Are we there yet...?

*Disclaimer* 

I love my job, really I do. It has simply been a very long, very stressful, very emotional week for me. Most of the time, the good stuff far out weighs the bad stuff. The two lists may look disproportionate, but the value on the good will always outstrip whatever difficulties I may have faced.

Reasons this week needs to be over...

1. Parent Teacher Conferences - two 13 hour days back to back, need I say more?
2. Unexpected Admin observation
3. One student flipped out at me in class. He later apologized and told me a close family friend had been involved in a gang shooting the previous night. The family friend was in critical condition at the hospital and not expected to make it.
4. Another student refused to work and was really upset. Turns out his mother may have cancer, he had heart surgery in the last six months and lost his father when he was 6. 
5. Bus duty...worst after school job ever...
6. Grading essays for 6 classes
7. Grading short stories for 37 students
8. Trying to get time in the computer lab and failing miserably
9. Having a minor meltdown in front of a co-worker
10. It's supposed to snow during the morning commute tomorrow
11. Tension headache won't go away
12. Students could not/would not listen and follow directions all week

This week wasn't all horrible...

1. During bus duty students all laugh, joke around with me and say goodbye. An admin commented on how much the students seem to like me
2. Struggling students (two mentioned before) were able to discuss issues with me - this wouldn't have happened with them last year
3. Ending each day with a happy, fun class
4. Two self-proclaimed anti-readers, wanting to take home Night to read it over the weekend
5. I work with awesome teachers and we watch out for each other
6. Monitoring the hall during passing periods and getting compliments on my dress

List Mania!

This summer I have...

1. Started violin lessons. I absolutely adore it! I always wanted to take the violin growing up, but thought my short, pudgy fingers weren't appropriately long and graceful enough to play the violin. So, I never mentioned it and stuck with the piano (which I still love). Many told me I would sound like a screeching cat for the first few months. I am happy to report, no cat-like sounds have come from my violin...yet.

2. discovered the addictive joy of jewelry making. It's a slightly expensive hobby, but it keeps my hands busy and I've got something cute at the end of it. I have several gift ideas for people and I'm excited to put the plans into action.

3. attended Utah Core Academy. There has been a lot of controversy surrounding the new education standards for Utah. I'm not 100% sure why people are up in arms about it, but I support it. I haven't had a conversation with anyone that is really anti, but I've read what's in the newspaper and I just don't understand the argument. From where I sit, we're challenging our students and trying to insure they are competitive nationally and globally. What's so bad about that? Additionally, society is much more mobile. The patchwork quilt of education standards across the country is a disservice to our students. By having a national standard, we are insuring that students are taught the skills needed to, not only succeed, but be competitive in a global economy. We all want that, don't we? But enough of my soapbox. I left the workshop exhausted and yet energized to plan out my curriculum and implement some of the strategies we talked about this past week.

4. will spend the 4th in small-town Idaho. I'm excited to experience the small town patriotism that is stereotypically American. It will be great. AANNNNDD.....I'll get to spend some time with Lisa. It's been a difficult adjustment for me and I'm totally psyched to see her again!

5. gotten more involved with family history. I spent some time at my Stake (local LDS congregation) Family History center and I got the bug. It was fun to go back and see where my ancestors came from and read some of the documents about them. I'm going to be reading my Grandma and Grandpa's (mom's side) personal history and synthesizing it a bit to then be uploaded to familysearch.org. I'm also going to work on getting pictures scanned and uploaded too. I figure, I've got tons of time, why not put it to good use.

6. I'm hoping to get out to Denver as some point to see the Denver Buies. My older brother, Conor, and I have been talking more the past six months or so. Growing up we always just kind of missed out on getting to know each other. By the time I was old enough to not be quite so obnoxious, he was out on his mission, then college. When he moved back to Utah, I was in California. When I moved back, he was married, in school and working. It's been great to spend more time just talking. Even though he's in Denver, I know that I can call him with any problem and he'll help, or I can call to just chat. It's great. I have an awesome older brother. You all wish you were so lucky.

7. I was made Language Arts Department Chair at my junior high. It isn't as cool as it sounds. It's just the middle rung of the ladder that needed to be filled when our previous department chair took another job.

Happy Summer Vacation!

Though she be but little, she is fierce

This quote has been running through my mind quite a bit the last month or so. At first it was because I felt fierce. I felt like I had everything under control and I could do anything. Now, it's because I feel very little but not quite so fierce. In the past several weeks, there have been some changes in my school district and my school that just seem to have knocked the wind from my sails. My support group is breaking up and moving on to other things. The overall feeling and morale at school is anger, desperation and fear. No one feels safe. We're all worried that one wrong step we'll be next on the chopping block. How can we do our jobs when we're all afraid to be bold?

On top of all of that, my best friend and sister is moving to Idaho. I knew this was coming and I know it's for the best, but that doesn't make the impending separation any easier. I'm moving in with an old roommate, but I'm not sure how long I'll be there. I'm not sure where I'll end up next year and that makes me anxious. There are some promising opportunities on the horizon, but they'll be big changes.

In the coming weeks I need to pack an apartment, complete my EYE (Early Year Educator) portfolio, search for a new job, manage/supervise rehearsals for "Rapunzel", open/close "Rapunzel", manage/entertain squirrelly teenagers...

It doesn't help that my back is reacting negatively to all this added stress. I'm on muscle relaxers, which I can't take during the day because they knock me out. I also have to get 60 minute deep tissue massages every other week for the next two months. Sounds like fun, right? It's more than an hour of someone digging into your muscles with their fist or elbow, trying to work out all the knots and kinks.

There's a lot to deal with in a short amount of time.

2013

The year 2012 was a year of changes for me. I know I'm not unique in that I tend to get reflective around this time of year. I think back on where I was this time last year and it is amazing to me to see how much has happened and changed. I was still in grad school. I was getting ready for student teaching. I still lived in Salt Lake. I wasn't sure where or IF I'd have a job. I wasn't sure how I was going to make ends meet.

But now I have a good job that I love (most days). I'm teaching a bunch of rowdy 13-15 year olds. I've learned to stand up for myself, really put the past behind me. I've allowed myself to get closer to my family and have been so happy and blessed because of it. I live in Layton, (not really my favorite) but am looking forward to the future.

As such, here is what I hope to accomplish in the following year. I haven't been so great at keeping up with this kind of thing in the past, but I am actually going to focus on realistic achievements. At school we talk a lot about making SMART Goals - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, Time-bound. It's bound to rub off on me. SO, here are my 2013 SMART Goals.

1. Work hard to help my students by creating focused, relevant and engaging lessons.

2. Learn to play the violin (this one has had mixed reactions from family and friends, but I'm really excited about it.)

3. Work out and stick to a budget.

4. Plan a weekly menu and stick to it!! (this will definitely help with sticking to a budget)

5. Make more of an effort to be social. It's easy to use school as an excuse not to go out and do stuff. I am legitimately tired during the week, but on weekends I need to spend more time with friends.

6. Spend more time with my family

7. Be better at staying in touch with friends and family I don't actually see on a regular basis.

8. Organize and clean my room regularly (weekly). This may seem like a somewhat juvenile and silly one, but when I get tired or stressed, the last thing I want to do is clean my room. Yet, ironically, it is one of the easiest things to do that will make me feel better.

9. Travel to one city that I have never been to before...ideally Washington, D.C.

So...there you have it! Those are my SMART goals for 2013. I think that these are realistic and will be interesting/fun.