking out. I know that's normal but seriously...I almost died yesterday. And I'm not even exaggerating. I have no idea why I'm still alive...not even that, why I'm not seriously injured and in the hospital.

Stupid Ikea.

Monday, November 3, 2008

Twilight Trailer Spoof.

So I saw this on my cousin, Sue's blog. She is infinitely more funny than I am. The last part of this made me laugh out loud. Too funny!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

What if...

We all have those crossroad points in our life where if we had made a different choice our life would be very different right now. Do you ever think of the "what if"? What if you had taken that job somewhere else or hadn't gone to this school or dated that guy/girl. I am of a mind that all the choices we make are the choices we needed to make and no matter the outcome, it was for our good. If it was a bad outcome, then it was a lesson we needed to learn and, if we're smart, we won't make the same mistake again. That's the way I usually think but lately I guess you could say that I've been dwelling on the 'what if's' of my life.

The biggest what if I can is how would my life be different if I had moved to LA with Katy and Sara like I was planning last fall? I talked with Sara a couple of weeks ago and she's doing so well and having so much fun. She's still teaching full time at the two Orthodox Jewish High Schools but she's also been co-writing with another teacher she works with on screenplays/tv scripts. She is currently casting for a tv pilot for a show that she is the associate producer for......yeah. You read that right. She's only 24 and she's an associate producer for a tv pilot show that has sparked a lot of interest in a couple of networks. She's dating someone, living in a beautiful home in the Burbank Hills. Sounds pretty great, no? She and Katy have fun and hang out. They go to the set of Scrubs and have parties.

Now, in my heart of hearts, I know that I made the right choice in staying in SLC. More than the obvious reason that I needed surgery, there were more important reasons that I needed to stay in SLC but I still can't help but wonder about how my life would be different if I did move to LA. Life isn't all flowers and sunshine right now. It's hard and it's stressful and it's dark. I have to fight the urge to bolt. I know my life wouldn't be perfect in LA and I know that Sara's life isn't perfect and she's not me and she deserves absolutely everything she has gotten (and more!) but I can't help but wonder....what if....?

Sara and I at our Graduation Morning Brunch.

Friday, October 3, 2008

5 Friends

Registration Info
State: Utah
Days left to register by mail: 2
Registration must be postmarked by:
Sunday, October 5
Note: Most post offices are closed Sunday. Mail your registration by Saturday to be sure of a timely postmark.
Days left to register in person: 17
In person registration allowed through:
Monday, October 20

Monday, September 22, 2008

I can see Russia from my house!!

You may not like Palin, you may not like Clinton, but this is just funny.

Friday, September 19, 2008

For All you Disney Fans!

Disney Lab Unveils Its Latest Line Of Genetically Engineered Child Stars

Thursday, September 11, 2008

I protest!

I strongly protest the new Facebook! Stupid, silly, immature, I know, but really? Why did they have to go and mess it up like that!? I can't figure anything out. i don't know where anything is and it has just sucked all the fun and time wasting ability out of it! I DON"T LIKE IT!

Monday, September 8, 2008

St. George or Bust!!

So Friday night I'm hanging out with my friend (and future roomie) Lisa. We were going to watch old musicals and just hang out but instead we decided to drive to St. George and see Les Miserables at Tuacahn. It's my all time favorite musical and Lisa had never seen it. So...about and hour later tickets were purchased and plans were made.

Saturday came and two excited girls, 4 pairs of shoes, one suitcase, a ziplock bag of brownies and pizza (in separate bags), and two nalgenes filled with water later we were on our way. We had the ultimate road trip music playing (Eagles) and we were off. Nothing to stop us...the wind in our hair...sort of. We're cruising along laughing, singing and talking when suddenly...about 10 minutes North of Nephi, the right driver side tire starts making a strange sound. Thump, thump, thump. So we pull over and discover we have a flat tire. Never fear! We've both changed flat tires before. We go to the trunk to get the spare and the jack only to discover there is no jack! oops! While Lisa is on the phone with her insurance, trying to get some help, a Red Minivan stops and backs up to our car. A very nice young man named Cody steps out of the car. He smiles, showing his abnormally white teeth, and asks us if he can help. I tell him we have a spare but no jack. He quickly gets the jack out of his car and removes the spare tire from Lisa's trunk to discover the jack underneath. We just felt a little stupid. So he very kindly changes our tire while chatting us up. He was from Payson and was on his way to Manti to play live country music for something or other, which explained the super white teeth, cowboy boots and the Kenny Chesney blasting from his minivan.

So spare tire on and a thank you to our Knight in shining minivan we are off. We stop in Nephi to get the flat fixed only to hear from the tire guy that the tire was ruined and we would have to buy a new tire. He kept looking at us like, stupid women...don't know how to properly maintain their vehicle. Needless to say, we got the new tire and were once again on our way. We made it to St. George with no other mishaps.

We checked into our hotel, got changed and went to dinner at Winger's and then drove out to Tuacahn. The guy at the hotel said it would take 10 minutes but it actually took about 30 but we still made it in time. The production was really good! It was far better than I was expecting. This was my 6th time seeing it, I told you it was my all time favorite, and I would say this was a close second or third.

We had a fun time and I think Lisa enjoyed herself. She had never seen Les Mis before and I'm glad that she saw this one as her first. The cast was overall pretty good. There were a few nit-picky things that bugged me but I've seen it so many times, I suppose that's to be expected. All in all, a very fun weekend. We even made it back to Salt Lake in time to make it to Sacrament meeting.

Mile Marker 233...enemies of tires everywhere!
Tuacahn theater. Lots of fun!

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The times in which we live

This is Barack Obama's acceptance speech at the DNC on Thursday. You may not like his politics but I don't think you can deny that he's an amazing individual, indicative of the exciting times in which we live. It gives me hope for the future and the future of my children and their children. It's a long speech (40 mins) but if you have the time, even if you don't plan to vote for him, I think it's worth watching. He's an amazing public speaker.

Friday, August 29, 2008

Odd Duck

So, my sister, Annie, (whose blog is infinitely better than mine) rather threateningly tagged me and so I am completing this at her behest.

1. Link to the person who tagged you. (Annie..check)
2. Mention the rules on your blog. (check)
3. Tell about 6 quirks of yours.
4. Tag 6 fellow bloggers to do the same. (i'm not sure I know 6 different bloggers)

And away we go....

1. I get excited by the smell of books. Just looking at my stuffed to the brim bookshelf makes me very happy.

2. I'm slightly self conscience about my thumbs. My thumbnails are short and wide. My sister got on of each...a normal thumb and one like siblings call them "shovel thumbs".

3. Like my sister, I rub my feet together when I go to sleep. I'm not sure why but i do...maybe it's genetic?

4. I like to make to do lists and I like to include things that I have already done that day so I can check them off the list.

5. I have food texture issues. I don't like mashed potatoes or ground beef or oatmeal because I don't like the texture.

6. When I'm hanging out with friends or family and the conversation has slowed or has taken a somewhat awkward turn I will say "MONKEYS!" to change the topic or start the conversation again.

1. Ash
2. Sue
3. Conor
4. Nicki
5. Wendy
6. Lisa

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

My Happy Place....

I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends! Last night I got to talk on the phone with Nicki for an hour and a half. She is off in Iowa pursuing what she calls, "Professional Training". Really she's starting her MLS (Master of Library Science). I don't get to talk to her nearly as often as I would like but that just makes it so much better when I do get to talk to her. Last night was one of those conversations that is long overdue and we just spill out everything that has been building up for past several weeks. It was so great to talk to someone that is so solidly in "my corner" and yet will call me on my crap as needed. She is such a wonderful friend and example for me. I LOVE YOU NICKI!!!

I also have been very blessed to meet several new friends and kindred spirits. Lisa and Christine are so much fun and are quickly becoming my favorite people. They get my sense of humor and allow me to be silly and goofy. I hung out with Lisa this weekend (Christine was in Logan doing wedding stuff). We went to antique stores on Saturday, random - I know. We walked all over downtown and went into all those shops that you drive by a million times and say you want to go in but never do. We went to the Rare Book Store on 200 East and 300 South. You could smell the books before you even walked in the door. I found a 5 volume set of Louisa May Alcott books printed in 1911 for $30! $30!!!! And she let me wander around the store and didn't laugh at me when I got giddy about the books.

We joke sometimes about finding your happy place when something has gone wrong or you have to do something unpleasant. I joked that these books were my happy place...and they are. But really, my friends are my happy place. They are truly wonderful, beautiful, amazing people and I am truly blessed to have them in my life. My Patriarchal blessing says something about how I will be able to make and maintain meaningful friendships and relationships throughout my life that will uplift and support me in times of trouble. I have been blessed.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I have been remiss

So I have been fairly bad at keeping up on this as of late and I suppose I should apologize but really I was just doing you a favor. This way you didn't have to read all the complaining about how horrible my job is or my life or whatever drama happened to be going on at the time. So really, it was for your benefit that I hadn't posted in such a long time.

I should probably fill you in on what has happened since my last post...I ended up staying in my current job because they said they needed me and I would be able to basically make my own job description. That didn't turn out to be entirely true but that's hardly the point anymore. I have since moved to the department I wanted to move to and I am working with a great group of people that I thoroughly enjoy and can relate to. Work is still hectic at times but there is less complaining, less drama and more laughter.

I moved in with Patrick in the Hillcrest (Covey) apartments. It's going fairly well and we only really bicker occasionally but even then it doesn't last long. It's been nice living with him. For the most part he's really easy to live with except when he doesn't clean his dishes every time after he eats or like how he never takes out the bathroom garbage but then again, I'm sure I do things that he finds obnoxious and irritating but all in all, it's a pretty good set up. However, when our lease is up in October, I'm moving in with my friend, Lisa. Her roommate (also my friend) is getting married in the middle of October so I'm taking her place. I'm excited for rent to be less than half of what I'm paying now, including utilities and a nicer kitchen.

I also registered to take the LSAT. GASP! I know. But it's about time. I took my first practice test and I was only a few points off of where I need to be to get into the Pace/Sarah Lawrence program. So that's basically my life right now. I work a lot, go to church, hang out with friends, eat and sleep. It's not an exciting life but it's a good life and I'm excited to see where it leads me. I've posted some pictures of some stuff from the past couple of months...

This is Nicki's going away party...very sad evening.

Up Big Cottonwood Canyon with our pewter picnic set

More Big Cottonwood Canyon

The 6 bug bites from Big Cottonwood Canyon!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Do I stay or do I go?

I've been fairly blah about life right now, especially my job, so when there was an opportunity to apply for a job in a different department that was interesting to me I jumped at the chance and somewhat impulsively, submitted my resume. This is a job that I had previously applied for and did not get but that I really wanted at the time and many people have told me since that I would be perfect for. I was talking to the people that work in that department and they told me that I should apply for the job and that I would be perfect. I had an interview with the manager yesterday morning and the department this morning and the Director later this afternoon. All signs point to me being offered the job. I should be excited, yes? Here's the flip side of it all....

I told my current manager that I applied for the new job and she was not all. I told her my reasons for it and what my long term plans are (law school) and how I wasn't happy in my current job. I felt unappreciated, undervalued, and underutilized. I was and am a wasted talent. (i know I'm sort of tooting my own horn here, but that's how it goes). She sat and listened to me and then when I was done talking she said that she completely agreed with me. She then proceeded to say how much she doesn't want me to change departments and talked through the whole thing with me. Talked about the problems I saw and what needed to be done. It ended with her telling me to write up a job description and she would go over it with me and adjust it as needed and approve it. She basically told me I can make up my own job within the department. I told her that if the new job offered more money, I would probably take the job. She said ok, but if I chose to stay she would go to bat to get me more money in June. It couldn't be sooner because I just got a raise a couple of months ago.

So now, I'm not sure what to do. Do I take the new job if it's offered me, which is highly probable (although, now that I said that I probably won't get the job). Do I stay where I am and see if I can make is something exciting? I have no idea what to do. What do I do????

Monday, April 14, 2008

Love that Austen

"Conversation however was not wanted, for Sir John was very chatty, and Lady Middleton had taken the wise precaution of bringing with her their eldest child, a fine little boy about six years old, by which means there was one subject always to be recurred to by the ladies in case of extremity, for they had to inquire his name and age, admire his beauty, and ask him question which his mother answered for him, while he hung about her and held down his head, to the great surprise of her ladyship, who wondered at his being so shy before company as he could make noise enough at home. On every formal visit a child aught to be of the party, by way of provision for discourse. In the present case it took up to ten minutes to determine whether the boy were most like his father or mother, and in what particular he resembled either, for of course every body differed, and every body was astonished at the opinion of the others." (Sense and Sensibility, Vol. I Ch.VI)

I was reading Sense and Sensibility last night and I just couldn't help but laugh out loud as I was reading this and other passages. Most people think of Austen as a romance novelist and don't realize that she was, among other things, a satirical genius. She would tease and laugh at the very people that read her novels. She was able to laugh at her own way of life. This particular paragraph made me laugh so much because I have seen this exact scene played out in my own life and chances are you have too. Thank you Miss Austen.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Life continues

You've probably noticed that I haven't posted much in the past couple of months. Well, my life just isn't that interesting. I don't have any boy drama to be melodramatic about. I don't have friend drama. I don't have cute stories to tell about my children because I don't have children. I'm not especially witty so I can't write a funny/charming post about mirrors and childhood nostalgia. I don't take extraordinary pictures. I don't really have a displayable talent so rather than bore people with the same entries about work and non existent drama there, I don't blog. But there have been a few good things that happened lately. I got a promotion at work. I'm now Team Lead for my ever shrinking mini department and I report directly to the Registrar. I was also called to serve as the Relief Society Secretary in my singles ward. Also pretty cool. But neither are the event that really got me excited and was the impetus for this post. It's a simple event and some may even say shallow but it made me happy. I got dressed this morning and as the number on the scale has continued to drop I decided to try on my favorite pair of jeans the I haven't been able to wear for probably about a year. And they actually fit. I am wearing my favorite pair of jeans from a year ago. Yes. that's my exciting news. Not that I am progressing in my job or that I got an exciting and somewhat frightening call at church. I am currently more exciting about my pants fitting. Sad? Shallow? maybe....but I think the past year I have earned the right to be shallow and excited about this particular moment.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008


I have a problem....a very serious problem. It's not something that you would notice or know about unless you really know me....unless you've spent time with me. It's not something that is physically visible on my body in that it is not an appendage. You probably wouldn't know this about me unless you have seen my personal living space. I try to keep it confined to the four small walls of my closet but usually it tends to seep out into my day to day life and general living space.

Okay...are you ready? This is a big step for me. I am admitting I have a problem.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Are you ready for it?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Are you sitting down? Okay. . . . . . .here goes... I have a serious.....shoe problem.

whew, I said it!

I love shoes. It doesn't matter if they are pumps, sandals, flats, espadrilles, peep-toe, strappy, sling-backs, boots, slippers, flip flops, patent leather, suede, cotton, velvet, leather, canvas, furry....I don't care. I love them all. If we could just all wear sweat pants/yoga pants/comfy pants and a white t-shirt with fabulous shoes and great bags, I would be perfectly satisfied. A good pair of shoes will make the outfit. It can take you from cute to sexy. Trendy to classic. Sloppy to presentable.

If you're having a bad day, a cute pair of shoes can turn that frown upside down! Every woman needs to own at least one pair of red shoes. I have three. Heals, ballet flats and espadrille sandals. Every woman should also own at least one pair of boots. I also have two. Tall boots (up to the knee) and short boots (up to my ankle).

The song, "New Shoes" says it all....

Hey, I put some new shoes on,
And suddenly everything is right,
I said, hey, I put some new shoes on and everybody's smiling,
It so inviting,
Oh, short on money,
But long on time,
Slowly strolling in the sweet sunshine,
And i'm running late,
And i dont need an excuse,
'cause i'm wearing my brand new shoes.


Friday, February 29, 2008

Can someone please enlighten me?

I don't understand the strange rationale that is my head sometimes. Scary, right? Even I don't understand me. For example, say all of your friends were invited to a party and you weren't. So all your friends are going. Now, you don't really like the person and aren't really friends with the person that is having the party and wouldn't go if you were invited but still you're just the tiniest smallest bit hurt. Why is that? I don't really want to go but I want to have the choice not to go.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Run for the hills....a Democrat!!!!!

Like I have said before in previous posts, in the past I have tried to keep my mouth shut about politics and religion, something that I have very firm opinions and I know inspires extreme reactions from different people. I have found that it is generally safer to keep your political opinions to your self for fear of offending someone and igniting a firestorm of objections and arguments.

Having said that, I have always been something of an activist deep down in my heart of hearts. I found an outlet for that in College by attending a Women's College that focused on and fostered awareness of women's issues and minority issues. Several times during my college career there were events that reminded me that not all is right with the world. Social injustice, bigotry, hatred and violence were still hard at work. I attended the rallies and colloquiums but it never transferred over into the sphere of politics and political activism....until this current election.

There is something about what is happening with this election cycle that is, to me, extremely exciting. Some people may say that it is because of who is running. To start with we had the potential to break 3 very big milestones: first Mormon President, first woman President and the first African American President. And yes, these are all very exciting achievements but I don't think that is the source of my excitement and interest in this election.

Our country is at a very serious crossroads and we are balancing on the edge of a very uncertain future. I'm a self proclaimed history buff and were we are as a country reminds me of every great civilization and world power in history when they fell into second or even third place on the world stage. England rose to power after defeating the Spanish Armada, the old world power. Great Britain was the leading world power from the late 14th century and Queen Elizabeth I until the end of WWII when the US came to the rescue, fighting the Nazi's and Japan. Russia collapsed after the Cold War to the mighty US.

Look where we are now. We're outsourcing jobs to Asia, we're borrowing billions of dollars from China, our military is weak. We're a joke to the International Community. We're alarmingly close to giving way to a more powerful country. I don't think that by electing McCain or Obama or Clinton we are forever dooming our nation to second place status to China and India and I don't think that any one candidate has all of the answers and will never make any mistakes but I do think we have become complaisant as a country and we are ignoring the issues and changes (good and bad) that are occurring within our borders.

We have a wonderful opportunity here to make a change. We have the chance to rebuild the American Dream and American character. To rebuild our international reputation. It's no secret that the rest of the world thinks that we are arrogant, self-assured (not in the good way), condescending and self righteous, among other things. We need to go back to what made us great. It wasn't the widening gap between the social classes and it wasn't the skyrocketing interest rates and price of college tuition and it wasn't the sad state of our public school education system. Our country has changed and I don't think it has changed for the better. But the glorious, wonderful thing about our country is that every four years we have the chance to change it. To reinvent ourselves. We have a chance to make this country great.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

How did I get here?

Rewind one year:
Active social life- spending all weekend out with friends and most weeknights.
Serious romantic prospects.
Working overtime (loved job) = lots of extra cash to do fun stuff.
Involved in Ward

Fast forward to Present:
No social life- spending weekends at home - decided what movie to watch tonight and ordering pizza?
OR babysitting for brother and sister (but do love the wee babies).
No romantic prospects.
Working "full time" -hard to focus on work (disinterested)
Moved away from old ward-new ward not as good and starting to attend old ward.

Does anyone get the feeling that I've taken two steps back? Because, I sure do!

Friday, January 25, 2008

This is me

1. What is your occupation? Academic Services, Team Lead

2. What color are your socks right now? socks

3. What was the last thing that you ate? I'm currently sipping a Jamba Juice, Strawberry Surf Rider with a Calcium boost...the breakfast of champions!

4. Can you drive a stick shift? Pat has tried to teach me in the past but I'm not very good.

5. If you were a crayon, what color would you be and why? not, blue...light soothing tones.

6. The last person you spoke to on the phone? Allen Clarkson from West Virginia. He suggested that we put all the snow in Park City in Tankers that will then explode after all the melted snow then freezes again and expands...killing 3 teenagers in a tanker explosion. Doesn't make sense? don't worry, Allen is a little odd.

7. Who is the person who sent this to you? Kind of swiped it from my mom and Annie

8. Favorite drink? Depends...half Dr. Pepper/half Diet Coke is good (don't knock it, till you try it!)...OJ with Sprite or lemonade... water

9. What is your favorite sport to watch? I don't really watch sports unless you're actually there, then it's fun.

10. Have you ever dyed your hair? So much so, that I'm not entirely sure what my natural color is. I've been shades of blond, i dyed it shades of brown myself that somehow turned into black in college, then I went back to the blond and now i'm back to Brunette...Frank is the master.

11. Pets? No.

12. Favorite food? Again, depends. Love Chinese, pasta, PIZZA from the Pie...oh so good. OH! and their cheesy pull-a-part die for!

13. What was the last movie you watched? The Philadelphia Story with Sarah...Carey wonderful.

14. What do you do to vent anger? Friends, family....i don't really have a filter. I tend to say things that I don't really mean....I think out loud a lot.

15. What was your favorite toy as a child? Nothing really stands out in my memory. I played with dolls and legos and Linkin' Logs...those were pretty cool.

16. What is your favorite season fall or spring? Fall.

17. Cherries or blueberries? I don't like Blueberries...why would you? They dye everything blue. I like the flavor of cherries but not really the fruit itself.

18. When was the last time you cried? I've cried a lot in the months since my surgery...but i'm not sure that really counts because my hormones were out of whack and i had absolutely no control over it!

19. What did you do last night? I was trying to pay attention while the GMAT instructor talked about independent clauses and dependent clauses, phrases and modifiers, prepositional phrases and dangling participles. I was hit with a huge ADD fit and could not pay attention. I then went home and watched the last half of Pleasantville on TV while eating some ice cream. It was a long night.

20. Favorite smells? Baby, rain, ocean

21. What inspires you? My sister and her cute little family. They're wonderful.

22. What are you afraid of? SNAKES! They just creep me out. I watched Dirty Jobs on the Discovery Channel and it was about catching and studying water snakes....i had dreams about snakes - not good.

23. Favorite dog breed? I'm partial to the Siberian Husky. Misha was the perfect dog.

24. Number of keys on your key ring? One for my apartment, one for my car, one for the mailbox, one for my parent's house and one for the office but it doesn't actually work and i've never actually needed to use it. So, that's 5.

25. Favorite day of the week? Friday because it's the last day of the work week and I have the whole weekend to look forward to.

26. How many states have you lived in? 2: Utah and California.

27. Favorite holiday? Any holiday that I don't have to work and I get a paid day off, is a good holiday. I normally say Christmas/Thanksgiving but right now I am so done with the snow and cold that I don't even want to think about November/December.

28. Ever driven a motorcycle or heavy machinery? I've been on a motorcycle and driven wave runners and a motor boat...that's pretty heavy, right?

29. Ever left the country? Yes.

30. Favorite kind of music? Anything with a good beat, melody and/or harmony and anyone that has a good voice.

31. Last book you read? I have a pretty large stack on my night stand of all the books that I am currently reading: The Screwtape Letters, Elizabeth & Leicester, We Survived, The Odyssey, Zipporah, The World is Flat, The Historian, The just depends on my mood but I'm always reading something.

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Middle Child...sorta

Your Personality Profile

You are nurturing, kind, and lucky.
Like mother nature, you want to help everyone.
You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive.

A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker.
You are good natured and people enjoy your company.
You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you.

I even went to the concert!

Your 1996 Theme Song Is: Who Will Save Your Soul by Jewel

Who will save your soul when it comes to the flower
Who will save your soul after all the lies that you told, boy
Who will save your soul if you won't save your own?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Salt Lake County Correctional Facility

11:14 pm - 801-261-9551
11:15 pm - 801-261-9560
11:16 pm - 801-261-9556
11:17 pm - 801-261-9561

That's how many phone calls I received from the Salt Lake County Correctional Facility last night. I answered the first one because I didn't recognize the number and someone calling that late (after I had been in bed for an hour) it must be an emergency.

I answered the second one because I hung up on the first one before I heard who was actually calling. I still couldn't understand who it was the second time and I just didn't answer the third and fourth time. SO if anyone tried to call me last night from the Salt Lake County Correctional Facility and I didn't answer, I'm sorry. Try speaking clearly next time!

Monday, January 14, 2008


I went shopping with my mother this weekend for new pants. I've lost quite a bit of weight since the surgery (relatively speaking) and since I could pull my pants off without unbuttoning or unzipping them, I figured it was time to invest in some new pants. I went to several different stores and tried on more pants than I ever have before and it was still incredibly difficult to find pants that I liked and felt comfortable in. I ended up buying two pairs of pants that I'm not over the moon about but was convinced by my mom and the sales clerk to buy them. All this shopping and trying on of clothes made me realize a few things:

ONE: What mean spirited group of fashion designers thought it would be a good idea to have the same number mean different actual measurements depending on the store, style and brand of clothes. I tried on the same size pants that I had at home...the ones that were now too big for me, and I could hardly get them buttoned. I don't understand how one size can be so different. It's frustrating and just plain old mean.

*TWO: I've found that most women are generally unhappy or insecure with the way they look. We all have our own issues. For me, it has always been my weight. It is something that I have struggled with for years (little did we know that it really wasn't anything I had too much control over). Being overweight, how ever much or how little, you happen to be, is more than just a dress size of a number on a scale. It's a state of mind. It's a dangerous state of mind. If you feel fat or gross in the clothes you are wearing or just in your skin, the number on the scale isn't going to make a difference and people telling you isn't going to make much of a difference either. In high school I had all the psychological symptoms of anorexia but none of the outward/physical manifestations due to my other medical issues. And those issues stay with you. They don't go away because you happen to lose weight. I act excited about the weight loss because I think I should be and people expect me to be but really I'm skeptical. It won't last or it won't make a difference. I've never felt especially pretty or confidant in the way I look and it's silly and naive to think that by loosing weight any of that is going to change. I have to change the way I see myself and that doesn't change with the number on the scale.

THREE: All the people that complain because they have nothing else to do should be put into a room together, lock the door and throw away the key.

*disclaimer - I am not anorexic and I am not depressed. These are things that I experienced in the past and I am now simply giving voice to ideas and thoughts that have been rolling around in my head. These are reflections on my life, thoughts, feelings and experiences that have shaped my life and who I am today.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

For Patrick

This was on my facebook profile but I'm deleting it. I just thought it was funny.

"I like the word 'creepeth'. It's one that you would have trouble fitting into everyday conversation... Back in Genesis, everthing and everyone was always creepething around when everything dark and lush and overhanging, and the snakes talked and you strucketh your brother for the smallest of reasons, and the smallest of smotes would almost always kill."

-Stuard Murdoch, Belle and Sebastian

Holiday 2007

I got a digital camera for Christmas and since then I've been taking tons of pictures and these are just a few that were taken over the holidays. I wanted to load them in the reverse order but once I got started it was hard to rearrange they're a little random. But they're of Christmas morning, my apartment all decorated and hanging out with friends. All in all, it was a pretty good Christmas and there will be plenty of pictures in the future thanks to my brand new super nifty digital camera!

Monday, January 7, 2008

Please tell me he's joking...

On my lunch I was reading different newspapers and articles online about the New Hampshire election and I found this little gem of a quote from Huckabee:

"If they're not going to vote for me ... let the air out of his tires. Shovel your snow into his driveway," he said. "Don't let this person do damage to this country while you're trying to do a good thing."

Please tell me he was trying to be funny....