Courage in women is generally called insanity

One down, Nine to go....

2012-01-07T20:39:00.002-07:00

I survived my first week of student teaching.... yes, let's all take a collective deep breath. I kind of can't believe that I'm finally here. I feel like I've been at this for such a long time. In a few short months I'll graduate. They're actually going to give me a license to teach.

It was a pretty good week. I started out just doing a lot of grading but I ended up doing quite a bit of teaching. I subbed for my host teacher all day Thursday and part of Friday. I was surprisingly not nervous. Not surprisingly, a few of my students tried to push the limits to see if I would cave or not. I didn't. Classroom management has been something that I've been worried about. I worry that I won't be able to get them to pay attention to me and participate. This week went a long way to soothe my nerves. There were a few moments of minor panicked thoughts of "Oh crap, what do I do now?!" but we all got through it in one piece.

There will still be the students that try to sweet talk their way around the rules, those that will sleep through class, the back talkers and jokesters. I know this. Yet, I am now fairly confident that I will be able to handle this.

It was a long, exhausting week. I've been battling a cold all week on top of grading, planning and trying to get some semblance of a routine going. Some nights I came home, said hello to the roommie and crashed. Yet, despite the sheer exhaustion I drive home every day thinking - "that was fun". Okay, maybe it hasn't been 'fun' every day but I am thoroughly enjoying myself.

Highlights

Student wrote "this sub is awesome" on the whiteboard on Thursday for my host teacher to see the next day. They haven't quite figured out the difference between a substitute and student-teacher.
Students finally understanding grammar compliments and compliment vs. complement. They have been working on this for quite a while and weren't getting it until Thursday.
2B discussion on Satire and Mark Twain...they were completely engaged and I hardly had to say a word.

Low lights

Losing my voice after teaching all day Thursday and coughing frequently while trying to teach.
Not sleeping due to said cough.
Student attempting to stare my down...he lost because I walked away without engaging.

Student quote of the week... "Your shoes are cute. My mom has those same shoes."

He's makin' a list!

2011-12-22T22:20:00.005-07:00

We in the Bubanks household have a tradition. If either of us is going to be elsewhere for Christmas we celebrate roommate Christmas a couple of days early. We have dinner, do stockings for each other and a present and then usually watch a movie or play a game. It's a strictly roommates only event. In the past we've ordered pizza, chinese take-out, I think one year we actually made ourselves a meal, which is kind of a big deal. We use stemware and pop open a little sparkling something or other.

Lisa gives some pretty fantastic gifts. One year she got me a book of William Wordsworth's poetry from the late 1800's. It really is amazing what one can find on Ebay. BUT I think this year takes the cake...

I love books. It's a well known fact. I have them double stacked

on my bookshelf and floor. I write my name on the inside cover just to make sure they get back to me if I ever lend them out. For quite a while I have wanted book plates so it would be a bit more permanent, and really, how great would it be to have my own book plates? I have looked online but they're expensive and would get even more so with my ever growing library. So, instead of a bookplate, Lisa got me a book stamp! I love it! The beauty of it is, when the ink runs out all I have to do is buy an ink replacement! So fantastic!

What do you think...?

Two-fer

2011-11-13T19:15:00.002-07:00

I started perusing Amazon.com and here's a quick wish list...

The Les Miserables 25th Anniversary 2010 cast recording. It's simply ridiculously amazing. I mean, really...amazing!
I love me some Pyrex. I have also been wanting some nice mixing bowls. Best of both worlds, really.
I really have a thing for lockets. I really love this one.
I've always had a thing for maps and globes.
And this is just a thing of beauty.

Lately...

2011-11-13T18:54:00.004-07:00

I haven't blogged a ton lately. It's been pretty busy with school and work PLUS a serious case of procrastinationitis and being all trunky with graduating next semester. But I feel the urge to let the interwebs know what I've been up to. It's not that exciting, really, but I just can't seem to help myself. It's more of a compulsion, really. Sorry but, lately I have...

bought delightfully soft and cushy slippers. Seriously, they're fantastic
made new friends...which, considering how much free time I have, is nothing short of a miracle
saw my niece play a goose in Charlotte's Webb...ah, junior high productions. Memories of awkwardness and overacting came rushing back to me
"cooked" more
got to know some of the folks of my new cohort - they're actually nice! Something new and different for the MAT program!
laughed so hard I almost cried...in Sacrament meeting
not slept nearly enough
spent far too much time on pinterest
found tons of fun crafts and things I'd love to do on pinterest but will most likely not get around to doing any time in the near future
purchased a teakettle. Hot chocolate season is upon us!
suppressed the urge to bury my heal in a guy's cranium
submitted my graduation application for next semester...woot!
planned a trip to Paris
canceled said trip to Paris
trying to get ready for student teaching next semester
served in that Baptistry at the Salt Lake Temple. LOVE it!

Girl's just wanna have fun...

2011-10-11T17:00:00.002-06:00

I'm what one would call a "late bloomer". I rarely, if ever, dated in high school. I was asked to the dances by guy friends or it was girl's choice. I was never the first girl asked to the dance. In fact, I was more than once, a guy's 'back up' date. I didn't go to my junior prom and spent my senior prom avoiding my date. I dallied with inappropriate relationships (we're talking parolees, gang members and burn outs - what can I say, I had thing for the bad boys). I now think it is a miracle that I didn't end up in serious trouble.

College wasn't much better. I had my first ever bonafide boyfriend for all of about three weeks at the very beginning of freshman year. After that I didn't date...at all. I had a run in with a NCMO (if you don't know what that is google it) end of my junior year. However, seeing as how I was desperately in love with his cousin that was dating a friend, who just happened to be spending the semester abroad...the trend of inappropriate men continued.

Since then I've dated closet cases, a schizophrenic, megalomaniacs, egomaniacs, commitment-phobics...and the list goes on. It sounds like I date a lot but this has been spread over the course of six or seven years. I didn't date a lot until fairly recently and really, it's only a lot in comparison to my fairly empty dating history.

The guys in my most recent past haven't been perfect but then, neither am I. And I mean really, if a guy doesn't have a skeleton in his closet, he's got a Bertha in the attic. (if you don't know the reference...seriously, go read a book! OR go check out pinterest.com) We're all just trying to find the one that is the same kind of crazy.

I have a blind date tomorrow...my first, in fact. Lots of dating lately...lots of dating.

It's exhausting....

Thoughts for this evening...

2011-09-28T20:47:00.003-06:00

1) I forgot my glasses at home. This is upsetting for two reasons

I am squinting at my computer screen and it's difficult to read
I'm squinting at my computer screen!!!

2) I missed class a couple of weeks ago due to jury duty and wasn't there when the professor explained an assignment. I did, however, get a copy of the rubric and we have examples in a class manual. The professor offered to meet with me if I felt I needed further explanation. The assignment was fairly straight forward so I figured, why waist my time and hers? I turned it in last week and she seemed skeptical that I would have been able to do the assignment. She made a comment saying, "well, if you can do it without further explanation, I'll be very surprised." Got back the assignment today...full credit. In your face, snarky mc-snarkison!

3) I'm trying to figure out how I will be able to afford to student teach next semester. I won't be able to work...at all...and due to recent events in my life have very little extra money. I am gladly taking donations...just kidding....sorta.

4) The trip to Paris has been postponed to a yet to be determined date. See previous thought... Sadness.

5) In the past five months I have dated more than ever before. I guess you could say I am making up for lost time. HOWEVER, no one ever told me how much havoc a man/boy/guy/man-child can wreak on one's life. Up, down, sleep deprivation, drama... I'm telling you, it's nuts!

6) I love Downton Abbey. Maggie Smith is amazingly hilarious. If you haven't seen/heard of this fantastic tv show on PBS...go watch it. You'll thank me, I promise.

Holy Hannah!

2011-09-16T21:27:00.002-06:00

I've been on the two year plan for my graduate program. I have been working on a dual masters in Secondary Education (Master of Arts in Teaching - MAT) and Special Education (Master of Education - M.Ed.). I started this all last summer (2010) and I planned to student teach and graduate fall 2012 with both degrees. I met with my advisor this morning on something completely unrelated to graduation. The result of that meeting was me turning in my application for graduation in MAT for this upcoming spring (2012)!

Apparently the Utah Department of Ed changed some regulations and it is more beneficial for me, long term, if I don't do concurrent licensing in both Secondary and Special Ed. I finish up my methods placement this semester (Cypress High in Magna...quite the commute, I know) and I'll do my student teaching in the spring. I'm still trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I'll graduate in the spring. It's crazy!

I'm still going to finish up the special education requirements but will be able to do that while I teach. It will take me a little longer but I'll be teaching! In my own classroom! At a real school! I will have an actual profession!

I'm just a little excited, if you didn't notice...

Who knew?

2011-09-15T09:48:00.003-06:00

Who knew that actually having a social life and friends would make school so difficult? Well, I'm sure most of you already knew that but this is news to me. Thus far in my graduate career it has not been a problem. In fact, I often used my "studying" and "homework" as a way to get out of spending time with people that I didn't want to see. Granted, I did actually have homework and studying to do. Yet, I probably could have worked something out if I had really wanted to. It also helped that my last bedroom was a deep, dark hole that did not inspire one to get out and spend time with the world.

I need a kick in the pants! I have a group presentation coming up and I have yet to do any real work on my part. Yes...I have become that obnoxious person. I don't like group projects because you have to do things in advance on a time table other than your own. It's annoying.

Civic Duty

2011-09-07T21:55:00.004-06:00

A couple of weeks ago I got a jury summons. I dutifully completed the questionnaire and waited for my notice to appear or whatever it's called. It came last weekend and I was told to come to the Matheson Courthouse for jury selection on Tuesday morning. I had no idea if I would be chosen and I wasn't sure if I cared one way or the other. Some are really excited to be called in for jury duty and others absolutely dread it. I thought it could be interesting to see the justice system at work and to participate in a very real way but if I wasn't chosen...no biggie.

Once called to participate in a specific jury selection you are ushered into a courtroom with the prosecution, defense and the judge. We were told it was a criminal case...the butterflies started going in my stomach. The judge read the laws that the defendant had allegedly broken. My heart sank. Sexual battery and sexual assault of a child. The questions they asked after that narrowed the jury pool down further. With each question the feeling of dread became like a brick in my stomach. My heart dropped into my stomach when they read my name for the final jury.

Numerous people over the past several days have told me how jealous they are that I had been selected. People thought it would "cool" and "fun" and "entertaining". It was undoubtedly interesting to see the justice system at work and to see the process from beginning to end. I am grateful for our system of government.

Yet, I wish with all my heart that I had never had to go. I wish with all my heart that such circumstances never came to be. I sat and listened to two days of child testimonies. I listened to two young teenage girls with autism describe the abuse. I saw a man break down into tears as the jury instructions were read and he realized just what could possibly happen to him.

The verdict was guilty. I am very glad that a threat has been taken off the streets and more children will not be in danger. However, that is not a decision to be taken lightly. It was a huge responsibility. Today I irrevocably changed a man's life. The responsibility of that will never truly leave me. I believe we made the right choice and I don't regret it. I only wish it had never been necessary.

Some of my fellow jurors were almost flippant about the verdict and the accused. The children did not have the best home life and comments were made about people like "them" and "us". Maybe it was a way of dealing with the horror of the situation...a way of separating themselves from the tragedy.

I didn't expect I would react this way. I didn't think I would be so affected. I went to my parents and cried to my dad. It still upsets me to think about it. To know that there is such evil in the world. To know there is such danger and uncertainty in the world. It breaks my heart.

I am grateful we have the opportunity to be tried by a jury of our peers, I truly am. I wish with all my heart and soul that it was never necessary. What I participated in these past several days was nothing short of tragic.

To blog or not to blog...

2011-09-06T21:18:00.002-06:00

...that is the question. I've had some pretty great things happen in the past month or so. I've debated blogging about it but I'm just not sure I want to send it out into the interwebs just yet.

I will say this, my new ward is pretty fun. I've met some really fun and exciting new people and made some great friends. I've been to Bear Lake, attending movies in the park, had BBQs and pool dates with the girls.

As far as what else is going on...I guess time will tell if I share it with you all. But I do want to just say - I am happy. I am far happier than I have been in a very long time.

Homework = Blogging

2011-08-26T12:00:00.003-06:00

The new semester started Wednesday. It's a wonder how quickly the procrastination sets in... like right now. I don't work or have class on Fridays. It's supposed to be my study day as I don't have much time during the week. My desk area has been recently cleaned and organized for maximum study time. It's got great natural light and plenty of space...unlike my previous deep, dark hole of a bedroom with very little space. I woke up this morning, did my morning routine with the plan to get a good chunk of my homework done so I can go play tonight and possible tomorrow as well.

I'll give you one guess how well this has turned out...if you need more than one...

I did a little reading. I reread my homework assignments in an attempt to decide which one will be the worst to do. Then debating if I should eat the proverbial big frog first or save it for last. I then thought I should catch up on my Facebooking and unnecessary emailing. I looked at pictures and thought it was time for a new profile picture. That lead to messing around on iPhoto and uploading said photos to Facebook. Meanwhile I've texted a couple of friends and returned another email. And it all ends with the blog. I haven't blogged in a couple of weeks and I haven't thought I needed to blog. It's an interesting phenomenon. Whenever there is homework to do, I suddenly feel the need to blog. It's almost a compulsion.

Homework = Blogging.

At the end of the semester I'm always somewhat amazed that I actually finished anything!

This 'n That

2011-08-11T10:07:00.004-06:00

I am currently loving this song. It plays over and over in my head. Please don't judge...

Got two rather interesting gems from the dentist this week: 1) I have an "angry tooth". I'm not entirely sure what that means but it hurts. 2) I have great tongue control. Personally, I just view it as a great sense of self preservation. I don't know about you, but I personally don't want my tongue to get caught up in the drill. I'm in enough pain as it is, I'm not a masochist enough to voluntarily get my tongue caught up in the drill. No thanks.

School starts two weeks from yesterday. Would you actually believe that I'm a little nervous about it? I'm halfway through my program. This will be third of six semesters and yet I'm as nervous as if it was my first semester...go figure.

Is really irritated by the fact that I wake up every morning at 7:50. I don't usually need to be up until about 9:00...really? Come on!

My nephew turns six this Sunday. SIX! I have another niece that turned 13 last December...these kids are making me feel old.

I'm heading up to Bear Lake. I'm ridiculously excited. I love water...LOVE IT. It comes from all those summers spent at Lake Powell, living in your bathing suit for a week and actually having a tan. Man...those were the days.

I keep seeing Pavarotti in my head...

2011-08-08T18:40:00.002-06:00

These guys are amazing....but I couldn't help but chuckle a bit at all the bouncing around and the 'come hither' eyes.

TBIE! CBGA...HY!

2011-07-29T13:54:00.003-06:00

2011 is the year of the Classy Broad. We do classy things. We get dressed up to go out with the girls, we drink out of classy glasses, we take compliments with...you guessed it, class.

Classy Broads also travel. I am ridiculously excited about this part of being a classy broad. Last weekend when everyone else had Monday off and I had to work, I really really really wanted to get out of dodge. Lisa, being the classy broad, fantastic roommate that she is, started looking up various vacation options and she stumbled across some ridiculously cheap vacation packages for Paris, London, Dublin...you get the idea. When I say ridiculously cheap, I mean for a 6 night stay in Paris with round trip airfare on Virgin Airlines and hotel (with breakfast every morning) it came to be around $1000 per person. Yes, I know $1000 is a lot of money but we're talking 6 nights in a decent hotel PLUS round trip airfare!!! Getting over there usually costs that much, if not more!

We plan to go this winter on my semester break. So we started the CBA Fund - Classy Broads go Abroad Fund...currently taking donations...just kidding, well kinda...yes...yes, just kidding. Last night I saw that there were still tickets available for the Idina Menzel concert at Deer Valley...cheap student tickets. BUT I decided instead to put what I would have spent on those two tickets into the CBA fund. Classy Broads think long term.

Have I mentioned I am ridiculously excited about this?! I'm pretty sure if Lisa were less classy than she is, she'd probably be ready to slap me by the time the trip actually happens...good thing she's a Classy Broad, right?

Reasons to be happy on this somewhat gloomy looking Monday morning

2011-07-18T11:30:00.003-06:00

1. So glad the sunburn is fading...not peeling or pealing. Either would be gross and awkward.

2. Get to go see Harry Potter tonight with some fun peeps.

3. Slept through the night without waking up...I know, sounds like a new born baby update but seeing as how i haven't been sleeping well for about two weeks, this was a very welcome change.

4. Looking forward to a fun picnic with the tiny humans on Friday. I forgot how much I love Liberty park.

5. Finally got an answer to a nagging question and feel pretty good.

6. I have left over Empanadas for lunch today...Yum!

7. Duet with Lisa has been performed without any major hiccups...croaking notes, passing out or bursts of tears.

8. Clean room!

9. New friends are fun

10. Did I mention I'm going to see Harry Potter tonight....?

The Adjustment Bureau

2011-07-16T00:00:00.003-06:00

No...not the movie, although that is a very good flick. I highly recommend it if you haven't seen it already.

I am simply learning to adjust my expectations. It's not easy and I have to remind myself daily, if not hourly, but I'm trying.

Epiphanies...

2011-07-13T00:00:00.004-06:00

1. I remember I had a good friend give me a massage and it hurt like you wouldn't believe. I was having back pain due to being hunched over my desk and computer for several semesters. My muscles were screaming at me before I did anything about it. As I was gasping through the pain as she worked out the knots and kinks in my muscles, she told me that we feel pain for a reason. I remember during my health issues I felt like no one truly understood how I felt and the physical pain that I felt on a daily basis. I was thinking today that the same applies to emotional pain. I have been fairly good at ignoring emotional pain and scarring. Sometimes being strong is actually detrimental to your own emotional well being. We feel pain because something is not right. We feel pain because our body -our heart and soul - is trying to tell us something is not right. If we ignore that in the name of "strength" what are we actually doing to ourselves? I've gotten pretty good at ignoring pain...maybe it's time I stopped.

2. Circumstances and people are not put into our lives haphazardly. Events don't always turn out the way we wish or hope - rarely so, in fact. But it's almost always for a reason and it's important for us to understand what those reasons are and why we needed to experience that. We'll be stronger and more resilient for it.

3. Sometimes anger is a healthy emotion. We just need to be sure it doesn't rule our every thought and action.

4. I woke up this morning after a fitful sleep and I thought to myself, you're going to be alright. Somehow, that was very reassuring. I feel more in control of my life and what my future holds than ever before. I will not be acted upon. My future is mind to create.

5. Roommates and sisters are the best...seriously.

Let freedom ring!

2011-07-04T00:04:00.006-06:00

In honor of the 4th of July I want to celebrate my freedom. I am truly grateful to live in a land where I can live and worship as I see fit, I do, but that is not the freedom I want to celebrate. We live in a society and culture that places importance on physical beauty. Emaciated models are held up as the ideal of beauty. Did you read about this? Granted, this is an extreme case but no one can argue that the fashion industry perpetuates the fallacy that only tall, willowy, skinny women with long legs are beautiful. There is a multi-billion dollar industry devoted to helping people achieve their "best" self. But what is our "best" self? It's true, the rising numbers of obesity - particularly child obesity - should give us pause and encourage us to be a more healthy nation. I support that one hundred percent. However, I'm tired of trying to fit some prescribed notion of beauty.

After just over 27 years of life, I am proclaiming my freedom from the weight loss game. It is such a liberating feeling to really not care about loosing weight. I can eat without the guilt. I can buy clothes without feeling bad that I'm not buying a single digit size. I have the hips my momma gave me and honestly, I like them. I like that I'm curvy and not stick thin. For the first time in my life, after a lifetime of self hate and insecurity, I love the way I look (in a truly non-narcissistic way, of course). I'm confidant in who I am. When I look in the mirror, I don't see a double chin with a muffin top with bad skin. I am a daughter of God. I am me and I am beautiful.

*Photos by LemonDrop Creative.

How Great Thou Art

2011-07-03T23:54:00.003-06:00

One of my grandpa's favorite hymns was "How Great Thou Art". I remember playing it for him almost every time he came to visit. Now, whenever I hear it I think of him. He was a good man. He was caring and loving. He enjoyed people and every grandchild knew they were his favorite. Little do they all know, I actually was his favorite. Ssshhh...don't tell anyone.

Today I decided to take a drive up Big Cottonwood Canyon. It was a gorgeous evening and I wanted to see the green mountains before we lost the lush greenery to the desert brown of the summer. As I was cruising up the canyon, I had my ipod plugged in and I was listening to my Fav Sunday Tunes play list. This hymn started playing. I, of course, thought of my grandpa but as I was driving through the beautiful scenery around me I couldn't help but be struck my the words of the song.

O Lord my God, When I in awesome wonder

Consider all the words thy hands have made,

I see the stars, I hear the rolling thunder,

Thy pow'r thruout the universe displayed.

When thru the woods and forest glades I wander,

And hear the birds sing sweetly in the trees,

When I look down from lofty mountain grandeur

And hear the brook and feel the gentle breeze,

Then sings my soul,

My Savior God, to thee.

How great thou art!
How great thou art!

Then Sings my soul,

My Savior God, to thee,

How great thou art!

There is nothing more awe inspiring or beautiful than the milky way shining brightly as I lay on the top of the houseboat at Lake Powell. I am truly amazed and grateful for all the beauty that surrounds me.

Is that...?

2011-06-13T23:32:00.002-06:00

...yes, that would be Daniel Radcliffe - aka Harry Potter. Not bad, although, I could do without the screeching soprano.

I blame Amelia*

2011-06-11T13:32:00.002-06:00

Amelia isn't really her name but we're going to call her Amelia. In my job I deal with my fair share of upset students. It's understandable, really. This is their future. I take my education seriously, it is only right that I should take theirs seriously as well when they call in. I've been cussed at, yelled at, hung up on and had people threaten to go to my boss. But I have never, in my almost five years of working with students, been so incredibly outraged as I was this morning.

After nearly 20 minutes of being berated and yelled at I was ready to hang up on her. I finally stopped talking and just let her go. I knew that if I opened my mouth I'd probably call her a not so nice name and slam the phone down. That type of behavior is not looked upon kindly where I work. When I got off the phone my body was actually shaking I was so furious.

Interestingly enough, she didn't swear at me once. She didn't call me any bad names other than lazy and incompetent and yet she was able to reduce me to a quivering mass of rage. I think I may have frightened my coworker, who has never seen me be anything other than professional and polite.

If anything else goes wrong today...I'm blaming Amelia.

Do you hear the people sing?

2011-06-01T00:46:00.004-06:00

I LOVE the musical Les Miserables. I mean I really love it. I've seen it done regionally twice, the touring company four times (three in SLC, once in LA), once on the West End in London, the high school production once and the 25th Anniversary O2 concert in the theater. I saw it again tonight (or last night, rather) with my sister and my mom. To coincide with the 25th anniversary of the shows opening, they redid the staging, costumes and sets just to update the overall show. It was so wonderful. Have I mentioned that I like this show?

It all started when I was about ten or so. My sister and her friends were obsessed with Phantom of the Opera. I'll let you in on a little secret here...I adored my older sister growing up, even if she was a little scary at times. I wanted to do everything she did. She collected cat figurines, so I collected bunnies. She would wear her hair a certain way and I would try to copy it. She liked Jewel so I liked Jewel. It's a lot of why I started dancing and pretended that I could write fiction. It was lucky, however, that I ended up loving to dance... we don't talk about my attempts at fiction. Anyway...I wanted to be like her but I knew that if I said I liked Phantom she would get angry. But we had a tape cassette of highlights from Les Miserables and I had a Walkman. I remember sitting at our tank of a computer playing solitaire or Oregon Trail and listening to that tape over and over and over again. I didn't quite understand the story of what was going on but I fell in love with the music. When I got older I understood the story more and it is such a powerful story of redemption and love. I could tie all sorts of gospel analogies here but I'll refrain.

I saw it for the first time when I was around 12. It was magical to me. I cried when Eponine died. I cried when Valjean prayed for Marius at the barricades. I was hooked. I've almost lost count the number of times I've seen it and people look at me askance when the hear how many times I've seen it, but I don't really care that much.

Last week Lisa asked me why I like it so much. I've never really thought about why I love it so much before so I couldn't really give her a good answer. She attributed it to the fact that I've been listening to it for over a decade...almost two decades. I'm sure that plays a part but I don't think that's the only reason I love it. I love it because I can listen to the recording and still get chills. It still makes me cry. I love the story of a man that spends his entire life trying to make up for single mistake of his past. I love the love story and the sacrifices made. It's just good music. I love it because of this...

What a way to end Act I.

And that is what I call a finale!

Rut

2011-05-25T21:25:00.002-06:00

I'm in a rut. I've talked about this a lot lately but I'm going to repeat myself once more (surprising, I know, but bear with me). I have been going nonstop for the past year and I anticipated thoroughly enjoying my easy going summer with absolutely no responsibilities or demands on my time other than my little more than part time job. Well, it's been about two weeks since the dust has fully settled and all obligations have been met and can I just say, I am BORED out of my mind!! I'm not sure how much more of this "relaxation" I can handle. I need homework. I need papers. I need the stress of running around like a crazy person!

I know what you're all thinking..."kelly, you're nuts" closely followed by the slightly exasperated sigh and "find a new hobby!". I know! I've looked at yoga, cake decorating, sewing classes, piano lessons, water aerobics...nothing is really sticking. I wake up in the morning around 9:00 or 10:00 and the roll over because I have no where to be until 8:00pm.

Here's a new word of the day folks...it's been a while but this one is particularly fitting.

ennui (n.)
	a feeling of listlessness and general dissatisfaction resulting from lack of activity or excitement

I am too bored to be bothered with finding a new hobby and I think I'm going to go crazy before the summer is over.

By Jove I think I've got it!

2011-05-24T16:04:00.002-06:00

I think I may have figured out a way to move abroad after graduation and get around the pesky work visa thing and most of the other little details that overwhelmed me. I could apply to teach at a DoD (Department of Defense) school. I googled teaching abroad and it was one of the first links listed. I looked at the different requirements needed and once I graduate, I'd definitely be qualified. I have no idea how competitive it is or if my single status would be a hindrance or a benefit. No idea...but it's definitely something to keep in mind.

I know the undergrads can apply to student teach at a DoD school and students from Westminster have actually been accepted. Graduates can't because we have a required travel experience and the DoD required student teaching is 10 weeks and I wouldn't be back in time from the DoD placement.

I won't say for sure this is what I'm going to do because a lot can happen in a year, but it is definitely something I'm going to keep in mind as I get closer to graduation.

New Hobby

2011-05-23T23:02:00.005-06:00

I've had quite a bit of spare time on my hands now that I'm out of school. You may have noticed this already with the onslaught of posting lately. I came across this blog done by a group of girls, a couple of which I know.

I saw this project and thought it was adorable and decided to give it a whirl. Here is the final project:

I used buttons instead of little pearls and my flowers aren't quite as uniform as the original but I kind of like it better that way. Super easy to make, cheap (under $10) and very cute!

Missed opportunities...?

2011-05-23T15:29:00.002-06:00

I fell in love with London when I spent about ten days there in 2006. I love the energy, the history, the beauty of the city. While standing in the tiny kitchen of the rented flat, I told my mom that I was going to live in London someday, somehow. Once upon a time I wanted to study at the University of London. While visiting, my mom and I even went to the admissions office to talk about what would be needed. I could probably get in, I just got scared by the cost and all the logistics of getting over there and I never followed through.

While looking for jobs and trying to figure out what to do with myself, I set up an account on a website called LondonJobs. It's basically the British version of Monsterjobs. The tricky part about getting a job in England is that your employer has to apply for the work visa, so I couldn't save up, move over and then find a job. It never came to anything because I wasn't actually ready to make that terrifying leap.

Today I got an email from LondonJobs saying they could send email alerts about applicable jobs so I "wouldn't miss out on missed opportunities". It's got me thinking. Could I? Obviously, not until after I'm done with school...but really. Could I?

I promise...

2011-05-21T23:57:00.002-06:00

...to get gussied up more often.

...t0 let loose and dance it out.

...t0 let go and explore.

...t0 remember to smile.

...t0 let go of first impressions.

...to not borrow tomorrows problems today.

...to not worry over what I have no control over.

...to love me - all of me.

Why hello, beautiful...

2011-05-17T12:43:00.003-06:00

I am enjoying my first, honest to goodness, summer vacation in nearly five years since joining the "real world" and getting a full time job. After being in school for three straight semesters without a real break and after pushing myself to the brink of both a physical and mental/emotional collapse, I thought it would be wise to take a little breather. I'm still working, though only part time, and I'm enjoying the leisure and laziness I've missed for the past year. For example, today I don't need to be anywhere until 8:00 this evening. I have spent my morning wrapped in blankets, rereading Harry Potter and listening to the rain outside my window. It's pretty idyllic, really. At least as idyllic as I get these days.

As I get more time passes and I get a little more distance from last semester, I see just how bad it really was. I let a lot of things slide and I didn't take care of myself - spiritually, physically or emotionally. I didn't realize how bad it had become until I actually had time to think about things other than school. I did well last semester, I'm not sure how I pulled it all off, but I did. But was it worth it? Next semester I'll only taking three classes with one placement in comparison to the four classes and three placements I took last semester. Hopefully I'll be able to have a social life and have some fun. There was a big switch-a-roo with the LDS Singles Wards (LDS congregation for single adults age 18-30) in Salt Lake and I have a new ward. I've met some fun people and I can't wait to make more friends. I've missed feeling like I belong and I think I may just get that from this new ward.

Balance...I'm looking for balance.

Obligatory Bday post...

2011-05-07T22:08:00.003-06:00

Today was my birthday. I turned the big 2-7. I've been so busy lately that occasionally I would forget that my birthday was coming up, which is pretty unusual for me. I'm usually the count down the days kind of girl. I'm not really sure why. I don't typically have big parties or get mountains of gifts. I think I just liked knowing that for one day it was okay to have the spotlight centered on you. Being four of five kids growing up, one with a birthday two days later, and very often sharing a weekend with mothers day, getting the attention didn't happen to often. And really, let's be honest...I'm a bit of an attention slut (I typed whore first but decided slut was a little less harsh. But then I typed it anyway, so I guess it's kind of a moot point). Parenthetical thought aside, birthdays were always a day for me to be the center of attention so I've always been super excited about it. I'm not really sure why but I just didn't really care this year. Whoop-di-do, I'm another year older.

This morning I woke up to a scratchy throat, an achy body, and a body spasm inducing cough. I also hosted a bridal shower for a very dear friend. It didn't really seem like my birthday and really, I would have been just as content laying in bed all day (that may or may not be the cold medicine talking right now). Yet, I have a wonderful friend and roommate that planned a "Girl's Night Out" with a small group of friends. Granted, it wasn't as high energy as it may have been if not for me staring off into space on occasion, but it was a fun evening. All in all, it was a pretty decent birthday. All the important people remembered and I guess that's better than a huge party or the mountain of gifts.

Now I'm going to go cough up my other lung...happy birthday indeed.

Things I currently love...

2011-05-04T00:41:00.003-06:00

1. Yogurt covered Raisins. My sister used to eat this when we were younger and I recently picked up a bag. Oh man...so tasty. HOWEVER, I do NOT recommend the Sunkist Vanilla flavored yogurt raisins. Bleh...

2. Picking out and planting flowers with my five and three year old niece and nephew.

3. Going shopping with a wonderful, wonderful friend and finding the dress.

4. Finally losing that sense of anxiety and expectation that I have felt for the past year. I no longer feel guilty for sleeping in, reading for pleasure, watching a movie or any other non academic pursuit. Granted, it also helps that grades posted and I no longer have to think about that either.

5. An upcoming weekend full of pre-wedding goodness, graduations, family dinners, birthdays and mother's day. We like to pack it in..

6. Natural sunlight in my bedroom

7. Lots of extra space in my bedroom

8. Semi ridiculous conversations with my sister.

9. Having tough decisions taken out of my hands by circumstances

10. Words with Friends...seriously addicting.

11. This fabulous website and all the cute and fun dresses I am jonesing to purchase

12. This fun blog with lots of crafty ideas. Can't wait to do the yarn wreath! I think I'm going to do it next week when there's not quite so much going on...see #5

13. Having a school free summer, with literally no worries or school related obligations. I haven't been this relaxed in who knows how long!

14. Future swimming, zoo and other fun adventures with the sister and her little ones.

15. A girl's night out on Saturday to celebrate the big 2-7. Seriously, when did I get this old?

16. Mochi Ice Cream balls that I haven't been able to find anywhere in Utah, hence not eating them for nearly five years, and finding them at Costco last week.

17. Having a fun and zippy car to drive. I love Miss M!

18. I'm absolutely in LOVE with this etsy.com store.

19. All the blossoms on the trees and my nephew telling me it looked like popcorn.

Episode from the sitcom, Life and Times of KCB

2011-05-03T19:54:00.002-06:00

Sister: Do you know the secret?

Me: What secret?

Sister: I don't know? What secret do you know?

Me: I don't know...what secret do you know?

Sister: Why? what secret do you know?

Oh sweet freedom!

2011-04-28T21:56:00.002-06:00

As of 8:00 MST tonight, I am officially done with the semester from hell. I'm giddy with excitement and yet there is still some residual anxiety left over...phantom anxiety, as it were. I keep thinking I need to do something and I have to remind myself that no, Kelly, there's nothing left to be done. It's okay to veg and just take it easy for a while.

I've been thinking about the past semester, particularly my Special Education classes. It's made me question if I want to continue with SpEd or go a different route. I loved my general education classes and my middle school placement, but my elementary SpEd placement was torture for so many reason. Remember this? Well, my last day in the class my mentor teacher tells me she doesn't feel she can write an evaluation or sign my time sheet. There was all kinds of drama that I won't go into but it was just one more thing to deal with. I know, that dealing with this person shouldn't reflect on the content and methods of SpEd but I'm having a VERY difficult time separating the two.

I'm trying to figure out the best way to get where I want and need to be after I graduate. I know I need something to set me apart from all the other secondary english teachers looking for jobs but I'm not sure if SpEd is the way to go...for me. Then again...maybe I just need some time away from it and it's really where I want to end up.

...BUT for now, I'm not going to worry about it. I'm just going to worry about sleeping in, finishing unpacking boxes and hanging pictures, spending time with my family and regaining a social life. I haven't had one of those in almost a year! I may have even forgot how that works...

Any who...here's to survival!!

I like most music except for country and rap....

2011-04-28T21:50:00.003-06:00

How often have we all heard that line...? I know it's not "cool" to like country but I do. I like it because there's a lot of soul and faith in country music.

This gives me the chills.

My Wish List...

2011-04-23T13:56:00.004-06:00

I have, very nearly, survived three straight semesters of grad school. I have moved into a new apartment, my birthday is coming up. Spring is trying desperately to take hold...I feel the need to celebrate. In the past several weeks I have spent the majority of my time not in class, on the computer. Whether it be working (like right now) or homeworking (that would be later), I am pretty tied to my computer as of late. That also means I've been doing some virtual window shopping...I'm not a homework machine, I need breaks... There is this website that my dear sister introduced me to and has resulted in hours of time well spent...aka, wasted/procrastinated. Go check it out and follow ME!

But all this window shopping and pinning has resulted in me wanting to buy...lots of buying. I have thus far refrained but with my celebratory frame of mind, it's proving difficult. What should I get? Cast your vote, my friends!

1. This dress, this dress, or this dress? or maybe this dress?

2. Or maybe this necklace?

3. or this gem?

4. Lisa calls these shoes ghetto...ghetto fabulous!

5. I have yet to find the perfect pair of yellow pumps but these just might tide me over until I do..

As you see...this is a very serious problem.

What do you think blogosphere? How should I celebrate the passing of another year?

Reality Check...

2011-04-03T21:42:00.002-06:00

Last Thursday I was visiting my SPED elementary placement and I saw something that truly disturbed me. A, normally, very sweet 7 year old had a complete and total melt down. I am not unfamiliar with young children meltdowns, I have 8 nieces and nephews and have seen my fair share of meltdowns. And even by major, nuclear, meltdown standards...what I was observing was not anywhere near that level.

When I first walked into the room I noticed this little boy, let's call him Alex, was standing in a corner apart from the rest of the group. I could tell by the glares and muttering that he was having a difficult morning. He would occasionally kick the wall or stomp a bit more loudly but he wasn't screaming, yelling, throwing objects, a danger or a distraction to any of the other 5 kids in the classroom. After about ten minutes, the teacher took him to the Time Out Room. It's roughly the size of a large porta-potty (maybe a bit bigger). It has grey padded walls, a light in the ceiling and a door with a glass window. The latch is large and made of steel but had to be held in place.

Once Alex was forced into the Time Out Room and the door shut behind him (with the light still on) he immediately lost it. He started screaming to be let out and throwing himself against the door. I was asked to hold the door closed while the teacher went back to the rest of the class. After Alex had been in there for a few minutes he started screaming obscenities that no 7 year old should know. He also threatened to kill the everyone when he got out. At this point he was throwing himself against the door with so much force that it was bumping me off the door each time he hit it. Eventually he calmed down and was let out but the rest of the morning was a complete wash for him. He wasn't in a place mentally or emotionally to learn and he lost all of his privileges for the day so he only felt worse. I'm not saying there shouldn't have been consequences for his actions but it seemed his actions didn't escalate until he was put into the Time Out Room.

This incident disturbed me on several levels:

1- As this child was screaming, yelling, and throwing himself at the walls, none of the other adults even blinked an eye. It didn't phase them. Somehow I don't think anyone should get used to a 7 year old saying "You F****in A****le!"

2- The punishment seemed disproportionate to the infraction. He didn't have a serious behavior problem until after he was put in the time out room.

3- Since when did we start putting young children in what amounts to no more than a padded cell as a means of disciplining them? What does that accomplish? Many of these kids come with a steamer trunk full of baggage and often there is a chemical component. However, I do think that some of this behavior is still learned. What are we telling them when we put them in seclusion like that? What are we telling other students?

4- There is something, deep down, about the idea of Time Out Rooms and restraints and other 'disciplinary' measures that seem wrong on basis of basic human rights.

I was so disturbed by it that I went and talked with my professor about it. In talking with her, the issue became even more appalling. What I saw it starting to become standard practice in many public school special education programs and many parents have no idea. I've been researching the issue more as part of a paper for class and what I've found is deeply disturbing.

Did you know that many states in the south, including Texas, parents have to sign a form saying teachers and administrators cannot use corporal punishment on their child?? It was a pretty big wake up call. What I saw in the classroom wasn't outright abuse but it made me intensely uncomfortable and if I were that child's parent, I would be very upset. But what goes on in public schools every day, without parent's knowledge is a frightening prospect. Google "Special Education Time Out Rooms" or "Special Education Seclusion and restraints" and you'll see what I mean.

Can't Make Me!

2011-03-21T18:54:00.002-06:00

I taught for about 20 minutes this morning in my SPED Elementary classroom. It's a BD (Behavior Disorder) unit and all of the kids are in the class full time due to behavior issues. There were seven kids today and they are all 7 or 8. There are also three other adults (besides me) in the room - the teacher, a student teacher and a paraeducator/assistant.

I came to the realization that I will never, unequivocally, ever teach in an elementary school. I love kids, I do...but man! It takes a very particular type of person to be able to handle that. And, today I learned that is most definitely not me.

Onward and Upward!

Debbie Downer...

2011-03-21T15:51:00.002-06:00

So I know I've been a bit...or a lot...of a debbie downer lately. I've been stressed and anxious and confused. I've been grumpy and generally unpleasant to be around. I'm sorry to one and all that I've snapped, grunted or ignored. In an effort to turn that frown upside down, here are the happy things that I have going on...

1. I was able to find another teacher at my elementary school that is willing and able to help me with my Assessment project. HUGE relief! She's even willing to work on the weekend at her home because she knows how hectic my weeks are.

2. I have roommates that have been kind and listened as I've grumbled, ranted, cried, hyperventilated, and procrastinated. They're wonderful.

3. Lisa has brought me lunch at work on Saturdays...granted, she's been borrowing my car so it's a bit of a trade off, but I appreciate it.

4. A member of my bishopric (leaders of an LDS congregation) has repeatedly offered to help organize help for when Lisa and I move in about three weeks. He's been so kind and generous.

5. It's official Hilda is no more. RIP Hilda. As if I didn't need one more thing to worry about. But my wonderful father has been looking for cars for me online and he's doing all the grunt work for me. I seriously don't know what I'd do if I had to worry about that too.

6. We've found an apartment to live in. And yes, it's stressful to think about packing and moving everything right now, it's good to know that I've got a place to go to AND a couple of weeks to get it all there.

7. I have a wonderful mother that has offered to help me pack, unpack and clean in relation to all the moving. I seriously have the best mother ever...seriously. She makes the stress of moving not quite so stressful.

School is stressful and I worry about getting it all done in the next month or so but I don't have the crushing, heart gripping anxiety that I've been experiencing. It's a lot but somehow it seems a bit more manageable. I am very blessed to have wonderful people in my life that put up with my crazy stressed out, goldfish brain memory, antics.

You all are wonderful.

Oh dear...

2011-03-16T22:42:00.002-06:00

So do we all remember this post in which I talked about how badly I wanted a new car? I love Hilda, she's been wonderful to me but we've outgrown each other. Yet, even in all my dreams of 'graduating' to something newer, I never thought it would potentially mean such a violent end for Hilda.

I was driving home from work last night at about 11:15, as I usually do. I was thinking about my lesson for this morning (it went really well, by the way) and thinking of all I needed to get done in the coming weeks. As I drove through the intersection of 900 East and 17oo South, a woman driving east on 1700 South ran her red light and broadsided me. Fortunately, she was only going about 20 mph, and we were both able to walk away from the accident.

UNforuntately, Hilda was not so lucky. The majority of the impact was the back driver side door but the driver's door was still pretty dented. Once I was able to shoulder my door open and get out, the door wouldn't shut. The back door had bowed away from the frame of the car and, thought it was still shut, there was about an inch between the top of the door and the rest of the car. Hilda was loaded up on a tow truck and hauled away.

Hilda, being advanced in years, may not be able to be saved (She's almost 20 years old. I know, in human years that's not so much, but in car years...it's getting up there. Think about it like Dog years...that's 140 years!). The repairs may cost more than the insurance adjuster thinks she is worth.

I won't find out until Monday if I need to find a new car or if Hilda and I get a few more years together. I have to say, I'm somewhat torn...

Dreamland

2011-03-15T11:28:00.002-06:00

I had a dream last night that as part of my observation hours at Clayton Middle school I had to teach a dance class. It wasn't in the dance studio but rather in the gym. When we got to the gym the lacrosse team was practicing (Clayton doesn't have a lacrosse team), there were chairs set up in half the gym and the other half had a runway stage setup. Then as I was having the class stretch a bit I discovered that I couldn't remember which song I had chosen or the first 16 counts of the dance I had planned. I kept staring at the track lists and playing random songs hoping I would remember the song and the choreography... All while the mentor teacher and my professor were furiously writing notes on their clipboards.

Do you think I'm anxious about teaching tomorrow???

Home sweet home...

2011-03-14T13:39:00.002-06:00

We've found a new apartment. Hurray! We'll be moving early April as Lisa will be in the land of the Swiss when the apartment becomes available. It's in Murray/Taylorsville area just off the freeway and 45th South. One thing I can check off my rather lengthy "to do" list.

Rock on...

The post in which I try to convince myself I will survive the semester...

2011-03-08T11:41:00.003-07:00

I remember the spring break(s) of yesteryear when I was living in Southern California and I could lounge by the pool or go shopping with my friends. Or perhaps I would visit my aunt in Long Beach or sleep in and just relax. Sigh...

Fast forward to spring break of this year... There was no pool lounging or visiting of friends and family. I slept in but only because I couldn't fall asleep until 2 or even 3 in the morning because of stressed out brain. One night I fell asleep around 3am on the couch upstairs while trying to do some homework. I didn't wake up until Lisa left the next morning around 6:30. I then woke up when the other roommates got on with their day. The week previous to spring break I was stressed and anxious about getting everything done that needed to be done. I had high expectations of a relaxing week spent with friends and my rarely seen family, these days. Alas, it was not to be so.

One of the roommates is moving out early and has been packing. Lisa has started packing up too. I don't begrudge them their packing. It needs to be done and they're doing what they need to do. Yet, the empty walls and shelves are a bit depressing and it further highlights what I still need to accomplish on top of school and work.

So now I'm back in class and trying to not break down into tears as we talk about assignments and due dates. The good news is I got an extension on an assignment. Yet, it's a bit of a double edged sword because the assignment is the small bits and pieces of a larger assignment later in the semester. So I run the risk of having it all stack up at the end of the semester. However, I don't really have a choice because I haven't been able to choose a student for my case study.

I also was able to postpone my high school methods placement until next semester. Yet, the same thing applies. It has to be done and there will be more work next semester. I'm not sure if it was the right thing to do long term but short term I wouldn't survive the semester otherwise.

I feel slightly ashamed that I had to ask for the extension and postpone the methods placement. I should be able to do all of this, right? I mean, other students are doing this too... Then I talked to the placement specialist and she reminded me that I'm actually doing two full time programs (special ed and secondary). The fact that I am technically a part time student is somewhat negated by the fact that I am actually working on two separate degrees. That made my feel a bit better about the whole thing and the fact that I'm not an utter failure at life.

I am teaching for the first time tomorrow and I am freaking out. I know, they're just middle schoolers and it's only for about 20 minutes. What's so scary about that? I've presented longer and spoke to more people on numerous occasions and yet a classroom full of preteens has me quaking in my wedges.

The highlight of my break is my new MacBook Pro. It's their newest model and I LOVE it. I got a pretty good deal and a student discount. Thank you federal government for the generous tax return that made this beautiful purchase possible.

Side note: Have I ever mentioned that excessive stress tends to bring out the drama queen in me? no? oh...well, it does.

So I'm not really sure I convinced myself of anything.... time will tell.

Oh swoon...

2011-03-05T22:33:00.001-07:00

I may or may not be a little obsessed....

I also am muy excited that it's coming this spring/summer and I'll be attending with my mom and sister!

This and that...

2011-03-03T11:43:00.003-07:00

1. I thought spring break was supposed to be relaxing. Instead I have been stressing all week about school and the rest of the semester.

2. I finally purchased a new computer and it's snazzy! I LOVE it. It's the new MacBook Pro. It's sleek, fast and it has all sorts of cool gadgets. I'm still learning what to use everything on it but it's great. I'm currently taking suggestions for names. Lisa likes Fiona...as in Fiona Apple. Yeah, I know she sure is punny!

3. I am teaching my first lesson in an actual classroom setting next week and I am freaking out. Yes, freaking out. I have been stressed for school but now I am battling constant anxiety attacks about this silly lesson next week. I don't know why I'm so anxious. I've taught before. I'm not particularly afraid to speak in public or in front of large groups. But stick me in front of 35 or 40 7th and 8th graders and I freak out.

4. The boxes have started to appear. Our lease is up May 1st and we're all departing our dear old apartment. We'll be saying good bye to our lovely two story, red brick duplex. Drafty windows, creaky/lumpy floors and small kitchen...so long. I'm trying not to think about it because it'll just add more stress to it all (see #3 & 1). But it's hard not to when everyone is starting to pack up. I have to get through this semester, finish finals, box up my stuff, move, and plan and attend a bridal shower all in the next two months. It'll be fine. deep breaths...deep breaths. I apologize in advance to everyone if I seem a bit snappish. It's not personal.

5.I finally got my car registered. I'm legal to drive.

I'm ridiculously stressed and am on the verge of tears frequently. I miss being able to spend time with my friends and family guilt free. I imagine that it won't always be like this, right? Next semester will be easier? Please? Someone PLEASE tell me that this isn't my life for the next year and a half!!!

Thoughts of a stressed out and slightly overwhelmed woman...

2011-02-17T20:00:00.003-07:00

1- I have never appreciated a clean bedroom so much before and never has my personal space been quite so messy and cluttered for such an extended period of time.

2- After years of doing the on again off again diet/exercise thing, I've finally found something that works for me. It's called the Grad Student Diet. It involves lots of Diet Dr. Coke, at most 6 hours of sleep (more like 4), on average one meal a day (on week days, this may go up to two meals a day on weekends), and running all over town to school, work, and methods placements.

3- I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

4- I need to either constantly remind myself or have someone remind me that I have absolutely no doubt in my mind that this is what I want to do with the rest of my life.

5- I miss spending time with my friends and family.

6- Clean clothes are somewhat overrated

7- I know I don't want to teach in an elementary school and am leaning towards middle school but haven't completely ruled out high school.

8- I am slowly developing my own classroom management philosophy and it kind of feels good.

9- Diet Coke, Goldfish crackers (the original flavor) and crescent rolls....'nuff said.

10- I miss reading for the joy of it.

11- I am learning a whole new language of acronyms and educational jargon.

12- Spring break cannot come soon enough.

Probably could have handled that better...

2011-02-06T21:45:00.002-07:00

It was a rough week. School was difficult, work was especially workish, I couldn't stop thinking about my church obligations and it seemed like my pants actually shrunk and my hair wouldn't do anything other than lie flat and limp against my head. All I wanted to do all week was crawl into bed and watch trashy TV/movies on Netflix. So what did I do this weekend...? Exactly that. I stayed in bed literally all weekend. I came up for food occasionally but other than that I hunkered down and snuggled in deep with the blankets and my Watch Instantly Netflix streaming right to my computer. Love the digital age. I slept late, stayed up even later and basically ignored my life for two straight days. But I did, at least shower every day (I'm not a complete heathen!) That is, of course, the mature and adult approach to such burn out. I'm fairly certain I freaked my roommates out and I even went over to my parents this evening and watched...the Super Bowl! I know...kind of frightening, right?

I tend to take on more than I can reasonably handle and then I get surprised and upset when I get burned out and have to hibernate for two whole days. You would think I'd learn my lesson and not take on so much. But there's always that thought in the back of my head..."well, so and so could handle this!" or "So and so does this AND rescues puppies from the pound all while finding a cure for cancer!". I have unrealistic expectations of my own capabilities and as a result I have spent the past weekend second guessing my own potential and ability to succeed in my chosen field. Yes, So and So does rescue puppies from the pound, in addition to canning all her own fruit/veggies, cooks delicious meals from scratch, works out every day (not that she actually needs to) and is sweet and funny to boot. But that's So and So. You'd think that after falling into this trap so many times, that I'd actually learn from it. Not even two weeks ago and I was giving myself a proverbial pat on the back for doing so well and all that. It's amazing how little it takes to bring us to our knees - or in my case, queen sized pillow topped mattress with comfy flannel sheets.

I really am grateful but...

2011-02-01T20:21:00.003-07:00

...I am more than ready to purchase a new vehicle...other than that whole pesky payment issue. Can someone please remind me why I'm not independently wealthy?

Brunhilda (Hilda for short) and I have had quite a trip together. She's got her quirks but she's kept me company on many a trip across the southern Nevada/Southern California desert. We've been to St. George and back several times. We've been up north quite a bit. Yes, the past nearly seven years have been good years for us and yet...she's loosing steam. She knows it and I know it.

The driver side door still won't unlock from the outside...meaning, I have to unlock the passenger door, crawl in and lean across to unlock the driver side door. Get out, walk around and then open the driver side door. Doesn't seem like too big a deal...hah! Try doing it in a skirt and heels when you're parked on the street. And now the passenger door is starting to stick too.
In other lock related issues, the trunk will only open by using the lever by the driver side door. The key no longer works on the trunk lock and I'm fairly certain it hasn't worked for years.
The heater takes at least 15 - 20 minutes to actually warm up to do anything other than blow cold air back in your face. It takes even longer depending on how cold it is outside.
The roof is slowly rusting, sending a nice shower of bronzey confetti as I cruise down the freeway.
The CD player may or may not keep your CD for an indefinite period of time. Be sure you really like that CD because you may be listening to it for quite some time. OR don't put in your favorite CD because you may never get it back.
The seat belts in both the seats up front may or may not let you use them. They decide to lock at the most inopportune moments.
The emergency break is apparently on the fritz and wouldn't do any good.
I was driving down the freeway tonight and I hear a slight popping noise and I notice that the hood of my car isn't latched completely. It's being held down by the secondary latch, because that's safe!
I'm also missing a hubcap from when my dad drove her up to Idaho over the summer.

Hilda and I have had quite a journey together but really...I think I'm ready for an upgrade...unfortunately, my bank account disagrees.

Oh what a day...

2011-01-28T21:27:00.005-07:00

I need a little friendly advise, oh mighty blogosphere...

I had several...situations, we'll call them, arise this morning. All in all, it was a pretty good morning. I got some incredibly good feed back from a no nonsense, call it like it is, New Yorker professor, I nailed my lesson this morning, and I looked great when I ran into someone I haven't seen since high school. The balance of the day was great but...yeah.

I've posted previously about my program and some of the attitudes and people in the program. I struggle with this new cohort. A lot. There is a general attitude of pretentiousness and bitterness. On more than one occasion comments have been made that were insensitive and borderline offensive. There is a general attitude of self righteous arrogance. Most of it is directed towards the LDS Church and the resulting dominant culture. But there have also been comments made about Special Education students and culturally and linguistically diverse populations. It's been enough to get my blood boiling on more than one occasion or a frustration headache at their general insensitivity and sometimes blatant ignorance.

Today it reached new levels. I am actually considering going to the professor in question as well as the director of the program. We were presenting mini snippets of lessons just to have a sort of dry run before we get to the actual classrooms. Situation one. This girl is not my cup of tea. She's from Park City, drives an Audie her father bought for her. She giggles and laughs her way through difficult situations and hardly ever has anything constructive to contribute to any discussion. We were the first to arrive this morning and I'm getting ready for my lesson. She told me she is currently teaching at Park City High and an English TA had prepared a PowerPoint on Shakespeare that she decided to use for her assignment in this class. Through out the presentation it became blatantly obvious that she had not put the PowerPoint together and, most likely, had not even looked through it before getting up to present. Now, the lovely roommie told me that I should say something to the professor since Park City had no qualms telling me it wasn't her work. Part of me wants to but the other part feels bad...thoughts?

NOW...this one is a real winner. This particular student, lets call him Big Mouth Bass (BMB for short) has never been my favorite person and I rarely, if ever, agree with any statement that comes out of his mouth. Add in an obnoxious nickname that he insists going by and it's a win/win situation all around. During the course of his lesson on the Massacre of Wounded Knee and the Ghost Dance BMB referenced something incredibly sacred and personal to me, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in a way that made it blatantly apparent he had no understanding or respect for what he was so casually discussing. I almost walked out of the room I was so offended. After his presentation the professor told him, he can't go there...ever. I almost said something at that point. Everyone in the class knows I'm LDS and they kept looking at me, as I was clearly upset. I was on the verge of saying something but didn't in the end because if I had it probably wouldn't have been very constructive and probably would have done more damage that good.

BMB has always had an attitude when it comes to members of the LDS Church. I don't know what his history is with the Church but it's apparent that something has happened. He is constantly making thinly veiled comments about the culture and the conservative values shared by most Latter Day Saints. I haven't gotten too up in arms and I've tried not to get too offended. For most people, it's just ignorance but BMB seems to take pleasure in saying some of these things and takes every opportunity to do so. He even went so far as to say it is the "conservative culture" (aka the influence of Mormons) that is causing Utah's rising high school drop out rate. (completely and utterly false. there are a multitude of reasons that will affect the drop out rate. conservatism, isn't really high on that list - but that will be saved for another time). He seems to think that conservative people of faith, members of the LDS church in particular, are simply brainwashed sheep that can't think for themselves. He has no respect for our beliefs or our ability to make our own decisions.He made a comment today in class to the effect of he needs to "dumb himself down" to teach 7th grade - an incredibly worrying attitude to have going into the teaching profession.

Here's my major concern, aside from being incredibly offended by this incident, BMB is going to be teaching many, many students that are LDS. He is going to be in a position of authority over these students. If he can't respect their belief system and if can't treat them with dignity, should he be teaching them at all? I have a serious concern about him in a classroom full of impressionable kids. I am 26, almost 27 years old. I can separate myself and my beliefs from the insensitive, inappropriate and often times, offensive comments he makes. But will a 12 year old be able to do that? He didn't even realize that what he had done was problematic. He won't mention that particular aspect of the LDS faith again but what off hand comments will he make in class? He didn't see how what he had said was different from teaching Utah History. Students will pick up on that. If he can't put his own prejudice aside, should he be in a classroom in an environment where many, if not most, of his students will be of the LDS faith? I'm not saying that's good or bad, I'm simply stating the reality of the demographics of Utah public schools in most, not all, areas. I do know one thing, I wouldn't want my hypothetical child or any of my nieces or nephews in his classroom.

So here's my question(s)...do I tell my professor about Park City and her PowerPoint?

What do I do about Big Mouth Bass? I need to go talk to my professor about something else, anyway. I may simply thank her for what she said to him and possibly mention my concerns. What do you all think? Should I say something or just let it go?

My blue suede shoes...

2011-01-20T13:45:00.005-07:00

So these aren't blue shoes and they're technically boots but...what do you think? You think I could pull off these purple suede boots?

See...it doesn't quite have the same ring to it, does it?

My Peeps

2011-01-20T10:55:00.002-07:00

No not the fluffy sugar covered kind...the real life totally awesome people kind! I don't know if people check the side bar linky thing to other blogs (I know I sometimes forget) but I've added a few in the past little while that I think you all should check out for various reasons. This one (Sara) is my dear friend from college. She was the very, absolutely first friend I made when I went to Scripps. We bonded over sleeping on the hard tile floor the night before Outdoor Orientation. And then some more over lack of hygiene and puking in tents. Seriously, if you can make it through a week of the outdoors, no showers, hairy legs and vomit, you can make it through anything. Her blog is mostly about food. She makes some pretty tasty stuff. So all you foodies out there will want to check it out.

And this one (Dad) is my dad. I know, shocking, my father has joined the blogosphere...what has the world come to!? Last fall he bought some property up north and has been having this Out of Africa in Idaho experience. So the blog is just his thoughts and adventures up there. So all you outdoorsy folks will probably like it.

This one (Abode) is one of my favorite consignment shops in the valley. It's stuffed to the rafters with cool and random stuff. Clothes, furniture, decor, jewelry, books...they've got it all. Many of you already know about the store but I wasn't sure if you knew about the blog. I know I didn't until recently.

Enjoy!

Oh grow up...

2011-01-18T12:00:00.005-07:00

I was driving home from work, late as usual, last week. It had been a long day and I was tired and I sort of went into auto pilot. I was driving down 900 East and the road was pretty empty. I drove through a random burst of fog that lasted about two seconds and continued on towards home and my waiting, warm, welcoming bed. My mind started to wander and somewhere between 21st South and 13th South I had a rather existential moment. An epiphany, of sorts. I realized that I am an adult. Crazy, I know. But really, for most of my 20s I've felt like something of a poser. I may seem all mature and what not, or maybe not, but really underneath it all, I'm just an insecure, unsure 16 year old. I've been taking care of myself for years now. Paying rent, paying bills, working a 9-5 job...all very adult-y things. But I've never actually felt like an adult.

I guess somewhere in my mind I was still hanging on to my childhood version and perceptions of adulthood. Husband, 2.5 kids, a dog perhaps and a house. When I pictured "being an adult" that is what I saw. A self possessed, witty, woman that had all the answers, an incredibly handsome husband that adored her, had an immaculately clean house, cooked delicious meals, sewed her kids costumes and still had time to pursue her own interests.

Well, life didn't quite turn out that way and now at 26 and change...almost 27 years of life, I guess I've had to reevaluate my perception of what it means to be an adult.

I've been living on my own since college with a brief hiatus at my parent's house.
I have been able to always pay my rent, put gas in my car, pay my bills, clothe myself and put food in my fridge and lately a little put away for a rainy day.
I don't have all the answers but I've actually realized that's ok and not as terrifying as it sounds. I know how to find the answers I don't know and understand that maybe it's not as important that I know that right this second.
I don't have my own kids but I love being an aunt.
Not having kids also means I can buy that book or pair of shoes or whatnot because it's just me. I don't have to buy diapers or formula or any other baby specific paraphernalia.
Yet, I would give up the extra shoes and books and bags for a family in a heartbeat.
I know what I want to do with my life and even if a husband and family never enters the picture, which I seriously hope it does, I will live a happy and fulfilled life. I've found something I'm passionate about and for now, that's enough.
I have faith that everything will work out the way the Lord intends BUT I also know that I have to do my part.
Responsibility is a funny thing...

Moral of the story is, life didn't turn out the way that I anticipated but as I look back I'm not sure what experiences I would change or take out. Some were pretty horrific and unpleasant. Others were just down right heart breaking but I can trace some of my own beliefs, personality traits and self knowledge back to those events and I wouldn't be who I am without them. At 26 and change, I've accepted...at least mostly...that my life and adulthood isn't what I expected and that's just fine with me.

1:00 am...what...?

2011-01-13T00:31:00.003-07:00

I went to Denver over New Years and stayed with the older brother and his cute family. It was freezing but we hunkered down in our blankets, built up the fire and walked around with our sweatshirts and slippers (in my case legwarmers and two pairs of socks) and had a good time. We stayed up until midnight or later every night and I slept in until 10:00 or even 11:00 one morning. It was deliciously extravagant seeing as how I hardly ever got to do that last semester having to be to work by 6:00am. That means I woke up at 4:30 to leave the house somewhere between 5:30 and 5:45 am. It's really dark.

So now you're probably asking yourself, why on earth is she blabbing about all this? Well, really the question you should be asking is now why am I blabbing about this, but rather, why are you still reading...? Chew on that for a while!

But seriously, I started my new semester and with it a new work schedule. I keep my days open for homework (supposedly when my three other roomies aren't home - this hasn't happened quite yet as we've been sick in rotation...just spreading the love, right?) and later field observations. I'm in class by 3:30 or 4:30 (depending on the day) and then I go right to work until 10:00 or 11:00 at night. My point is, it is amazing how quickly my body switched to late nights. I stayed up until 2:30 a couple of nights ago to finish a lesson plan because the "juices" just started to flow...wow, that sounded wrong. In college my most productive hours where between midnight and 2am. It's amazing what one can accomplish when the rest of the house is sleeping. It also helps that I can sleep a little later.

I'm trying to get up by no later than 9:00 to at least attempt to structure my day. Some days are better than others...what can I say, I'm a work in progress.

Does this make me a snob?

2011-01-06T20:21:00.003-07:00

I went to my Special Ed K-6 Methods class this afternoon/evening. The professor is a visiting professor that currently teaches at Murray High School and has done some semesters at SLCC. We spent almost an hour going over (word for word) the syllabus because she didn't write it and didn't know what it said. I'm sorry...even if you didn't write the syllabus, shouldn't you at least be clear on what is in said syllabus. If you're unclear about the objectives and/or the assignments of the class then you really should check with whoever it is you need to check with to get clarification...preferably BEFORE the first class...just sayin.

The class is about half graduate/half undergraduate students. The undergrads routinely got up and left the class or spent it chatting amongst each other. Then they had somewhat silly questions about the syllabus and needed her to tell them what the homework was for next week. Just look at the syllabus! I don't have a problem with them as people but I guess I'm just used to a certain amount of...professionalism? Educational experience/expectations...? I'm not sure but when they heard that the grad students taking GenEd Methods had to do 60 total hours of observations in addition to the 15 for this class they nearly had a conniption fit and they don't even have to do them!

The class is only three hours but it felt so much longer than my four hour class I had on Tuesday.

So here's the question: Does requiring my professor to be prepared for class and not wanting to have undergrads in my graduate class make me an educational snob?

Work it girl...

2011-01-06T19:50:00.002-07:00

Well, today has been a good day. I didn't leave the house until about 3:00 (don't judge, I'm shifting my days about six hours later...) but in the intervening four hours I have been told in Spanish that I have beautiful eyes and a fantastic smile, that I look really good by three of my fellow classmates, I have cute dimples (I didn't know I have dimples) by a coworker and I got an appreciative wink from the 711 guy when I purchased my hot chocolate. All in all...not too shabby.

Super exciting update post

2010-12-21T07:00:00.003-07:00

I haven't really blogged much lately so I figured I'd give you all the rundown on what's been happening the past month...I seriously can't believe December is almost over. Only a matter of weeks before another year has come and gone...

1)Finished my second semester...woot! Official grades don't get posted until tomorrow but I'm fairly positive I did pretty well in each of my classes. As I was thinking back over the past two semesters I was somewhat surprised, not how easy it all was because it's definitely been a challenge, but how it all just seemed to click and make sense for me. It's been stressful and at times, emotional but I love what I'm learning and I love that it seems to come somewhat naturally for me.

2) Got two new Church Callings...bringing my grand total to THREE church callings. I am the Fellow shipping CoChair with the lovely Lisa, I teach Relief Society once a month and I am now one of two Stake YSA Reps. Add in my school/work schedule for next semester...I'll be a busy girl. My old ward was so massive that you (or at least I) felt more like just another nameless face in the crowd. My current ward is so tiny that it's impossible to be invisible. It's nice to feel needed and appreciated...like what I have to offer is worthwhile.

3) Had a fabulous Christmas party. It was sort of a celebration for me finishing up my semester too. Well, for me it was, I don't think anyone else had any idea. But it was nice to see some friends I hadn't seen in quite a while and get caught up on the goings on of their lives. It was also a chance for me to get my inner Martha on. I had fun decorating the house (with the help of the roommies) and setting a festive table. I am truly my mother's daughter. I love to set a pretty table and have everything look just so. I know most people don't really notice or care but I like doing it and I think it adds a little something extra to whatever the occasion.

4) To piggyback off of #3, I am hosting Christmas Eve at my apartment this week. I LOVE the Christmas Season and I love when all the family gathers around to celebrate. We sing carols and eat yummy food and just spend time together. It doesn't happen to often these days so it's nice when we can all get together.

5) I'm heading to Denver for New Year's! I'm super excited to get to see my adorable niece and nephew...their parent's aren't too bad either. :) I don't' know what we'll do but I am definitely excited to see them and spend some time with them.

6) Coolest.Roommate.Ever. For Christmas she bought me a beautiful copy of Wordsworth's poetry printed in the late 1800's. It's bound in beautiful blue leather, has gold leaf edges and a great frontispiece of Wordsworth's portrait. Best.Gift.Ever!

6.5) Actually, the legwarmers I'm wearing under my jeans today, are coming in a close second. It's cold and wet outside and just plain cold inside, they're keeping my legs nice and warm!

I guess that's all for now. I know, not the most riveting post ever but I felt the need to 'put it out there', as it were. Hope you all have a fantastic Christmas and a wonderful New Year! Be safe!

Blasphemous

2010-12-06T16:14:00.003-07:00

Tell me, is it morally wrong of me to suddenly want a Nook? Not just want but really want? I know. I'm a literary purist snob. I love the smell of dusty book covers and old leather. I love the feel of a worn and loved book cover. There's something comforting about the weight of book. It's reassuring and exciting. They're old friends that can remind you of moments in the past. Whenever I look at my bookshelves that are crammed full, overflowing with delightful stories and old friends, I can't help but sigh in contentment.

And yet...I really want a Nook. I hang my head in shame....

Focus, Kelly...Focus!

2010-12-04T10:27:00.003-07:00

This has been a fairly busy week. A final on Monday, classes, haircut (love Frank), lesson plan portfolio, interview on Friday, date on Saturday, Patrick's Senior Recital on Sunday...

I'm sitting here trying to finish my lesson plan portfolio and I can only finish a small section before my brain says "Break time!" I'm trying to differentiate six different lesson plans for the process, product and content for an imaginary ELL and SPED student. Blah! It's easy enough but it's tedious and I find myself wanting to differentiate the entire lesson plan instead of just one section. I know, you all find this so fascinating. After next Friday, I will be done for the semester. Did you hear the choir of Angels singing? I know I sure did. It's been a rough semester and I can't even tell you why. The assignments and readings were more intense last semester but I think I just enjoyed it more. It just seemed more difficult to balance everything this semester...work, school, church, social life. Next semester isn't going to be any easier. I have class three days a week 3:30 - 7:20 and then I'll work 8 - 11pm most days with a long day on Tuesdays. I'll have some field work during the day and in between all that i'll have to finish homework and do all the other mundane tasks of life. Only two more years of this...woohoo!!

Enough of my complaining...life is good. I'm happy, if not a little stressed. I'm doing what I love and life is good.

This and that...

2010-12-01T22:28:00.003-07:00

Today was a slightly frustrating day. In class this morning we were treated to a lecture on professional behavior because apparently this cohort is suffering from a lack of professionalism. Now, Westminster's Education department is fairly liberal as far as their educational philosophy is concerned, especially relative to the rest of the state. This fact tends to attract a certain type of student. We are outspoken, passionate, potential reforms, movers and shakers. There are also quite of few of the "Utah Haters". These are people that are not part of the cultural majority and are vocal in their frustrations/animosity towards the dominant Utah culture. Usually I don't let it get to me but today I was beyond irritated. The comment was made (in reference to professionalism in schools) that we are joining a conservative profession in a conservative state. A student added that could it possibly that conservatism that is causing the rising drop out rate of high school students?

Huh....? There are so many other factors that lead to high school drop out.

I struggle with this. The idea that 'liberal' people are more open minded and welcoming than conservative people. It's one of the great ironies of the label 'liberal'. Don't get me wrong, when it comes to educational philosophy and legislation, I think there needs to be some serious conversations and change but I don't think it's a problem unique to our conservative state.

It's like the class last year where everyone started railing against NCLB (No Child Left Behind). Is it flawed? yes. Is it punitive? yes. Do I think it needs to be tweaked, adjusted, changed? Absolutely. However...ranting and raving about it in a graduate class in a small liberal arts college in Salt Lake City, Utah, isn't going to change the federal legislation. It is the reality we are faced with as educators and it is better to figure out how to work within the confines of the regulations while trying to effect change.

It's a waste of time and energy to rail against the mountain. We need to be involved and vote responsibly but it's not going to change overnight and we need to know what the reality will be and how we can be effective teachers within that reality. The conservative nature of Utah is not going to change...Do I wish it wasn't quite so conservative, sure, but it is and I need to know what my reality is going to be as an educator.

I get frustrated when people act like they know better or are more enlightened than the masses that are simply blindly following dogma. It's disrespectful and it certainly is not professional.

Whew....that has been eating at me all day.

A little something for your auditory pleasure

2010-11-18T08:20:00.001-07:00

Blog worthy moments

2010-11-18T06:48:00.007-07:00

As a, possibly, fellow blogger I'm sure you understand or have used the phrase "blog-worthy". I wonder if it's part of the urban dictionary or if it's even in the dictionary. How long does it take for a word to be added to the dictionary? I know "bootylicious" is in the dictionary.

Bootylicious (adj.): slang sexually attractive, esp with a curvaceous buttocks.

No joke that is the definition of bootylicious on dictionary.com. But I digress...what I mean is there are moments in life that are ironic, sad, happy, exciting, hysterical, upsetting, weird ect. and I think to myself...man, that's blog-worthy. Now, sometimes I'm blogging simply for my own catharsis. It's a bit narcissistic, I know, to assume that the anonymous masses out there would actually care about some of my so-called "blog-worthy" moments. BUT blogs are narcissistic in nature and if you can't get behind that then why have you read this far...hhhmmmm?

But I digress yet again, my apologies. The point of all this yammering is last night I had a 100% blog-worthy evening. I went with a couple of people to see the Les Miserables 25th Anniversary concert at Century 16. You know all those previews you see for the Met? Well same concept except this was Les Miserables. Oh my heavens....so so so so SO good!!

At the very end of the concert, after the finale they brought out the original cast. Colm Wilkinson (original Valjean), Alfie Boe (Valjean for the concert) another London cast of Valjean AND John Owen Jones, arguable the best Valjean I've ever heard, all sang a gorgeous four part harmony of "Bring Him Home". It was amazing. The writers, lyricist and the original producer were all there. It was so worth the $15 I paid.

Nick Jonas played Marius and I had to giggle a little...or a lot when he first showed up. So serious and earnest! But I reread the bio info and apparently he played Gavroche in the original Broadway run of the show...go figure!

Shannon and I decided that we'll go to London for the 50th Anniversary concernt because THAT would be amazing!

Too much...?

2010-11-11T10:12:00.007-07:00

I have a tendency to want to take on the world and I load my plate up with all kinds of wonderful goodness. I see so many great opportunities and I just can't help but want to be a part of it all. A professor I had is involved with an educational outreach program through Westminster in India. It's a school for young girls that have been orphaned or abandoned by their families...right up my alley, right? I know, that's what I thought too. So I signed my name to the sheet of paper he passed around for those of us that would like more information. We've gotten occasional emails about meetings and such but I haven't been able to make it to one due to class/work conflicts.

I was also sitting in class last week and my professor started talking about all the endorsements Westminster offers. I was already planning on doing the Special Ed (SPED) endorsement which, as it turns out, isn't an endorsement but an additional license (K-12). As I've become more aware of what my reality is going to be as a teacher I thought it was also be a good idea to tack on an ELL (English Language Learners) endorsement...a lot of districts are actually requiring this now or are moving in that direction. My professor also mentioned Westminster offers a Reading endorsement. My brain automatically perks up and says, I can totally do that.

But...it doesn't stop there. Nope, not me. Why stop at only two endorsements and two license? That would just by silly, wouldn't it? Well, I thought so too. Which is why, when my professor told us that after completing one of the endorsements (any one) we'd only be a couple of credits away from a second Master's (MED - Masters in Education).

.......

For those of you who know me really well, you know where this is heading. Two Masters?? Suuuurrrre! Sign me up!

And yesterday in my intro to ELL/SPED class, I thought to myself, "self, wouldn't it be so great if you could speak Spanish...?"

...I don't think I've quite mastered the principles in Elder Oaks' talk

I think the universe may be trying to tell me something...

2010-11-06T17:31:00.002-06:00

...on my super cute new memo board I have three coupons for three different shoe stores. I have a $10 off at DSW, $10 off at Famous Footwear and 10% off at zooshoo.com. I have been searching said stores for something to use these discounts with but alas, I haven't found anything that just cries out...BUY ME!....

I'll wait while you all recover from shock....

.....

.................................

Fortunately, they don't expire for a while, so I've got some time to find something adorable!

Hobby Heaven

2010-11-06T17:22:00.002-06:00

I'm a huge fan of craft stores...especially around the holidays. I get the craft bug. I can wander around Michaels and Roberts for quite a while, but I typically don't buy too much. I also LOVE home good stores. I love the kitchen/home decor section of Khols. I love Home Goods and the Ross kitchen/home decor section. I love IKEA, Tai Pan Trading and the upstairs at Smith's Market Place and all their decor. I love it. It's cheap...ish, it's cute...what's not to love.

Yesterday Lisa introduced me to the glory of Hobby Lobby. We were driving home from Tai Pan Trading (got ten water goblets for $20!) on our way to Cafe Rio. After a wrong turn and a slight detour we found a newish shopping center with a Cafe Rio and to Lisa's extreme excitement, a Hobby Lobby. Now, Lisa has talked about this store for a very long time. She talks about it the way a little kid talks about a toy store or a candy store. There is one in Layton and every year she goes home for Thanksgiving she comes back with an entire carload of various home decor/crafty items. Okay...maybe it's not an entire carload but it's a ton of stuff.

Let me just say...I have been converted to the wonder and amazingness of Hobby Lobby. Seriously. They were having a huge sale (which apparently is a pretty common occurrence). I got several boxes of Christmas ornaments for $4 and $3. I got a super cute memo/magnetic board for my desk area. I also got a light switch plate...random, perhaps but I have been wanting one since my last apartment. I've also been wanting decorative knobs for my dresser and desk. I love the ones at Anthropologie but I'm not about to pay $12 a knob when I need 11 plus a new handle for my nightstand. I'm not that rich. Hobby Lobby had a huge selection of knobs...however, I already spent quite a but so that'll be next time.

They had fabric, silk flowers, furniture, Christmas decor, sewing, knitting, crocheting supplies, wall art, hooks, clocks, mirrors, frames....seriously. It was amazing! I love Hobby Lobby!

My Vanity project

2010-11-04T13:16:00.007-06:00

Many thanks to my dear friend, Ashley Stolworthy, and Lemon Drop Photography. Because every girl deserves to feel beautiful.

Halloween

2010-11-01T15:57:00.004-06:00

I wasn't sure what or even if I would going to dress up this Halloween. My ward wasn't doing a Halloween party (we went to a Haunted House instead...bleh). But Wednesday night after getting off of work around 5:00, I decided I wanted to dress up as my childhood nickname namesake. Lisa and I went to Joanne's to gather supplies and I realized how little I know about sewing and fabric. I also realized that two days before Halloween is not a very good time to be heading to the fabric store...it was packed with last minute costume creations. Anyway...here's the final product. I must say, I'm actually pretty proud of myself.

There was lots of glitter involved

Pretty good if you ask me!

Do you like Vintage stuff?

2010-10-20T20:37:00.003-06:00

Do you like supporting good causes? If you do, this Saturday you should come check out the grand opening of "For Jake's Sake". I'm going...you should come too!

Superman!

2010-10-20T10:55:00.003-06:00

I saw the movie Waiting for Superman yesterday afternoon. I could get up on my righteous indignation soap box but I'm not going to because I think the film truly speaks for itself. It's heartbreaking and frightening and if it doesn't make you at least think a little bit about the future of our country and the future of our children, then nothing will. So really, go see it. It's playing at the Broadway Theater. Really....go see it.

The Shoeologist

2010-10-08T13:01:00.001-06:00

I think today is a shoe themed day. Go check out this website for all our shoe loving needs! Trust me...do it!

And Bows!

2010-10-08T09:10:00.001-06:00

Oh how I love fall!!

Oh the Buttons!

2010-10-08T09:03:00.001-06:00

You know how I love buttons!!!

Get out...Now!

2010-10-07T20:45:00.002-06:00

I'm standing at the Redbox at the 711 on 13th and 8th south, perusing the selection, minding my own business. I was debating if I really wanted to get Prince of Persia. Is Jake Gyllenhall really worth the $1+? I decided it was. As I'm waiting for my movies of choice to "vend" (Redbox term) I hear loud...really loud rap music pouring out of a red Explorer. I look over my shoulder, a normal reaction when one hears such loud music in such close proximity. Walking...or rather strutting, into the 711 is the scariest looking man I have ever seen in my entire life. He looked like he had just walked out of...I don't know what - something really scary. I had been planing on going into the 711 to get a box of Junior Mints or possibly some Swedish Fish. BUT as the scary, scary man walked by me and my blood literally turned cold and my heart started to race, the thought entered my mind. Leave. Get in your car and leave. Just as I was walking to my car he walked out of the 711 and watched me walk to me car. I had to make myself walk calmly to my car. I very calmly (at least tried to) got into my car and resisted the urge to peel out of the parking lot. I had a minor heart attack when I saw him get out of his car and head down the same direction on 800 South. Nothing happened but it seriously freaked me out. I'll be the first to admit that I have an over active imagination. I once was house sitting in California and called my older brother in Utah at 2am (California time) because I heard a thump in the house and was convinced someone was trying to get in the house. However, I have never before in my entire life been so terrified, and I've taken on a Semi and lived to tell the tail!

Love or Not love

2010-09-21T13:15:00.002-06:00

I love...

walking out to my car in the morning, looking through the trees and seeing Orion perfectly framed by the branches (yes, I leave early enough to still see the stars clearly)
learning a new skill
exploring my inner craft goddess
crispy leaves
Mint Moose Tracks Ice Cream
engaging in interesting discussions on topics I am passionate about
listening to the ordered chaos of a lively family dinner
new socks

I do not love...

waking up long before the sun comes up
the lock of the driver side door of my car is broken and I have not had the time/energy to deal with it yet
allergies that make my nose red and raw
the days seem to get away from me

Dark and Twisty

2010-09-17T08:17:00.004-06:00

We all have our dark and twisty moments. Moments where we doubt ourselves, doubt each other, question what we're doing with our lives. I recently went to my dark and twisty place... very dark and twisty. We're talking creepy Putty Caves dark and twisty. The place where the government had to seal it off because people kept dying, dark and twisty. There were several triggers for it, school, beauty and sense of self, friends, boys, family, work...teeny tiny crisis of faith.

I have had a rather complicated relationship with food most of my adult and pre-adult life. I have dabbled in various diets, work out routines, a youthful indiscretion with disordered eating. I love food, I do, but it seems to me that the ambiguous "they" seems to tell me that's bad. I shouldn't love food the way I do. I eat a cookie and I feel guilt for hours after. I want to eat pizza or pasta and there's the voice inside my head that worries what people will say about the heifer eating the carb heavy extravaganza. I just want to eat my bread in peace. Can't you just let me, oh creepy voice in my head? It's gotten to the point where I have started to equate my happiness and prospects in life to a slice of pizza or a delicious fudge brownie or ice cream. If I eat that ice cream, I'll gain 300 pounds and the I'll die alone and no one will know until the fire department is called in because of the smell. (Putty Caves).

In my rational, feminist, go me, thought process, I know this is ridiculous. I do. I know that eating that cookie or that plate of pasta isn't going to damn me to a lonely unfulfilled life of doilies and cats. I know this...but I still can't seem to shut up the voice in my head. I sometimes wonder if it's something in my head and no matter what my previous experiences, are I would still feel this way or if it had never even been an issue, if I would still have such a complicated relationship with food.

I had originally planned a fantastic, scathing, diatribe about the social construct of beauty. I even started writing it several times. It was going to raise a righteous indignation in the masses and start a grass roots movement to change how the media portrays beauty and the double standard of physical attrativeness between men and women. (Anyone seen Hitch?) Obviously, that didn't happen.

Last night I mentioned my dark and twisty moment to a roommate and she didn't know I had gone to my personal Putty Caves. In her defense, since school has started I tend to hybernate in my room, so not too much changed in my general behavior. It really was a mental shift. The comment was made that she didn't know that I wasn't a subdued person in general. That made me sad, I know that wasn't her intended purpose, but it made me sad, nevertheless. Somewhere along the line I've slipped into survival mode. I've diverted all excess energy to keeping the main functions of life moving forward. School, work, eating, bathing...breathing some days. It's sad that I don't have the energy to get all agitated and passionate about the topics I love. If I don't think about it too much I can almost pretend that everything is alright and the scary thing is, most of the time I believe it. We all have our personal Putty Caves. Our dark and twisty places.

This never gets old..

2010-09-16T14:28:00.001-06:00

LIE! LIE! LIE!

Boys Will Be Girls

2010-09-16T08:06:00.001-06:00

Have you all seen this?

Dumbest.Book.Ever

2010-09-15T09:03:00.004-06:00

I have been very disappointed in books lately. I read Mockingjay and I enjoyed it but thought the first book in the series was better. I wasn't seriously disappointed but mildly let down in my desire for a fantastic ending to an interesting and entertaining trilogy.

I then moved on to this book. Again, the premise sounds so interesting, especially considering society's preoccupation with beauty and the thriving beauty product industry - surgical and otherwise. I think I made it about a third of the way before giving up. I just didn't care about the story the author was trying to tell. I was interested in characters that didn't play a major role and I wanted to know more about some of the secondary characters rather than the primary characters. Needless to say, I stopped reading. It has been placed back on the shelf...possibly for another day, but probably not.

And then there's this book. Why in heaven's name, why?! I'm sure you've all seen this book and others like it..like this book. No? What about this one or perhaps this one. I've passed Pride and Prejudice and Zombies enough times in the bookstore to have gotten over the initial urge to cringe each time I saw it. As I saw more and more of these types of books pop up lately, I'm sorry to say my curiosity got the better of me. I just had to see what all the fuss was about. I want my $10 back. Oh and those several hours I spent reading it...yeah, want those back to.

Now, I know I'm a bit of a purist (ok...a lot of a purist) when it comes to the traditional English Literature Cannon but I can appreciate creativity and ingenuity when I see it. But I had to draw the line when after killing three of Lady Catherine De Bourg's ninjas, Elizabeth Bennet killed the third by pinning it to the wall with her Katana sword (huh?) and then finishing him off by punching her hand through his chest and ripping his heart out of his body and then eating it. I'm sorry...what?

Where is all the humor and satire? It seems the "author" (i use that term very loosely here) took out all the wonderful aspects of Austen's story and inserted Zombies, muskets, ninjas and dojos. Obviously he's catering to a very different audience but then why use Austen at all then? Or Tolstoy? or Shakespeare? The more I think about it, the more it irritates me. I suppose I should just be happy people are reading the "classics" but are they really?

I'm not saying that one has to read Austen or Tolstoy or any other of the "classics" to be an intelligent, well read person but if you're going to read them, at least read the original. And if Mr. Grahame-Smith had been in the least bit clever in his approach I probably would have enjoyed it. However, the only similarities between the two were character names and places. He would also occasionally insert some of the original dialogue...sometimes and very small portions.

I know Zombies, Vampires and werewolves are hot right now but really....? Enough already!

Late Night Internet Window Shopping

2010-09-03T22:57:00.002-06:00

So cute...

Do you ever...

2010-08-31T19:31:00.002-06:00

Do you ever have one of those days/weeks/months/years when it seems everything is conspiring against you? Yeah...me neither.

Twice in one week...

2010-08-25T21:29:00.002-06:00

I went to campus yesterday to pick up my books for the semester and it was teeming with undergrads there for freshman orientation. I had to chuckle a little at how terrified most of them looked. They moved in packs and timidly moved among the shelves of books at the bookstore. Most of them were still wearing name tags and clutching campus maps and class schedules. I was probably just as terrified but it's slightly humorous to see it from the other side.

I went to evening Institute Choir tonight and holy hannah! They're so young. I would estimate that a good 80-85% of the choir hadn't even started their first year of college yet. Yeesh...it makes me feel old!

This and that....

2010-08-20T10:05:00.004-06:00

-I am leaving for St. George in hopefully two or three hours...waiting for laundry to be done.
-Went wake boarding for the first time in nearly a decade on Tuesday and totally rocked it.
-Face planted twice on Tuesday due to not wake boarding in nearly a decade.
-Found several bruises and scrapes from Tuesday but I figure if you don't go home with some bruises then you're not playing hard enough. Go big or go home, right?
-Spending the weekend with Ash, Sarah and Jon....big laughs are sure to be forthcoming!
-Half Naked man swinging around on synthetic vines and singing with men/women dressed as gorillas...somewhat skeptical about this one but we'll see how it turns our.
-Start school next week along with new work schedule.
-Considering auditioning for the Institute Singers. Pro- get to sing regularly with talented singers and sing at CES broadcasts and such. Con- would have to wear a not so attractive choir dress. thoughts?
-Made a new friend via Facebook chat...wouldn't you know it, a social networking site actually did some social networking.
-Get to see Lion King next weekend with my niece...very excited!

Check it...

2010-08-18T06:35:00.001-06:00

You all really need to check out this blog. I've also linked it over in my sidebar thingy. I have a feeling this is going to a be brilliant thing. It's started by a friend and all posting is completely anonymous. If any would like to contribute let me know and I can send you the details. I've got a couple gems myself!

Here's my beef...

2010-08-13T14:23:00.002-06:00

I've said it before and I'm sure I'll say it again...I am the medical anomaly in my family. Remember 2007? No...well read here and here oh and here. Go ahead, I'll wait....

Yeah...it's fun being me, isn't it. Since my surgery I have been fairly healthy. No random trips to the ER or unexpected hospitalizations. No more monthly trips to the labs to get my blood drawn. Then almost two years ago I moved in with Lisa and suddenly I start getting sick like every couple of months. I got strep. I hadn't had strep since I got my tonsils out when I was 8. And yes, strep is every bit as horrible as you remember it. I also got the flu. Again, haven't had the flu since I was a kid.

More recently, I almost didn't go to the Shakespeare Festival because I had a strep-like sore throat but two days later it was gone. This morning I woke up feeling a little bleh but got up and went about my business and was at work on time - 6am, to be precise. As I got started with my day I became increasingly nauseous. All of which culminated in my loosing my proverbial cookies around 8. Obviously, I went home and promptly went back to bed.

I woke up several hours later to discover the reason why I had lost my breakfast. The.worst.cramps.ever. Yes, they were so bad I actually upchucked. On the bright side, I know exactly how long it takes for Midol to kick in...25 minutes. I know because that's how long I laid in bed in the fetal position curled around my heating pad.

TMI...?

Words are great...

2010-07-12T20:17:00.002-06:00

I love words. I love finding just the perfect word that absolutely encapsulates the meaning and feeling of what I'm trying to convey. I was reading the introduction to The Shame of the Nation by Jonathan Kozol and came across this little gem- excoriation. It means to denounce or berate severely; to verbally flay. "To verbally flay". How fantastic is that!! Not that I would ever want to be verbally flayed but isn't that imagery just fantastic?! It goes beyond anger straight to evisceration. Love it.

So excited..

2010-07-10T19:48:00.000-06:00

So excited for this project!!

Roses and Thorns

2010-07-10T15:13:00.004-06:00

Roses
Spent the morning taking photos of my shoes with my sister. She's making me a shoe calender. I know, she's pretty cool.

Got to see Audra McDonald in 110 in the Shade...pretty sweet.

New shoes really do fix most problems.

I am a matter of weeks away from being done with my first term of grad school.

I get to go to Bear Lake next weekend.

Went to Lagoon last night.

I absolutely love my Curriculum Design class.

I may buy new bedding tonight...I love bedding, books, and shoes. It doesn't take much to make me happy.

Thorns
My right eye has been twitching since Thursday
No more boy.

I've had the same headache since Monday.

I've got a two big curriculum projects due on Monday.

I've had Bad Romance by Lady Gaga stuck in my head since last night.

Retail Therapy...what?

2010-07-05T22:17:00.001-06:00

I just purchased four pairs of shoes from zooshoo.com. Got me some sexy new heals and some cute new flats. And all is right with the world....Photos to come.

110 in the Shade

2010-07-03T16:05:00.002-06:00

I got to see this last night!

Three Feet...

2010-07-02T23:53:00.002-06:00

....is all the separated me from three time Tony award winner Audra McDonald tonight. I got to see her perform at the Hale Theater in Orem in 110 Degrees in the Shade. A guy from my ward is in the cast and was able to get us some pretty sweet tickets (3rd row) for super cheap. I had never actually heard of this musical and didn't know much about it, but a.may.zing! Hale Theater is theater in the round and it's a tiny little theater so there really wasn't a bad seat in the house. BUT we were third row and I was right on the end so whenever they used those stairs for entrances and exits I could have reached out and touched them. Audra McDonald. She's amazing!

The Remarkable Soul of a Woman

2010-06-27T12:23:00.001-06:00

As a spirit daughter of our Heavenly Father, happiness is your heritage. You are a choice daughter of our Heavenly Father, and through the things you create and by your compassionate service, you are a great power for good. You will make the world a better place. Life up your chin: walk tall. God loves you.

-President Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Raspberry Milanos and Orange Juice

2010-06-22T16:14:00.002-06:00

My first two grad classes ended last week. I'm still working on a few papers, but after tomorrow afternoon I will officially be done with them. I have thoroughly enjoyed my classes and the discussions we've had in class, but towards the end of the class I got fairly frustrated. I'm not sure if it was just the nature of the two courses I was taking, or if it was the nature of education, but we just seemed to talk in circles. We spent approximately 6 weeks discussing educational theories and what is currently working/not working in our current educational model. I firmly believe that to be a good teacher it is critical to have a firm understanding of what the issues are. However, if all we ever do is talk about this issues, how is anything ever going to change? In the 6 weeks and endless conversations we had in my two classes, we never really quite got around to how to fix the issues.

I don't think anyone can argue that students that are coming from lower socioeconomic backgrounds, cultural differences, ELL students, Special Education students, and other underrepresented groups are at a distinct disadvantage. The studies have been done to back this up. It's an accepted aspect of the public school system. It's important to understand this in order to teach effectively, BUT what are we going to do about it???

In our last class discussion we were doing a general wrap up and I commented that I was frustrated because we didn't seem to discuss any possible solutions. This opened up a can of worms from many of my classmates about how easy it would be to fix if we just fixed it. I wrote in my notes - We're studying multicultural education and the myriad of difficulties and problems associated with multicultural education. Yet, we are treating it as if there is one blanket solution that will fix all these issues. It's naive and won't work.

The more I study and the more I learn, the more I'm considering going on and getting a doctorate in administration or policy or something. It's the administrators that determine the culture of the school. I'll definitely teach for a while but long term goals may be changing and shifting.

Life is good....

2010-06-16T06:26:00.000-06:00

....just sayin'.

Happies

2010-06-09T20:47:00.003-06:00

Being called darling, three times by the cashier at Zupas the other day.

Seeing a young dad teach his son how to ride a bike driving back from work.

A wonderful late night and waking up in a good mood despite the lack of sleep.

Turning in a paper that I actually had time to prepare for.

Finally having a washer/dryer at home and doing laundry at home.

The neighborhood cat that likes me the most for some inexplicable reason - especially considering I can't touch her due to allergies.

My adorable, almost three year old, niece dressed up as a ladybug for her first ever ballet recital.

Not feeling stressed and overwhelmed about school.

Practiced our song for Sunday and we sound pretty good (now just need to write a talk).

The flowers I planted in pots outside my backdoor are not only still alive, but thriving.

Highland Games on Saturday - real men wear kilts, or at least they'd like you to think so.

Check, check..1..2...is this thing on?

2010-06-06T17:25:00.002-06:00

It's reality check in the Buie household...hard core reality check time. I've been in school a mere three weeks and oh my heavens, it is kicking my butt. I am still loving everything about it, well almost everything, but it's so much harder than anything I've ever had to do before. To kind of put things in perspective, in order to be considered a full time student at the graduate level one must take 9 credit hours. Full time for my particular program is 18 or 19 credits - almost double. I am taking 9 this term and I'll be taking the same number next term in addition to field placements in actual classrooms to be followed by student teaching shortly thereafter. I was planing to do all of this while still working full time. I mean, who really needs sleep these days? Well, apparently I do. I also would like to have some semblance of a social life and try to maintain my sanity. I didn't think this was too much to ask. Again, apparently it was.

So lets rewind a week, shall we? After a wonderful and deliciously relaxing Memorial Day weekend, I went to class rejuvenated and excited to get back to work then Wednesday rolls around...I got my first paper back on Wednesday. Umm...... Not so bueno. Turns out grad school is hard, really hard. From there the week turned into a downward spiral of stress, extreme anti social behavior and on several occasions almost breaking down into tears. So what am I going to do about it, you may ask? After doing the research and thinking and praying about it all, I do have a solution. One that I am not going to talk about right now for logistical reasons. However, if all goes according to plan, and you're all good little children, I may be able to tell you all by the end of the week.

In other news, I had another pretty fantastic weekend. I woke up early on Saturday and played tennis with Lisa. Hey! I play tennis! Or at least, I try to play tennis. I took lessons when I was a wee young thing and haven't played in over a decade but it's still fun. Showered, ran some errands with the mum, came home worked on my paper and had a few hours to kill. I then went on a picnic up Big Cottonwood Canyon. Now, when I first proposed a picnic I was envisioning a park or something and playing Frisbee and what not. I, accordingly, wore shorts, a tshirt and flip flops. Did you know there is still snow on the ground up at Brighton in June? Well there is. We still had fun, though. I should probably learn to pack a spare pair of shoes and socks and a sweater..possibly gloves and a hat....and maybe snow boots. But really it was a fun night.

Next week Lisa, Shannon and I are all speaking and singing in church. We haven't been in the ward a month yet and they've already put us to work. The ward is pretty small, probably 40 or 50 that come regularly, so it's no surprise there. They wanted us to speak over Memorial Day but thankfully Lisa and Shannon were out of town. So between writing another paper this week and field placements and class, I get to write a talk...without being given a topic. I've got a couple ideas mulling around in my head but nothing too concrete so I'm open to suggestions!

Update of Sorts

2010-05-31T16:00:00.002-06:00

May has been a busy month for me. Moving, school, work, guys...it's been busy but good. I still love my classes and school but I am finding it increasingly difficult to stay on top of everything. I had to ask my dad to change the oil in my car because I didn't have time to do it between class and work. I'm barely keeping up on my reading but I love the discussions we are having in class and the do enjoy the readings. It's just sad that I don't have the time to devote to it that I would usually like. I also need to register for the Praxis 41 English Content Exam. I shouldn't need to spent too much time studying for it but I should at least brush up on some of the content. I don't know how the students going full time fit it all in. I guess most of them aren't working but it is still a fairly intense program.

I've had a pretty fantastic weekend. I went to the Outlet Mall in Park City and did some shopping on Friday night with Lisa. Saturday I finally got some flowers planted out back. I opted for some flower pots instead of planting something in the ground out back. I just don't have the time to maintain it and the more I thought about it I didn't really want to spend all this time improving someonelse's property. So we now have three cute flower pots on our back porch. Saturday afternoon I went to a Bee's game with a great guy and had a lot of fun. Of course I had today off and spent the morning at the zoo with the fam and then a picnic in the park. I also got a cute pair of Converse and a book I've been wanting for a while. All in all a pretty fantastic weekend!

Should I be worried...

2010-05-11T19:27:00.002-06:00

I started grad school on Monday and I after two classes I absolutely love it! I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around being in class every day for three hours after work and planning my time well enough that I get all my reading done, but the classes themselves are fantastic! We get to talk about learning and education and teaching....all the things that I am passionate about. Now if we could just incorporate shoes somehow, I'd be in heaven. But really, it's amazing. I was worried and anxious I wouldn't be able to hack it but I'm loving it so much that it won't matter if it's hard or not because I'll be enjoying what I'm doing.

My first class I got into a debate with one of the other guys about school funding and governance. We went back and forth for a good ten minutes and it was so invigorating and I had to really think. He challenged me and I challenged him. My dorky, geeky little heart was in absolute heaven. It makes up for the craptastic work week I've been having.

Really, if I knew how great grad school was going to be, I would have done it ages ago!

My Mother

2010-05-09T17:39:00.003-06:00

I know that a lot of people think their mom is the best and I'm sure they are wonderful women, but I'm sorry to tell you all that they're wrong. My Mom is the best. For the past 26 years she has always been there for me. She drove me to dance lessons, piano lessons, tennis lessons, swim lessons and school. She's stayed with me when I was scared, frightened and sick. She's cheered me on when I was unsure of myself and talked me down from more than one proverbial ledge. She's a wonderful example to me of what a mother aught to be. I know we weren't always an easy group of kids to deal with, let alone love but she managed to do it with fairly little yelling. So in honor of Mother's day and the worlds best mother, here is my list of reasons why my mom is the best...

1. She let us have a puppy - even when she didn't particularly want one.

2. She'll humor me and go shopping with me when I don't want to go by myself.

3. I can call her on a Saturday afternoon and she'll go run errands with me if I want company.

4. She'll play Christmas carols on Christmas Eve even when I know she would rather be singing.

5. On more than one occasion she has completely unpacked my bedroom and set everything up all homey (senior year of college, multiple moves since).

6. She flew out to California for the day just to be with me when I got some medical test results back even though money was tight.

7. She always believed me when I told her something was wrong (medically) even though all the doctors said it was nothing or they didn't know what was wrong.

8. She can be the scary momma bear - even when her kids are all grown up and gone.

9. She's willing to sew her 25 year old a Halloween costume.

10. I can stop by and she'll feed me.

11. She has always, always always believed that I could do whatever I wanted no matter what obstacles popped up along the way.

I could go on and on and on but I won't bore you. For this and many other reasons my mom is the best.

Love you Mom!!

Huzzah!

2010-05-06T21:27:00.002-06:00

What started off as a pretty craptastic day (just ask my mother) ended fairly well. We're going to gloss over this morning because I was in a bad mood, stressed to no end and very nearly on the verge of tears and I don't care to dwell on it. Anyway, I went to my MAT orientation this evening. It was a ton of information and it sort of scared me a little but as I was walking around campus and I saw the young wipper snapper freshman walking around I got a little giddy. We went to the bookstore and picked up our books (included in tuition, sweet, no?) and I decided to actually do the reading - not going to have too much time this weekend and let's be honest, I was excited to crack open my first textbook in FOUR years and mark up the pages. I know, I'm a dork.

I've been nervous and anxious about heading back to school but as I was reading my book tonight I was excited and engaged. I'm still nervous about the time management aspect of it all but I know this is what I'm supposed to be doing right now and I am extremely excited to get started. I promise I won't do this often but I just loved this quote from the reading:

If we are to succeed as a nation both in international trade and in leadership for democracy, we need to use the diverse cultural laboratory of our own country as a training ground for producing citizens who value differences, respect the validity of our own perspectives, understand the independence of people, and who have the interpersonal skills to effectively communicate across all spectra of ethnicity, nationality, language, culture, gender, values, and even political ideology. It is less important for students to learn to appreciate ethnic foods than it is for students to understand equal rights. Yet, much of what we have taught under the rubric of multicultural education has fallen into the trap of "Tacos on Tuesdays". That is, the trap of teaching about cultures and about cultural differences without teaching an understanding of how cultural differences, or gender, class, and other differences, contribute to the unified whole of a democratic nation."

Summer Reading

2010-04-28T20:57:00.002-06:00

In the mail this afternoon I got a nice surprise. It was a large white envelope with the Westminster logo on it. I open it not to find financial information or registration/orientation information...no I find my first homework assignment. I haven't even started classes yet and I already have homework. I don't know why I'm surprised. I mean, it's grad school and it's summer term which means the classes are shorter but are still required to cover the same material as during the normal semester. It makes complete sense for them to send out information before so we don't waste the first class of the term. But...I have homework. It's like summer reading, never mind the fact that it has been fairly chilly lately, the principle is still the same. I haven't had summer reading since the summer before my senior year of high school. I haven't had real homework since spring 2006...four years ago. Needless to say, I'm a little out of practice. This suddenly became very real. I am starting grad school in less than two weeks. I am actually working towards a quantifiable goal that I have had since I can't even remember. I've always wanted to have a list of letters after my name...MA, PhD. It's actually happening and I got myself here.

Mr. Knightley vs. Mr. Darcy

2010-04-23T13:57:00.005-06:00

No offense Mr. Darcy or anything but I think that Mr. Knightley totally kicks your butt. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoy the book and we can't forget the iconic A&E movie adaptation but it's been bumped.

The 2009 Masterpiece Theater version of Emma with Johnny Lee Miller as Mr. Knightley and Michael Gambon as Mr. Woodhouse. Romola Garai is Emma and does a much better job than Gwenyth Paltrow (no offense, again). Emma is one of my least favorite of Austen's novels but this movie made me want to watch it again. It captures all the wit and humor of the book and the secondary characters are charming and obnoxious as the occasion calls for it.

I think Masterpiece Theater should redo Pride and Prejudice...don't you?

Roses and Thorns

2010-04-19T17:08:00.004-06:00

When I was a Peer Mentor in college we would have our Team Lead meetings once a month and we would always start with Roses and Thorns. It was a way for all of us know get a brief look at what was going on with each other. Here are my Roses and Thorns for the past month-ish

Roses
I was complimented several times on my hair and outfit today

Finished a good book

Started new job responsibilities - just one job this time!

Found cute new duplex

Start school in a couple of weeks

Spring has finally arrived after a freak spring snowstorm

Had consistent, fun, rewarding voice lessons

Great friends have volunteered to help with the move - without bribing!

Went to a musical fireside and got to listen to great music - with a great bass section. :)

Thorns
Have painted 3.5 rooms in the past week - 2 more to go

Surrounded by boxes stacking in every corner

Have had strange dreams about moving and not being able to find my new place

Start school in a couple of weeks

Worked 50-60 hour work weeks

Sarah's Key (6/30)

2010-04-19T16:47:00.002-06:00

Sarah's Key
-Tatiana De Rosnay

This was a book that I had passed several times before I actually picked it up to see what it was about. It centers around the Vel'd'Hiv' round up of Jews in Paris on July 16, 1942. Sarah is awoken in the early hours of the morning by the French Police pounding on her apartment door. She is eleven years old. It is just her, her four year old brother and her mother as her father has gone into hiding. The police tell them to pack a bag and to come with them. Her brother hides in a secret cupboard and Sarah locks him in, thinking she'll be back soon to let him out. Her father comes out of hiding to so the family can stay together. With more than 13,000 Jews, Sarah and her family are packed into the Velodrome d'Hiver stadium for several days without food or water. Those that survived were then shipped to Drancy internment camp outside of Paris. There the men were immediately sent to Auschwitz. The mothers and children were later separated - the children left in Drancy to fend for themselves. The children were then shipped to Auschwitz and immediately sent to the gas chambers. Sarah manages to escape from Drancy and is taken in by an elderly couple on a farm in Orleans.

The driving character of the story is Sarah but you actually don't spend much of the narrative specifically on her story but rather how her experience during WWII changes the life of Julie Jarmond, an American Journalist living in Paris sixty years later. Julie has a unique connection to Sarah and her family that she is completely unaware of until she is assigned a story of the anniversary of the Vel' d'Hiv' Roundup. Sarah's story is absolutely tragic as are most Holocaust survivor stories but it's how Sarah's life and the mystery of her life affect Julia and her family that is interesting. Julia is completely changed by what she learns about the round up and Sarah specifically and it sends her life on a completely different trajectory. It's as if de Rosnay is saying that no one who truly understand the horror, despair and tragedy of the Roundup could ever possibly be the same again.

De Rosnay uses the uncertainty and mystery surrounding Sarah as a beautiful and tragic metaphor for the thousands of nameless Jewish children that were rounded up that night, separated from their families and later shipped to Auschwitz and immediately sent to the gas chambers. No one knew who Sarah was - not even her husband or son. She died crippled under the knowledge that her parents were killed in Auschwitz and her younger brother starved to death in Paris. When her son finally discovers the truth about his mother and his heritage, he, just like Julia, is completely changed.

It was wonderfully written and beautiful in it's tragedy.