Teaser

So I'm not going to blog tonight but I wanted to give you all a teaser of good things to come...

....car parts
......free bagels
....lost
....boots and paperclips!

I know you're excited and you will be anxiously checking my blog for updates every five minutes until I explain myself! What's that you say...? You won't be anxiously checking my blog for updates every five minutes...? Well, that's just mean.

Blogging before bed...

...generally isn't a good idea. Blogging while in bed, probably an even worse idea but oh well. I find (and maybe it is just me) that I am more emotional and slightly irrational the later it gets and the more tired I become and all the late night rants (on here, to friends, in my journal) seem slightly ridiculous and melodramatic when read and remembered in the light of day - which explains why people say to "sleep on it" when making a big decision. So it's late-ish, i'm tired and i'm in bed...you've been warned.

I didn't get into Sarah Lawrence. I know, I'm announcing my failure on the world wide web - probably not the best idea. I figure we're all friends here, at least I hope and really, it's gonna come out eventually. I told my sister first..and when i say told, i mean i sent her a text message. I've been trying not to think about it and have been mostly successful. I've been pretty busy this week with work and helping friends plan weddings and such so i haven't had much time to think about it during the day. However, when i'm by myself, not focusing on anything in particular or trying to unwind and go to sleep, it's all i can really think about. I keep thinking that i've let people down. I failed at the one thing that i'm actually good at, or at least thought I was good at (see...? melodramatic, but at least i'm aware i'm being melodramatic). I haven't really cried about it, which i find kind of odd. When I was deferred for the early decision applicant pool for Scripps I was depressed for a while and i definitely cried myself to sleep for a couple of nights. And people may say, well, maybe you didn't want Sarah Lawrence bad enough and i don't think that's it. I've dreamt about this program and living in New York and moving on with my life for months. When i would look at my life for the next two years I saw so many wonderful and exciting things. Now when I look ahead i don't see anything. Nothing. My life is a complete blank. You would think that i would at least morn the loss of the future that I have dreamt of for the past six months. (before anyone comments how six months isn't that long, let me just ask you how many people you know that have gotten engaged and are married within six months)

I just don't feel like i've processed it at all...like i just don't want to deal with it. I don't want to think about it because if i did that would mean i would have to accept the fact that i failed...yet again. I don't think people realize how often i feel like i have failed or i could have done better and this is yet another, rather public, example of my own failure. So now my future stretches before me - a vast expanse with no details (again, melodramatic). I haven't really talked about this with anyone. I sort of did with my mom but i just don't know how to verbalize what i'm feeling and thinking. I just want to close my door and stay in my room. I don't want to go out. And I don't want to feel guilty about doing that. I'm tired of trying to be what people think i should be and then feeling horribly guilty when i don't measure up.

I know this is melodramatic and i'll read this tomorrow and wonder why did i write it. I know that i'm tired and stressed and upset. I know that a lot of this response has to do with the fact that I haven't slept much lately because I cough most of the night. I cough so much that it triggers my gag reflex and my throat muscles are actually sore, not sore throat sore but muscle sore from coughing so much. I know i'll get through all this and i'll come out on the other end a better person and hopefully had a better experience than i could have dreamed. I know I have a Heavenly Father that is looking out for me and trying to guide me in the right direction. I know this. But right now, in this moment i just want to give up. I am tired of trying and running into brick walls. I'm tired of trying and getting doors slammed in my face.

The Break-up Hair

Three posts in one day! Gasp! I could have really combined everything into one uber post but I didn't. So there. I got my hair cut today. It really needed it. But more than that, I really needed it. This is my break-up haircut. As my sister put it, it's like when you break up with your boyfriend you go out and chop all your hair off. It's true I don't have a boyfriend but did recently get some bad news...so when I went into Frank today (Frank is a genius, by the way) and he suggested trying something new and short and said, sure! why not?! I've never liked myself with short hair, I chopped off all my long, beautiful blonde hair (13 inches) beginning of senior year and had a horrible bob. Ever since then, I have been terrified of short hair. BUT Frank is a genius. Please excuse the cheesy, semi frightening picture. I took it in the mirror above my dresser.

Is this man crazy??

This is an article that was on CNN.com today. I'm trying to figure out if the author actually believes this or if he is trying to be "thought-provoking" or something. Does he really think that legalizing drugs would be a good idea???

Editor's note: Jeffrey A. Miron is senior lecturer in economics at Harvard University.

CAMBRIDGE, Massachusetts (CNN) -- Over the past two years, drug violence in Mexico has become a fixture of the daily news. Some of this violence pits drug cartels against one another; some involves confrontations between law enforcement and traffickers.

Recent estimates suggest thousands have lost their lives in this "war on drugs."

The U.S. and Mexican responses to this violence have been predictable: more troops and police, greater border controls and expanded enforcement of every kind. Escalation is the wrong response, however; drug prohibition is the cause of the violence.

Prohibition creates violence because it drives the drug market underground. This means buyers and sellers cannot resolve their disputes with lawsuits, arbitration or advertising, so they resort to violence instead.

Violence was common in the alcohol industry when it was banned during Prohibition, but not before or after.

Violence is the norm in illicit gambling markets but not in legal ones. Violence is routine when prostitution is banned but not when it's permitted. Violence results from policies that create black markets, not from the characteristics of the good or activity in question.

The only way to reduce violence, therefore, is to legalize drugs. Fortuitously, legalization is the right policy for a slew of other reasons.

Prohibition of drugs corrupts politicians and law enforcement by putting police, prosecutors, judges and politicians in the position to threaten the profits of an illicit trade. This is why bribery, threats and kidnapping are common for prohibited industries but rare otherwise. Mexico's recent history illustrates this dramatically.

Prohibition erodes protections against unreasonable search and seizure because neither party to a drug transaction has an incentive to report the activity to the police. Thus, enforcement requires intrusive tactics such as warrantless searches or undercover buys. The victimless nature of this so-called crime also encourages police to engage in racial profiling.

Prohibition has disastrous implications for national security. By eradicating coca plants in Colombia or poppy fields in Afghanistan, prohibition breeds resentment of the United States. By enriching those who produce and supply drugs, prohibition supports terrorists who sell protection services to drug traffickers.

Prohibition harms the public health. Patients suffering from cancer, glaucoma and other conditions cannot use marijuana under the laws of most states or the federal government despite abundant evidence of its efficacy. Terminally ill patients cannot always get adequate pain medication because doctors may fear prosecution by the Drug Enforcement Administration.

Drug users face restrictions on clean syringes that cause them to share contaminated needles, thereby spreading HIV, hepatitis and other blood-borne diseases.

Prohibitions breed disrespect for the law because despite draconian penalties and extensive enforcement, huge numbers of people still violate prohibition. This means those who break the law, and those who do not, learn that obeying laws is for suckers.

Prohibition is a drain on the public purse. Federal, state and local governments spend roughly $44 billion per year to enforce drug prohibition. These same governments forego roughly $33 billion per year in tax revenue they could collect from legalized drugs, assuming these were taxed at rates similar to those on alcohol and tobacco. Under prohibition, these revenues accrue to traffickers as increased profits.

The right policy, therefore, is to legalize drugs while using regulation and taxation to dampen irresponsible behavior related to drug use, such as driving under the influence. This makes more sense than prohibition because it avoids creation of a black market. This approach also allows those who believe they benefit from drug use to do so, as long as they do not harm others.

Legalization is desirable for all drugs, not just marijuana. The health risks of marijuana are lower than those of many other drugs, but that is not the crucial issue. Much of the traffic from Mexico or Colombia is for cocaine, heroin and other drugs, while marijuana production is increasingly domestic. Legalizing only marijuana would therefore fail to achieve many benefits of broader legalization.

It is impossible to reconcile respect for individual liberty with drug prohibition. The U.S. has been at the forefront of this puritanical policy for almost a century, with disastrous consequences at home and abroad.

The U.S. repealed Prohibition of alcohol at the height of the Great Depression, in part because of increasing violence and in part because of diminishing tax revenues. Similar concerns apply today, and Attorney General Eric Holder's recent announcement that the Drug Enforcement Administration will not raid medical marijuana distributors in California suggests an openness in the Obama administration to rethinking current practice.

Perhaps history will repeat itself, and the U.S. will abandon one of its most disastrous policy experiments.

Gross Gross Gross

I was talking to a friend on the phone as I was driving home from work yesterday. I got pulled into a meeting at the last minute at work and was late coming home to meet my friends . . . at my apartment. My friend was parked out in front of my apartment waiting for me and she's telling me what she sees from her car. She comments and the crosswalk sign she is parked next to and then she mentions the two homeless guys that are walking down the street. One is spitting, one was coughing and they were talking to each other. I see them as I pull up to the traffic light outside my apartment. As I am waiting for the light to change I see one of them sit on my neighbor's wall and the other walk towards the back of my apartment building and go into the carport and disappear from view. I pull into the driveway and start to pull into my parking spot (the corner spot in the car port and the homeless guy is facing the corner. He looks over his shoulder at me, sitting in my car waiting for him to move. He turns around, zips up his pants and walks away, making a gesture like, it's all yours! The man was peeing in my carport! Not only in my carport but my parking spot in my carport! Gross!!!!! Now every time I park my car I'm going to think of the peeing homeless man. I mean, just up the street is a Smith's with a public bathroom. He couldn't walk the three blocks to use the public bathroom? gross.

Update of Sorts

I took my last dose of my antibiotic today. Hooray! I had strep throat two weeks ago. It was not fun. I haven't had strep for at least a decade. I used to get it all the time when I was little but I had my tonsils taken out when I was eight and hadn't had it since. I wasn't even sure if you could get strep if you didn't have tonsils...well you can. So I spent about three days camped out on my couch. My poor roommate was great but I felt back because I had basically taken over the living room. I had my drugs set out on the coffee table. There were Popsicle wrappers and medicine and empty bowls with pudding and water. It was pretty nasty. I was definitely a little stir crazy by the end of the week.

When people hear that I've had strep they immediately take two steps back and put their hand up in a defensive posture, never mind the fact that I have been on antibiotics. That always irritates me. People find out you're sick and they say something stupid like, "don't breath on me!" or "don't cough on me!" Like because I'm sick I forget about proper etiquette or acceptable social behavior. Do I normally breath on you? and really...taking two steps back from me and putting up your hand between us...is that going to prevent you from getting sick?? I don't want you to get sick but really, is that going to do anything? I'm not asking you to kiss me or hug me or take care of me in anyway, but is it really necessary to make a point out of asking me not to get you sick? When people do that it makes me want to sneeze on their food or cough all over them. Nice, right?

My friend is getting married in May. May 9th to be exact. I'm going to be a bridesmaid. We got our dresses Friday. I wasn't ever "officially" asked to be a bridesmaid, it was always sort of implied, so until Friday I wasn't completely sure I was actually going to be in the wedding. I have a feeling that the bride doesn't have a whole lot of help in the planning and execution of the wedding. I'm pretty sure that me and another bridesmaid are going to be doing a lot of helping. It should be fun and somewhat stressful. Who knows...I may come out of this experience determined to elope when I get married. I have a pretty dress to wear so at least we'll look good in the pictures, if nothing else. I may be calling in some family favors in the next month so, be warned!

Does he sound different to you?

Listen to these two videos. Does He sound different to you?

Bucket List

Sorry...it's the last hour at work and I am oh so bored!


(X) Gone on a blind date (sort of and it didn't end well)
(X) Skipped school (i skipped class)
(X) Watched someone die
() Been to Canada
(x) Been to Mexico
() Been to Florida
() Been to Hawaii
(X) Been on a plane
() Been on a helicopter
() Gone to Washington, DC
(X) Swam in the ocean
(X) Cried yourself to sleep- it comes with the estrogen
(X) Played cops and robbers (probbably)
() Recently colored with crayons
(X) Sang Karaoke
() Paid for a meal with coins only
() Been to the top of the St. Louis Arch
(X) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't
(X) Made prank phone calls
() Been down Bourbon Street in New Orleans
() Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose & elsewhere
(X) Caught a snowflake on your tongue
() Danced in the rain-naked
(X) Written a letter to Santa Claus
() Been kissed under the mistletoe
(X) Watched the sunrise with someone (and then i took the SAT)
(X) Blown bubbles
() Gone ice-skating at Rockefeller Center
(X) Gone to the movies
() Been deep sea fishing
() Driven across the United States
(x) Been in a hot air balloon
() Been sky diving
() Gone snowmobiling
() Lived in more than one country
(X) Lay down outside at night and admired the stars while listening to the crickets
(X) Seen a falling star and made a wish
(x) Enjoyed the beauty of Old Faithful Geyser
() Seen the Statue of Liberty
() Gone to the top of Seattle Space Needle
() Been on a cruise (soon to be remedied)
(X) Traveled by train
(X) Traveled by motorcycle
(X) Been horse back riding
(x) Ridden on a San Francisco CABLE CAR
(X) Been to Disneyland
(X) Truly believe in the power of prayer
() Been in a rain forest
() Seen whales in the ocean
() Been to Niagara Falls
() Ridden on an elephant
() Swam with dolphins
(X) Been to the Olympics
() Walked on the Great Wall of China
() Saw and heard a glacier calf
() Been spinnaker flying
(x) Been water-skiing
(x) Been snow-skiing
(x) Been to Westminster Abbey
(x) Been to the Louvre
() Swam in the Mediterranean
() Been to a Major League Baseball game