Thursday, March 29, 2007

Like buhtta'

I went to bed last night full of righteous indignation and determination to show him exactly what I thought of him. I had expressed my frustrations and anger and I was so firm in my resolution to change the situation. It lasted about as long as a popsicle on a hot July afternoon. I overslept this morning and my resolution not to continue my bad habbits (because they are bad habbits) dissolved like sugar in water. I couldn't stay angry and upset with him...I just couldn't do it. I wanted to, believe me I did and I do, but I can't seem to manage it. Am I really that weak?? I knew this wasn't going to be easy but I didn't think it would be this hard. The anger and frustration I felt last night actually felt good. As odd as that may sound...it felt good to be mad - it felt really good. It made me want to make changes and make a "statement". What statement that would be, I haven't a clue but it meant change - standing up for myself! I'm starting to realize that it's going to be a reoccuring battle that I must fight every single day. Some days I may win, other days i'll get slaughtered.

2 comments:

The Nurse said...

boys! boo! i'm sorry that you are having so much trouble with this particular boy. it is hard to remove yourself from the situation and walk away. but that is the only way you can move on to something that is better for you. anyway we all think that you are great. :)

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