Saturday, May 4, 2013

Though she be but little, she is fierce

This quote has been running through my mind quite a bit the last month or so. At first it was because I felt fierce. I felt like I had everything under control and I could do anything. Now, it's because I feel very little but not quite so fierce. In the past several weeks, there have been some changes in my school district and my school that just seem to have knocked the wind from my sails. My support group is breaking up and moving on to other things. The overall feeling and morale at school is anger, desperation and fear. No one feels safe. We're all worried that one wrong step we'll be next on the chopping block. How can we do our jobs when we're all afraid to be bold?

On top of all of that, my best friend and sister is moving to Idaho. I knew this was coming and I know it's for the best, but that doesn't make the impending separation any easier. I'm moving in with an old roommate, but I'm not sure how long I'll be there. I'm not sure where I'll end up next year and that makes me anxious. There are some promising opportunities on the horizon, but they'll be big changes.

In the coming weeks I need to pack an apartment, complete my EYE (Early Year Educator) portfolio, search for a new job, manage/supervise rehearsals for "Rapunzel", open/close "Rapunzel", manage/entertain squirrelly teenagers...

It doesn't help that my back is reacting negatively to all this added stress. I'm on muscle relaxers, which I can't take during the day because they knock me out. I also have to get 60 minute deep tissue massages every other week for the next two months. Sounds like fun, right? It's more than an hour of someone digging into your muscles with their fist or elbow, trying to work out all the knots and kinks.

There's a lot to deal with in a short amount of time.


Lauren Donna said...

Oy, a life in upheaval or pending-and-uncertain upheaval is exhausting. Stay fierce!