I *MUST* be crazy...

That's the only possible explanation, really. My to-do list seems to be getting shorter but the few things I've added lately are doozies! I was able to remove "find a job" (yay!) but I added "start new job" and "pack apartment" and "move to Layton" in its place. My mom is surely reading this and saying, "I told you to wait until after you graduate to move!" She's right. She did tell me that and she has a valid point. You see, I have this wonderful habit of moving at the worst possible moment. For example, I moved a week after having MAJOR surgery. This time last year I was moving during finals while sick AND planning a bridal shower for a dear friend. So it would seem par for the course that I would move while finishing my Masters and starting a new job...right?

The good news is we have found an apartment. And when I say "we", I really mean Lisa. I told her that since I chose such a winner of an apartment the last go around (and I'm crazy busy) she could chose the next place. We looked at a couple of places together and we some some....interesting...stuff. Our new place is in Layton and is part of a bigger complex. Yay for 24 hour maintenance!

We really could have waited until after I was done with school but I didn't really feel like driving to Ogden every day until the end of May for my new job. (Did I mention I got a new job? Because, I did. I'm a teacher!)

All in all, I'm just praying that I can make it through the next couple of weeks and then survive the rest of the school year. I'm excited but also completely terrified. I know I can do this. However, I also know this is going to be a trial by fire.

Thank you so much to those of you who have offered your support and offers of help. I appreciate it more than I can say. The diet coke runs, loads of laundry, making sure I eat (I'm like a toddler sometimes, I know), laughing with me when I wanted to cry, letting me cry, girls night out and girls night in. Really...all of it. You're all so wonderful!

Oh what a day...

I need a little friendly advise, oh mighty blogosphere...

I had several...situations, we'll call them, arise this morning. All in all, it was a pretty good morning. I got some incredibly good feed back from a no nonsense, call it like it is, New Yorker professor, I nailed my lesson this morning, and I looked great when I ran into someone I haven't seen since high school. The balance of the day was great but...yeah.

I've posted previously about my program and some of the attitudes and people in the program. I struggle with this new cohort. A lot. There is a general attitude of pretentiousness and bitterness. On more than one occasion comments have been made that were insensitive and borderline offensive. There is a general attitude of self righteous arrogance. Most of it is directed towards the LDS Church and the resulting dominant culture. But there have also been comments made about Special Education students and culturally and linguistically diverse populations. It's been enough to get my blood boiling on more than one occasion or a frustration headache at their general insensitivity and sometimes blatant ignorance.

Today it reached new levels. I am actually considering going to the professor in question as well as the director of the program. We were presenting mini snippets of lessons just to have a sort of dry run before we get to the actual classrooms. Situation one. This girl is not my cup of tea. She's from Park City, drives an Audie her father bought for her. She giggles and laughs her way through difficult situations and hardly ever has anything constructive to contribute to any discussion. We were the first to arrive this morning and I'm getting ready for my lesson. She told me she is currently teaching at Park City High and an English TA had prepared a PowerPoint on Shakespeare that she decided to use for her assignment in this class. Through out the presentation it became blatantly obvious that she had not put the PowerPoint together and, most likely, had not even looked through it before getting up to present. Now, the lovely roommie told me that I should say something to the professor since Park City had no qualms telling me it wasn't her work. Part of me wants to but the other part feels bad...thoughts?

NOW...this one is a real winner. This particular student, lets call him Big Mouth Bass (BMB for short) has never been my favorite person and I rarely, if ever, agree with any statement that comes out of his mouth. Add in an obnoxious nickname that he insists going by and it's a win/win situation all around. During the course of his lesson on the Massacre of Wounded Knee and the Ghost Dance BMB referenced something incredibly sacred and personal to me, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in a way that made it blatantly apparent he had no understanding or respect for what he was so casually discussing. I almost walked out of the room I was so offended. After his presentation the professor told him, he can't go there...ever. I almost said something at that point. Everyone in the class knows I'm LDS and they kept looking at me, as I was clearly upset. I was on the verge of saying something but didn't in the end because if I had it probably wouldn't have been very constructive and probably would have done more damage that good.

BMB has always had an attitude when it comes to members of the LDS Church. I don't know what his history is with the Church but it's apparent that something has happened. He is constantly making thinly veiled comments about the culture and the conservative values shared by most Latter Day Saints. I haven't gotten too up in arms and I've tried not to get too offended. For most people, it's just ignorance but BMB seems to take pleasure in saying some of these things and takes every opportunity to do so. He even went so far as to say it is the "conservative culture" (aka the influence of Mormons) that is causing Utah's rising high school drop out rate. (completely and utterly false. there are a multitude of reasons that will affect the drop out rate. conservatism, isn't really high on that list - but that will be saved for another time). He seems to think that conservative people of faith, members of the LDS church in particular, are simply brainwashed sheep that can't think for themselves. He has no respect for our beliefs or our ability to make our own decisions.He made a comment today in class to the effect of he needs to "dumb himself down" to teach 7th grade - an incredibly worrying attitude to have going into the teaching profession.

Here's my major concern, aside from being incredibly offended by this incident, BMB is going to be teaching many, many students that are LDS. He is going to be in a position of authority over these students. If he can't respect their belief system and if can't treat them with dignity, should he be teaching them at all? I have a serious concern about him in a classroom full of impressionable kids. I am 26, almost 27 years old. I can separate myself and my beliefs from the insensitive, inappropriate and often times, offensive comments he makes. But will a 12 year old be able to do that? He didn't even realize that what he had done was problematic. He won't mention that particular aspect of the LDS faith again but what off hand comments will he make in class? He didn't see how what he had said was different from teaching Utah History. Students will pick up on that. If he can't put his own prejudice aside, should he be in a classroom in an environment where many, if not most, of his students will be of the LDS faith? I'm not saying that's good or bad, I'm simply stating the reality of the demographics of Utah public schools in most, not all, areas. I do know one thing, I wouldn't want my hypothetical child or any of my nieces or nephews in his classroom.

So here's my question(s)...do I tell my professor about Park City and her PowerPoint?

What do I do about Big Mouth Bass? I need to go talk to my professor about something else, anyway. I may simply thank her for what she said to him and possibly mention my concerns. What do you all think? Should I say something or just let it go?

Conundrum...

I decided it's time to buy a new personal laptop. I got my financial aid award and I'll have some left over so I'll actually be able to afford a new computer. Here's the rub...I know absolutely nothing about computers. Nothing. Nada. Zip. I've looked around on different websites but all the specifications are just gibberish. I have no idea what makes one computer better than another. This is where all you folks come in...I need your help. This is what I need from a computer:

1. basic word processing - I'm going to be a student again soon and the majority of what I'll do is papers and projects and such.

2. Music...lots of music.

3. Reliable - few - if any -problems. Like I said, I don't know anything about computers and I'm not exaggerating. So if something goes wrong I won't have any idea how to fix it.

I guess that's it. I don't need too much but I really, really, really, really don't want a computer that is going to crap out on me all the time. I go back and forth on the Mac. I know they're really great for designing, music, photos all that stuff and they're totally hip but are they worth the money for just basic computer processing? Thoughts? Suggestions?

Mormon Feminism

I think my best time for pondering and contemplating and thinking is while i'm in the shower in the morning. I sit there washing my hair, shaving my legs and i think. Today my thought process went something like this...

....oh man i'm tired. i want to go back to bed.
......should I take the time to shave my legs...naaah.
....I need to get back into school but i really don't want to take the GRE right now.
...what about this book idea? What am I waiting for? someone to tell me, that ain't gonna happen!
...ouch! soap in my eye!

And from there i got annoyed with myself. Why have I allowed myself to stagnate? What am I waiting for...a huge neon sign on the horizon telling me to get of my butt? For a while I thought that this idea would pass and that i would loose interest in it as i often do but it's stuck around and i keep thinking about it. I really think I need to do this.

"this" what is "this" you ask? what is this book, i speak of? I'm going to write a book about Mormon Feminism....somewhat predictable for those of you who really know me but i don't care. I feel like I need to write about my experience and the experiences of as many woman and girls that I can talk to. Feminism has such a negative connotation and it really shouldn't. I'm a feminist and I'm proud of it. It's taken me a long time to be able to say that but there is it. I'm a feminist, I'm also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I'm proud of that too. It is possible to be a strong, independent, intellegent, working woman (married or single) and still be a good Latter-day Saint. It is also possible to be a strong, independent, intellegent, stay at home mother and a good Latter-day Saint. These titles are not mutually exclusive and it's time that people realize that.

I would love to get your thoughts on this subject...whether or not you agree with me...male or female. If you don't want to post it as a comment, email me kellbll7@gmail.com (those are L's and not 1's). Tell your friends, sister's, mother's brothers, fathers, cousins - I want to hear what you have to say.