I fail

My new doctor has told me that I need to make a "lifestyle" change. Which, as Sarah so kindly pointed out to me, is only a euphemism for a "diet". Given family history and my own medical history, unless I make this "lifestyle change" I will get diabetes. It's not a maybe type situation, it's basically a certainty. So I'm supposed to do a high protein, low carb diet with lots of exercise. I'm supposed to get a personal trainer and I have the number of a place she suggested.

High protein, low carb. Lots of meat. Which is fine...for the most part. But it means i must say goodbye to the good things in life...bread. Pasta. Rice. Cake. Cookies. Pizza. Doughnuts. Basically all comfort foods in all their wondrous forms. The days of a convenient breakfast of a bagel and bag of cereal are gone. Trade that cookie in for an apple or some string cheese. I really shouldn't complain too much. I know this is a good thing. I'll feel better physically and I'll feel better about myself but...i love me some bread. And I fail...hard. Yesterday not only had pizza for dinner, but we also got an order of the cheese pull-a-part bread from the Pie. I then had a doughnut for dessert and this morning I had another doughnut with my apple for breakfast. I fail.

I fail.

Pink Lady...not just the cool girls

If every time you do something, I ask you not to, If every time you say something, I ask you not to, and I have always reacted this way...always...it stands to reason that I don't like it when you do/say this and yet you continue to do this. Why? why? why? I'm doing the best I can and I understand that you're only trying to help but don't.


Pink Lady apples are quite excellent. Very yummy. They look like Gala or Fuji apples but are so much better! Thanks to Katie for exposing me to the yummy tastiness that are Pink Lady apples. My fruit horizons have been greatly expanded. My taste buds and stomach thank you.

!!ERROR!!

So this has been a work in progress for several days. And i know, for a work that has been in progress for several days should be more impressive than it is, but you should just be happy that there's anything! I hope this satisfies those of you that have been asking (and i use that term loosely) for an update. Here you go!




The WGU universe is out to get me. It just doesn't want me to work anymore. I keep getting strange error messages whenever I try to do anything. Error 1229 "An operation was attempted on a nonexistent network connection". Error 2 "System cannot find file specified". Error "Oracle encountered an error and cannot perform the requested operation". My life is full of error messages and technological roadblocks. Our database doesn't want to let me drop students or move folders. Emails get bounced back to me and employees send mean emails about duplicate emails they're getting when they shouldn't even be on the notification email list. It's been frustrating, to say the least.

Sara is out of the country for about a month. She and her brother went to Israel for the Birthright trip. They're visiting family and then they'll visit family in New Jersey on their way back. She asked Katy and I to look on Craigslist to price out 3 bedroom houses in the North Hollywood area. The Tuckers want to rent their house to us for as cheap as we can find, they just don't want to actually do any of the research for it. So i've been checking craiglist to see what I can find. I was able to find a 3 bedroom house for $1800...totally not typical but we'll just have to see what the Tucker's think. The low range is around $2000. With three of us, it comes out to be about $650 per person, not including utilities. again...we'll just have to see what happens. There's a guest house on the property (yes, it's a property) and if we could get a fourth, it would be even cheaper, which would be super. Sara's friend from high school has a younger brother that may want to move in, which would be great...but again...we'll just have to wait and see. If we could get a fourth roommate, it would bring rent down a couple hundred dollars and that with the raise I got at work would mean that I could keep my current job and just work from home. How excellent would that be?! I could probably swing it with just the three of us, but money would be tight.

Another roadblock has popped up...i went to a new doctor last week...yes, yet another doctors. We're up to six doctors in about 5 years. that's a little depressing, if you ask me. Anyway, new doctor. My mom is pretty insistent, and I sort of have to agree with her, even though i really don't want to, that I need to stay put until we get a handle on all the health stuff. I don't know why i think this time is going to be different. History and experience has taught me not to trust doctors and my faith in the medical profession, in general, is not too high. BUT i find myself hopping that this time will be different. That this time, this doctor will see something that the other 5 missed and she'll be able to put all the pieces together and i can actually deal with this all and move on. BUT again...we'll have to see what happens. I had to go and get my blood drawn this morning...i set a new record for myself. It was nine tubes...count 'em...9 test tubes. I asked the phlebotomist how much blood that was and she said it was about 3 tablespoons. Doesn't sound like too much but when you've got a needle sticking in your arm and it's your blood that is slowly filling the test tubes, trust me...it's a lot. But she was pretty good and didn't have any trouble finding a vein. Last time I had that much drawn, the woman couldn't find a vein and kept poking me and then forgot to fill a tube and i had to go back in. You see why i don't have a whole lot of confidence in the medical profession....? Would you?

I've decided that it's hard to feel like a "grown up" when you're still living in your parent's basement.

lame substitute

So this is in lieu of an actual post. I will update with an actual post soon, but it's been crazy at work this week...odd, I know! Anyway...hope this holds you over- even if it is slightly juvenile.

98 New Questions You've Probably Never Been Asked...except there aren't really 98. some of the numbers are missing.



1. First thing you wash in the shower? my hair

2. What color is your favorite hoodie? red

3. Do you like coffee? I don't even like the smell

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now? bored...indifferent? i'm at work.

6. What’s the name of your crush? currently not crushing on anyone...YAY!

7. Do you say aim or a-i-m? how 'bout IM

8. Tell me about the last dream you remember having. something with my bestfriend and her boyfriend and other random people running around, doing something. Don't really remember the detail.s

9. Could you eat your favorite food everyday for a month and not get tired of it? probably not.

10. What are you craving? something that I can't figure out what it is.

12. What comes to mind when I say cabbage? cabbage patch doll?

13. What is your favorite animal?dogs.

14. Which would you rather ride - plane, train, or automobile? depends on where I'm going.

15. Would you dance with me to the taco song? what's the taco song?

16. Have you ever counted to 1,000? nope

17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it? both

18. Do you use smileys? when the occasion calls for it.

19. Do you have brothers? Three ... two older, one younger

20. Have you ever met a celebrity? nope

21. Do you like cottage cheese? not on it's own, but in stuff...sure.

22. What's the last song you had stuck in your head? a song that my nephew sings - "Popcorn Popping on the Apricot Tree" or "I'm so Glad When Daddy comes home"

23. How many countries have you visited? Mexico (ages ago), France, England, Scotland.

24. Are your parents strict? not really. there were rules but nothing crazy.

25. Would you go sky diving? i like living, thanks.

26. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush? sure...why not? whether you like him or not, agree with him or not, it would probably be interesting in one way or another.

27. Would you throw potatoes at him? probably not.

28. Is there anything sparkly in the room you're in? my green ipod?

30. Do you rent movies often? i just went on a shopping spree at Virgin Records, they're closing the store and it's been a huge sale...i won't need to rent a movie for quite some time.

31. Who sits in front of you in your math class? i haven't taken a math class for almost 3 years.

34. Can you count backwards from 74? yes, but why would I?

35. Where are you going to be Saturday night? Probably hanging out with friends.

36. Brown or white eggs? What's the difference?

37. Like rap music? occasionally but not very often.

38. Ever taken a train? yep

39. Experienced the twin towers falling in New York? i watched it happen on TV at school.

41. What day of the week is it? Wednesday but it feels like a Monday.

42. What was your lunch? haven't had lunch yet...trying to wait a little longer so my afternoon goes faster.

43 What is your best friend doing tomorrow? Well, one is either on her way to Montana to see her boyfriend or actually there and the other is probably getting ready to go to Israel.

45. Ever had cream puffs? yeah...they're actually pretty good frozen.

46. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect? I haven't but i kind of want to.

47. So, how about them Yankees? cool....?

50. What is your bus number for school? i don't really remember...it was the long short bus until my sophomore year and then we got a big bus. :) I think it was 35 or something like that.

51. Is your hair curly? sometimes but not super curly, just enough to be a pain and not cute.

52. Last time you cried? a month or so ago...?

53. Ever walked into a wall? yes, and windows and doors, and door frames

55. Have you ever bought anything from Pac Sun? not that i can remember.

57. Favorite time of the year? summer and fall

59. Are you a generally happy person? i try but my family may say differently

61. The Last Person you held hands with? i can't remember....how sad!

62. Do you sleep with the TV on? no

63. Have you ever drunk alcohol straight from the bottle? nope

64. Do you think you're old? i have my moments but no.

65. Are you afraid of the dark? nope

66. Do you like your life right now? for the most part

67. When's the last time you chose a bath over a shower? I can't remember the last time I had a bath.

68. Do you knock on wood? in jest.

69. Do you have good vision? I need to wear glasses for reading and while I'm on the computer

70. Can you hula hoop? sort of

71. Could you ever forgive a cheater? probably not

72. Do you have a job? yep

73. Are you friends with your last ex? I suppose so...we don't live in the same state and don't really talk anymore but we're on good terms when we're around each other.

74. What brands are you wearing? Old Navy shoes and pants, Down East Basics tank, Smiths Market Place shirt...i'm a big spender.

76. Have you ever crawled through a window? yep

77. Can you handle the truth? it hurts but it's better than lies.

78. What was the most recent thing you bought? groceries

79. How often do you talk on the phone? couple times a day

81. Do you hate more than 3 people? I don't really "hate" anyone...there are a few people i don't really care for.

82. Have you ever tripped someone? not maliciously

83. Are you sarcastic? yes...a little too much sometimes.

85. Do looks matter? i would say attraction matters

86. Do you use chap stick? daily

87. Are you too forgiving? i can be

89. Do you own a gun? nope

90. Have you made a prank phone call? in my younger years, yes.

91. Have you ever been in a castle? yes

92. Do you like your hair? it's one of my favorite physical traits.

93. Do you like yourself? for the most part.

94. Are you closer to your mother or father? both in different ways and with different things

97. Do you want anyone? this is kind of a strange question.

98. What’s the closest thing to you that’s red? the light on my phone telling me I have voicemail(s)

Learn something new every day

So today's lesson is this....if you hit the snooze button on your alarm clock enough times, it will turn off. Yes, that's right. You keep hitting snooze and your alarm clock makes the assumption that you don't really want to get up and instead of taking the continual abuse of being hit (i don't know about you, but I can get quite emphatic with my snooze button activities) it will simply turn off and let you sleep. I'm not quite sure what the magic number is - how many times you have to hit the snooze button in order for it to leave you alone, but eventually it will. Needless to say, I got ready in record time this morning. I was showered, dressed and out the door in about 40 minutes. I took a bag a cereal and a can of peaches to work for breakfast and I was off!

I was walking out the door today, after being called back by Aidan for a kiss (he just melts my heart!), and it was raining (also...the sound of rain is not conducive to getting out of bed either) and i just got slammed with this overwhelming sense of nostalgia for school. It reminded me of the early spring mornings when i would walk across campus in the rain. I applied for a couple of jobs at Scripps, Pomona and Claremont McKenna. I would love to be back down there. I get so excited just thinking about it. I mailed my resume/cover letter yesterday, so I shouldn't expect to hear anything until next week at the earliest but I'm impatient and I want to hear now!

Starting to wonder

Have you heard about that new book..."The Secret"? Well, I guess it isn't super new but newish - All about the power of positive thinking and thinking about what you want/where you want to be instead of all the challenges in your path. My cousin and my uncle are both big fans of "the Secret". Say it's amazing. I definitely think that positive thinking is important and such but i don't really buy into the whole it will solve all your problems bit.

But it did get me to thinking...how much of what i'm dealing with -health wise- is in my head? I mean, i've been to 5 doctors in as many years and nothing really changes...if anything it's gotten worse in recent months. Is there anything really wrong with me to begin with? This PCOS...that I know I have. Can't really deny the cysts on the ovaries but how much of that is related to everything else? Maybe I'm just an emotional, moody, overweight drama queen. That's possible, isn't it? I don't sleep anymore, i'm tired all. the. time. and it's not like I staying up too late, tired - it's a physical tired that i feel in my bones. I pretty much always have a headache of varying degrees. But maybe....maybe...it's all in my head. I could just be crazy. isn't that just as likely as some mysterious illness that no doctor has been able to figure out and treat.

I'm just tired of the cycle. the new doctors, new medications, new tests, same old tests done over again, doctors appointments, and starting over again. I'm tired. I'm tired of feeling like I am hanging on my a thread and the slightest thing, the stupidest thing will send me over the edge. It's not a fun way to live - for me and for all the people around me. It's not fun, I'm sick of it. I'm tired.