Monday, June 4, 2007

Starting to wonder

Have you heard about that new book..."The Secret"? Well, I guess it isn't super new but newish - All about the power of positive thinking and thinking about what you want/where you want to be instead of all the challenges in your path. My cousin and my uncle are both big fans of "the Secret". Say it's amazing. I definitely think that positive thinking is important and such but i don't really buy into the whole it will solve all your problems bit.

But it did get me to thinking...how much of what i'm dealing with -health wise- is in my head? I mean, i've been to 5 doctors in as many years and nothing really changes...if anything it's gotten worse in recent months. Is there anything really wrong with me to begin with? This PCOS...that I know I have. Can't really deny the cysts on the ovaries but how much of that is related to everything else? Maybe I'm just an emotional, moody, overweight drama queen. That's possible, isn't it? I don't sleep anymore, i'm tired all. the. time. and it's not like I staying up too late, tired - it's a physical tired that i feel in my bones. I pretty much always have a headache of varying degrees. But maybe....maybe...it's all in my head. I could just be crazy. isn't that just as likely as some mysterious illness that no doctor has been able to figure out and treat.

I'm just tired of the cycle. the new doctors, new medications, new tests, same old tests done over again, doctors appointments, and starting over again. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I am hanging on my a thread and the slightest thing, the stupidest thing will send me over the edge. It's not a fun way to live - for me and for all the people around me. It's not fun, I'm sick of it. I'm tired.

4 comments:

Annie said...

I think that what is "in your head" is being fed up with not getting any answers so you are therefore beginning to feel a little crazy and over-emotional about it all, which is understandable. Just hang in there. You'll get answers.

Ash said...

I think we should chat my dear friend--I leave for NYC tomorrow--

But I am glad that you are not so sure on the "secret" I have a few insights into the matter (it's me--who are we kidding I have more than a few on every matter ;)

remember that 'faith' must be centered in Christ in order to produce salvation and said positive thinking leaves us up to save ourselves. AND how we would come to better know and understand God so as to place completely our trust in Him without a little suffering of our own? That book is selling because people want to hear that life is easy--and I hate to break it to them--life is a proving ground--NOT A PLAY GROUND.

SENDING YOU LOVE AND STRENGTH from miles away and years unseen!

Ash said...

Oh--and can I just say--I LOVE what you've done to the blog--so cheerful--speaking of--D&C 123:17 ;)

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