#yesallwomen

So this and this has been going on this week...and I saw this. And this. Aaaand this.

I have written page after page after page trying to figure out just what I wanted to say about the shooting in Santa Barbara, the #yesallwomen hashtag, sexism, misogyny and violence against women (in all its forms). I have written very rational and factual responses but that didn't express the frustration, anger and sadness I feel. I wrote a rather emotional and personal response but it was deemed "too much". Which, if you really think about it, is rather ironic. I don't want to "turn off" others by being seen as an irrational, emotional woman. I want to share my experiences with others but I'm afraid of the reaction I may get. Irony at its finest - I'm afraid to speak out about misogyny and sexism because of the potentially negative reactions I may get.

Since my cousin posted about this hashtag on Facebook two days ago, I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. I haven't been able to turn my brain off and everything I hear is now processed through a completely different lens. I keep thinking of what I would say if I were to post something to Twitter. It's reopened scars I thought had long since healed. I've been fighting demons I thought were long since dealt with.

Louis C.K. has a short sketch talking about the danger men pose to women. The audience laughs because why would a person willingly put themselves in danger in such a way? It's absurd, really. He compares men to half bear, half lions that will kill you because it's their nature. It's unrealistic to expect the lion/bear hybrid to do anything other than attack and kill you. Hence, it's unrealistic and naive to expect men to not attack women. By his reasoning (and yes, I understand he is employing humor to make a point) we can't expect men to treat women well because it's not in a 'true man's' nature.

I've read a lot of different responses to the hashtag - most are very positive and are truly attempting to have a dialogue. Unfortunately, there are still many who don't see sexism and misogyny as a very real threat to the well being of women and children. (This brilliant TED Talk discusses how women's issues are actually gender issues. It's about 20 minutes but worth a listen.) Sexism, misogyny, violence against women has such an impact on every single person. It's not just something that hurts women. What about the young boy that watches his mother beaten nightly? What about the young girl that is told she'll never make as much as her brother. In a society that indicates value by monetary distribution, what is it telling our sons and daughters when women still don't make the same salary as men? That there are far fewer female CEOs, Senators, Congresswomen, professors, doctors and scientists?

I don't have daughters or sons but I have nieces and nephews. I have nearly 200 students that I interact with on a daily basis. I want a better world for them. I want my nieces to stand tall, proud and unafraid. I want my nephews to respect and appreciate the strength of the women in their lives. Was it is about our culture that turns boys into men that devalue and denigrate women and girls? I think...I hope it starts with an honest and open dialogue. To that end, for the young women and girls trying to define and determine their own identity; to the young men and boys trying to define masculinity...

#yesallwomen

• because it's her fault he's using her. She needs to wise up.
• because "just checking in, I'm safe" texts and emails are normal while traveling.
• because as a single, short, white woman, I have to work twice as hard as my male counterparts to get the respect of my students and maintain order in my class.
• because I have a firm drive separately, meet in public first date policy
• because the buddy system isn't just for little kids
• because the width of my hips is commented on with regularity
• because all men want a woman that's a 9 or a 10 no matter what they are and at best, you're a 7.
• because he had certain 'expectations' for his wife that didn't include working at an inner-city, title I junior high
• because me saying "no hickeys" is actually a challenge for him to leave a larger, brighter mark the next time.
• because no one will want me unless I drop 60-80 pounds
• because nothing I say matters if I cry. It simply proves I am an irrational woman
• because I've lied about having a boyfriend when rejecting a man. It's easier and safer than actually telling them I'm not interested.

Addendum...

I found out today that my new classroom has not only all the regular classroom, scholastic paraphernalia - desks, chairs, filing cabinets etc - but a new Apple TV and LCD projector. I didn't even know what an Apple TV was. I had to Google it!

And here I was just excited about getting regular walls, a door and air conditioning!

Stuff happens...

I was doing pretty well with the whole blogging thing. Then the end of the year started looming and it's been a challenge to get students to work and it's been very tiring. It seems all I do is list things but that's all I've got the brain power for. So...here it goes...

1. Spring has finally sprung! This is the gorgeous view from my front porch this evening...

It looks even more beautiful in the morning when the sun is peeking over the mountain. This picture really doesn't do it justice.

2. I went up to Idaho at the beginning of the month. The reasons for this particular jaunt were two fold. Lisa had her one and only bridal shower. She didn't particularly want one but her RS friends insisted. So, I happily made the trek. It was also a chance to celebrate my birthday. I turned 30 a couple of weeks ago. It was a dreaded day but, I think it actually was one of my better birthdays. Go figure...

She makes the best cakes! This one was probably my favorite.

Rice Crispie Cake...very durable and oh so tasty!

It's a little difficult to comprehend that this crazy, wonderful, generous, kind, silly...(you get the picture) and I have only been friends for a mere 5ish years.  We talked on the phone last night and it was just like all the late night, hallway floor conversations we used to have. Though we're in different cities, different states, she's still my person.

AND even though she's getting married and I know have to share her with Bruce (not his real name, by the way), she's still got my back and I've still got her's.


3. And the latest big news....

I applied for, interviewed for and was offered a position at Ogden High teaching Junior English (most likely) next year. GO TIGERS!  I applied somewhat on a whim, but I'm so glad I did! In the past two years I've sort of gotten lost in the forest. I haven't seen the forest because I've been so focused on the trees in front of me. I wanted to teach high school when I finished school but took the job at Mound Fort because I needed the job as soon as possible. I'm so incredibly lucky that I took it! Starting my career at Mound Fort has been such a blessing. I've gotten to work with some amazingly talented and kind teachers. They've helped me improve my craft, sheltered my wounded heart in ways they probably don't even realize. They've bolstered me, encouraged me, cautioned me and believed in me. They never doubted I could do the job - or at least never let me see the doubt! :) 

The past two years have been transformative for me as a person and I'm fairly certain I owe a lot of that to my fellow teachers.

In other minor, yet exciting news...

I am going to Portland in June, after Lisa's wedding. I'll make the pilgrimage to Powell's Bookstore, check out the gorgeous coast, see the Chinese and Japanese Gardens and just explore. I'm pretty dang excited!!

My family also surprised me with a trip to the Shakespeare Festival in Cedar City for my birthday. My sister (aka the mastermind) and I will see two shows and just have a fun sisters trip down south. These past six months have been difficult for me, but my sister has been so supportive and loving. I'm very lucky to have such great women in my life.

I'm reading Macbeth with a friend and has been so much fun. It makes me wish I could do accents. Alas, I can only do a southern accent and only under then appropriate circumstances. 

I will also be taking the Praxis PLT this summer...not so fun, but necessary. 

Lots of good things happening and to look forward to!