Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Think, my dear...THINK!

I've never been very good at that whole think before you speak thing. I tend to think out loud. Usually it's pretty harmless. I'll be watching tv with someone and they'll change the channel to something new and I'll ask, "what's this?" Why would they know what it is? they haven't been watching it. Or I'll ask a question that I really don't want to know the answer to before I can stop myself from asking it. It's something I probably should work on because sometimes it isn't so harmless. I'm a very emotional person in the sense that I feel my emotions very strongly and I can and do get carried away. I don't always look at things from a rational perspective right away...eventually, once I've had a chance to let the initial emotional reaction subside, I can look at situations rationally and deal with it but before I get to that point...the point where I say whatever pops into my head...that's where the danger lies. I don't generally say anything too bad or hurtful but it just turns out to be wrong. So it makes me look inconsistent, which I guess I am a little bit. But at least i'm aware that i'm inconsistent and i don't try to hide it...that makes it a little better, doesn't it?

I need to work on avoiding absolute statements and passing judgements on people and their actions. I don't know what's in their hearts even if I think I do. I can also be easily persuaded by my peers in subtle ways. If that makes sense. I'm adaptive to situation and the people around me. And it's not that I don't feel or think that way and I'm pretending to because that would be hypocritical and I can't stand hypocritical people. It's just that particular people pull out certain sides of my personality and feelings towards situations and people.

I had a pretty great birthday and people showed up that I didn't expect to show. I was wrong. I misjudged them and I shouldn't have. Again, it's this whole speaking before I think thing and thinking and getting hurt before I actually think. You know? Does this even make sense?

I talked to Sara on the phone last night...I dearly love this girl and really miss her. She's
A-MAY-ZING! She sent me the ultimate birthday package. It included three DVDs, candy, a small little teddy-bear (which was immediately appropriated by Aidan), a Disney Princess Magic Coloring Book, a cute polka-dot scarf and the cherry on top of it all...a pink Dirty Dancing tshirt. It has Jennifer Gray and Patrick Swayze on the front with the Dirty Dancing title across the bottom and on the back it says, "No body puts Baby in the corner". It's absolutely ugly but i love it! I'll never wear it unless it's to bed or something or for a photo op with Sara (she has one too). But what you have to understand is that Sara, her roommate, Catie and I were obsessed with this movie our freshman year in college. Yes...we were that cool. Anyway, she called last night to wish me happy birthday and there's a pretty great housing opportunity for us in North Hollywood. Her parents have some friends that are being transferred to Switzerland (??) and they need someone to stay in their house for the next 5 years or so while they are gone. It's a three bedroom house in North Hollywood. They would be leaving most, if not all, of their furniture, Sara says it's a beautiful house, nice kitchen. And they're more interested in finding someone they trust than in making a lot of money, so the rent wouldn't be too expensive. Now it's LA so "expensive" is a relative term. But if they want Sara to move in and the price is right, I'm totally game. It would be Sara, Katy and I. How fun would that be!?!? Sure beats living in my parent's basement!