Mary Tyler who...?

The girls at work call me Mary Tyler Moore. Having never watched the Mary Tyler Moore show I'm not sure what that really means or if it's a good thing. I'm going to go with it's a good thing.

So the pigs. I know it's not really their fault but I am really not liking pigs right now...or their freaky flu. I was supposed to go on a cruise to Cozumel, MEXICO and Progresso, MEXICO next week. Notice the past tense... supposed. Yeah, we're not going anymore. They changed our itinerary to a seven day cruise (our original booking was a 5 day cruise) to Montego Bay, Jamaica and Grand Cayman, Cayman Islands at no extra charge. Sounds wonderful, no? We were all set to go and then I realized that I couldn't go on a seven day cruise right now. I have to be back for the wedding I'm in. Lame, but no biggie. We could reschedule for June. We called this morning to reschedule but the prices go up in June and July so we have to wait until August to get the same price for the same cruise, 5 days, Cozumel and Progresso. AUGUST! To say I'm seriously bummed would be a huge understatement. Obviously we had to change our flights and there was a $106 price increase but who knows when we'll actually get it. Fortunately, Carnival will reimburse us up to $150 but it's the hassel of it all. We did each get a $40 credit while on the cruise...yippy skippy!

I was so excited to have my crazy, travel filled month of May and celebrate my birthday on a very large boat. We saw Wicked (SO GOOD!) on Sunday and it was supposed to be the kick off of a month of fun and adventure. Wicked, Cruise, Lisa to Portland, both of us to California at the end of the month. I changed my vacation days to the 11th-13th but I don't know what I'm going to do. If I want to drive anywhere I'll have to rent a car because my car currently won't go above 50 mph without shaking. Plus, i don't really want to go anywhere by myself. I could go to St. George but i'll have to pay for gas, hotel, car rental, food, entertainment...do I want to spend that money right now? I really want to take time off but I don't want to take it just to sit at home and I don't really want to go alone. See...? Bummed. big time.

Stupid stupid swine.

Reading

It's not secret that I love to read. All you have to do is walk into my room and see the two rather large bookshelves stuffed to capacity and then some to know of my love of literature. However, I don't really enjoy reading my scriptures. Does that make me a bad Mormon? I love the Gospel and have a testimony of its truth but I don't get all excited to read my scriptures. I'm doing better at reading every night than I used to be but I don't look forward to it and sometimes i have a difficult time getting through more than one chapter. (don't judge. this is a judgment free zone) Having said that...I know that the scriptures are true. I know that by reading them I can and will receive the answers to my prayers. It is interesting how something that a prophet or apostle said thousands of years ago can speak to me and give me the direction and guidance that I need. It always shocks me how well the Lord knows me and He knows exactly how to touch me and guide me.

Alma 26:12

Yea, I know that I am nothing; as to my strength I am weak; therefore I will not boast of myself, but I will boast of my God, for in his strength I can do all things; yea, behold, many mighty miracles we have wrought in this land, for which we will praise his name forever.

These times are a changin'

It's Saturday night and I am home alone. I read an entire novel tonight...granted, it wasn't a very long novel but I read the entire thing tonight. Lisa is dating someone. When people hear that my roommate and dear friend is dating someone, the first question usually is somewhere along the lines of 'how do you feel about that?' I don't really know him that well but from what I have seen/heard/observed, he's a good guy. He makes Lisa happy, which makes me happy. They haven't been dating for very long but it seems to be going well and I'm happy for them. It has gotten me to thinking about my own future. I've had plenty of time for thinking, Lisa's not around much. If I'm honest, not getting into Sarah Lawrence really took me by surprise and sent me reeling.

I was in Church the Sunday after I got my rejection letter and my nerves were pretty raw and I was still pretty upset. I had a really difficult time maintaining my composure through Relief Society (I was sitting by a couple of girls I didn't know and didn't really want their first impression of me to be an emotional one). I ended up going home for Sunday School and came back for Sacrament Meeting, thinking I had calmed down enough and I would be able to keep it together to sit through an hour long meeting. I couldn't have been more wrong. We were singing the Sacrament Hymn #169 "As Now We Take the Sacrament". I was fine until we got to the third verse. It says:

As now we praise thy name with song;
The blessing of this day will linger in our thankful hearts,
And silently we pray for courage to accept thy will, to listen and obey.
We love thee, Lord; our hearts are full. We'll walk thy chosen way. (my emphasis added)

I completely lost it. As I sat there silently weeping, Lisa put her arm around me and Beth gave me a Kleenex. I was and still am trying to make sense of my life. I'm trying to have courage to accept the Lord's will for my life. It's not easy and I'm a fairly stubborn individual so it's been a painful process. It was absolutely terrifying to put my trust in the Lord and have faith that all would end well and better than I could possibly imagine.

My sister was the first person that I actually talked to about not getting into Sarah Lawrence. Being the wise woman that she is, told me that I just needed to take some time before I worried about what my next step is going to be. She told me not to think about it until I get from my cruise. Well, that's been easier said than done...but I have tried to take her advice and I think it's been a really good thing for me. Because I haven't been, or at least trying not to, actively think about my future I have felt a little bit of peace. Don't get me wrong, I'm still processing and I guess you could say mourning. My life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would, but when does life ever turn out the way you thought it would. Anyway, ignoring my rambling, my point is I have taken Annie's advice and I am starting to see the glimmerings of a future and a plan for myself. It's something that may seem out of left field for some people and for others it may seem fairly natural. I'm not quite ready to talk about the particulars (i know, annoying, right?) but I'm moving forward. It's terrifying to move on to something almost completely unknown and put my trust in the Lord to get me through this. Sorry, that's all the details you get for now.

So this is the dress that I'm wearing for my friend's wedding. I think it's pretty. It is so much better than all the other dresses we tried on. The other two bridesmaids are a size 4. I am not a size 4. Dresses they looked good in did not look good on me. I am a bigger girl. I need me some structure! I may or may not wear it again but it's not bad, as far as bridesmaid dresses are concerned.

It's a sad day...

I'm selling my piano. I've said this before and it hasn't happened but this time I mean it. I need the money. It's kind of ironic. The piano sat in my parent's basement for a little over a year and didn't get much playtime because of the gorgeous Petrof Grand piano upstairs. I didn't play it much in my other apartment because I was worried about the neighbors, even though they were loud and obnoxious. I didn't start playing it until I moved in with Lisa. She doesn't mind listening to me play and she likes to sing along. It's gotten quite a bit of use in the past 8 months or so. BUT bills must be paid and I'm tired of coming up short every month and worrying about whether or not my rent check is going to bounce. So I'm selling it. If you know of anyone that is in the market for a gently used and greatly loved piano, let me know.

Defeated...

I don't know if I defeated the last brownie or it defeated me. It did not survive the day.

My tummy is happy but I hang my head in shame...sorta.

Curses!!

My downfall is not going to be caused by pride or anger or avarice or any other vice. No, my downfall will be caused by brownies. Wonderful, chocolaty, tasty, moist delicious brownies. I have no defense against them. I can't resist them. I don't make them very often for this very reason. Cookies, cakes, doughnuts, pastries, fancy chocolates I can turn down but I just cannot control myself when I come into contact with a brownie. Sunday I was having a bad day...a very bad day. (sorry for the gratuitous use of italics I'm feeling very italicy) So Sunday, bad day - I decided that I would make a pan of brownies to ease my sorrows and help with the wallowing. It's Wednesday and the pan is pretty much gone. There is a small little corner still left but i doubt it will survive the day. I.love.brownies.

I'm sure you have all be anxiously awaiting further details about the teaser of provided a couple of days ago. I know you have all been perched on the edge of your chairs, anxiously biting your nails for the exciting news that I would share with you.

I went to Einstein's last Friday on my way to work to get breakfast, just a quick bagel and some juice. They were pretty busy but finally it is my turn to order. I ask for my bagel, nothing on it (exciting, i know) and I move on down the line but the manager person (he was probably around 20 or so...at least he looked that young) keeps walking down his side of the counter with me making really awkward small talk. Where do you work? A pretty girl like you should smile more... The people around me sort of started snickering and giving me that, "sorry this guy is hitting on you". So I get up to the register and he is still talking to me as the girl is ringing me up. I'm about to walk away and he thrusts a bag with another bagel into my hand. He says, "here take one for the road". Yes, I was already taking one for the road but he was trying to me suave. I look at him and I say, that's ok. I already have what I want. He insists that I take this bagel. The girl at the register gave me this look that just said, "ignore him and take the bagel". There was a long line behind me so I took the bagel and left. I got a free bagel from the manager of Einstein's on the corner of South Temple and E Street. Sort of made my day on Friday. That kind of thing doesn't happen to me very often.

I don't really remember what else I was going to tell you all about but it doesn't really matter. I'm sure it was very important and exciting but I don't remember.

Last night Lisa and I were talking. I was trying to convince her to go salsa dancing with me on Friday. I was invited by a girl in our ward. She's very nice but I don't know her very well and Lisa was invited but she was resisting...especially when I told her we would be going in Provo. Yes, P-town. To convince her to come I told her that she may be missing out on meeting her husband and true love and her happily ever after. What started as a short little scenario to get her to come with me turned it to me making up this whole story of her relationship with this guy, Shnifflehopper Smith, we call him Hopper for short. His mother was so out of it when he was born because of the epidural that she wanted to name him Stephen but it came out Shnifflehopper and his father wasn't there (he was on his way back from a business trip in Shanghai) so he couldn't correct it on the birth certificate and when they went to bless him instead of Stephen, it came out Shnifflehopper. After that his parents decided that if the Lord wanted him to be named Shifflehopper, who were they to say otherwise. ANYWAY, several hours later the story ended. It started out fairly silly and ridiculous (i mean, hello....Shnifflehopper?? He had a cousin named Derek Bloomlinger or something like that) but it ended pretty well.

Overall it was a fairly silly story but it reminded me how much I love story telling. I used to write stories in high school. Granted, they were all very silly and pretty embarrassing but I enjoyed it. I think that's why I chose to be an English major in college. I loved the stories and getting to know the characters. It was stepping into a different world and time and experiencing something new and completely foreign to me. I never took writing very seriously. I wasn't the writer in the family. That was my sister. But I used to love to do it.