haven't done one of these in a while

1. Where is your brother right now? which one...i have three.Probably at home or at work or on their way home from work.

2. Last place you hugged someone? the airport

3. Name five things you did today?
1. showered
2. shaved my legs
3. filed some stuff
4. sent out my resume
5. ate a cookie

4. Last person you text messaged? Rebecca

5. What kind of phone do you have? i dunno....a flip phone

8. What are you listening to? my space heater beneath my desk

9. What do you smell like? White Cherry Blossom

10. What color are your eyes? blue-green

11. Have you ever done a chinese fire drill? not that I can remember but my memory hasn't been too great lately.

(what happened to 12??)

13. Do you have a chair in your room? yes

14. What are you doing tomorrow? working...ya-who.

15. Do u know anyone name Betsy? why yes...yes I do. and her name is actually Betsy. It says Betsy on her birth certificate.

(again...with the missing numbers...)

18. What color is your mom's hair? well...blond but it gets a little help.

20. Do you remember singing any songs as a kid? yes

21. Are you married/engaged? nope

22. When was the last time you talked to one of your siblings? this morning before I left the house

25. Do you like fire? sure. i'm a regular pyro

26. Are you allergic to anything? cats, some dogs, rabbits, some medications

27. Do you have a crush on anyone? currently trying to move on

28. Best friend? Sarah

29. Have you ever been to a spa? nope

32. Do you miss someone? sara

33. Do you think they miss you too? She better!

34. Have you ever seen your school counselor? yeah her hoola-hoop of emotion was leaking.

35. Have you ever wanted to be a teacher? yep

36. What is one thing you've learned about life? it really doesn't matter what everyone else thinks...get over it.

37. Whats your favorite color? bluegreenyellow

38. Is anyone jealous of you? can't think why they would be but stranger things have happened.

39. Ever been stuck in an elevator? no

40. What does your mom call you? Kelly

42. What does you hair look like right now? blond highlights pulled back in a ponytail

43. Has anyone ever used you? yes...not a very pleasant experience

44. Has anyone told you that they like you more than a friend? yeah

45. What have you eaten today? yogurt for breakfast with a bag of Frosted Flakes, granola bar, salad and a cookie.

46. Is your hair naturally curly or straight? straight

48. Who was the last person you drove with? Patrick

49. What are you looking forward to? sleeeeeep

50. What's your biggest pet peeve? mean people, people that can't drive

Job Description

So my doctor is really irritating. She supposedly knows what she's talking about, I guess but that doesn't really do me any good if she doesn't tell me what's going on or explain it to me in layman's terms. I had some tests done May 7 and I still haven't heard back from her. I called her last week but she was in "session" but I left a detailed message with my phone number for her to call back and she hasn't yet. I called again this morning and left a voicemail at her extension and I have yet to hear from her. When she does actually call you or you're at an appointment, she explains everything on the molecular level in a really detailed, confusing way. I don't need to know exactly what the cells are doing or why they're doing it...just tell me what it means for me on a daily basis and how we're going to fix it. And then when it doesn't work or something changes, let me know what's going on. I'm annoyed and frustrated and I know this level of annoyance, irritation and frustration is actually a symptom of whatever is going on hormonally in my body and would/could be fixed if she would just call me back, but that doesn't really help with the actual emotions of the moment, now does it?

Isn't it part of a doctor's job description to communicate with their patient? I mean, what's the point if you don't actually treat what's wrong with your patient? Although, as far as fulfilling your job description...I haven't been such a great job at that lately. But in my own defense, I'm getting everything done that is supposed to be done...it's just that I don't have a ton of work to do. Today, for example...I answered my emails and did a few other things but I was done with that around 10:00 (I got in around 9:30) and since then I have been working on my resume, cover letter, getting references together and looking for jobs online. The sooner I get a job, the sooner I can move, the sooner I hope to regain some sanity.

I visited Sara last weekend in California and it only solidified my desire to move to California. It is such a different environment. It's laid back yet constantly moving. There are young people everywhere. People are out doing things. It's high energy. I actually went 72 hours without having an "in-depth" conversation about dating, marriage, or romantic relationships. We talked about books and music and family and our jobs! It was great! I forgot what that was like. On Monday, when i got back I went to lunch and a movie with Sarah (not to be confused with Sara) and it was the same thing. I miss these girls when they're not around. I am so glad that Sarah's going to be in Salt Lake this summer. I'll be able to get a little balance in my social life, hopefully. I'm excited to get going and it feels great to actually be doing something proactive. I hate the job search process but it's a good thing. It means change and that is something that I desperately need right now.

funny story...

I've got a funny story for you all...

Yesterday was a normal day. I got up, showered, got dressed and went to work. Work was fairly uneventful. We had our weekly department meetings, I took a longish lunch and I stayed a little late in order to save vacation time for this weekend. I left work around 6:30ish and instead of going home, I went over to my friend, Christopher's apartment. He needed someone to help him change the brakes on his car. (insert skeptical look, sarcastic comment here) I think it was more he just wanted some company. So we had dinner and then I helped him to put down some new carpet on his balcony. We actually spent the majority of the evening driving between Lowe's, Home Depot, Walmart and Costco. I left my purse, and my phone, in his apartment. See, my thought process was that if we got stuck or needed to call someone, we had his phone and I don't really get calls that often anyway that are time sensitive. So if I missed a call, I could just call whoever it was back.

We get back to his apartment around 10ish and he starts to work on his car and turns out the light he bought wouldn't work because there wasn't enough voltage in his car or something or other. He gets a call from Rebecca around 10:30ish asking if I was with him and to tell me to call my parents. They had called all of my friends trying to find me. So I call them to let them know where I was and I think everything is fine. Get back into the apartment and I have 4 missed calls, 2 voice mails and 1 text message. 2 missed calls from my parents, 1 from my dad's cell, and one from my younger brother. The voice mails were from my dad: "hey kiddo, haven't heard from you. Either come home or check in." and my younger brother, "Kelly, where are you. You may want to call the parents." and a text message from my younger brother asking where i was. They had called Nicki, Rebecca and Christopher trying to get in touch with me. Christopher had his phone with him but didn't recognize the number so didn't pick up.

I get home around 11:15 or so and my parents are still up. These are people that go to bed around 10:00 and my dad has recently had surgery, so lately he's been going to bed early. Mom says it was my dad that was worried but she was still up when i got home too. Find out this morning that my dad was getting ready to send someone over to Christopher's apartment to see if i was there. That would have been just slightly embarrassing. Like the time my mom called me at 10:30 while I was hanging out with Christopher and Rebecca to tell me I should probably come home because it was snowing.

You think it ends there...no, it doesn't....I get a call from Nicki today at work. She wanted to make sure that I was okay. I wasn't aware that at 23 years old, after living on my own for 4 years, I still needed to check in. It just didn't cross my mind. Mom said, "it's just that you usually call". I'm surprised they didn't call the police. :-P Well, at least i know that I'm loved, right?

Pendulum of Life

pen·du·lum (pěn'jə-ləm, pěn'dyə-, pěn'də-) Pronunciation Key

n.

1. A body suspended from a fixed support so that it swings freely back and forth under the influence of gravity, commonly used to regulate various devices, especially clocks. Also called simple pendulum.
2. Something that swings back and forth from one course, opinion, or condition to another: the pendulum of public opinion.

I want so much to be a better person. I'm trying to be a better person. But it's hard...really hard. I swing back and forth so many times and on so many different topics. I seem inconsistent and probably hypocritical to some people but I promise, my heart is in the right place. I may falter more often than not but I'm trying to keep the forward momentum going.

My biggest struggle lately has been trying not to be irritated and hurt by those around me. They don't mean to do it and most of the time aren't even aware they are doing it. Like me, they are just striving to be the best person they can and they're going to slip and fall occasionally. I guess I'm more aware of it in them because I'm more aware of it in myself. I'm having a hard time forgetting about it and forgiving/ignoring it in others because I'm having a hard time overcoming it in my own life.

I want to be more loving with the people in my life. Too often I find myself being snappish and snarky with the people I love most. I can't remember who it was, but there was a talk in the last General Conference...I want to say it was President Faust, but I'm not sure...about choosing the words we use and the tone of our voices. The tone in which we say something can have more power and lasting consequences than the words themselves. I know this is true because I've been on the receiving end of a vicious tone, a gentle tone, a condescending tone or a loving tone. The tone of voice you use is the manifestation of the feeling behind the words.

I feel like I'm clinging on to a huge clock pendulum and I want to strike a balance in my life and stop the mad swinging back and forth but I just can't seem to get there. And not just in my personal relationships with the people around me but with my job/school/career aspirations, my own spiritual growth...all aspects of my life but I just can't seem to manage it somehow. I have great moments...wonderful "ah-hah" moments and I think I'm making progress but then the pendulum swings back and I sometimes feel like I'm loosing more ground than I'm gaining. Will I ever be able to find that balance? Will the pendulum ever stop swinging?

Because I'm a nerd and you love me!

I was walking out the door this morning and my mom told me I looked dapper. I told her that dapper is only used in reference to men. Now...here's the dorky part of me coming out. All day long I've been wondering what the actual, technical, dictionary definition is and if there is any reference to gender. So...I, being the increadibly amazing and cool person that I am, looked it up. Turns out that there is not any specific gender reference in the definition...HOWEVER, all of the examples of usage had male pronouns. So while there is no gender associated with the word officially, common usage and cultural norms have given the word a male connotation. So in an attempt to better the vocabulary of the general population here is the technical, dictionary definition of "dapper". Learn it. Use it. Love it.


dapper: adj.
1. Neatly dressed, trim
2. Very stylish in dress
3. Lively and alert
4. Marked by up-to-dateness in dress and manners

A New Tradition has been born...

Yesterday we had "La Fiesta de Nos Madre". It was Patrick's idea and we actually had a lot of fun. Usually for Mother's Day we have a formal-ish dinner in the dinning room. Steak and potatoes or pot roast or something like that. This year we had tacos, fruit salad, chips/dip, guacamole and we ate outside on the patio and of course, it wouldn't have been a Fiesta without a Pinata. Yes, we had a pinata. All the grandkids took turns whacking it. Lauren and Logan did it with a blindfold and Aidan just took a couple of whacks. Lauren actually ended up knocking the head off and the Rob (the oldest brother) took the stick and really attacked the poor, decapitated bull. The candy exploded everywhere and he even managed to break some of the candy...jolly ranchers and a few tootsie rolls. But all in all, it was a lot of fun. We got some good pictures, which i'll have to get from Annie and post. So i think now instead of doing the more formal sit down dinner, we have started a new tradition..."La Fiesta de Nos Madre" complete with a pinata.

Word of the Day....

Tired- adj.
1. Exhausted, as by exertionl fatigued or sleepy
2. weary or bored
3. hackneye; stale, as a joke, phrase, or sermon
4. impatient or disguested

Synonyms 1. enervated. Tired, exhuasted, fatigued, wearied, weary suggest a condition in which a large part of one's energy and vitality has been consumed. One who is tired has used up a considerable part of his or her bodily or mental resources. One who is exhausted is completely drained of energy and vitality, usually because of arduous or long-sustained effort. One who is fatigued has consumed energy to a point where rest and sleep are demanded. One who is wearied has been under protracted exertion or strain that has gradually worn out his or her strenght. Weary suggest a more permanent condition than wearied.

Venus was stolen

This is "Venus and the Three Graces" by Alessandro Botticelli c. 1483. I bought this poster at the Louvre last summer when I was there but it was stolen on the train ride to Edinburgh. Why someone would steal a poster that was rolled up and that you wouldn't be able to tell what it is, I couldn't say, but they did. It made me sad. So my parents were in Paris a couple of weeks ago and they attempted to get this poster for me but I, of course, had no idea what the painting was called or who did it and I could only give them a rather vague description. "It was of a woman, maybe an angel. It was sort of cracked like a fresco..." yeah, very helpful, i know. Needless to say the poster that they did get for me wasn't the same poster. But they got a bunch of coasters and cards and this was one of them. SO now I know what the painting...rather fresco...is called and who did it.

Curses!!!

So I should be working but I found this link on Ash's blog...curses!!! More ways to procrastinate and waste my time. Thanks Ash!

You Belong in Rome

You're a big city soul with a small town heartWhich is why you're attracted to the romance of RomeStrolling down picture perfect streets, cappuccino in handAnd gorgeous Italian people - could life get any better?

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcitydoyoubelonginquiz/">What City Do You Belong In?

You Are Mystique

Sneaky and duplicitous, you're likely to use your powers for evil.You're eternally young looking, people don't realize how old you really are! Powers: Shapeshifting - you can impersonate other people or become a monster

Which'>http://www.blogthings.com/whichofthexmenareyouquiz/">Which of the X-Men Are You?

Not sure how I feel about this....

Think, my dear...THINK!

I've never been very good at that whole think before you speak thing. I tend to think out loud. Usually it's pretty harmless. I'll be watching tv with someone and they'll change the channel to something new and I'll ask, "what's this?" Why would they know what it is? they haven't been watching it. Or I'll ask a question that I really don't want to know the answer to before I can stop myself from asking it. It's something I probably should work on because sometimes it isn't so harmless. I'm a very emotional person in the sense that I feel my emotions very strongly and I can and do get carried away. I don't always look at things from a rational perspective right away...eventually, once I've had a chance to let the initial emotional reaction subside, I can look at situations rationally and deal with it but before I get to that point...the point where I say whatever pops into my head...that's where the danger lies. I don't generally say anything too bad or hurtful but it just turns out to be wrong. So it makes me look inconsistent, which I guess I am a little bit. But at least i'm aware that i'm inconsistent and i don't try to hide it...that makes it a little better, doesn't it?

I need to work on avoiding absolute statements and passing judgements on people and their actions. I don't know what's in their hearts even if I think I do. I can also be easily persuaded by my peers in subtle ways. If that makes sense. I'm adaptive to situation and the people around me. And it's not that I don't feel or think that way and I'm pretending to because that would be hypocritical and I can't stand hypocritical people. It's just that particular people pull out certain sides of my personality and feelings towards situations and people.

I had a pretty great birthday and people showed up that I didn't expect to show. I was wrong. I misjudged them and I shouldn't have. Again, it's this whole speaking before I think thing and thinking and getting hurt before I actually think. You know? Does this even make sense?

I talked to Sara on the phone last night...I dearly love this girl and really miss her. She's
A-MAY-ZING! She sent me the ultimate birthday package. It included three DVDs, candy, a small little teddy-bear (which was immediately appropriated by Aidan), a Disney Princess Magic Coloring Book, a cute polka-dot scarf and the cherry on top of it all...a pink Dirty Dancing tshirt. It has Jennifer Gray and Patrick Swayze on the front with the Dirty Dancing title across the bottom and on the back it says, "No body puts Baby in the corner". It's absolutely ugly but i love it! I'll never wear it unless it's to bed or something or for a photo op with Sara (she has one too). But what you have to understand is that Sara, her roommate, Catie and I were obsessed with this movie our freshman year in college. Yes...we were that cool. Anyway, she called last night to wish me happy birthday and there's a pretty great housing opportunity for us in North Hollywood. Her parents have some friends that are being transferred to Switzerland (??) and they need someone to stay in their house for the next 5 years or so while they are gone. It's a three bedroom house in North Hollywood. They would be leaving most, if not all, of their furniture, Sara says it's a beautiful house, nice kitchen. And they're more interested in finding someone they trust than in making a lot of money, so the rent wouldn't be too expensive. Now it's LA so "expensive" is a relative term. But if they want Sara to move in and the price is right, I'm totally game. It would be Sara, Katy and I. How fun would that be!?!? Sure beats living in my parent's basement!

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes...this day, 23 years ago the world was forever changed. Today is my 23rd birthday. Last night we had a birthday dinner with the family and both Pat and I opened presents and we had cake. We both made a big deal out of the fact that we didn't actually get to choose our "birthday dinner" meal as we usually do but we didn't really care...at least I didn't. It just got a rise out of my mom. I know, aren't we precious. But it was a nice meal. We had steak and potatoes, salad, sauteed mushrooms and yummy yummy rolls. There was, of course, cake and ice cream. Pat got money to buy clothes...you don't buy clothes for Pat. It just ends up badly. And I got a clock/radio/alarm clock/ipod speakers thingy. It's pretty cool. I also got a DVD from pat and a Barnes and Noble gift card. It was a pretty good birthday and tonight Nikki is having an impromptu birthday something at her apartment tonight.

I have to say I'm a little disappointed with my other, supposedly, "closer friends". Not too shocked but disappointed none the less. One wasn't sure when my birthday was and the other had forgotten it was coming up. I'm not sure if either of them will be there tonight. I'm trying really hard not to be hurt or upset but I've been pretty angry lately with one in particular. I don't want to be angry but I've really been hurt and it's hard to get over that. I'm trying but it isn't very easy. They can show or not show...I'm done fretting about it...or at least I want to be and I'm trying to be. I do have some pretty great friends, regardless and that's what I choose to focus on.

I'm not moving south with Rebecca and Kristen. We went to look at apartments and condos and such and they were very nice and I liked them but then I remembered that I would have to live in Sandy or Draper and I wasn't too excited about that. So Kristen and Rebecca are still going to move south, sans the third roommate. They were okay with it, for the most part, but even if they weren't, it wouldn't change my mind. Is that bad? I just really like where I am right now. I love my ward and being downtown. I have a great commute to work. And if I'm going to be able to afford London next fall, I need to be saving as much money as I possibly can. So for now, the plan is to just grit my teeth, hunker down at my parents and save, save, save. We'll see if my sanity can handle that but it's probably for the best.

There's no place like home...

Here are some more pictures of my trip to California. Good times.

This is the "travel weary" shot. We had just gotten to Jan and Kay's place.

Walking on the Beach

Seal Beach Pier-can't really see it, sorry

Rebecca, master of the 101!

Classic Sara face!

Yet another classic Sara shot!

I had a really good time in California. I couldn't tell if Rebecca had a good time or not. For the most part I think she did but I could tell she was bored toward the end. I think the highlight of her trip was the H&M in Pasadena. We got some pretty cute stuff and we saw Rachel Bilson (OC Fame) shopping, for those of you who care. I realized how much I miss Scripps and California and the friends that I made there. I love my friends here but it's a different interaction than I have with my friends from school. We're so serious here. Even when we're joking around and "goofing" off, it's not the same as with my Scripps friends. I'm not sure why that is. Possible because my Scripps friends are younger? I'm the youngest of my friends in Utah by at least 3 years. I dunno. It's amazing how you can be gone from somewhere for over a year and then you go back and it still feels like home - like you never even left. I was driving around Long Beach with Jan and Kay and it was seriously like I had never even left. Anyway...I had a GREAT time and I'm going to try to get out there again in the next couple of months.

Should be working but i'm not. so sue me.

1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? I'm channeling the cavewoman hair of my youth.

2. How much cash do you have on you? um..probably like $15 or $20

3. What's a word that rhymes with "TEST"? huh? quest.

4. Favorite planet? i'm personally a fan of earth or pluto but i guess pluto isn't really a planet anymore...that's sad.

5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? some random number that keeps calling me and talking to me in spanish and when i say they have the wrong number they ask if i'm sure. Yes, i'm sure...i don't speak spanish!

6. What is your favorite ring on your phone? I like the ring i have when Pat calls me...it's a bunch of monkeys.

7. What shirt are you wearing? a purple t-shirt from Down East Basics

8. Do you "label" yourself? myself? no. but i'm sure other people do

9. Name the brand of your shoes you're currently wearing. American Eagle

10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright...lots of sunlight!

11. What do you think about the last person who took this survey? she's interesting, to be sure. She helps me through those "below the line" workdays.

13. What were you doing at midnight last night? sleeping...it was a weeknight.

14. What did your last text message you received on your cell say? "Want to go to an artshow in provo tonight?"

15. Where is your nearest 7-11? probably five or six blocks east and seven or eight blocks south...I live in the aves.

16. What's a saying that you use a lot? Done and done.

17.Who told you they loved you last? Sara...oh how i miss her already!

18. Last furry thing you touched? My aunt's dogs

19. How Many Drugs Have You Done In The Past three Days? I took some advil on sunday.

20. How many rolls of film do you need to get developed? It's the digital age, my friend.

21. Favorite age you have been so far? i'm pretty happy with my age right now. it's fun.

22. Your worst enemy? girls don't have "enemies" we have "frenemies". it's a great world we live in.

23. What is your current desktop picture? a black and white photo of the fountain/statue in Trafalgar Square in London.

24. What was the last thing you said to someone? thanks.

25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, which would you choose? I'll take the money.

26. Do you like someone? i like lots of people.

27. The last song you listened to?something on the radio this morning...i don't remember the name.

Home Sweet Home

I went to California last week and I had such a great time! Much to talk about, many pictures taken. I don't have time to really do a full recap right now (supposed to be working, see?) but here are some pictures that may tide you over for a bit. Enjoy!

Lookin' good Sara!

Seal Beach at sunset. This picture looked better on the camera

Photo shoot in Margaret Fowler Garden

windy down at Seal Beach