Starting to wonder

Have you heard about that new book..."The Secret"? Well, I guess it isn't super new but newish - All about the power of positive thinking and thinking about what you want/where you want to be instead of all the challenges in your path. My cousin and my uncle are both big fans of "the Secret". Say it's amazing. I definitely think that positive thinking is important and such but i don't really buy into the whole it will solve all your problems bit.

But it did get me to thinking...how much of what i'm dealing with -health wise- is in my head? I mean, i've been to 5 doctors in as many years and nothing really changes...if anything it's gotten worse in recent months. Is there anything really wrong with me to begin with? This PCOS...that I know I have. Can't really deny the cysts on the ovaries but how much of that is related to everything else? Maybe I'm just an emotional, moody, overweight drama queen. That's possible, isn't it? I don't sleep anymore, i'm tired all. the. time. and it's not like I staying up too late, tired - it's a physical tired that i feel in my bones. I pretty much always have a headache of varying degrees. But maybe....maybe...it's all in my head. I could just be crazy. isn't that just as likely as some mysterious illness that no doctor has been able to figure out and treat.

I'm just tired of the cycle. the new doctors, new medications, new tests, same old tests done over again, doctors appointments, and starting over again. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I am hanging on my a thread and the slightest thing, the stupidest thing will send me over the edge. It's not a fun way to live - for me and for all the people around me. It's not fun, I'm sick of it. I'm tired.