Jane knows best...

Ever since I read Pride and Prejudice as a senior in high school I have been in love with Jane Austen. It has become a joke in my family - sometimes a barbed joke - but it is well known that I have a deep appreciation and fondness for Ms. Austen. I've read all of her novels, novellas, short stories and many of her letters. I took multiple classes incorporating her work in college. My undergraduate thesis was entitled "Will the real Jane Austen please stand up: Representations of Jane Austen in contemporary society". It's fair to say that I'm an Austen nerd.

All the times I've read and re-read her novels I have related the closest to Elizabeth Bennet from Pride and Prejudice - at least I hoped that I was like her. I wanted to be spunky, witty, independent and a challenger or social norms. Within my own sphere of influence, I think, I hope, that I've had a bit of success with this. At times I've felt like Eleanor or Marianne. Luckily, I've never really related to Emma.

My favorite novel is Persuasion. Anne Elliot is an underrated heroine, and she signals a shift and a new maturity in Austen's heroines. (Persuasion also has one of the best heroes and love letters) Lately I've felt more like Anne than I have Elizabeth. Often Elizabeth is held up as a literary archetype and representation of ideal moderate feminism when taken in the context of Austen's life. I feel Anne often gets the shaft. Her subtle maturity and consistency is often overshadowed by Elizabeth's youthful exuberance and wit. I'm definitely not claiming to have subtle maturity or even consistency for that matter. But I relate to Anne's challenges and admire how she deals. Yes, I get that she is a fictional character created by a woman long dead, but that's what good literature does, right? It speaks to us. We see parts of ourselves mirrored in the words and pages. It finds its way into the nooks and crannies of our heart and soul.

Up and down and up and down...

Teaching is a constant roller coaster. I went from a day like yesterday that was amazing to a day like today. Today was tough. It was the same lesson with a vastly different result. Some classes were outright hostile and others were completely apathetic. I think the apathy is harder to deal with than the outright hostility. I ended the day feeling dejected and drained. No matter what I did or said today, I simply couldn't get them to stay focused or care. Days like yesterday make me want to keep doing this. Days like today make me want to simply give up.

I wonder and sort of dread what tomorrow will bring...

What can I do...?

As a teacher, I love my content, and that is most likely true for most teachers. I am an English nerd. I love a good story, a well written sentence, a gorgeously chosen word. I think it is important for my students to have an understanding of how to communicate effectively both through speaking and writing. I hope to help my students learn to, if not love, at the very least enjoy reading. But more than any of that, I hope to help my students build character and broaden their view of society and the world.

We're starting The Crucible this week. For the past month or so I've been mulling over how I want to approach this play and make it interesting and relevant for my students. I decided that I would approach it as a mirror for high school, social groups, reputations, bullying etc. To start us off, today I had my students write a journal response about reputations and then we had a class discussion.

From the get-go, my students surprised me with their thoughts about reputations and social groups. I had predicted that students would care a lot about what their peers thought of them and about their reputations at school. To my surprise, almost everyone said they worried more about what their teachers thought of them than how their peers viewed them. It was a reminder to me that even the most stubborn and difficult of students still wants their teacher to think well of them. Now, of course, this will not apply to every single teenager that crosses my path, but it was a good reminder to me the majority want to do well.

My 4th period blew me away. In the course of our discussion on reputations, a student made the observation that there is a double standard when it comes to girls and boys. Up until this point I'd been mostly moderating the discussion, but letting the students take it where they wanted. As the class continued to talk about reputations and gender, I noticed it was, with one exception, the boys talking about the girls' collective experience. I found it interesting that the female students in my class had, in essence, surrendered their voice. They were allowing their male peers to describe their female experience. I let it continue for a few moments before I stopped the conversation and asked them two questions.

• Who was doing all the talking? (the boys)
• What/who were they talking about? (the girls' experience)

The class was silent for a few moments before the boys started chiming in and explaining why girls don't speak up. The most vocal of my female students continued to attempt to share her thoughts, but her voice was drowned out by her male peers.

Again, I stopped the class. I told the boys that for the next five minutes they weren't allowed to talk. I wanted to hear from the ladies in the class. Even at that point only two-three girls spoke up out of 10. One girl said she doesn't speak up because people don't take her seriously. She said a guy can make the same comment that was dismissed when she makes it, but is praised or considered when a boy makes it She continued to say that boys often don't let girls finish their thought or will shut them down right away. 

Up until this point, my male students were seriously struggling to not speak. They were raising their hands and I had to remind them multiple times that it wasn't their turn to talk. One student stood and faced the wall to prevent himself from talking. When my female student made the comment about getting shut down, a male student couldn't contain himself anymore and interjected "We do not!" quite vehemently. While that got a few chuckles from the class, I was so impressed by my students' willingness to discuss these issues AND to honestly consider their complicity in the accepted sexism of our culture. I think some of my male students were truly disturbed and they wanted to know how to fix it How can they change it? That lead to an interesting (student-led) discussion on privilege. 

Sometimes the weight of the responsibility I have to these young men and women presses down on me. At the end of class one student, a young man, looked at me and asked (expecting an answer), "What can I do?" 

I'm not sure what I told him is the right answer. I mean, what is the fix to the gendered bias and sexism of our culture? I told him to be aware of privilege in all its forms and to stop and think about those who are silent. Why are they silent? Can you encourage them to to speak? I told all of them - male and female - don't let people take away your voice. Don't let anyone take away your truth.

And lest anyone think that we didn't talk about the content, I was able to  nicely tie the entire conversation back to The Crucible. We talked briefly about the Madonna/whore dichotomy and they got a crash course in feminist literary theory. We didn't talk about the historical and contemporary context of the play - but I think it was an hour well spent. 

Summer reading list...

Earlier this week a student of mine asked me for a few suggestions for summer reading. She was currently reading The Scarlet Letter and wanted to know which "classic" she should read next. IT was actually quite fun to put together a list of books that have stayed with me. Some of them I want to now go back and reread.

I started with a regular sized post-it note. Three post-its later I realized that was illogical and switched to a large, lined note card. When it became apparent that wasn't going to work, I typed the whole mess up. Since posting about this on Instagram (because that's how I roll...) I've had several people ask for a copy. SO, what follows is what I gave to my student. And I'm proud to say that yesterday she came to class, fresh from the library, toting a copy of Anna Karenina under her arm.

I'd love to get suggestions from ya'll of books to add or that I may have forgotten to list.

**********************************************************

So, I may have gone a little overboard, but I started writing titles and I would think of another title, then another and another... It was sort of a domino effect. Not all of these titles are “classics” in the sense that they’re really old, but they’re classics in the sense that they’re good books.

Classics – European

*Anything by Jane Austen (Pride and Prejudice or Persuasion are my favorites)
*Jane Eyre – Charlotte Bronte
*Villette – Charlotte Bronte
*Wives and Daughters – Elizabeth Gaskell
*The Woman in White – Wilkie Collins
*The Moonstone – Wilkie Collins
*The Importance of Being Earnest – play – Oscar Wilde
*Lord of the Flies – William Golding
*The Scarlet Pimpernel – Baroness Orczy
Pygmalion (play) – George Bernard Shaw (the movie My Fair Lady is based on the play)
*Night – Elie Wiesel
*The Four Feathers – A.E.W. Mason
*Anna Karenina  - Leo Tolstoy (Russian – Russian authors can be hard, but good story)
*The Count of Monte Cristo – Alexandre Dumas
*Tale of Two Cities – Charles Dickens

Classics –  American

* My Antonia – Willa Cather
The Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass- Frederick Douglass
*Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
*Short Stories of Edgar Allen Poe
*The Great Gatsby – F. Scott Fitzgerald
Narrative of Sojourner Truth – Sojourner Truth (memoir)
*To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
*Animal Farm – George Orwell
*The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn – Mark Twain
*East of Eden – John Steinbeck
*Gone With the Wind – Margaret Mitchell
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings – Maya Angelou (African American Literature)
*Their Eyes Were Watching God – Zora Neale Hurston (African American Literature)
*A Tree Grows in Brooklyn – Betty Smith
Invisible Man – Ralph Ellison (African American Literature)
The Things They Carried  - Tim O’Brien (contemporary)

* Books I have already read. The others are on my list to read. Many of these books have film (sometimes multiple) adaptions. Many of these may also be available for free download or from Barnes and Noble classics series for $3-$5 apiece. The county library will definitely have most, if not all of these titles.

Pardon the dust...

So, I have most definitely fallen off the blogging bandwagon. Sorry, folks. Life just sort of has a way of taking control. So in true, Kelly fashion, we're going with a list today. I do love my lists...just ask my husband.

1. We're so, ridiculously close to the end of the school year, without it actually being the end of the school year. We're all getting a little trunky - and the deceptively, gorgeous spring-like weather we've been having as of late, is most definitely not helping with that.

2. Scott and I have been married for four months - that seems a little crazy for several reasons. It feels like we've been married for much longer than that, but then occasionally something will come up that reminds us that we're still figuring this whole being married thing out. There have been some bumps and bruises along the way, and we definitely don't have all the answers, but being married is awesome!

3. I am officially teaching 11th grade IB/Honors English next year. The IB Program is somewhat similar to AP classes in that it is an accelerated, rigorous program, but that's about where the similarities end. I did AP when I was in high school, so I'm excited to learn about the program and take on a new challenge. It also doesn't hurt that I get to go to Seattle for a weekend in March for training. I also "get" to go to Texas next October for the second training series. I'll still be teaching regular 11th grade English and I'm pretty happy about it all. The transition to the high school hasn't been smooth sailing...far from it, in fact...but next year is definitely looking up.

4. Scott's mom is coming to help take care of the children of some friends while the parents are out of town. She'll be here for about a week and we'll get to spend some time with her. It seems a little odd that we haven't met yet, but unfortunately circumstances just haven't aligned for us. It'll be a crazy week for me with school responsibilities and such, but I'm very excited to finally met her!

5.  Also not helping with the feeling trunky is the trips we've started planning this summer. I am most definitely ready for summer to be here and to go have fun! Scott's family lives in Washington State near Portland and we're going to visit for the 4th of July. He proposed to me on the 4th of July at a lake near his parent's house, and our first date of sorts was to Cannon Beach. I'm beyond excited to go back and visit where this all started for us. He'll also get to show me around a bit more than he did last time we were there. We're also going to do a long weekend to Denver and possibly go to Cedar City for the Shakespeare Festival. That last one is a bit of a long shot, but it would still be loads of fun.

6. In our effort to keep a to a better budget, I've been doing quite a bit more cooking than I have done in the past. It was definitely hit and miss at first. Turns out I didn't really eat meals before I was married. I'd have a big lunch at school and then just sort of snack my way through the evening. We're starting to round out our meal rotation. I just need to give a shout out to whoever the genius is/was that invented the crockpot. We have two and they are in constant use. I've also started to freeze meals. It sort of makes me feel all grown up - funny considering I'll be 31 in a few months and I've been on my own for about a decade, but there you have it. I may start sharing some of the recipes we've done that we love...because dang...they're yummy and super easy. Most have 3-4 ingredients that you probably already have in your cupboard.

7. One of my most favorite things about Scott (and there are many) is that he enjoys reading. We've read books together. That was actually one of the things that first made me fall in love with him. The last one we finished was Unbroken. This weekend we started the first book in The Codex Alera series by Jim Butcher. It's definitely not something that I would have picked up on my own. It's sort of ancient-Romanesque fantasy adventure...? I don't know how to describe it, but it pulled me in within a few chapters. It's been fun to share different books with him and I can definitely see this continuing when we have children.

8. Valentine's Day was this weekend and it was low key. We went to Ihop and a movie. That may sound strange, but Ihop was our first date - of sorts. It was that or Buffalo Wild Wings and we decided to go for Ihop. I hope that becomes a tradition of sorts. We talked about the day we finally met face to face and what was going through our heads and just how far we've come. Like I said before, being married is pretty awesome.

Should be working...

The end of the quarter is this Friday, so I have a mountain of grading to do, plus "filler" lesson plans to make until our new books arrive next week. I have all of this work to do, so of course, I'm blogging.

The past two weeks of work free relaxation and family was much appreciated and needed. It was definitely hard to get my bum out of bed this morning. Two weeks off is just enough to lull you into a false sense of freedom. By the end of week one you've finally let go of the stress of work, but by Monday of the second week you start to feel that creeping, sinking feeling. You're never quite ready to go back.

I also discovered something that seriously surprised me. For as long as I can remember I didn't really want to be a stay at home mom. I wanted to work. I wanted to accomplish something tangible and great. That being said, I know many, many moms (working and stay at home) and the work they do with their children and in their homes is tangible and great. I, selfishly and naively, wanted "more". I didn't think I would enjoy being a stay at home mom...probably because I didn't think that I'd be any good at it. But being home the past two weeks and taking care of my family and my home, even if it is only two of us at the moment, brought me a lot of satisfaction and happiness. When I told Scott of my earth-shattering revelation - I think I may actually enjoy being a stay at home mom, if and when it is possible - he just said that doesn't surprise him. He had very insightful reasons as to why. I'm grateful for a husband that knows me so well and supports me so much.

 

So sorry...

I've meant to blog several times over the past month, really I have. There's been stuff at work that's been difficult, I went to a really awesome Young Adult Literature conference (heaven for book nerds like me!) and many other things that I have meant to blog about, but have now forgotten about.

I guess the lack of blogging could mean that I'm out enjoying my life or something like that...?

Today is Christmas Eve. I've been looking forward to spending my first Christmas with Scott for months now. Yet, in all the scenarios I imagined, never did I expect to be sick. I've had a cough coming on for a couple of days, but Monday night it took on a life of it's own. We're talking chest-cracking, lung spasming, muscle clenching cough. Combined with a fever over 100*, dizziness, aches, congestion and nausea. It's been a fun couple of days. Yesterday I felt like taking a shower and thought the hot water and steam would help clear up some of the gunk in my chest. Note to self and anyone else out there that may try this...taking a hot shower when you already have a temperature over 100* is not a good idea. I got over heated, nearly threw up and almost passed out. I had pins and needles all over my body and I couldn't control my limbs. Scott basically had to carry me to bed. Luckily, once in the relative frigid temperature of our bedroom, things went back to normal. Nearly scared the living daylights out of us, though.

We have had a Christmas miracle, though. Other than a lingering cough and a little stuffiness, I'm feeling worlds better today. Which, means we'll still be able to go spend time with the family tonight and tomorrow.

While this was not how I anticipated spending my first Christmas married, I think we'll both look back on this as a good memory. Even though I've been feeling miserable and exhausted, I am so grateful for the sweet husband that has been taking care of me the past couple of days. Scott's patience and love the past couple of days have reminded me of the true reason for Christmas and why we celebrate. Christ was and is the best gift we could ever hope to receive.

Merry Christmas folks from the Borens! May you enjoy your time with friends and family and remember the reason for the season.

Check, Check...1,2....

It's really hard for me to grasp that Thanksgiving has come and gone...December is just around the corner...2014 is quickly coming to a close and I've definitely dropped off with this blogging thing.

November has been a super busy month. We've been working on rearranging the tiny apartment to fit two people comfortably. So that translates to us tearing apart the apartment weekend...all in the name of organization. We're getting closer to being finished, I think...I hope. But I imagine when we finally get it to a place we both like, we'll move. We're not actively looking for a new place at the moment, but I know we won't stay here for forever. 500 square feet is perfectly acceptable for a single gal, it doesn't really work as well for two. But we're making it work and it's starting to feel more like home for both of us.

Scott's getting settled into work. I think he likes it...for the most part. I know he doesn't particularly care for the drive, but I think he's getting used to it. He's timed his schedule so he misses the the really heavy commuter traffic and he gets home about the same time I do, which is nice.

Work has been...difficult for me the last month or so. We've been hitting argument writing pretty hard and I think I may have pushed my students a little too much because student behavior has been off the charts nuts. But, that can also be explained by a number of things...the holidays are upon us, shift in the weather, they're teenagers. I've also been bored. I teach the same thing every single class period. That means I teach the same lesson for two days straight with the A/B block schedule. Last year I taught two classes, was on productivity (no planning period every other day), department chair, leadership team, Academic Bowl coach...I was busy. I'm not busy in the same way. And I'm not saying that I want to be that busy again, but I wouldn't mind a little more variety to my day. Hopefully next year I'll be able to add a new class to my schedule.

We've been married for less than two months. It's kind of funny because two months seems like too short, but there will be times when I look at him and think "is he really my husband?" "Am I really married?" It's a bit surreal at times. I imagine that goes away with time, but I hope the little flip I get when I see him never goes away.

Thanksgiving was low key for us this year. We went to Idaho Falls and spent some time with friends and family up there. I made out like a bandit at Book City used bookstore...12 books for $20! Pretty great. He knows how to make this girl happy!

Thanksgiving in Idaho Falls - so grateful for this sweet man!

He experienced Hobby Lobby and was super excited about the Star Wars box...we did not go home with it.

All in the name of "organization"

It turned out pretty well. The books still need to be organized, but that can wait.

Best kind of Black Friday shopping...50% off all books. Umm, yes please!

My loot...(The Moonstone, Gone With the Wind, David Copperfield, Little House on the Prairie, By the Shores of Silver Lake, Trumpet of the Swan, Pamela, Island of the Blue Dolphins, Anne of Ingleside)

Bestest of Best...

I'm a pretty lucky girl. It's been a madhouse in the Boren Household for the past several weeks. We've both been working full time, Scott has an almost 2 hour commute every day, I'm "working" on my ESL endorsement and we're trying to rearrange our itty-bitty tiny apartment to fix two people. It's been go, go, go since Scott showed up in Utah a little over a month ago.

Amid all the chaos there is this goofy, sweet man that I have married. This morning I woke up feeling a more than little under the weather. He made me Belgian Waffles (Lisa's super yummy recipe, found here) with fresh whipped cream and strawberries and has just been generally sweet. It's sort of crazy to think we've only been married for three weeks and change. He really is the bestest of best husbands.

Photo Credit: Annie Jarman Photography

Full circle...

Today was the first date Scott and I chose as our wedding day. We then skipped around to a couple of different wedding dates before deciding on January. I love that we decided to get married around the time of our original wedding date. This past week has been a roller coaster of emotions, but I love being Scott's wife. Perhaps it was naive of me, but I was surprised by how much a piece of paper and saying some words in front of family and friends changed things. I've married a funny, patient, handsome, smart and hardworking man. Life is pretty good, my friends.

Sadie, Sadie, Married lady!

At 3:00 in Memory Grove on October 10, 2014, I made the best decision of my life and married the love of my life, Scott. As many of you know, we had originally planned a January wedding, then thought about the 25th of October and then on Sunday decided to just get it done and get married on Friday.

When people hear our story, they either laugh or shake their head in disbelief. It is a rather fantastic story. The really wonderful thing is, other than being married to Scott that is, this is exactly the wedding I wanted. We both wanted something casual and outside and that is exactly what we got. It was an absolutely perfect day. Lisa made it down from Idaho Falls; Scott's best friend, Seth, was able to make it. There were some family members absent in person, but they were able to listen in. A friend of my parent's also surprised us by filming the entire ceremony! So, we'll be able to send it out to family and friends that weren't able to make it.

All in all, it is a day that I will treasure. It's only been two days, but being Scott's wife has made me so much happier than I even thought possible. I thought I loved him before we got married, but being married to him has been so much more than I thought possible. It sort of takes my breath away...

Take two...

So, I got home from work this afternoon and started to pen a rather heated, albeit totally warranted, rant. I still think it has merit and I may finish and post it at a later date, but after spending my evening at a church activity and then with Scott, I think there is something much more important I need to share...

Note...you are under no obligation to continue as what follows could be deemed, by a select few, to be smarmy, cheesy or overly Hallmarky (yes, I made it an adjective, deal with it).

I feel so incredibly fortunate and blessed to be loved by Scott. We both have our quirks and scars, but I don't think I could ever find a man that is so naturally giving and loving. His first inclination is to love and support. He's intelligent, funny, and handsome to boot! He's not perfect and I'm most definitely not perfect, but he's perfect for me.

Turns out that I have a tendency to get caught up in my job (wonder of wonders, right?) and I need to do better and prioritize my life. I also have a tendency to pull back when I come up against difficult situations. It's almost like emotional triaging. All the extra "stuff" gets shut down and I detach. I'm starting to realize that I can actually lean into him. It's sort of strange for me to have someone that will always put me first and I, in turn, will always put him first. It's taking some getting used to, but I thank the good Lord for bringing this man into my life, and giving me the good sense to grab onto him when I had the chance!

Praise!

The past two days I have been walking around in a bit of a daze. Scott is actually here! He was just sitting on my couch. We read our scriptures and prayed in person! We got to talk IN PERSON! For anyone who hasn't ever survived a long-distance relationship, you have no idea what an amazing and momentous occasion this is.

In other momentous news, we finally set a date! We will finally become husband on wife on January 17th, 2015. It is almost exactly one year to the day we first started talking. Rather fitting, don't you think?

Exhale...

It's finally happened...Scott is here! He's here...just a few blocks away at this exact moment in time. I'm going to spend the day with him tomorrow and then the day after that too! And when I come home from work on Monday, I'll get to see him again! After over two months apart, it's something out of a dream to have him here. Now it's time to get down to business with all this wedding nonsense. Let's get it done!!

Does this match...?

Growing up I was forever asking Annie this question. When I was little I had very...distinct sense of fashion. We have photographic evidence.

Exhibit A

This was my favorite outfit. I think it made my parents cringe every time I pulled it out of the closet. It is still the topic of family jokes almost 25 years later. In fact, while shopping at Kid-to-Kid with my sister, my mother found a very similar outfit for a toddler and bought it as a joke for my future daughter. I have no idea if she still has it or not. I was a slightly spazzy child and my sense of style matched that. Usually my mom picked out clothes, but for whatever reason, she agreed to purchase this particular outfit.

Anyway...as I grew up, the bright colors and peplum skirts and shirts drifted away and I was forever asking "Does this match...?" or "Does this look good...?" As an adult I've figured out how to match my own clothes, thank heavens. However, I still get anxiety when buying clothes for special occasions. I just can't make the decision myself. I drag someone along with me to ask "Does this look good...?" 

You're probably wondering why I'm even talking about this. Well, in a few months I'll be getting married and there is no more important dress in a girl's life than her wedding dress. Thankfully, that's been taken care of. But now it's what do the bridesmaids wear? Do I even want bridesmaids? What about the rest of the family? Flower girls? What about the men? Do I want them all in matching shoes? Matching ties? Holy crap! Make it stop!! I had a difficult enough time finding a dress for Lisa's wedding and it really didn't matter what I wore! Now I apparently have the final say on what a whole host of people are going to be wearing?! Wha...?? I know what I would like...in general terms but the moment someone offers a differing opinion I'm suddenly in a spiral of fashion self-doubt.

I do know that I don't want a mishmash of people trying to match but not really pulling it off. I just want the whole thing to look nice. The clothing is causing me major anxiety, though. It's silly, isn't it? Of all the things to stress over, I'm worried about what my potential, possibly not even happening bridesmaids may or may not be wearing. 

Bless, Scott...really. 

Book Reviews

With the marked decrease in work related stress this year, I've actually been reading for fun again. It's mostly been YA fiction, and to all the YA haters out there I'll just say this...there's a reason, other than the built in audience, that Hollywood keeps making YA novel film adaptations. It's been a while since I've posted a book review, so I may be a bit rusty, but here are two books that I finished this week and thoroughly enjoyed.


Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly

This is a book that I bought years ago but it got lost in the shuffle of so many moves and ended up buried on my bookshelf. I don't want to summarize the plot because it'll just sound weird. So, here's what the back cover says. "Andi Alpers is on the edge. She's angry at her father for leaving, angry at her mother for not being able to cope, and angry at the world for taking her younger brother, Truman. Rage and grief are destroying her. And her father has determined that Andi's accompanying him to Paris over winter break is the solution to everything. But Paris is a city of ghosts for Andi. And when she finds a centuries-old diary, the ghosts begin to walk off the page. Alexandrine, the owner of the journal, knew heartbreak also, and Andi finds comfort in the girl's words. Until, on a midnight journey through the catacombs of Paris, words transcend paper and time, and the past becomes suddenly, terrifyingly present."

Once I started reading, it wasn't a book I wanted to put down. It wasn't the obsessive, reading until 2 in the morning kind of book, but I found myself thinking about the story throughout the day. Andi is an angry senior in high school, struggling to keep her head above water. I actually found it refreshing to read a story with a less than perfect female protagonist. In fact, all of the characters are deeply flawed. And while the ending finds Andi on firm ground once again, not all conflicts between characters are resolved. Everything wasn't wrapped up in pretty bow. There was a little language, but overall I'd say it was mild.

Rating...3/4 stars


eleanor & park by rainbow rowell

I have been hearing about this book for a while now. It keeps popping up on various must read YA Novels book lists. It's set in 1986 and it's about two 16 year olds, Eleanor & Park...(original title, yes?) This is a book that I stayed up until 1am reading last night and then finished this morning. One reading list said that if you enjoy Romeo & Juliet, you should read eleanor & park. I see where that comes from, but disagree. They're not star-crossed lovers, no one dies and no one gets married. It is about falling in love for the first time and dealing with the social pressures of being a teenager. Eleanor's home life is a minefield. She's harassed at school by the popular girls and has built a protective barrier around herself. Park is half Korean and doesn't feel like he fits in at school or at home. They bond over comic books and 80's punk music. There are some definite mature themes in the book - particularly when dealing with Eleanor's home life - and there are some more mature scenes between Eleanor and Park, but nothing explicit. The language is definitely more R rated. I was surprised by that, but eventually saw that, for some characters, it was a realistic expression of emotion and circumstances. Some characters, I felt the language was unnecessary. . I think my favorite thing about this book is that the character's aren't perfect and they're not artificially flawed. The walls Eleanor puts up between herself and Park are a natural consequence of the life she has lived. I finished it this morning and I was a little angry because I felt like I wanted one more chapter, but I also understand why it ended the way it did. If you liked The Fault in Our Stars or anything else by John Green, I'd say you'll like this book.

Rating 3.25/4 stars

Pardon my dust...

As Scott and I were talking last night I started to think about where I was at this time last year. Man! My life could not be more different. I had just ended a relationship that had gotten scary serious, scary fast. I was living in North Salt Lake while working on O-town and not really liking the commute. I was physically run down, emotionally drained and not really sure what I was going to do next. I wasn't particularly social and was trying not to get too depressed with my life and, for the most part, failing spectacularly.

Fast forward 12 months. I have changed jobs, apartments and cities. I am down one superfluous organ. I have the most amazing group of friends. I've met and fallen in love with a man that could not be more perfect for me, and he'll finally be here on Friday! It's hard for me to believe it, actually. I haven't seen him in almost two months...two months!! 

But for all of these changes that have happened...amazing, wonderful, life-altering changes...I still have quite a bit of work to do on myself. Loving Scott has made me want to be more loving, kind, and compassionate towards others. This is something I thought I was fairly good at, but I've recently realized, I need to do better. I can to better. I'm grateful that I'm marrying a man that makes me want to be a better person and just by being who is, encourages me and challenges me to do better. Turns out falling in love teaches you a lot about who you are instead of who you think you are. As it so happens, those are two very different people. 

Life goes on...

For the first time in I'm not sure how long...every room in my apartment is clean. It's an autumnal miracle! With Scott moving down here in a couple of weeks my mind has turned to organizing and purging. We'll be consolidating everything in just a matter of months and suddenly I feel the compulsive need to purge. I did a first pass with my clothes, but I think I'll take another go. I'm going through purses, shoes, scarves. If you're nearby and would like to take a gander at what I'm getting rid of before it's sent to DI, feel free. I've moved so often that sometimes things just get shoved into a box and they're moved from place to place and I may or may not ever use them. There's a possibility that we'll just stay in my current apartment after we're married. It's small - 500 square feet...we'll be cozy, for sure. But you just can't beat the rent, location (for me) and laundry is provided for free. So, we'll still look around, but we may stay here. And because it's such a small place, it's time to purge. I may even box up some of my books. My friend, Shannon, has graciously offered the use of some of her garage to store a few things.

In other, non-wedding(ish) news...I love teaching high school. It's a bit of a culture shock going from the amazingly supportive faculty to, what I imagine is, a normal high school faculty. It hasn't been the easiest adjustment, but luckily I've met some really nice people, and Steph is around to rant to. I love seeing my students from last year wandering the halls. I'm enjoying getting to know my new students. I think we have fun. We work hard, but we also have a lot of fun doing it. I had an interesting conversation with my admins yesterday about the next couple of years. I really feel like I can build a very solid, rewarding and successful career at OHS. I'm excited to see what the next five years bring.

It's definitely been a year of transitions and major life changes...and we still four months to go! It's been bumpy and I never really thought I'd be where I am at this point last year. It makes you think about the year to come. Hopefully there won't be quite as many changes as I've had this year, but I'm very excited to see what comes.

I had a dream...

I dreamed I was in a tornado last night. It picked me up and dropped me in a fountain. It took place as I was visiting Scripps - which has popped up in my dreams a couple of times lately, actually. I looked it up and this is what it means...

To see a tornado in your dream suggests that you are experiencing some extreme emotional outbursts and temper tantrums.To dream that you are in a tornado means that you are feeling overwhelmed and out of control. Your plans will be filled with much complications and you will be met with a series of disappointments.

To dream of college suggests that you will achieve your goals through perseverance and hard work. You may be going through a period of stress in your life.

To see a fountain in your dream represents joy, renewed pleasure or increased sensitivity. You are experiencing an outburst of positive emotions. Perhaps you are entering into a new relationship or a new phase in that relationship.

To say the last month or so - particularly the last week and a half - has been difficult would be a massive understatement. This past week I finally reached a point where I just couldn't deal anymore. I have been super cranky, frustrated and just generally unpleasant to be around. Any time anyone asked me anything remotely wedding related I wanted to hit something - preferably their face. Kind, I know. I reached my breaking point yesterday during my prep at school. I shot off an email to my sister and just ranted for a bit. I wasn't looking for an answer, but just wanted someone to hear me. She, being the wise woman that she is, responded with some well-timed words of wisdom. Turns out getting married is hard. BUT I am head over heels in love with this man, so there is just no other option. I have to marry him.

Tonight we got some really great news!! He received an official job offer here in Utah!! It's kind of hard to digest that little bit of information. We're actually going to be living in the same city! Holy crap!! What is that going to be like?? He put in his two weeks today and he's already making plans to get down here. 

Sigh...seriously. Is this really happening??

Count your blessings...

I am feeling incredibly blessed tonight and I just needed to share it with the interwebs.

• I've finished my first week at my new job teaching high school. There were, of course, some ups and downs but I seriously love what I do. I love working with my students and helping them learn. I love the ridiculous things they say and how silly they are. I love getting to know them, and helping them achieve their goals. I had forgotten how exhausting the start of a new year is. It's a shock to your system - mental and physical. My feet and legs ache at the end of the day, my voice is a little raspy after talking all day, my legs are definitely feeling the three flights of stairs that I take multiple times a day. I'm a little brain dead today. But at the end of it all...I love it. Moving to the high school and leaving behind my security net of friends was a big move for me. I was nervous and unsure I had made the right decision, but after this week, I can say I'm so happy to have made the switch. I have the best job in the world.

• Even though I'm at a new school I still get to see familiar faces. All my students from last year that are 10th graders this year are roaming the halls. They stop me in the halls to say hi. My football players run up to me and give me bone crushing hugs. Girls that gave me attitude all year stop to talk about their day. I think it's a comfort to both of us. We're all starting a new school and, let's be honest, it's a little intimidating. It's good to see friendly faces in the halls...even those students that were a pain in the rear last year. It reminds me why I do what I do.

• I have such amazing friends. With all the ups and downs of the past four-ish months I have had a whole cadre of wonderful and stalwart friends from every part of my life step up to support me and encourage me. Friends are something that I've always struggled with. Historically, it's been difficult for me to make friends. Through school I'd typically have one really close friend and then various acquaintances. Never before in my life have I been surrounded and supported by so many strong, loving, kind, intelligent women. Thank you. You have gotten me through the past three years...most especially the past six months. You all inspire and amaze me with your individual talents and strengths.

• I'm not sure just how to articulate this one...Vlad is...well, he's the best blessing. He's a man that isn't afraid of hard work. He's a man of quiet strength. He works so hard to improve himself and he's constantly, without realizing it most of the time, challenging me to do the same. We've been apart for about a month and a half and it's gone by quickly yet agonizingly slow. The best part of my day is when I get to Skype with him before going to bed. We're still waiting to hear back from his interview last week, but we're definitely feeling hopeful. If he gets the job, he could be here in 2ish weeks!!! How amazing would that be?!?!

• And finally, and most importantly, I am so thankful for the guiding hand of my Heavenly Father in my life the past year. It hasn't been an easy path that's lead me to my current happy situation. There have been lots of ups and downs, and at times I was ready to give up hope. I am so grateful that He never gave up on me. I have seen His hand and His love in my life in ways that are so undeniable it's almost laughable. I am blessed and grateful...so very grateful.