Thursday, March 29, 2007

Like buhtta'

I went to bed last night full of righteous indignation and determination to show him exactly what I thought of him. I had expressed my frustrations and anger and I was so firm in my resolution to change the situation. It lasted about as long as a popsicle on a hot July afternoon. I overslept this morning and my resolution not to continue my bad habbits (because they are bad habbits) dissolved like sugar in water. I couldn't stay angry and upset with him...I just couldn't do it. I wanted to, believe me I did and I do, but I can't seem to manage it. Am I really that weak?? I knew this wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it would be this hard. The anger and frustration I felt last night actually felt good. As odd as that may sound...it felt good to be mad - it felt really good. It made me want to make changes and make a "statement". What statement that would be, I haven't a clue but it meant change - standing up for myself! I'm starting to realize that it's going to be a reoccuring battle that I must fight every single day. Some days I may win, other days i'll get slaughtered.