Should be working...

The end of the quarter is this Friday, so I have a mountain of grading to do, plus "filler" lesson plans to make until our new books arrive next week. I have all of this work to do, so of course, I'm blogging.

The past two weeks of work free relaxation and family was much appreciated and needed. It was definitely hard to get my bum out of bed this morning. Two weeks off is just enough to lull you into a false sense of freedom. By the end of week one you've finally let go of the stress of work, but by Monday of the second week you start to feel that creeping, sinking feeling. You're never quite ready to go back.

I also discovered something that seriously surprised me. For as long as I can remember I didn't really want to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to work. I wanted to accomplish something tangible and great. That being said, I know many, many moms (working and stay at home) and the work they do with their children and in their homes is tangible and great. I, selfishly and naively, wanted "more". I didn't think I would enjoy being a stay at home mom...probably because I didn't think that I'd be any good at it. But being home the past two weeks and taking care of my family and my home, even if it is only two of us at the moment, brought me a lot of satisfaction and happiness. When I told Scott of my earth-shattering revelation - I think I may actually enjoy being a stay at home mom, if and when it is possible - he just said that doesn't surprise him. He had very insightful reasons as to why. I'm grateful for a husband that knows me so well and supports me so much.

 

Sadie, Sadie, Married lady!

At 3:00 in Memory Grove on October 10, 2014, I made the best decision of my life and married the love of my life, Scott. As many of you know, we had originally planned a January wedding, then thought about the 25th of October and then on Sunday decided to just get it done and get married on Friday.

When people hear our story, they either laugh or shake their head in disbelief. It is a rather fantastic story. The really wonderful thing is, other than being married to Scott that is, this is exactly the wedding I wanted. We both wanted something casual and outside and that is exactly what we got. It was an absolutely perfect day. Lisa made it down from Idaho Falls; Scott's best friend, Seth, was able to make it. There were some family members absent in person, but they were able to listen in. A friend of my parent's also surprised us by filming the entire ceremony! So, we'll be able to send it out to family and friends that weren't able to make it.

All in all, it is a day that I will treasure. It's only been two days, but being Scott's wife has made me so much happier than I even thought possible. I thought I loved him before we got married, but being married to him has been so much more than I thought possible. It sort of takes my breath away...

Take two...

So, I got home from work this afternoon and started to pen a rather heated, albeit totally warranted, rant. I still think it has merit and I may finish and post it at a later date, but after spending my evening at a church activity and then with Scott, I think there is something much more important I need to share...

Note...you are under no obligation to continue as what follows could be deemed, by a select few, to be smarmy, cheesy or overly Hallmarky (yes, I made it an adjective, deal with it).

I feel so incredibly fortunate and blessed to be loved by Scott. We both have our quirks and scars, but I don't think I could ever find a man that is so naturally giving and loving. His first inclination is to love and support. He's intelligent, funny, and handsome to boot! He's not perfect and I'm most definitely not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

Turns out that I have a tendency to get caught up in my job (wonder of wonders, right?) and I need to do better and prioritize my life. I also have a tendency to pull back when I come up against difficult situations. It's almost like emotional triaging. All the extra "stuff" gets shut down and I detach. I'm starting to realize that I can actually lean into him. It's sort of strange for me to have someone that will always put me first and I, in turn, will always put him first. It's taking some getting used to, but I thank the good Lord for bringing this man into my life, and giving me the good sense to grab onto him when I had the chance!

Praise!

The past two days I have been walking around in a bit of a daze. Scott is actually here! He was just sitting on my couch. We read our scriptures and prayed in person! We got to talk IN PERSON! For anyone who hasn't ever survived a long-distance relationship, you have no idea what an amazing and momentous occasion this is.

In other momentous news, we finally set a date! We will finally become husband on wife on January 17th, 2015. It is almost exactly one year to the day we first started talking. Rather fitting, don't you think?

Exhale...

It's finally happened...Scott is here! He's here...just a few blocks away at this exact moment in time. I'm going to spend the day with him tomorrow and then the day after that too! And when I come home from work on Monday, I'll get to see him again! After over two months apart, it's something out of a dream to have him here. Now it's time to get down to business with all this wedding nonsense. Let's get it done!!

Pardon my dust...

As Scott and I were talking last night I started to think about where I was at this time last year. Man! My life could not be more different. I had just ended a relationship that had gotten scary serious, scary fast. I was living in North Salt Lake while working on O-town and not really liking the commute. I was physically run down, emotionally drained and not really sure what I was going to do next. I wasn't particularly social and was trying not to get too depressed with my life and, for the most part, failing spectacularly.

Fast forward 12 months. I have changed jobs, apartments and cities. I am down one superfluous organ. I have the most amazing group of friends. I've met and fallen in love with a man that could not be more perfect for me, and he'll finally be here on Friday! It's hard for me to believe it, actually. I haven't seen him in almost two months...two months!! 

But for all of these changes that have happened...amazing, wonderful, life-altering changes...I still have quite a bit of work to do on myself. Loving Scott has made me want to be more loving, kind, and compassionate towards others. This is something I thought I was fairly good at, but I've recently realized, I need to do better. I can to better. I'm grateful that I'm marrying a man that makes me want to be a better person and just by being who is, encourages me and challenges me to do better. Turns out falling in love teaches you a lot about who you are instead of who you think you are. As it so happens, those are two very different people. 

I had a dream...

I dreamed I was in a tornado last night. It picked me up and dropped me in a fountain. It took place as I was visiting Scripps - which has popped up in my dreams a couple of times lately, actually. I looked it up and this is what it means...

To see a tornado in your dream suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums.To dream that you are in a tornado means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Your plans will be filled with much complications and you will be met with a series of disappointments.

To dream of college suggests that you will achieve your goals through perseverance and hard work. You may be going through a period of stress in your life.

To see a fountain in your dream represents joy, renewed pleasure or increased sensitivity. You are experiencing an outburst of positive emotions. Perhaps you are entering into a new relationship or a new phase in that relationship.

To say the last month or so - particularly the last week and a half - has been difficult would be a massive understatement. This past week I finally reached a point where I just couldn't deal anymore. I have been super cranky, frustrated and just generally unpleasant to be around. Any time anyone asked me anything remotely wedding related I wanted to hit something - preferably their face. Kind, I know. I reached my breaking point yesterday during my prep at school. I shot off an email to my sister and just ranted for a bit. I wasn't looking for an answer, but just wanted someone to hear me. She, being the wise woman that she is, responded with some well-timed words of wisdom. Turns out getting married is hard. BUT I am head over heels in love with this man, so there is just no other option. I have to marry him.

Tonight we got some really great news!! He received an official job offer here in Utah!! It's kind of hard to digest that little bit of information. We're actually going to be living in the same city! Holy crap!! What is that going to be like?? He put in his two weeks today and he's already making plans to get down here. 

Sigh...seriously. Is this really happening??

Count your blessings...

I am feeling incredibly blessed tonight and I just needed to share it with the interwebs.

• I've finished my first week at my new job teaching high school. There were, of course, some ups and downs but I seriously love what I do. I love working with my students and helping them learn. I love the ridiculous things they say and how silly they are. I love getting to know them, and helping them achieve their goals. I had forgotten how exhausting the start of a new year is. It's a shock to your system - mental and physical. My feet and legs ache at the end of the day, my voice is a little raspy after talking all day, my legs are definitely feeling the three flights of stairs that I take multiple times a day. I'm a little brain dead today. But at the end of it all...I love it. Moving to the high school and leaving behind my security net of friends was a big move for me. I was nervous and unsure I had made the right decision, but after this week, I can say I'm so happy to have made the switch. I have the best job in the world.

• Even though I'm at a new school I still get to see familiar faces. All my students from last year that are 10th graders this year are roaming the halls. They stop me in the halls to say hi. My football players run up to me and give me bone crushing hugs. Girls that gave me attitude all year stop to talk about their day. I think it's a comfort to both of us. We're all starting a new school and, let's be honest, it's a little intimidating. It's good to see friendly faces in the halls...even those students that were a pain in the rear last year. It reminds me why I do what I do.

• I have such amazing friends. With all the ups and downs of the past four-ish months I have had a whole cadre of wonderful and stalwart friends from every part of my life step up to support me and encourage me. Friends are something that I've always struggled with. Historically, it's been difficult for me to make friends. Through school I'd typically have one really close friend and then various acquaintances. Never before in my life have I been surrounded and supported by so many strong, loving, kind, intelligent women. Thank you. You have gotten me through the past three years...most especially the past six months. You all inspire and amaze me with your individual talents and strengths.

• I'm not sure just how to articulate this one...Vlad is...well, he's the best blessing. He's a man that isn't afraid of hard work. He's a man of quiet strength. He works so hard to improve himself and he's constantly, without realizing it most of the time, challenging me to do the same. We've been apart for about a month and a half and it's gone by quickly yet agonizingly slow. The best part of my day is when I get to Skype with him before going to bed. We're still waiting to hear back from his interview last week, but we're definitely feeling hopeful. If he gets the job, he could be here in 2ish weeks!!! How amazing would that be?!?!

• And finally, and most importantly, I am so thankful for the guiding hand of my Heavenly Father in my life the past year. It hasn't been an easy path that's lead me to my current happy situation. There have been lots of ups and downs, and at times I was ready to give up hope. I am so grateful that He never gave up on me. I have seen His hand and His love in my life in ways that are so undeniable it's almost laughable. I am blessed and grateful...so very grateful.

Ready or not...

The school year starts tomorrow...what??? I've had very little stress leading up to tomorrow. It was far easier to move into this classroom than any other classroom. My classes continue to fluctuate, but I know a good number of these students - I taught them two years ago in 9th grade. I'm sure some of them saw my name and had a few choice words. I wrapped up my plans for the week and couldn't think of anything more that I needed to do to be ready for tomorrow, so I went home at 4:00. I left with the feeling that I'd forgotten something but I have no idea what. Needless to say, I'm a little anxious about tomorrow. It's probably partially due to the unknown of teaching high school. I'm still not 100% sure on some things - as far as school procedures are concerned. I've asked about things that have popped up, but I'm sure I'm forgetting something.

In other news, Vlad had a phone interview on Friday for a job in Salt Lake...as in a mere 45 minutes from where I currently reside. That is a vaaaast improvement over the current 10-13 hours (depending on your route) that we currently "enjoy". He felt the interview went well and there are multiple openings. We're trying not to get too excited, but it's difficult not to. It's incredibly similar to what he is currently doing and would get him in the door with a great company. We're cautiously optimistic. He was told he should know by the end of this week. I seriously hope they don't keep us waiting that long. If he is offered the job, he'll put in his two weeks at his current job and be down here by mid September!! Gah! How crazy is that?! So, we're keeping our fingers crossed...and praying. If you're so inclined, we'd really appreciate your prayers and good thoughts! If he doesn't get this job, we know there are other jobs out there, but this would be so great!!

The all clear...

I finally heard back from my doctor. After over a month of nerves and nonsense, I was told the pathology of my biopsy was normal. Phew...huge relief....huge! Thank you to everyone that has texted, called, emailed, sent me messages of support and love. It's made this scary situation a little bit better.

I'm particularly grateful to have the most amazing fiancee. He has willingly and enthusiastically entered this relationship knowing that there was very real possibility I would be very sick and could possibly lose the ability to have kids. It's kind of mind blowing, really. He's listened calmly when I've been pissed off about it. He's held me when I cried, made me laugh off my frustrations and just been incredibly supportive about the whole thing. It's definitely been a whirlwind romance and the distance thing isn't the easiest, but I'm seriously so blessed. (Sorry...that was a little gag-inducing, wasn't it??)

Patrick's response to this news was "YES. So glad. Now get married." That's all. My younger brother makes me laugh...he's so concise and to the point. Vlad and I are still working on the whole setting a date thing. He really needs to get to Utah before it's realistic to set a date. He's applied for some jobs and is looking at others, but no news yet. I'm hoping he'll be here by mid-late September...at the latest?? But really, it's out of our hands. So, if you're inclined to pray, we'd definitely appreciate it if you could add us to your prayers. We're doing our part but that will only take us so far sometimes.

In other wedding-related news...the longer this thing drags out without a definitive wedding date, the more ideas and "themes" I'll go through for the reception/wedding. I think I'm on the third...maybe fourth color scheme, decor yadda, yadda, yadda. They're all very pretty, just very different. Turns out my dream wedding is an outdoor, summer wedding. As we're heading into autumn, shortly to be followed by winter, I doubt my dream wedding will be happening. I do know that however it turns out, it will be beautiful. And really, all that matters is that I'll be marrying the best man ever.

Cheers!

Yin Yang...

Tonight I am super grateful that I have a wonderful fiancee that wants to be better and makes me want to be better. In the face of my ridiculous rants he simply smiles and listens patiently. That's all.

He's basically my favorite...

Youtube Vortex...

It happens...you know it happens. You start with one video, which leads to another and another and before you know it, you've been sucked into the Youtube vortex. You've spent an entire evening skipping around watching who knows what!

It didn't start out here, but every so often, I need to get my Les Miserables fix. I know, I know ...really?? Les Miserables?? Yes, really. Les Miserables.

These boys were a surprise...it gets really good towards the end.

And really...you just can't go wrong with this. The finale gets me every.single.time.

P.S...I think I would die of excitement and happiness if I ever had the opportunity to be in the "back-up" chorus at a concert like this. Holy crap...that would be the most amazing thing ever!

Redundant question...

It's the end of July. It will be August first in a few short days. Where in the world did my summer go??? I really do know the answer to that question, but I still feel there is merit in asking the question. I'm suddenly facing down the new school year, a new job, new curriculum, new office politics and I'm just now getting in some solid lazy, TV time.

It's not like it hasn't been a productive summer...I mean, my best friend married the love of her life, I experienced a cool new city and discovered the amazingness of Powell's City of Books. I discovered the cool, awe inspiring Cannon Beach, fell in love, got engaged, pursued moving to a different time zone, started planning a wedding, did a sister vacation to Cedar City, spent time catching up with friends, worked to maintain a long distance relationship (turns out this one is really difficult), helping out family...it's no wonder my head is spinning a bit, right?

There has also been a significant health issue hanging over my head. The week I left for Portland my doctor told me there was a possibility that I may have Uterine Cancer. Yikes, right? I've had a biopsy (which was quite possibly the most painful medical procedure I have ever experienced - and that's saying something!!) and we're waiting on results. I'm choosing to believe I am fine. If it was actually cancer I think my doctor would be treating this whole process with a bit more urgency. Besides, for the most part, I feel fine. However, for the past month or so this has been a driving force behind quite a few decisions Vlad and I have made. To that end, we've decided that we are going to focus on getting him relocated to Utah before setting a date. We want time to just be together as a couple before jumping headlong into marriage.

I have about two weeks before I have to go back to school. Students return on the 19th of August and I need to be back on the 14th. I'm starting to get a little nervous about starting at a new school. I left behind a pretty solid, amazing faculty and group of friends. I know I can do this and I will do it well. It's just that first big step into the unknown that always makes me a tad anxious.

My summers have typically been very lazy and seem to go on forever. By the time August rolls around I'm usually very ready to head back to school. This year I just feel like my summer is starting and it'll be over in a few short weeks. So even though I know the answer the question, I ask....where in the world did my summer go????

Change of Address...

In the past week I have put over 1,000 miles on my car. Granted, a good chunk of that was from driving from Washington to Utah...but seriously, I have spent far too much time in my car of late. I feel like I should put in a change of address with the Post Office and use my license plate number.

On Friday Vlad and I left his place and drove an hour and a half to drop his truck off at the airport. We left his place around 4:30pm. After we dropped his truck off, put oil in my car and grabbed a sub par dinner, it was about 6:30. This is when our odyssey began in earnest. The drive to Idaho Falls really should have only take us about 8 hours...putting us in Idaho Falls around 2:30. We're not entirely sure how or why but this trip stretched into almost 12 hours. We ended up pulling over at a rest stop to sleep for an hour before continuing on our trek. We got to Vlad's Grandma's house around 6:00 Saturday morning. Now, the smart thing to do would be to grab some zzzzzz's. Instead we went to breakfast with some friends, got back in the car and drove to Utah. We took turns sleeping and driving. Once we reached my place, we changed real quick and then got back in the car and drove to Salt Lake to have dinner at my parents.

This trip was intended for Vlad to meet my family, but we were both so tired that I'm not sure my parents really got a good idea of who Vlad is and who we are as a couple. Oh well.... At this point we are running on somewhere in the neighborhood of 4 hours of sleep. Do we head back to my place after dinner? NOPE!! We get back in the car and head down to Lehi to spend some time with Vlad's best friend and best man. After some freak car trouble, we don't get back to my apartment until after midnight.

Sunday morning we were up and at a friend's for breakfast by 9am. We were both so tired. We managed a nap for a couple of hours on Sunday afternoon, but we were both pretty much still dead on our feet. 

This week I've also been helping Annie with the kiddos as she recovers from an unexpected surgery. That means getting up early to take the kids to swim and ballet camp. I'm happy to help out, but me being slightly sleep deprived has meant young children are a test to my patience. On Monday Annie told me I need to take a nap...so true! I came home and passed out for two hours. I probably would have slept longer if Vlad hadn't called and woke me up.

It's been a very busy summer with lots of changes. On our expedition from Washington Vlad and I made some very important decisions. The biggest was probably that he'll be moving to Utah and not the other way around. It wasn't an easy decision but we both think this will be the best choice for us long term. All the stress and anxiety from last week was pretty much erased with that decision. There are still some unknowns but we're getting there...slowly.

I am so excited to marry this man. 

After surviving the ridiculous trek from Washington, ice cream was in order....

Mea culpa

I am totally and completely failing at the whole don't be a sappy over-sharer on social media. Sorry guys...total fail. Mea culpa.

After the melt down of yesterday I had a nice chat with Lisa and we both are very happy that we're going through this wedding/newlywed thing sort of together. Vlad asked me last week if I thought I'd be getting married so close to Lisa and I honestly didn't, but I'm very glad that I am!!

Vlad came home from work today after having a rough day and I was definitely in need of some cheering, so we went on a date. It wasn't anything fancy or anything but it was so nice to go out together and just spend time together. We went to dinner at Qdoba...side note - why has this delicious Mexican Grill not found its way to Utah?? It seems like it would be a no-brainer. Anyway, after dinner we went to check out the various family plans on our respective cell phone carriers, because hellooooo, we're going to be a family! How's that for a reality check??

We then worked on our registry...yeah...that was fun. I had some guilt over some of the larger items... Kitchenaid Mixer and things like that. Vlad and I were walking through and looking at the various items and talking about what we would actually use and it hit me...I'm getting married. Like...seriously. I'm getting married. I have friends offering to throw be bridal showers. People are going to buy me stuff...lots of stuff. Vlad and I are going to be husband and wife...eep!! As this reality check was happening, I turned to look at him and thought to myself...that's right. You're marrying that goober... but he's your goober.

After some serious retail therapy/window shopping, we went and got ice cream.

His "why you take my picture...I eat ice cream" face

His "yeeeeah...she's going to take another picture" face

His...yeah...he's just a goofball

I'm thinking, "Yay! I didn't cut his face off!!"

Aaaand his phone had the better quality

First Melt down...check and check...

There are so many things going on in my life right now. The wonderful things are bigger than the not so great things...mainly, I get to marry my best friend (and no, I'm not talking about Lisa). However, there are few things that I can't control and are holding up some of my plans with Vlad. It's so incredibly frustrating because I just want to be with him and start our life together.

Other than hinting at it a little, I haven't said anything online and I'm going to be super vague while trying to explain what's going on. There are some health issues (me...I mean, of course it would be me, right? I'm the medical anomaly in my family, so why would that change now?) that will have a huge impact on the when, where and how of the wedding AND potentially the next six months of our lives AND the rest of our married life...potentially. The uber frustrating part is that I won't really know anything until the end of the month. That means that while we can sort of discuss options and potential outcomes in vague generalities, we really can't make any concrete decisions about anything.

And I mean anything.

We have a tentative wedding date, but that date may change...significantly...depending on the results of tests that can't be done until the end of the month. We can't set a venue with a date. And you can't really plan anything without a date.

We have no idea, really, where we will be living. Will I be moving and starting a new job? Will Vlad be moving and looking for a new job? WE.DON'T.KNOW! We don't really know anything other than we're getting married sometime in the next 3ish months.

Now, for a person that needs to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen and where it's going to happen on even the most mundane of events, imagine the anxiety and stress I am feeling to not know a damn thing. I'm a teacher. We like to be in control. We are used to assessing the situation and taking swift and decisive action to address the issue at hand. I can't do that now. It's making me feel a little helpless...and I don't like feeling helpless. In fact, I loathe it. It makes me cranky.

I love Vlad. I love him more than I thought possible and I really am quite happy. I'm just wishing we could fast forward to the end of the month and really begin. This waiting game royally sucks. Lucky for me I have a sweet, supportive, funny and kind partner in life to wait with. Overall, I'm pretty lucky, don't you think?

Once upon a time...

...there was a girl who was frustrated with the dating game. She was tired of going on first dates. She was tired of paying for membership(s) to online dating sites. She was tired of getting involved with men that treated her poorly or were just brain dead. She was emotionally drained and tired of it all and she was ready to throw in the towel. But before she could do that, she decided to give it one last go.

With some reluctance and slight resentment, she charged the dating website membership to her account. She knew what would happen...or so she thought. She'd talk to some men...maybe go on a few first dates, maybe even a couple of second or even third dates. But, invariably it would fizzle or he would be odd, weird, scary or just plain boring. Or perhaps they'd both acknowledge that though they thought the other person was nice, it just wasn't going to work between them.

Her expectations firmly in place, she went forth and attempted to put herself "out there". She came across one profile that caught her eye. He liked to travel...he was self aware...he had a cute smile. He also lived in another state. "Meh...", she thought, "Not like it's going to go anywhere anyway...". And with the click of a mouse she sent off the first round of questions, not really expecting a response.

Imagine her surprise when he answered her questions and then, gasp(!), he kept responding. It wasn't easy for either of them...they'd both been hurt in the past and were somewhat skeptical that something could actually work out for them. They progressed through emails within the website to emailing through their personal emails. Phone numbers were exchanged and with some trepidation, they had their first phone conversation. Clocking in at approximately three hours, it set the pattern for long conversations about any and everything.

Phone calls stalled as he was in a show followed by finals and disappeared for a little while. She wasn't sure what to think but, with some encouragement from her fearless best friend, decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and was patient...ish.

Phone calls picked up again post-show and they started Skyping. Soon they were making plans to meet up when she was on vacation in Portland.

You can probably imagine how nervous and anxious she was to meet this boy. He could be completely psychotic or smell bad or be totally boring or worse yet...be a wonderful guy with zero chemistry. Yet, she needn't have worried. They fell in love in Portland. It wasn't slow but rather like lightening. She watched him as he walked the beach with her, explored the Rose Garden and the Japanese Garden and found herself picturing their life together. When he dropped her off at the airport, she wasn't sure how they would make it work only that she knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with him.

What was originally going to be a two week separation turned into one week because neither could stand the thought of being apart for so long. She packed her bags and a week later showed up on his door. Luckily, he was expecting her...

The rest, I suppose you can say, happened as these things do. There was a ring and a question. I bet you can figure out her answer...

Something out of a fairy tale...isn't it?