Tuesday, July 8, 2014

First Melt down...check and check...

There are so many things going on in my life right now. The wonderful things are bigger than the not so great things...mainly, I get to marry my best friend (and no, I'm not talking about Lisa). However, there are few things that I can't control and are holding up some of my plans with Vlad. It's so incredibly frustrating because I just want to be with him and start our life together.

Other than hinting at it a little, I haven't said anything online and I'm going to be super vague while trying to explain what's going on. There are some health issues (me...I mean, of course it would be me, right? I'm the medical anomaly in my family, so why would that change now?) that will have a huge impact on the when, where and how of the wedding AND potentially the next six months of our lives AND the rest of our married life...potentially. The uber frustrating part is that I won't really know anything until the end of the month. That means that while we can sort of discuss options and potential outcomes in vague generalities, we really can't make any concrete decisions about anything.

And I mean anything.

We have a tentative wedding date, but that date may change...significantly...depending on the results of tests that can't be done until the end of the month. We can't set a venue with a date. And you can't really plan anything without a date.

We have no idea, really, where we will be living. Will I be moving and starting a new job? Will Vlad be moving and looking for a new job? WE.DON'T.KNOW! We don't really know anything other than we're getting married sometime in the next 3ish months.

Now, for a person that needs to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen and where it's going to happen on even the most mundane of events, imagine the anxiety and stress I am feeling to not know a damn thing. I'm a teacher. We like to be in control. We are used to assessing the situation and taking swift and decisive action to address the issue at hand. I can't do that now. It's making me feel a little helpless...and I don't like feeling helpless. In fact, I loathe it. It makes me cranky.

I love Vlad. I love him more than I thought possible and I really am quite happy. I'm just wishing we could fast forward to the end of the month and really begin. This waiting game royally sucks. Lucky for me I have a sweet, supportive, funny and kind partner in life to wait with. Overall, I'm pretty lucky, don't you think?