Sunday, October 13, 2013

Superwoman I am not

If asked, I would generally say I'm a fairly tough individual. I can do difficult things. In fact, I rarely do things the easy way. My job requires that I be a firm disciplinarian while also infusing a certain about of heart and nurturing into my daily interactions. The phrase "cruel to be kind" comes to mind, yet it's not cruelty (although many of my students would argue that it is), but rather discipline and structure. 

This year has had a lot of changes for me. I was made department chair, asked to be on the School Leadership Team, teaching productivity (that means the district bought out one of my prep periods so I teach an extra class), doubled my commute, started my ESL endorsement and continue to struggle with, occasional debilitating back pain. I don't feel tough right now. I feel run down, exhausted and a little depressed. I am so tired and swamped with school related responsibilities that when I get home, the last thing I want to do is go out and be social. But I have to and because I'm not I worry about all the other emotional and social aspects of being a single-almost-30 LDS woman. 

Somethings got to give. I can't really give up my job responsibilities so, that means I'm looking at moving...again. I know my mom is reading this and is probably shaking her head or wanting to shake me. I thought I could handle the commute and I probably could if I didn't have so many other after school commitments. But that is the reality. I don't know exactly where or when but it seems like the right option at this point. There is a certain amount of appeal to moving somewhere new and starting completely over. It's a fresh start with no preconceived notions of who I am. But I do know one thing, I won't be able to sustain this current schedule for much longer...